“Well, there aren’t many people left on my list,” Jeff said. “Horus and that white Apostle, I’ve given up on them. I’ve learned that lesson. The world is theirs; we just try not to get squished.” He hated to say it, but it was the truth. There was no way for humans, even vagrants, to kill Apostles.
“How many?” Stefani asked.
“The mayor of Fifth Springs,” Jeff said. “He lied and hid while the rest of us died. Any of his braves I might find.”
“Is that it?”
“And Dane.”
“Who’s that?”
He hesitated; it felt like too much personal information to share with her. They were growing closer every day, but Dane had been his best friend for over a decade. In many ways, he had been more of a brother to him than Chad ever had. But Stefani and Carlee were his new family. They had saved him, protected him, and given him another life.
“He was my best friend. He was the man I pushed out of the way of the leech that sliced me in two.”
“Three. Technically. Sorry. Go on.”
“That’s it. I did everything for him, and he left me to die after I saved his life. We could have made it out—I sensed it. Must have been a glimpse from another reality, but I knew it. But he didn’t listen. He was a coward and left me to die alone after we swore to stay with each other until the end. I will find him.”
They slowed just as the ocean took Jeff’s breath away. The last rays of the setting sun behind them glistened on the endless body of water. He’d read about the ocean, heard piners talk about it, and even seen it himself a number of times in the old movies they occasionally watched, but nothing had prepared him for seeing it in real life. After the violence of the morning, the serenity of the ocean was almost spiritual to behold.
“If I help you find this mayor and Dane, will you promise that will be the end of it?”
“You’ll help me?”
“They sound like they deserve it. Besides, if I don’t help you, you’ll do it anyway and get yourself killed.”
Jeff couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He had half expected for Stefani to leave him stranded on the coast so that he wouldn’t ever be able to find justice; instead, she practically guaranteed he could avenge his brother, his community, and himself.
“Yes.”
“If you’re lying to me . . .”
“I always lived for my family and my community. When they were taken from me, I had nothing else. But I could live for the vagrants. I know I can. After this, I’m done. I can be a vagrant, help people, defend people, and stay with you and Carlee until my mind turns into a puddle of mud. That’s a better life than I ever envisioned for myself.”
He wanted it now, to just do as Carlee and Stefani urged him to do, forget the past and start living for something more. But he couldn’t. Inside, he knew it would haunt him forever if he didn’t have closure. As much as he wanted to move on, he didn’t want to live his life like that.
“Very well,” Stefani said. “We have a deal. But don’t mention a word about it to her.” They slowed down dramatically and hovered close to the ground next to where an energy cell illuminated a small island on the Atlantic coast.
27 FALLEN FRIENDS
“IT WAS PURE CHAOS . . . The carriers went down quickly. I had to press in some flight suits for a bunch of people, but I couldn’t get everyone in time. Shannon, Mark, the Slipps, and a few others didn’t make it out,” Carlee said.
Jeff frowned to show his sympathy, although he didn’t know any of the vagrants who had died while they trying to escape the battle. It was news to him that a number of vagrants weren’t even powerful enough to press in their own flight suits.
“After that, there was just so much going on that we all lost track of one another. We knew that Horus was bringing an army—it was part of the reason we were continuously forced south—but we weren’t ready for anything like that.”
“There’s no way we could have been. The Apostles haven’t fought like that in a generation. I assumed they all had a play-nice pact,” Stefani said.
The reunion between the two friends had been understated but emotional. Jeff had just been happy to see Carlee again. He apologized immediately for abandoning her, but Carlee had brushed it off. He was sure they’d discuss it at a more appropriate time in the future, which he was not looking forward to.
“And after Jane split off to help those people, we had no direction . . . I was the only one of the vagrants who had lingered behind to make it out. And I was lucky at that. If it weren’t for Drew . . .” Tears swelled in Carlee’s eyes, and Jeff looked away. That was a name he knew.
“Carlee . . .” Stefani said. Jeff looked over to her, and he knew what Stefani was about to say. They hadn’t told Carlee all the details about their journey, leaving out the details about Jane’s demise and Jeff’s murder of Sean. The two made eye contact for a moment before Carlee’s head sunk.
“You saw her, then?” Carlee asked, her voice quavering.
Jeff didn’t know many details about Carlee or her life, but he knew that she was fiercely loyal to the former leader of the vagrants. Stefani shook her head and looked at Jeff with a level of emotion he’d never seen from her. He wanted to comfort her, but he knew Carlee deserved to know what happened.
“I ran into her after I was retreating from the battle. She was with Talon, and together, they were saving hundreds of humans by pressing in giant carriers and escorts. They destroyed well over a hundred leeches—they were piled high, practically formed an arena . . .” Carlee stared at him with her deep brown eyes, and Jeff felt naked as he searched for the right words before continuing.
“Talon got hit from behind by something that sent him flying, and at that point, she just knew that . . . She looked at me, calm as a . . . really calm. Told me to go, and I ran. Ran as fast as I could before Petra’s tentacle came down.”
