~ ~ ~
Zoe and Fred moved in and for one short week, Gabe felt utterly content. He should’ve asked Zoe to move in earlier, but at least now her stuff was here in the dresser drawers, in the closets, all over the bathroom counter. It reassured him. Made him feel like she really lived here and that meant she’d come back.
He reached for her Friday morning, their last day together, and felt empty space. He propped up on an elbow. “Zoe?”
She usually slept in. He headed over to the bathroom. Not there. His eye caught on the garbage can. The pregnancy test stick was in there. He thought he’d thrown that out last week. He leaned down to get a closer look at what appeared to be a plus sign. Didn’t that mean pregnant? Did the minus turn into a plus after a while from sitting out? Then he remembered the box came with two tests, and he flew out of the bathroom. He hurriedly pulled on a T-shirt and jogging pants.
“Zoe!” he called. No answer. He ran downstairs still barefoot. Fred was outside and Zoe was with him, wearing pajamas and her jacket. He burst out onto the back deck. “Zoe!”
She startled and turned. “What’re you doing up so early?”
He ran to her. “Does a minus turn into a plus later?”
She frowned. “We should talk.”
His heart surged with love. He grabbed her and spun her around. “I’m so happy. Tell me you’re happy too. I can’t believe it.” He laughed. “How did this even happen?”
She shrugged. “Spillage?”
“You think?”
She shrugged again. “You know how you always want to be inside me just a little bit longer?”
He cleared his throat. It was because he couldn’t get enough of her. He’d never acted like that before. Usually once he was done, he was done. “Yeah.”
“I probably shouldn’t have let you do that. I fell asleep. Maybe the condom got looser as you—”
“Yup. That could do it.” He put his arm around her and led her back into the house. He couldn’t stop smiling. “How come the first test was negative, though?”
“The directions said that sometimes there’s not enough pregnancy hormone yet.” Her voice caught. “But I was two weeks late, so I thought I should check. You know before I…leave.”
“We’ll talk.”
She nodded glumly, which worried him. He worked hard to tamp down his excitement. A son or daughter with Zoe, his very own family. He couldn’t think of a better future.
~ ~ ~
“This doesn’t change anything,” Zoe said once they’d settled on the sofa in the living room.
“Are you kidding? This changes everything!” He was so excited, which made her feel worse.
“I’m still leaving tomorrow.”
“Are you sure you should be traveling?”
“It’s not a big deal until you’re further along.”
He took both of her hands, fought back a smile, and lost. “We should get married right away.”
“I told you nothing’s changed.”
“Yes, it has.”
She got quiet.
“Don’t go,” he said urgently. “Stay here. Marry me. I’ll turn the apartment into a studio for you. You can make all the music you want. I’ll get the equipment you need, I’ll hire a producer whenever you want. Just, please, stay here.”
She couldn’t help it. She broke down in tears because she couldn’t pretend to be happy about it like Gabe. He pulled her into his lap, and she sobbed into his shirt.
“It’ll be okay,” Gabe kept saying.
She lifted her head. “And P.S. this is not the future I planned.”
He held her face in both hands. “Well, P.S. this is the future I want.”
She sniffled and took a shaky breath. Gabe’s palm slid across her stomach, where it stayed.
“I love you, Zoe, and I’ll love this baby just as much. It’ll be okay. I’ll make sure of it.”
That set her off again. Gabe did what he did best—scooped her up and carried her back to bed, where he proceeded to remind her exactly how she got this way.
~ ~ ~
Gabe spent the rest of the day trying to paint a picture of their future together that wasn’t as bleak as Zoe seemed to think. But she kept ending up in tears and then he had to distract her, which ended up with him making love to her again. Not that he was complaining about that part, but that night, when she finally slept, he stayed up thinking about his own future.
He already knew the kind of dad he wanted to be. Like Vinny—involved, joking around with them, taking them places, playing ball or checkers or whatever else. Zoe seemed to think she was giving up so much, when Gabe felt like he was gaining so much. He hoped she’d come around to his way of thinking.
