by Larissa Ladd
Maybe it was because I liked doing things faster, or maybe it was because of the argument I had just had with Marlena; either way I was fidgety.
The faded green van was almost loaded with the stuff I had decided to keep. I had gotten rid of the rest of it slowly, giving some of it away, pawning a lot of it, and dumping the rest. It felt good to break away, even if it meant I was scaling down. I liked it. Still, they needed quite a big van to come and pick up everything that was left.
Marlena strolled into the building when they were carrying the last of the stuff out. She was wearing simple slacks, a top I had seen on her a million times, and her hair was tied up for a change. Her hair was never red like mine, and it hadn’t changed over the years. It had stayed a dirty blond, and her eyes had remained a pale blue. Between the two of us, she was the one who looked like our mother. My father said so often. I was the one who had gotten the power. No one had said that but it wasn’t hard to guess.
She looked around like she had every business being there. Her hands were in in her pants pockets and I was wary.
“It looks like you’re coming along well,” she said with a casual sniff, “it’s strange to see the place empty.”
I shrugged.
“It is strange, I guess. I haven’t really thought about it. I’m looking forward to the new place more, anyway.”
“So,” she said, her hands still in her pockets, “where is it that you’re moving to again? I can't remember.”
“That’s because I never said.”
She nodded, her mouth open to say ‘ah’ but she didn’t make a sound. I knew what she was waiting for.
“I know why you’re here, Lena,” I said, breaking the stupid casual front she was trying so hard to maintain,“ and there are way too many witnesses. You know that. We’re not like vampires, we can’t erase memories.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Besides, we’re alone now, aren’t we? It’s not like those moving men could do anything, anyway.”
She seemed calm and casual still, but her eyes had changed. They had become focused, darting around the room, and the atmosphere had become strained; it hurt in a lot of ways.
“It’s not my fault, you know,” I whispered, and she nodded.
“I know, but it’s not like you’re planning on doing anything about it. And that’s what gets to me.”
She said it with the same calm voice but the change in her eyes and the atmosphere had set me on guard. She had the ability to speed up really fast, and before I knew what was happening, she was already a blur in front of me. I could see the rest of the room behind her, which I hadn’t been able to see when she was at normal speed.
“Marlena—“I started but she darted around the room, trying to confuse me. She was fast and she almost did. I knew what was to come next. Her hands hadn’t stayed in her pockets for nothing; she really thought that a knife would do the trick on me, and maybe because I was her sister, it might have. It would have if I weren’t that strong.
I heard the coughing of one of the moving men on the stairs and knew I didn’t have much time left. I didn’t need much. I muttered a string of guttural sounds and gestured my head in Marlena’s direction. I missed. She was quicker than I thought. No matter.
I did it again, but this time built the curse in a type of wall, if that made sense. It's hard to explain what the stuff looks like, considering that, to people, it's invisible or not even real. I waited. She spun around the room, coming closer to me and then backing away again. I knew what her intentions were, but she looked like she was scared. She knew what powers I had, and it was a tall order for her to fight me. I didn’t really know why she tried at all, but alright, anger did strange things to people, or witches.
It didn’t take long before she was back in the corner of the room I wanted her in. She spun a little more, doing one of her fake attacks on me, the knife glinting in her hands. It was silly of her, really, to try it. But she’d come up with the idea and I knew, probably as well as she, that if she went back to the coven after killing me, she would be rewarded in some way. They all feared me, and they were all aware of the fact that I didn’t want what I was destined for.
Marlena hit the curse and I heard her cry out before she hit the floor. It wasn’t much, just a small spell to incapacitate her. She was my sister, and no matter what she did to me, or how much she hated me for what I had, I still loved her. Hurting her was the furthest from my mind, and the spell made sure it didn’t come down to it. I didn’t have to defend myself, I didn’t have to take her on, I didn’t have to beat her.
“She alright?” the moving man I had heard coming asked when he stepped through the door and saw Marlena on the floor.
“She’s fine, she’s just tired and needed to lie down, and since you took the bed and the couch, the floor is it.” I lied, aware that the confidence with which I said it would sell whatever I told the man. He had a clipboard that I needed to sign that everything had been loaded and then would be unloaded at the new place. He walked out of the door. I looked over my shoulder and saw my sister lying there. It would wear off after a while.
I pulled the door shut behind me and didn’t look back.
A man stood on the sidewalk, his shoulders hanging and a withered bush of flowers hung limply by his side.
“Devan?” I asked, and his eyes seemed happy and apologetic when he turned around and saw me.
“I, uh… well, I know this is all very strange,” he started, looking shyly at the sidewalk. I felt the atmosphere change as he looked for words and went from nervous to confident to nervous again.
