Slipping into the shadowy hidden area that we’d sat in just the night before, I crouched down and leaned back against a tree. I thought it might take a while before Jon could slip away from his work to join me, but I didn’t care. I had to pass on the message.
From my hiding place, I had a partial view of the inuksuk, as Taviana called them. Seeing them helped calm me. The erect statues continued to stand guard, watching the river flow past. I wondered what the boy would think when he saw the two new additions to the family. I smiled, just thinking of what my reaction would have been. If we kept this up, the entire river would someday be watched over by these rock men.
I sensed Jon’s presence before I saw him. He was standing behind me, looking down. “What are you smiling about?” he asked.
“Oh, just those statues.” I shook my head and waved in their direction, embarrassed at being caught this way. “There’s...there’s just something about them that pleases me.”
Jon nodded. “I know what you mean.” He offered me a hand and pulled me to my feet. When I was up, he continued to hold my hand, but I pulled it away, nervous. We didn’t have the protection of dusk to hide us today.
“I didn’t expect to see you again so soon,” he said, ignoring my gesture.
“No, I guess you didn’t.” I tried to smile but it felt awkward. The comfort level we’d achieved between us the night before had evaporated, and I was suddenly shy. I decided to get right to the reason for my being there.
“Jon...”
“Yes?” He tipped his head and looked hard at me.
“Taviana is gone.”
“Gone?”
“Yes. The Prophet ordered her out of Unity,” I told him.
“Why?”
“Apparently the police came looking for her last night, when we were here.” I blushed, thinking of how the evening had ended. “He thinks that she draws unwelcome attention to our community.”
“It’s taken him until now to decide that?”
I could only shrug.
“So what will happen to her?”
I sighed. “Father drove her to Springdale this morning. He’s just going to leave her there, to fend for herself.” My voice was shaky, and then I felt my eyes filling with tears again. I covered my face with my hands, hoping to make them go away, but the next thing I knew, Jon had his arms around me and I melted into him, sobbing into his shoulder. He held me tight. When the tears were finally finished and my ragged breathing had returned to normal, we continued standing there, wrapped in each other’s arms, rocking gently from side to side. The pain had subsided, for the moment. I finally dragged myself away from him and wiped my cheeks. “Sorry about that,” I said.
“Don’t be sorry.” He pulled a handkerchief out of his back pocket and handed it to me. “It’s clean,” he said, smiling.
I scrubbed at my cheeks again and blew my nose. “Not anymore,” I told him. I shoved it into a pocket of my apron. “I’ll return it after it’s been washed.”
“So...” he asked. “What are we going to do about Taviana?”
His question startled me. What are we going to do? Not only did he understand that something had to be done, but he was offering to help me. I lunged forward and hugged him, hard, all shyness gone.
“Whoa!” he said as I released him. “What was that for?”
“For saying just the right thing.”
“What did I say?”
“You offered to help do something for Taviana.”
“Oh, that’s it? If I say it again...”
“No.” I punched him lightly on the arm. He laughed.
“Taviana wanted to come and talk to you herself this morning,” I told him, “but she wasn’t given any time. She says you know people in Springdale who might be able to help her.”
Jon nodded. “I know some guys who have left Unity. I don’t know exactly what they could do for her, but...”
“I just keep picturing her sleeping...I don’t know where. Under a tree? In a doorway?”
“No, we can’t let that happen.” He thought for a moment. “The problem is I don’t know when the guys will be coming by for another visit. It could be tonight or it could be two weeks from now.”
“Two weeks?”
Jon frowned. “I do have a telephone number for Jimmy. He gave it to me for the time when...” He didn’t finish the sentence, but I knew what he was going to say. For the time when he left Unity.
“But what good is a number without a telephone?”
“I could walk to the highway and hitchhike to the nearest house and knock on doors until I find someone who will let me use their phone.”
“When would you do this?”
“Today.” He looked surprised that I’d asked. “A little later. Jimmy will be at work right now.”
“But won’t you get into trouble?”
He shrugged. “I can live with the consequences.”
“What will those consequences be?” I didn’t want him to get punished for helping me.
“Don’t worry about it, Celeste,” he said quietly. “Like I said last night, I’m not happy in Unity anyway. The best thing they could do is kick me out of the house.”
I looked away so he couldn’t see how I felt about that, but he must have figured it out anyway. “I really think you should consider your options too,” he said.
“I told you last night. I don’t have any options.”
“I think you should think harder about that.”
I shook my head.
We stood quietly for a moment. I knew I should go home, but I couldn’t drag myself away. Who knew when I’d see him again.
Eventually Jon reached out and took my hand. He clasped it in both of his. Then he looked directly into my face. “You look so sad, Celeste. Why don’t we build a couple more statue people, just for fun.”
“Someone might see us.”
“No one comes down here.”
“But what if...”
He put a finger to my lips. “Shh. This is your life, Celeste. Sometimes you can do things just for you. Just for fun.”
“But...”