“I’ll drive you to the airport,” Gabe said the next morning as he spooned her in bed. He slid his palm across her stomach, splaying his fingers wide. He was obsessed with her stomach now, imagining what was growing inside there.
“Jordan arranged a car,” she replied. “I told you that.”
“Tell him we’re getting married. Tell him you’re having my baby.”
“Gabe, please. I don’t want to tell anyone yet.” Her shoulders shook, and he realized she was crying again.
“Where’s my sunshine?” he asked, turning her to face him.
“She got herself pregnant.”
“No, she didn’t. Her boyfriend did. What an idiot that guy is. He doesn’t even know how a condom is supposed to work.”
She smiled through her tears, and he kissed her, knowing she would relax in his arms, knowing he could make her forget her sadness. He had enough joy for both of them.
~ ~ ~
Gabe watched through his front window as Zoe got into the limo Jordan had rented for them to go off to the airport in style. Jordan smiled at Zoe. He couldn’t see Zoe’s expression, but he imagined she smiled back. He watched her pull away with the man he knew wanted to take his place and felt the gnawing ache he’d had in his gut turn into a churning mess. Now that Zoe was pregnant, he’d started to think maybe he should close up shop temporarily and go on the road with her. She’d need someone looking out for her, making sure she got the right nutrition, rest, and regular check-ups.
That night his stepdad called and asked him to meet him at Garner’s for a drink. Gabe went without question, looking forward to telling Vinny the big news and his plans.
He found his stepdad at the bar, downing a glass of whiskey.
“Why here?” Gabe asked. “I thought you liked McGinty’s.” That was a bar in Eastman closer to where Vinny lived.
Vinny looked up. “I didn’t want to see anyone I knew.”
“Well, you know me.”
He clapped his hand on Gabe’s back. “I know, son.”
“What’s wrong?”
He tossed back the rest of his whiskey and signaled the bartender for two more.
“I never see you drink the hard stuff,” Gabe said.
“I had some hard news.”
Gabe froze. “Is it the cancer?”
Vinny smiled, more like a grimace. “You know what they don’t tell you? Love cuts both ways.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Falling in love with your mother, gaining three sons.” His fist pounded the bar. “Best thing to ever happen to me.”
“But that’s good.”
“And now I have to hurt your mother, break the bad news. You know how she cries. Just about kills me.” The whiskey arrived. Vinny pushed one toward Gabe and downed his own, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He signaled for another one, and Gabe waved the bartender away.
“Dad, what bad news?”
“I lied, okay? The tests didn’t come back clean. Doc says it’s aggressive and spreading more than they’d first thought. Stage three. He gives me a fifty percent survival rate.”
Gabe shook his head. “N-no, that can’t be. You said stage two. Eighty-seven percent.”
“Things changed.”
Gabe’s heart pound
ed furiously. He was finding it hard to catch his breath. No, no, no! he wanted to scream, but nothing came out. He glanced at his stepdad, his shoulders stooped, staring at the bar, and found his voice again. He had to be strong for Vinny.
“Dad.” He got choked up and ran out of words. His hands were shaking, and he gripped the bar tightly. What did you say to someone facing this kind of prognosis? Death’s grip tore at his heart. Not Vinny. Not his dad.
Vinny clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Thanks.” Then he took Gabe’s whiskey and started drinking that. “You’re the only one I told because I knew I could count on you to stay levelheaded.”
Gabe forced himself to take a few deep breaths. Vinny had chosen him to share this news with. He had to stay calm, even if he felt like he was dying inside. “Do you have to get chemo?”
“Looks that way.”
Gabe sat in devastated silence. How could he leave his stepdad when he was about to go through the fight of his life? Vinny had been there for him through thick and thin, even when Gabe hadn’t always appreciated that.
“Drive me home after this?” Vinny asked. “I’m-m-m drunk.”
“Yup.”
