by Dale, Lindy
Before I can finish my sentence Joel has dropped his backpack on the floor in the doorway. He’s stepped towards me, his body half covering mine as he guides me into the stone of the wall. His eyes catch mine and I’m frozen, unable to move, even if I wanted to. Slowly, he takes my hands and slides them above my head where he holds them in his big hands.
“Let me feel you,” I beg. “I need to feel you.”
“Not part of the deal. You know that. Not when you’re eyes are open anyway.” Joel’s lowers his lips, covering me in kisses. He takes my bottom lip into his mouth, gently biting it. He sucks at my tongue as if his mouth is fucking my mouth. I have a vague recollection of feeling something like this last night. Was it Joel that did it? I have no idea; it was such a jumble of body parts. All I know is my lips are swelling at his touch and my body is arching, wanting more of the same.
Joel’s kiss deepens as his tongue explores my mouth. I find myself responding with equal fervour. It’s amazing how quickly he can turn me on. The breath has been stolen from my lungs. My blood is on fire; my veins are set to explode with the desire he’s igniting. I twine my fingers in his and caress his knuckles. I feel him wince when I accidentally touch the cut on his hand and I want to feel every part of him, know every part of him. I want to savour him if only he’d let me.
Then, I feel a hand skittering along my side and down to my waist and hip. Nicholas is tracing the silhouette of my skin through the fabric of my t-shirt and my body is tingling in the wake of his fingers. Having reached their destination, he presses himself close to my other side. I feel his fingers between us, pushing the hem of my t-shirt up to gain access to my bra. He exposes my torso and I feel the tiny hairs stand to attention as a rush of cool air touches my skin. His hands reach behind me, flicking the clasp of my bra open and letting my breasts spill free. Any thought of stopping this becomes a distant memory. The need to be adored by them both is becoming stronger with each touch, each kiss.
“You’re so beautiful,” Nicholas says. “So perfect.”
Then with Joel devouring my mouth, Nicholas bends his head and tentatively takes my nipple in his mouth, fondling it with his tongue before he begins to suckle. A surge of heat shoots through me as he squeezes my breast with his fingers. The sensation of being kissed and sucked by both men simultaneously is overwhelming.
Oh God. I want them. I want them both.
“Close your eyes,” Joel whispers as his lips continue their trail of demolition around the right side of my mouth and neck. “Please. I can’t go on if you don’t close your eyes.”
And that’s when my good sense kicks in. “No,” I gasp, barely able to speak. “We can’t do this here. What if someone comes?”
Ignoring me, Nicholas moves his attentions to the other side of my neck. He nips at the skin below my earlobe. He knows full well this sends me over the edge because he experienced it last night. I can’t think straight when he kisses me there. I can’t.
“Nobody’s. Going. To. Come,” he’s saying. “It’s almost dusk. And if someone does, we’ll hear them. We can stop.”
“Or shut the door,” Joel adds.
Somewhere in my sex-addled mind, I agree with them. At least, I think I do. Thinking and reasoning sort of disintegrated when I climbed those stairs.
“Have you never had sex in a public place?” Joel asks me.
“What do you think?” My breath is ragged but my appalled reaction has to be a pretty big clue.
He smiles. “Then let’s make this a first. You’ll love it. It’s a huge turn on, knowing you could be caught at any minute.”
That’s the part that worries me the most. It’s not that I don’t want to do it, I’m afraid of being caught. “I’m gathering you’ve done this before?”
“Once or twice. We thought you might like to try something new, given your current mood for experimentation. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. It’s your call.”
I cast my eyes to the ceiling, trying to make sense of everything, which is incredibly difficult when all I can think about is having them inside me. But I know they’re telling the truth. If I say stop, they’ll do it without hesitation. Imagine the torture I could inflict being the bearer of such power. I nod.
“Is that a yes?” Nicholas questions.
Oh, what the hell. I know I said I couldn’t do this again but what the hell. You only live once.