“Okay,” he finally said, “this is the truth and you can call me whatever you want after this. But I googled you because I wanted to see you again. Is that strange? It’s a small town and I decided there couldn’t be that many Cherenes around here,” he carried on, not letting me answer the question or say anything else, “the fact is, I know you said you didn’t want to go out and you didn’t mean for it to be more, but I like you. Okay? And I found you and took a chance and the moving van was here…”
I felt his resolve slowly crumble as he spoke and heard how stupid the story sounded. He stopped in his sentence and looked at me like he expected me to save him from what he’d just gotten himself into. I smiled at him, and he smiled back. I was happy to see him. I would never admit it to him, of course, because I just didn’t do that and it would make it seem alright that he googled me. But I really was happy to see him.
I felt everything lift up as he came to the conclusion that I wouldn’t send him away.
“These were for you,” he said, looking at the limp flowers. “This is the third apartment I’ve been to; it’s the only Blake listed and I thought, well… they’re dumb anyway.” He threw them behind him. “I just wanted to know if you wanted to go out again.”
“Listen, I—“
“It doesn’t have to be anything more than friendship,” he said, holding up his hands. I couldn’t help but smile at how much he looked like a child, standing there on the sidewalk and acting like I was the first girl he’d ever asked out and wearing the comical combination of red and blue again. It made me want to be with him more.
“Look, Devan, I appreciate you making the effort to find me, sort of,” I started, and his face fell a little, “it’s just that I really am busy. I don’t mean to shoot you down; I just have… things… to tend to.”
I pointed at the van and he looked, nodding slowly. I looked at the van too and noticed how the driver was getting anxious to go.
“I, uh—“ he started.
“Hey, why don’t you help me? With the move, I mean,” I said, and his face lit up.
I knew what it would mean. If I had managed to convince him before that it had meant nothing to me, a “date” like moving in was really something that would tip the scales. He would know where my new place was, and he would know that I wanted more from him than just friendship. Let’s face it, a good-looking guy didn’t just help
a good-looking girl move because he felt like it.
The drive to the other side of town didn’t take long, and the moving van stayed on my tail most of the way. Devan was in the car with me, sitting in the passenger seat making small talk, trying to lighten the atmosphere which had gotten a little strained or nervous again.
I liked the sound of his voice. It was deep and velvety and he didn’t make a lot of sounds when he spoke; he just said the necessary things and then left it at that. I hated it when people made a lot of sounds or used a lot of inflection in their talking. Devan wasn’t monotonous. It was cliché, but he was perfect.
We got to my run-down apartment and he helped. He organized the guys downstairs and I pointed to where I wanted everything inside. It worked and I liked it. When the moving men finally left, Devan stayed behind and helped me with some of the boxes.
“This has been great,” I said before I could help myself, and then decided to mean it because it had been great.
“I enjoyed myself too,” he said. “Who would have thought moving would be so much fun?”
“Would you like to stay for supper?” It was out before I could stop myself, and his eager nod told me he had been waiting for me to ask without me having to read his mind.
“Alright then, but I’m not cooking alone,” I said, and he walked with me to the kitchen.
I liked him. I liked his company; it made me feel good when he was around. I felt less lonely when he was around.
Kitten sat on the counter licking her paws. She seemed to like him too and a lot more than me, but I didn’t mind it. Devan was someone she was allowed to like. Somehow I wanted him there more often, and if Kitten didn’t mind, well, I didn’t mind either.
Chapter 7
Devan was there more often. He popped by after work sometimes, even though I knew it was out of the way for him. He worked at some office as an administrator, and even though it wasn’t glamorous, it was something that suited him. He was a people person; it showed the more I had to do with him. He knew a lot of people, from work and otherwise, and the more time I spent with him, the more of them got to know me too. I noticed that people liked Devan wherever he went, and it made me like him more.
My job as a sales assistant was paying off. I didn’t earn a lot, but I earned enough to say I was paying for myself. It was different, making my own living. There was something about being completely independent that I really liked. I had always been an independent person, but money had never been something I needed. I’d gone to school and then college because it was what you did and I didn’t want to stand out.
It was that time of the week again, and I started the long walk through the fields that led to the cave. The sun was shining and I loved being outside, but, as always, there was the darkness that hung over me as I came closer, knowing it would be another day of fighting.
It never used to be like that. I remember when everyone in the coven knew their place, and it was straightforward. I used to love going with my sister and father, because those were the days when I was allowed to just use my power without wondering who wasn’t allowed to see. We were all the same then, and it was just like Sunday brunch or something. Everyone loved everyone, and everyone got along. And we did it every week.
It was only since my father died and Nema had realized what I was as a witch that things changed. Since then, they had all been bothering me about taking my rightful place and I’d started hating going, started hating the idea of having to argue about what I wanted to be and why it was necessary for me to be more than I already was.
I stepped through the rocks and the usual gentle hum greeted me. I stood to the side, not feeling like talking to anyone and no one bothered to make conversation with me. Marlena was at the far end of the room, talking to Rebecca or her sister; I wasn’t sure. She glared at me, her dirty blond hair orange in the fire light.