Carlee nodded profusely as more tears ran down her cheeks; the beads of emotion sparkled with the light from the energy cell as they fell. She was captivating.
“I can’t believe she’s gone . . . I never would have guessed that it would be an Apostle that . . .” Carlee trailed off. Jeff understood that; he had a hard time talking about Chad and his family.
“Seems like so long ago that she ambushed us with her giant bodyguard. Scared me half to death.” Stefani chuckled like they were laughing at some old joke between them; it made Jeff feel out of place. He contemplated stepping away and giving them some space, but he feared that would only draw undue attention.
“I wonder how many time lines Bobby shot her in.”
“I’m pretty sure this was the golden path for her,” Stefani said. “No way he doesn’t shoot her in all the rest of the time lines for the way she stormed into our war council like that. I can still see the look on Bobby’s face! His hand on that stupid Magnum he loved . . .”
They laughed for a minute together until the sullen cheer of remembering fallen comrades died out once again. One thing was for certain: the vagrants were no more immune to loss than anyone else. They talked like people who had seen many friends die.
Fifth Springs had lost its fair share of people through the years. Chad and Charlotte had lost their first girl, born a year after Everett, when she was only fourteen months old. Despite everything he had been through, from losing his dad to nearly starving with the other early members of Fifth Springs, it had been the saddest day of his life up to that point. Carlee looked like Chad had when he used to laugh about the way his daughter had smiled at him.
“She was right,” Carlee said softly enough that Jeff wasn’t sure she meant it for the conversation. “She was right then, just like she always was. How different things would be if we had listened.”
Stefani’s eyes squinted for a split second, but she didn’t comment on what Carlee had said. Instead, she put her arm around Carlee and pulled her in for a half hug. The two of them sat together for a few minutes without saying a word.
“So, what do w
e do now?” Stefani asked.
“How should I know? Jane was the best of us, and she’s gone. No one else showed up to the rendezvous point in New Mexico. Maybe that’s because no one else made it out alive, or maybe that’s because I got there too soon—I don’t know.”
“It’s probably smart not to go there anyway,” Stefani said. “We were close enough to Petra and Horus that they might have snagged some details from our minds or even have some leeches try to track us. Better to wait for the next meet-up.”
“Well, we don’t have a choice now anyway. We’ll go to Washington in two months and see who is left. Figure things out then. Until then . . . I don’t know. We can keep teaching Jeff how to be a vagrant. We’ll need him now.”
“Not sure that it will take him that long,” Stefani said proudly.
“Oh?” Carlee and Stefani looked over to him eagerly.
“Yeah, I figured out how to press something.”
“Jeff, that’s great!” Carlee said. It was the first time he’d heard her have a hint of happiness in her voice since they had finished hugging one another when Stefani and Jeff had arrived.
“Only once. I’m not even sure if I can do it again . . . but I did it once.”
“I take full credit for it,” Stefani said. “Clearly, it was my personal tutelage that got him across the single-reality barrier.”
“I have no doubt.”
“I’m sure I still have lots to learn.” He knew he learned best from a teacher. The only thing he had ever been a natural at was fighting, but every boy bigger than him had been a teacher at that. He’d only learned to fix things from hours and hours of tinkering. Other people were faster at picking skills up than he was, but no one was more persistent.
“Another couple of weeks with Stef and I’m sure you’ll be one of the finest vagrants the world has ever seen.”
“Kid has potential,” Stefani said. “Could almost be half as good as me someday.”
Jeff smiled at the compliment and the way she called him a kid. He was anything but a child, especially compared to her.
“Did you tell him about—”
“Yup,” Stefani said. “He knows.”
“I figure it can’t be too much worse than getting punched in the face over and over,” Jeff said. He was trying to be funny, and the way that Stefani and Carlee responded showed him that they got his intention but didn’t have the heart to tell him how much worse it actually was.
“Well, now that the two of you are here to watch camp and keep an eye on things, I am going to go take a bath,” Carlee said, standing up. “I need to get this armor and exoskeleton off me before I go completely mad.”
A slight quiver returned to Carlee’s voice at the end of her proclamation, betraying the fact that she wasn’t quite ready to move on from Jane’s death just yet. Jeff didn’t blame her for wanting some time alone; it was something he hadn’t had enough of since Chad had died. He knew there were emotions still buried in him that he would have to face someday. Not tonight, though.
“Exoskeletons?” Jeff asked as soon as Carlee had disappeared.
“You didn’t think we were natural power-lifters, did you?”
“I wouldn’t put anything past you at this point.”
“You’re starting to wise up,” Stefani said as she stared at the spot where Carlee had disappeared into the foliage.
“You think she’s going to be OK?”
“She’s been through worse.” Stefani didn’t take her eyes off the spot where their friend had left them.
“I can imagine, losing her—”
“Keep an eye on things,” Stefani said as she followed after Carlee, leaving her gun behind.
“Sure. Wouldn’t want anyone stealing our stuff or anything. It’s real irreplaceable,” Jeff mumbled to himself. He felt restless being left behind again, so he got to his feet and wandered into the trees in the opposite direction. There were clouds of mosquitoes and bugs in the air, and the farther he got from the smoke, the worse it became.