While Nicholas slides my t-shirt and bra over my head, leaving me naked from the waist up, Joel bends into his backpack, retrieving the blindfold I wore last night. “Precautionary,” he states. “We don’t want you knowing who’s the better lover, now do we? Especially when we know it’s me.”
“Do I have to?” I plead. “Can’t I see you this once?”
“You did. Just then. Blindfold on or no sex.”
I pout as the blindfold is slid over my eyes. It’s totally not fair but they have me right where they want me. I’m literally in the dark as two sets of lips bend to my now naked breasts and suckle. I concentrate on the movements, trying to commit them to memory because it feels like Nicholas’ mouth on the left and I love the way his mouth feels on my skin, the things he can do with his tongue. Then a hand unzips my shorts. It delves into my knickers and begins to rub the tender skin between my legs while a second hand squeezes my bum and slides my shorts to the ground. Is that Joel? I think, shortly before I feel the second pair of lips between my legs and give myself over to the sensations.
It’s good, so good. I push myself against the mouths in front of me. I bit my lip, trying to delay the inevitable. I’m getting wetter; my longing is building into something that needs to explode.
“Do you want it, Sadie? Do you want me to make you come?” Someone whispers and I ponder how absurdly alike the voices sound when my sight is gone.
“Yes. Please. Yes. Do it.”
Through the sexual fog, I register a set of footsteps on the metal stair, loud clomping footsteps.
I freeze, my desire gone. I’m appalled that at any second I will be discovered semi-naked and practically orgasmic. “Who’s that?”
“Shhh.”
“Get off me.” I try to push the body in front of me away. I need to get this blindfold off and get some clothes on. A hand stills me. Lips love my neck again. The tongue between legs slides over my clitoris and two fingers slip inside me. Oh fuck, now that’s not fair.
“Shush, Sadie. It’s okay. Honestly. Just be quiet and she’ll leave.”
“No, she won’t. Don’t you remember what happened this morning with Emily?” The footsteps are getting louder, closer. My heart is jumping out of my mouth. My insides are clenching and quivering. This might be okay by the boys but I can’t be found like this. I won’t.
“We have to stop.” My voice is a frantic squeal, which the boys ignore. They suck harder, the fingers increase their tempo and my excitement, filled with the fear of discovery is about to push me over the edge. The footsteps are outside the door. Oh God. I’m going to come. The wave of orgasm is furious and I bite my lip to stifle the scream.
Suddenly everything ceases. Everything stops. I’m bereft. Alone. Panting and pulsing for more. Nooooo. Where have they gone? I know I said I wanted them to stop but not now. Nooooo. Why the hell did they stop?
Afraid of what I’m going to find as I do, I slip the blindfold away. I spot Nicholas through the open crack of the door. Joel is leaning against the wall next to me, his arms folded and grinning like he’s played the most amazing practical joke ever. Was it him with his tongue between my legs? I could have sworn it was Nicholas but I have no idea now. God, I hate this blindfold thing. I want to know.
We listen to the voices outside the door. Nicholas is chatting to what sounds like an older lady. He’s thanking her for allowing him the use of the lighthouse. He’s complimenting her new hairdo and asking has she lost weight, cheeky bastard. I can almost see her preening.
Then the footsteps retreat down the stairs.
I turn to Joel who’s
still leaning against the wall. I’m cross, so cross that they’ve played me. “Did you know about this?”
“Maybe.”
“You planned it? Did you do this to get me here and embarrass me? Is this some kind of joke you have running? Geez, Joel, that lady nearly caught us.”
Nicholas opens the door, closing it quietly behind him.
“Who was that?”
“Mrs Schmidt. I’ve known her since I was a kid. Her husband was the lighthouse keeper until it was un-manned. Now they run it as luxury holiday accommodation.”
That old lady lives in the bay? She probably knew me when I was a kid or knew Mum at the least. This can’t be happening. It can’t. “She didn’t see me, did she?”