Since the day of the move, I hadn’t spoken to my sister again, not about anything that mattered. I only phoned her now just to tell her I was still around, and that was the most that we ever said to each other. Marlena didn’t ask where I’d moved to or suggest we meet over coffee like she used to. I didn’t know what was going on in my sister’s life anymore.
Nema arrived and the familiar hush fell in the room, the atmosphere turning to reverence as Nema took her place in her usual spot. She touched on some topics that we had discussed previously before she turned to me.
“It has come to my attention that you have moved,” Nema said, her voice hard and cold when it clipped the walls around us.
“I did,” I said.
“And where have you moved to?” Nema asked. I lifted my eyebrows.
“I didn’t realize it was up for discussion. There are so many witches here who’s address I don’t know.”
“They’re not the next in line.”
“I’m here every week. Doesn’t that count? And I make it known every day that I’m still a part of everything.”
Nema looked at me, and I felt her. She seemed angry in a way, short tempered, annoyed, maybe frustrated. It was hard to tell with her, her feelings all felt the same. I could feel the other witches pick up on it. They didn’t have the same skills as I did, they couldn’t tell what others were thinking, but it was something that happened. People picked up on the atmosphere whether they wanted to or not, and whether they knew what it was or not.
I knew why they were angry. I wasn’t playing along, and that made them fear me. And witches weren’t scared, not generally. I can’t remember ever being scared, and I understood why being scared of me made them angry. But I still wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t lead them, I wouldn’t give up my life to give them what they wanted. They were asking things that they didn’t need to ask, they were asking me to give them something I didn’t have to give.
When I got home, Devan was waiting outside the doors for me.
“Have you been here long?” I asked when he pecked me on the cheek. He shook his head.
“Only a couple of minutes. I thought I’d wait a few when I rang and you didn’t answer.”
“Nice of you. Come up?” I asked, and he nodded. I needed company now, I didn’t like the mood I was in and he was one of the few who could change my mood in a heartbeat.
“How was your day?” he asked.
“It was fine,” I said, trying to sound upbeat but not looking at him.
He frowned at me, and held my chin between his forefinger and thumb. “How was it really? You shouldn’t lie to me, you know. Otherwise there’s no point in me asking.”
I sighed. How could I explain it? As we entered the apartment, took our coats off, and sat on the couch, I had time to think.
“It’s just… my family. They want me to be more than I am, want me to do better than I’m doing. Sometimes they give me a hard time.”
He looked at me for a long time.
“I think you’re doing fine. Don’t you think you’re old enough to make your own choices?”
“I know it doesn’t make sense; you don’t know what kind of people they are.”
“Then why can’t I meet them?” he asked. He’d asked a couple of times before. The only real family I had was Marlena and there was no way I was introducing him to her. She wouldn’t be able to keep her mouth shut. As for the rest of the coven, well, they would disagree and I would be forced to get rid of him. One way or another, they would force me to get rid of him.
“It’s not that easy,” I said, “they’ll eat you alive. I want to spend more time with you before that happens.” I’d turned it into a joke and he smiled that skewed smile that I couldn’t resist. I leaned against him, my head resting on his shoulder. It felt like it was made for me.
I started sending out my feelers. I didn’t like reading people’s minds unless it was something that I thought would be important, but I’d seen him a few times now, and I decided that it was important to me to know how he felt about me. I had to know if the effort I was going through, all the tongue-lashing I was gett
ing from the coven, was worth it, or if it were just a game to him.
It had to be more I decided, and I paused to consider it for a second before pushing on into the crevices of his mind. He was too nice to do that to me, even if I was strong enough to handle it, and he knew it.
He was under no illusion that I needed him the way other females needed the men in their lives. It was more like a partnership, something where we were equal. But I still had to know.
It was all very dark in his mind, and it felt like I was feeling blindly through rooms I didn’t know. He thought differently than I did and it took me time to find my way around. It didn’t take me too long to find myself. I took up quite a bit of his mind once I figured out how to get around inside there, and it was nice to know. He thought of me a lot, and in different ways.
He thought I was strong and independent, which I liked. And he thought I was beautiful, which made me feel even more so. I couldn’t help but smile as I sifted through his thoughts. Then it came to his fears. He was scared that I would find someone better, that I would realize I was out of his league. I shook my head slightly, annoyed that he would think such things. Did I show so little of what I felt for him? He was also worried that he wouldn’t be able to keep up with me, that one day I would outgrow him and he would always just be Devan.
And then I got to the core of it all, the fears, the things he liked about me, everything. He didn’t want to lose me. Not only that, but he didn’t want me to feel for someone else the way I felt for him. And that only translated into one thing.
I sat back. I had stopped feeling around, and he scratched his head. His brown hair and liquid eyes were striking in the dim light of my apartment and I realized that it wasn’t so much about what he was feeling. Well, it was, but it was more what I was feeling in return. I knew that I didn’t want the coven to come near him, and I knew that I was annoyed by the fact that he thought he wasn’t good enough for me. What annoyed me more was the fact that I was scared of the same. That he would find someone normal, and that it would just be a better match. It hit me.