chapter seven
REACHING OUT TO OTHERS
I guess I’ve always been oriented toward helping people wherever I can, looking out for those who are less fortunate. Maybe having a little sister with Down’s syndrome gave me my awareness of the need for this, I don’t know. All I know is that now that I’ve been given another chance at life, I feel even more motivated to give where I can.
For a long time before my stroke, my whole family was involved with the Canadian National Institute for the Blind, fundraising through the tournaments. I am particularly proud of two successful initiatives I am involved with in association with the CNIB. The first is the SCORE program (Summer Computer Orientation Recreational Education), which Wayne and I started in 1985. The camp was designed to assist and train exceptional blind and deafblind students in computer skills necessary for future careers and education, and to increase the students’ access to the Internet and computer programs. So far SCORE has helped provide over five hundred career positions for past students.
As well, in 1995 I founded the Wayne and Walter Gretzky CNIB Scholarship for Blind and Deafblind Canadian students. I had never realized that the majority of blind students were unable to pursue post-secondary education due to a lack of finances—and that scholarships for blind students did not exist. So I decided to do something to help. The CNIB handed out the first scholarships in 1996, when three students received $5,000 each. In 2001 we gave out fifteen $5,000 scholarships. For both SCORE and the scholarship program I remain involved by helping with fundraising, as well as personally presenting awards and speaking with students who receive them.
We have a school here in Brantford called the W. Ross Macdonald School, for visually impaired kids, and they ask me to come and speak at their graduation ceremonies and hand out awards to their outstanding student athletes, and I am honoured to do it. And wouldn’t you know, it was through hockey once again that I got involved in another very special project to benefit the school and other charities.
A couple of years ago, I was going through the school’s shop department on a tour, when I saw a bench the students had made entirely from hockey sticks. I thought, “What a great idea.” There’s so much waste in North America, and it seems a shame to throw out good pieces of wood whenever a hockey stick breaks, which happens a lot over the course of a season. The bench was a sturdy piece of furniture. You could stand and jump on it, and it was even comfortable to sit on. I asked the instructor, Mel Andre, how they came to make it. He said the original idea came from a staff member who had seen a picture in a magazine. Her son was really into hockey, so she asked Mel if they could make a bench like the one in the picture. It took a few tries, but they finally came up with a design that worked. Mel and his students wanted to make more, but they couldn’t get enough sticks. If people wanted a bench, Mel asked them to bring in forty-eight broken sticks. It takes twenty-four to make a bench, so with forty-eight they could make two; one for the person who had commissioned it, and one to give away as a fundraiser.
That got me thinking. I went around to some rinks, and everyone I talked to was happy to supply me with my first donation. Within a week, I had a carload of broken sticks. I mean, the back seat of the convertible was crammed full in every direction. I’m surprised I didn’t puncture the roof—there would have been hell to pay with Phyllis if I had. But after I made my delivery, the school had enough sticks to make me a bench and a few more besides.
Now, collecting broken sticks is a part of my regular routine. Once a week or every two weeks, I go to the school’s shop with a delivery. I visit the different rinks around the Brantford and Cambridge area, and they save all their broken sticks for me. You’d be amazed at what the students make from these hockey sticks that used to get thrown in the garbage. So far, they’ve made 105 benches. And they’ve expanded to other pieces of furniture as well: footstools, coffee tables, end tables, coat racks. They ask me to sign the top stick of each piece and they’re used to fundraise all across the country. For instance, a little Manitoba town of about one hundred, including cats and dogs, with a gas station, general store and skating rink, was having trouble keeping the rink open and was looking for a way to fundraise. The school shipped a bench out there.
Mel says they can’t keep up with the demand for the benches now. People auction them off. Big Brothers in Kitchener sold one in a charity auction for $2,550. So far, that’s the record. The average winning bid is about $500. The school has donated about sixty of the one hundred they’ve made, and raised about $30,000 for other charities. The benches have sold all over Ontario, from Windsor to Ottawa, and west to Manitoba and Saskatchewan.