There weren’t any signs of leeches, Apostles, or even humans around. In fact, the entire little island they were resting on seemed to be entirely their own. Thoughts of colonizing the island floated to the top of his mind. They could make it the new home base of the vagrants. It would give them a home of their own; they could fly far away, press in supplies, and bring them back. If they did it right, the Apostles wouldn’t be able to find them. It could be a new Fifth Springs.
The idea of a new community without the ridiculous rules of the coalition and treacherous mayors was appealing. But the more he thought about it, the more problems he came up with. Eventually, it would get too big, and it would draw too much attention. And it wouldn’t offer the same number of opportunities to help people as traveling would.
But that was an excuse. Deep down, he knew he wouldn’t be happy—even after Stefani helped him with his revenge—living the Fifth Springs life. The world had changed too much for that. He had changed too much for that. Before, he had been limited to a few square miles where he might find someone acceptable to settle down with until a leech wiped them out because it had nothing better to do. There were endless possibilities now, real opportunities to live for the first time.
And that, he realized, was why he didn’t have an answer to what he wanted out of his life. It was a question that he had never considered before. Having desires was just not practical in the world he had been raised in. Everyone was equally poor, hungry, and likely to die at any moment. Hope for a meaningful death had been the only realistic goal to aspire to.
Now, he wanted to have a meaningful life.
28 REGRET
IT WAS TOO COLD TO put her feet in the water, but she sat on a familiar boulder and stared out over the ocean. She didn’t protest when Stefani sat down next to her and put an arm around her. They had been here before, years ago, and she was happy to have her friend with her again.
“I’m sorry . . .” Carlee said when the moon passed behind some clouds, ruining the view.
“For what?” Stefani asked.
“For not telling you about the armies coming, for not telling you about the Apostle chasing us for the last few months until everyone else found out. I wanted to tell you, but Jane wouldn’t allow it.”
“You told me enough. I’m still alive.”
“No, it was wrong of me not to tell you, not to let you know what you were getting yourself into.”
“It wouldn’t have changed anything. I would have stayed with you.”
Stefani’s response sent Carlee into another round of emotion that she couldn’t keep down. She stopped fighting it after a minute and just let it out. Stefani had always been there for her even if she didn’t deserve her loyalty.
“Never again,” Carlee said. “We’ll make decisions together. I won’t hide anything from you.”
“You shouldn’t be worrying about this right now. How about we just grieve for our friends for now, and we worry about other stuff later.”
“I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how not to worry about everything.” It was true—Jane had shielded her from so much thought, decision making, and responsibility over the years, but she was gone now. And Carlee didn’t have a way to let her mind relax.
“You just need to practice.”
“Not now. There’s too much. I just need to . . . I don’t know . . . I need to do something.”
“I’ve never been good at consoling you.”
“I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“That’s one thing you’ll never have to worry about,” Stefani said. “I promise you.”
“You shouldn’t say that. Not after this. It happened again. I promised myself that it never would, but it happened. I had my chance to end it, to not let it happen. I let it happen with Bobby, and I let it happen with Jane. I believed in them so much, it blinded me. I let them down.”
Bobby had been the leader of the vagrants. He was strong, smart, and passionate like
no one she had ever met. When he had pressed in an orchid on that day six years ago, she hadn’t realized how dangerous it had been. He’d risked drawing an Apostle down on them simply to make her smile. And smile she had.
It didn’t take much convincing for her to go with him. Her parents were aging, but they lived in a relatively peaceful co-op. There hadn’t been anything for her there. Sure, she had lied to them about who Bobby, Stefani, Yachi, and the rest of the vagrants were, but they had been excited for her to have a chance at a better life. They were old enough to remember how things had once been and knew how awful things had become.
And for a while things had been better. It seemed like a dream now, almost as if there wasn’t a way that life, if even for a short while, had been sweet.
“We all believed in them,” Stefani said. “It happens. We all slip up eventually.”
“The worst part is that it should have been me who stayed behind to help those people. Jane always put our survival first, and I fought her time and again to take risks to help more people. In the end, she stayed to save lives, and I ran. I ran as fast as I could. I didn’t even look back. I flew by the rendezvous point, took one look, and kept running, and I didn’t stop until I hit the coast.”
“And you were right to do it. There was nothing there for us but death.”
“You went back, though. You saved Jeff. And even that was my fault. I shouldn’t have pressed while teaching Jeff. That was so dumb . . .”
“Carl, I love you. You know that. Grieve for the vagrants we lost. Take your time, and mourn them tonight, but if I hear you trying to blame yourself for anything else, I’m going to go back to camp, get my gun, and put you out of your misery. You know I will.”
Carlee didn’t know what to say; however, the tears stopped, and she rested her head on Stefani’s shoulder. It hurt just as much as before, but she was calm enough now to open herself to glimpses. She let her mind wander in other time lines where things were different until she found what she was looking for.
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