Vinny was a cheerful drunk. He reminisced about when he’d first moved in with his boys to Gabe’s mom’s house. How Gabe and Vince had battled over sharing the attic bedroom, each used to being the oldest, each used to having their own room. How Luke and Nico had joined forces in high school to better win the hearts of the local girls. How Jared had looked out for shrimpy Angel with his tender heart.
Gabe had never been so depressed in his life, but he tried to listen. It was the least he could do, let Vinny enjoy his memories with an enthusiastic audience. But one thought played on repeat through his head—death had caught up to him again.
He let Vinny finish his drink and then cut him off. “You’ve had enough. Let’s go.”
Vinny got off the bar stool and smiled goofily. “You got it, bub.”
Gabe shook his head and led his stepdad out to the car. For the first time he was the one looking out for Vinny, instead of the other way around. He held it together for Vinny’s sake, dropping him off with a hearty good night and an “everything will be okay.”
It wasn’t until he pulled into his driveway at home that he realized he’d never told Vinny about the baby. He walked on shaky legs into his house. Fred barked twice.
“It’s just me,” Gabe choked out. Fred got quiet. He made his way to the kitchen, stepped over the baby gate, and sank down next to the dog, running his hand over his thick fur. Then he finally caved, dropping his head in his hands as tears of grief and bitterness at the unfairness of it all rolled down his cheeks. Fred whined, licked his face, and settled close, pressed against Gabe’s leg.
Chapter Eighteen
Zoe arrived in London exhausted. She’d spent most of the flight motion sick and fighting back tears. Jordan sat next to her, which was the only reason she hadn’t bawled her eyes out. She didn’t want to tell him what was going on with her. Even though the baby was a surprise, she wanted it. She loved Gabe and knew he’d be a good dad. It was just hard to shift gears, to accept that life hadn’t gone as planned. But, really, when had life ever gone as planned for her?
She figured she could get through the next three months without showing that much. She didn’t want any special treatment, she just wanted to live her dream—big venues, enthusiastic audiences, playing with the best musicians in the world. It was all happening and all she had to do was show up, work hard, and pretend everything was normal.
When they got to the hotel, she was surprised when Jordan carried her luggage into the room and turned to go.
“Where are you going?” she asked. They always shared a room.
“It’s all yours, Zoe-bean.” He wouldn’t look at her.
“Can we afford this?”
He glanced at her and looked away. “We have to.”
“Why? I don’t mind sharing.”
“I can’t pretend anymore.” He set down his suitcase and crossed to her, looking deep into her eyes. “Zoe, I wasn’t hooking up with another woman all those nights you had the hotel room to yourself. I was bunking on the sofa with Wade and Alex.”
She blinked, confused. “Why? You could’ve had the other bed. I had two.”
He stroked her cheek. “Because after sharing the room with you that one night I knew I couldn’t do it again. Not as friends.”
At her shocked silence, he went on. “I love you. I always have. I always will.”
“Jor—” He kissed the words right out of her mouth, and she jerked away. “You said we were better off as friends after we hooked up.”
“I wasn’t ready to settle down at twenty-two. But, Zoe, I’ve loved you my whole life. The timing has been bad. But now the timing is just right. We can go so far together. Look at how far the band has come since I got on board.”
“That wasn’t just because of you.” She backed away. “And the timing isn’t better now. I’m with Gabe.”
“Are you? You’re not wearing his ring anymore.”
Her eyes welled up.
“Thought I wouldn’t notice, huh? I notice everything about you.”
She blinked rapidly. The truth was she couldn’t have left Gabe wearing it. That ring meant too much—marriage, a future settled down in the town she couldn’t seem to break away from. She just knew she’d end up like her sister, “taking a break” from dance. Sure, Jasmine still owned the dance studio, but was she dancing? No. She’d hired an instructor to take her place. Who knew if Zoe would ever get back the momentum she’d finally got going in her own career? She had to grab that spotlight now that it was finally shining for her. That meant leaving Gabe behind. For now.
“I didn’t want to bring it on tour,” she said as a lame excuse. “It’s too nice.”