They’ll keep making furniture as long as I bring in the sticks. They’ve got a set numbered ninety-nine that includes a table and bench, and one day, Wayne is going to sign that. Fifty to sixty students in grades seven to twelve are involved in building these benches.
DON NEALE, PRINCIPAL, W. ROSS MACDONALD SCHOOL: The very last day of school two years ago, at four o’clock, the students and staff had all gone home and the school was all but shut down for the summer. Walter wheeled up with a truck full of hockey sticks. I had to go and help him unload. He just lost track of time, he had the sticks, and Phyllis told him to get over here and drop them off before it was too late. I was the only one left here, and ready to go home. But how can you say no to Walter Gretzky?
I’ve only met Walter since his stroke. I live in the north end of Brantford near him, and I drive down his street every day, and he’ll always wave at you. He’s almost like a father to all Brantford’s children. He’s always running around doing stuff, and he’s very hospitable.
There’s a certain profile that comes from Walter Gretzky being associated with the school. The most famous hockey dad in the world! We enjoy the association. We encourage it. We count on his support, but it is really the fact that he enjoys the kids here that matters most. It’s not just fundraising. To see Walter come in, it brightens everyone’s day. It really does. He’s a very positive man. As long as he wants to be a part of the school here, he’s welcome.
Reaching out to others often means having to get up in front of people and speak, something I used to do only if I couldn’t avoid it. The first time I was asked to speak after my stroke was for a CNIB fundraising event. I found that I actually liked to do it, and the audience response was really positive.
When Frank Rubini from the Heart and Stroke Foundation contacted me to find out if I’d be interested in getting involved as a spokesperson for that cause, it just seemed a natural thing for me to want to go out and spread the word about my experience of stroke and recovery. I’ve got so many stories to tell, and I love to make people laugh, as well as deliver a serious or inspirational message. I mean, funny things do happen to you when you are Wayne Gretzky’s father.
For example, I went to Aurora one day to attend a birthday party for a fourteen-year-old boy. It was a skating party, and afterwards, the boy’s father was hosting a lunch at which I was the guest speaker. I got there about an hour early, and as I was hanging around, waiting at the top of the arena, a lady came over and said, “Mr. Gretzky, could I get your autograph?” I said, “Sure,” and reached into my pocket for one of the pads I usually carry. I didn’t have one. I said, “I’m sorry, I haven’t got anything to write on. Do you have something?”
“Yes, I have,” she said.
I took out a blue magic marker and said, “Could I have it please?”
She pulled down her blouse.
“I beg your pardon?” I said.
“Would you mind?”
I was taken aback, to say the least. “What do you want me to write?”
She said, “What do you normally write?”
“What’s your name?”
“Andrea.”
I did my best, at arm’s length, barely looking, to write “To Andrea, Best wishes, W. Gretzky.” She was quite well-endowed— I could have written “Frank Mahovolich” on just the one side. After I
was finished, she covered herself up and said, “Thank you very much, Mr. Gretzky. I’m going to show that to my boyfriend tonight.” I couldn’t believe it. I’ll always remember that.
People’s reactions can still amaze me sometimes. There was one occasion when Wayne and Janet were visiting in Brantford, and we all went to the mall. They wore ball caps and sunglasses, hoping that maybe they could have a quiet, private, normal time. And I got mobbed, while they sat there watching from a bench! Finally, there were so many people, they figured they’d better help me out, and revealed themselves. I know it’s a pain sometimes, but I really feel that if someone asks, you should give. Wayne gave a lot during his career, and he got a lot back, in terms of the respect and admiration of literally millions of people. Wayne understood that while his success was a real gift, it also came with responsibilities. The two of us have stayed up very late into the night on many occasions, just signing autographs on the cards, photos and other items that people send to us. I’ve seen people literally rip the shirt off Wayne’s back, and I know why he has to travel now with security people most of the time. It’s not the true fans he has a problem with, because they are respectful, but there are professional autograph and memento hunters who show up at every game and event. The same people, all the time. They’re like stalkers. It kind of takes the fun out of it and spoils things for other fans, who really just want one special item to keep for themselves.