“Nah. It’s too dark in here for that.”
One small mercy.
“But you knew she was coming? You stripped me bare and got me worked up and you knew the entire time that she’d be popping by at some stage.”
Nicholas’ lips press together. “When I asked her this morning if I could bring a special someone here to see the view she was pretty keen to meet you.”
“I’m not going out to meet some ancient Italian lady looking like I’ve just been shagged. She heard me moaning, Nicholas. She has to know what we were doing.”
“It’s alright. She’s gone. I told her you were in the shower.”
I fold my arms. I glare at them both.
“Why am I here? What do you want from me?”
“I told you. I thought you might like to see the view. The fact that we get to see a view of you is a bonus. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I meant to turn you on.”
“You did that.”
“So, do you still want to see the view?”
“Will we be interrupted?”
“I’ve locked the door.”
“Does seeing the view involve seeing the two of you?” Suddenly, I’m up for it again. I want to continue this adventure.
“Not a chance,” Joel chuckles. “But you’ll definitely feel us.”
*****
The uppermost floor of the lighthouse is walled in glass. There’s a table set for three and a small bar fridge filled with food and drinks. White gauzy curtains billow against an open window and on the far side, behind the disused lamp there’s a bed. It’s the type of romantic setting a couple might have for a honeymoon.
The sun has gone down now and while Nicholas and Joel are lighting candles and getting drinks, I make a quick call to Emily. I don’t want her to worry or think I’ve deserted her. Not that she’d care much about the latter. I think she’s pretty wrapped up in Alex.
“Don’t wait up,” I tell her. “I might be staying here the night.”
“Where are you?”
“At the lighthouse. It’s been converted into a holiday house. I’m on the top floor about to have dinner. The view’s awesome.”
“God, how romantic. No wonder you don’t want to come home. But where’s Joel? He’s not doing some creepy voyeur thing is he?”
“Um, he went home. Two’s company and all that.”
“Sensible boy. I still can’t believe he’s gay. He’s so freakin’ hot—”
Me neither.
“—It’s such a waste.”
Not for much longer.
“I’m gonna go now,” I say. “Have fun with Alex.”
Emily blows me a kiss through the phone. “See you in the morning. We can debrief over breakfast.”
“Cool.”
I stow my phone back in my pocket and turn to the boys. They’ve seated themselves on either side of the table, leaving a space for me between them. There’s a bottle of champagne in the centre and three glasses have been poured.
I sit. “Bottoms up,” I say.
They pick up their glasses, saying nothing. They don’t have to. I can read their minds. I’m rather clever like that.
Chapter 10
It’s five in the morning. I’m lying in the massive king-sized bed; an Egyptian cotton sheet draped strategically over my lower half. I’m watching the sunrise and the way the gauzy curtains are billowing at the window in the early morning breeze. I’m pondering whether I should get up and go for a dip before a breakfast of juice and soft-boiled eggs.
Okay, that’s a lie. I have a huge hangover from over consumption of champagne. My eyes feel like golf balls inside my skull and my brain has shrivelled up. Then there’s my hair. Oh God. Let’s not even go there. I have post-sex hair.
Up above my face, I notice a fly darting back and forth. I want to reach up and swat it away but I’m afraid of the consequences. The room is spinning and my stomach is mimicking the motion. Things could be disastrous if I move. Geez, my head’s pounding. It’s pounding so hard I think I may be about to burst a blood vessel. I shift my head a millimetre on the pillow, gazing at the face of the man to the left of me. Nicholas’ eyes are closed in sleep. I frown as memories of last night flood through my brain.
Last night.
What the hell was I thinking? I should never have gone back for more. It knew it was wrong and now I feel more conflicted than I did before.
I stare into the dazzlingly beautiful face of Nicholas, fighting an urge to lean across and kiss the tip of his nose. Our agreement was for fun, no strings attached sex. Sure, I was up for that. I was coming from a place of ‘what the hell’ ‘let’s live it up’ and ‘you don’t know if you don’t try’ and I enjoyed it the first time. And the second and third.