Jordan sat on the bed near where she was standing. “Nothing has been more right than you and me. I know you inside out. Since we were preschoolers banging away on the drums together.” He drummed his hands in the air. “And now we’re in the same place at the right time for more. We both love music. We could be the next big thing…together.”
A horrifying thought hit her. “Did you plan this tour to pull me away from Gabe?”
“How could I plan it? Someone dropped out; we stepped in.” He snagged her hand and pulled her to sit next to him. “I love you, Zoe. This is our time.”
She burst into tears. She wanted it to be her time with Gabe. She’d only been away for one day, but she missed him so much.
Jordan pulled her into his arms. “Not exactly the reaction I’d been hoping for,” he murmured, stroking her hair.
She cried some more because at one time Jordan loving her would’ve meant the world to her.
“What’s wrong?” Jordan asked. “I haven’t seen you cry this much since…I can’t even remember when. Is it really so bad to hear that I love you?”
She pulled back and wiped her tears. “I’m sorry. I’m just tired from the trip.”
He lay back on the bed and patted the mattress next to him. “Come here. We’ll take a little nap. I just want to hold you.”
She didn’t believe that for one minute. She stood and crossed her arms. “You’ll always be like a brother to me.”
He tsked and rolled off the bed, standing with his jaw clenched.
“And a best friend,” she added. “A lifelong friend. I want us to make great music together. To always share in each other’s lives. But you have to find another woman, a very lucky woman, who loves you the way you deserve to be loved. I want that for you.”
He grabbed his suitcase. “Got your message loud and clear. See you at rehearsal.”
He left, the door slamming shut behind him.
Why did Jordan have to pick now to declare his love? Two years he had to make a move, yet he’d waited until now when they were on tour together, when she was missing Gabe so much. This was going to be a really uncomfortable, really long three months. She’d a
sked Gabe to visit her several times, but he never said he would. The bed called to her. She crawled in and slept straight through to the next morning.
~ ~ ~
Gabe had a horrible night. He’d tossed and turned, stuck in a nightmare of funerals and deaths and loss. The look on his dad’s face just before he’d died. Beautiful Alyssa lying in a coffin, so young and perfect looking. Vinny’s funeral. He woke at dawn, drenched in sweat, heart pounding. Vinny’s funeral had felt so real—the casket, his mom sobbing, his brothers devastated, and Gabe frozen in place, knowing it was inevitable, knowing everyone close to him died. He grabbed his cell to call home, still finding it difficult to breathe normally. He had a text from Zoe: I’m sharing a hotel room with Jordan, but don’t worry, we always share a hotel room.
He gripped the cell phone tighter, his mind trying to make it compute. What the hell? He felt like howling. What the hell! He stood and started pacing the room, seeing signs of Zoe here and there. Her framed picture of her family on his dresser. A bookmark she’d left on the nightstand. He went to the bathroom and stared at that big pink plus on the pregnancy stick in the trash can that he still hadn’t thrown away.
No. There was no way she’d do that. He splashed cold water on his face. Think. Zoe knew him better than that. Knew he wouldn’t put up with her sharing a room with Jordan. This couldn’t possibly be true. He opened the vanity drawer, looking for more signs of Zoe. More signs that she was coming back. The bathroom was empty.
He returned to the bedroom and opened her nightstand drawer. The diamond ring he’d given her sat there, taunting him. He picked it up, sat on the end of the bed, and stared at the ring. It just didn’t make sense. Not with her pregnant, not with the way they spent their last day together, making love, reassuring each other how much they loved each other.
She’d left the ring. Left him.
No, she was coming back. She promised. She was having his baby.
With shaking hands, he tucked the ring back in the drawer. Then he grabbed his cell, called her, and it went to voicemail. He couldn’t speak over the lump in his throat and quickly hung up.
Fred barked, demanding to be fed, and Gabe went downstairs to take care of him, thankful for the distraction. One look at Fred’s excited smiling face and wagging tail pushed the last of the panic back. Gabe breathed easier, and his mind started to clear.
Restless Harmony Page 20