When I stand back from my life, it can seem like an odd way to live, always being recognized, having complete strangers come up to me and say hello, ask for an autograph, maybe tell me a story about meeting Wayne or seeing him play some time in the past, or just to thank me for having him in the first place. I’ll be honest with you: Phyllis hates it! When we all started to be recognized in public, and someone would come up to her and ask, “Are you Wayne Gretzky’s mother?” she’d sometimes actually say no, just to avoid having to be in the spotlight. She is gracious and will sign an autograph if asked, but that kind of situation has always made her feel awkward, and she would prefer not to have to deal with it. A long time ago, it just worked out that I’d be the front man for the family and she would be the one working behind the scenes. That suits her just fine.
Ask anyone who knows us, and they’ll tell you that Phyllis is the glue that holds us all together. Honestly, I don’t know what I’d have done without her through all the ups and downs of our lives over the years. I joke about the fact that she’s the boss, but it’s true. She’s big-hearted and naturally down-to-earth, but she had to learn to be tough early on in Wayne’s career, just to handle all the crazy things that can happen when your son is called the greatest hockey player who ever lived. Regardless of that turn of fate, she wanted to live as normal and as private a life as possible, which is understandable. She worked hard to maintain some order and sanity. Believe me, when you are this close to someone famous, you are bound to be approached by some questionable characters with questionable motives—good luck to them, in passing the Phyllis test. By now, she can spot the users a mile away. She’s extremely protective of everyone in the family, but especially of Wayne and his privacy. If she wasn’t, he would have a lot less of it than he does.
Traffic control alone in a household like ours can be a full-time job. In a town the size of Brantford, everybody knows where we live. For a very long time now, it has not been unusual for strangers to knock on our door, with any number of requests, some of which we can meet and some of which we can’t. We try our best. I know Phyllis has been frustrated with me at times over the years, because I get out there and meet the public so much.
These days, there aren’t too many places I go without being recognized. I was in St. John’s, Newfoundland, one time, just walking up the street. A bus driver stopped his bus and came running across the street, with a big smile on his face, to shake my hand and say, “Hi Mr. Gretzky! I’d just like to say hello to you! You’re a wonderful father. You’ve got a wonderful family.” Then he ran back to the bus. He had a busload of people in there! Can you imagine?
FRANK RUBINI, HEART AND STROKE FOUNDATION: I took Walter, Ian and his kids along with my family to the Royal Ontario Museum in Toronto, and it was amazing how many people flocked over to Walter. The thing that really got me was when we were crossing University Avenue, people on the street were saying in the four-second interval when you pass, “Oh, that’s Walter Gretzky!” Even on the Gardiner Expressway, in the summer, we’ve got the windows open, it’s slow-going, a guy in the row over from us rolls his window down and yells over, “Hello, Mr. Gretzky, how ya doin?”
ROLY BYE: I once had to stop in to order something at the metal works outside of town, and a woman who worked there looked at my address, and when she saw it was Varadi Avenue, asked me, “Do you know Walter Gretzky?” I said, “Sure, we visit.” She said, “You’re kidding.” I said, “No, we go for drives sometimes.” She said, “No way!” I said, “Yes, it’s true.” Later, I took my wife Gloria, Ian and Walter out for a ride, and we stopped in there. I asked for the woman, and she came out and I said, “I’ve got my friend here.” Well, honest to God, they pretty well shut the plant down. We got a tour of the whole place, and Walter shook everyone’s hand. I remember another time, we went to a fish farm and they wanted his signature on a fish!