Slutty as that sounds.
I shuffle slightly in bed so as not to wake him. I have to get out of here, I can’t think straight while he’s lying next to me looking all godlike and such. But how? There’s no way I can clamber over the top without disturbing him. Maybe I can shimmy under the covers to the foot of the bed? I could get away before he wakes. Avoid the embarrassment I feel building in my body.
I ponder the idea for a minute more while staring at Nicholas’ face and I realise I don’t really want to leave. I like him. I want there to be more. But I can’t do it without commitment. It’s just not me. Then I hear a groan. I know it’s not coming from Nicholas and I certainly don’t groan like that. It’s coming from behind me. I roll to my other side.
Shit, shit and double shit.
Joel.
He’s naked.
And awake.
His dark brown eyes are blinking slowly at me and he has a smirk like he wants to do what we did last night all over again.
How the hell did I block him from my memory?
The act began with Nicholas taking my hand and leading me to the big white bed where I’m now lying. I remember him giving me the blindfold, I remember Joel blowing out the candles and the moonlight streaming through the window before my sense of sight was taken away from me. I remember two identical male scents, two men inside me, loving me, their hardness filling me to the brim. I remember two tongues licking me forward and behind. They’re smarter than me, my boys. They’ve done everything they can to avoid discovery. I have no idea who is who. They know exactly how to drive me wild.
And they are my boys now. We are in this together. For the long haul. For better or worse.
I remember the first orgasm. My legs were wrapped around his body, clinging to him as he thrust into me harder and faster. His voice was in my ear, telling me he’d never been with anyone like me, how he wanted to hold me and love me. My hands itched to squeeze whoever it was that was saying these things. They wanted to move from their place on his shoulders and feel the clenching of his muscles as he took me but I’d agreed to keep my hands where they were, to encouraging the anonymity between the boys and me for the sake of sexual pleasure.
But this isn’t just sex anymore. It can never be just sex, not when someone is whispering in my ear, telling me how beautiful I am, how much he wants me, while another has this tongue between my legs.
During the second orgasm, brought on as one licked me and the other fucked me, spooning, I begged them to let me touch their faces or run my finger
s through their hair. All I wanted was to hold them. One of them groaned, “Oh God, Sadie,” as he came and I wanted to see the emotion I knew was there. I wanted to feel it beneath my fingers and see the satisfaction on his face as I sucked him dry. I could sense it meant more than they’d ever tell. I’m not just a fuck. I mean more than that.
They mean more than that to me. Somehow, in the space of a few days, I’ve managed to fall for them both hard. It should be impossible but it seems to have happened anyway.
Now, as I lay here looking at Joel, I wish I knew which one of them it was. Who cried out at the moment of release? Which one of them twisted my hair in his hands as he thrust into me from behind and called my name as he came? That body was filled with more emotion than I’ve ever known in a man and I want to know who it was.
I want them both. But not like this. There are too many emotions involved. It’s too hard. I can’t be a plaything. I can’t play the game of pretending. I crave their love.
I sit up in bed and look sadly at the two men. Nicholas is still asleep. Joel is regarding me questioningly. “Where are you going, love?”
“I’m leaving.”
“Fuck and run, eh? I never took you for that kind of girl.”
I wish he wouldn’t make light of me. I’m not in the mood. “I’m not.”
“Then don’t go.” He reaches for me but I shrug him off.
“I have to. I can’t do this. It’s too hard.”
“I can show you hard, if that’s what you want,” he chuckles.
“Can you stop joking, please? I’m being serious here.”
I think he gets the idea that I am serious because he frowns and his face comes over all solemn like. “I thought you were having fun. You seemed to be getting off on it last night.”
Geez, how do I explain? It’s gone way beyond fucking and having a good time. The sex was awesome, mind blowing. This is definitely not about anyone’s prowess in the bedroom. It’s about feelings.