Now there are certain requests from fans that I’d never accommodate! I’ve travelled a lot with Ron Finucan, who works for the CNIB. Neither of us will forget the time we were at a special event, an air show, and one of the female skydivers, very beautiful, started getting extremely friendly with me. She was very forward, and very determined that I should become the father of her next child. She said this to me outright. She was someone who didn’t like to take no for an answer, and as everyone knows, I am someone who has a hard time saying no. Ron laughs to this day, because when I finally managed to get away from her, I ran over to him and said, “Ron, we have to get out of here right now.” He couldn’t understand the hurry. I insisted. “We have to leave right this minute. That woman wants me to father her child, and Phyllis would be very upset with me if I did that.” Ron and I hopped in a cab.
Parents come up to me, their babies in their arms, and ask me to touch them. Honestly, as though I am the Pope or something! I mean, I’m happy to pick up a baby, but I just don’t understand that kind of request.
WAYNE: My father’s so good with people. Everyone can relate to him. It’s like they look up to him, and what he believes in and symbolizes, but at the same time, they recognize he’s on the same plane as them. He does so many great things, and he’s not motivated by money. I think that’s why he’s become this Canadian icon. I swear, he could run for prime minister. I believe there are lots of people who would vote for him!
Well, don’t worry, I have no plans to pursue public office. But I take what I do seriously and want to give value for the money people donate to the causes I work for. Some would say too much value! I remember being in North Battleford, Saskatchewan, at a luncheon to raise funds for the CNIB. I was the guest speaker. I was up there at the podium with my speech in front of me, talking away, when all of a sudden, I see this hand come across and drop a piece of paper directly in front of me. I finished my sentence, stopped for a second and picked the paper up. It was a note from Ron Finucan: “Walter, cut it short. These people have to get back to work.” I crumpled it up, threw it on the floor and kept talking. That’s true, I’m not kidding. Another time, Glen was travelling with me and promised to give me a signal from the back of the room if I was running long—a finger across his throat for “Cut it short!” Well, I was only two minutes into the speech when I saw him signalling and I started to wrap it up. He starts waving frantically for me to carry on—it turned out that his throat had been itchy and he was just scratching it.
The lengths of my speeches vary. The last time I gave a talk, I spoke for an hour and five minutes. That’s too long. But on the other hand, there can be such a thing as too short. When I go to a function like a sport
s banquet, and they have six or eight speakers who talk for five minutes, you might as well not let them get up. Get one person to speak and be done with it!
One thing I quickly learned to do each time I made a speech was to write out in big letters on a piece of paper where the heck I was. I travel a lot, and with my memory lapses, I have been known to forget. Sometimes when I’m making a speech, my mind suddenly goes totally blank, and I forget what I just said. I forget everything. But I’ll only be like that for a few seconds. Sometimes when I speak, I tell people, “If I stop for any reason, and I don’t say anything for a few seconds, please bear with me. I don’t have much of a memory,” so they know what’s going on. It doesn’t bother me. There’s nothing I can do about it.
Along with the funny things that have happened to me on the road, I’ve also seen some sadness. One day, a young boy came to our door and handed me a letter. I opened it and read, “Dear Mr. Gretzky, I want to play hockey this year, but our family has fallen on hard times. My father’s out of work, my mother can’t work, we have no money for registration. If you can help me, I would appreciate it, however if you can’t, I still wish to thank you for reading the letter.” He wrote the letter himself, but you could tell from the wording that someone told him what to say. I asked the boy, “Do you have a hockey stick?” He said no. So I went in the garage and got a stick. Any equipment? He said he had skates, but not much else. I said, “Okay, I’ll be getting back in touch with you.” Glen had been sitting on the couch in the living room through all this, and after the boy left, said, “Dad, his mother is across the road in a car.” I looked out and there she was, sitting with her hand shielding her face, embarrassed but obviously determined to get someone to help her boy. I’ll never forget that. I called a few organizations that have special funds for people in her situation and set things up. I called the boy at his home and got his mother on the line. I said, “It’s Walter calling, just double-checking to see that your son got registered.” And she said, “Yes, he did. Thank you very much.” She was very nice, but I could tell she felt bad. I hope her boy enjoyed his season.
On Family, Hockey and Healing Page 18