“No buts. C’mon.” He dragged me toward the statues. I resisted, but he was stronger and I found myself stumbling along behind him. I glanced over my shoulder, back toward the community, but a row of trees hid the beach from the road. By the time we reached the statues I was laughing. He laughed too.
“I’m going to make a lady statue this time,” I told him.
He nodded. “Good idea. These guys could use a wife or two.”
“Are you kidding? This wife is going to have a whole bunch of husbands.”
Jon laughed so hard he had to wipe tears from his eyes. “Now you’re thinking outside the box.”
“Outside the box?”
He smiled. “It’s a saying I heard once. It means thinking creatively.”
“Oh.” Outside the box. I liked that. I would use it on Taviana and surprise her. And then I remembered Taviana was gone. There would be no more stories, no more funny expressions.
“So, how are you going to make this lady, the one who has many husbands?” Jon asked.
“You just watch.”
He let go of my hand and I began combing the beach, looking for a large, triangle-shaped rock. I looked back and saw that Jon had already found two blocky stones for legs. I kept searching. Eventually I saw exactly what I needed, but when I tried to pick it up, I realized it was way too heavy for me to carry alone. “Will you give me a hand?” I called.
He came over, and together we lifted the rock, but when we tried to carry it across the beach, I found that I was tripping over my dress. “I guess I’ll have to make her right here,” I told him, placing my end down.
“Why?”
“My dress...it gets in the way. I’ll end up ripping it.”
“Think outside the box, Celeste.”
“Huh?”
“Like you did the other day, when I was watching you.”
I felt m
y face burn. “How long were you watching?”
“Long enough.”
It was one thing for him to have seen my legs from a long distance away, but quite another for me to hitch my dress up right there in front of him. “No, I can’t do that.”
“I won’t look, I promise.”
I laughed at his silly remark.
“Okay then,” he said, “I’ll only look at you from the waist up.”
“You’re embarrassing me.”
“Oh, c’mon, Celeste. They’re just ankles, and maybe knees. What’s so private about that?”
I thought about it. He was right. It was really only my ankles that would show. Before I could change my mind I bent over, grabbed my hem and tucked it into the sash of my apron. I glanced at Jon. He was staring at my saggy-stocking-covered ankles. I smacked his arm. “You said you wouldn’t look!”
“I lied,” he said, grinning. Then he bent over and lifted his side of the large stone. I just shook my head, picked up my side, and together we carried it over to where the family of statues was waiting.
“Thanks,” I said, and I tipped the stone so that one of the corners pointed to the sky. I then balanced another rock on the point. It took a moment to find the right angle and make it secure, but I did. The arms, neck and head followed. I stepped back to admire my creation. She was perfect. The triangular stone looked just like a skirt.
I looked toward Jon. He was standing there, watching me. I quickly pulled my dress back down and straightened it. When I looked up again, he was smiling. “Now that wasn’t so terrible, was it?” he asked.
I just shook my head, smiling. Together we moved back on the beach so we could view the whole scene from a distance. The boy would be very surprised when he next visited this part of the beach.
Jon took my hand and we walked back to the sheltered area under the trees. “Will you think about what I said, Celeste?” he asked.
“About thinking out of the box?”
“Exactly. Consider your options.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
Then I let Jon kiss me. I even kissed him back, surprised at how natural it felt. Our arms were around each other, and as his soft lips explored mine, my worries slipped completely away. I was only aware of the intense sensations that were swirling inside me. It wasn’t until my stomach growled that I realized how much time had passed.
“I better go,” I said, breaking off the kiss, but still holding him close.
“Yeah, me too,” he said. He stepped back so he was looking down at me. “One way or another, I’ll make that phone call today. I know Jimmy will do whatever he can to help. He knows a lot of people.”
“Thanks, Jon.”
His lips brushed mine once more, and then I left him and headed toward the road. He’d follow a few minutes later.
My mind whirled all the way home, and I felt... different. I hadn’t known how good a kiss could feel. I would have skipped home if it wouldn’t have drawn unwanted attention my way.
And then I heard the news, the news about Colleen, and my world came crashing down.
Daddy, who has been upstairs comforting Mother, calls me from the doorway. “Celeste, I want to see you in the barn.”
When we were small children, those dreaded words would have meant we were in for a whipping, but once Nanette and I reached age twelve, Daddy quit reaching for the whip and just talked to us. I nod and follow him across the side yard.
Sitting across the desk from him, I notice the dark smudges under his eyes. Sometimes I wonder how he manages to lord over so many people. Do any of the men of The Movement ever wish they had fewer wives and children? I shake my head and push the thought away. That would be against the principles that the Prophet has laid out. Our men know they need at least three wives before they can enter the Kingdom of Heaven. More than three is preferred.
“Where were you this morning, Celeste?” Daddy asks me, his voice weary.
I close my eyes to relieve the burning sensation. There has been so much crying today. First Taviana. Then Colleen. Should I do the right thing and tell him the truth? I open my eyes and swallow hard. “I was feeling so sad about Taviana leaving that I...” I haven’t told the lie yet. I can still do the right thing. I don’t. “I went for a walk to clear my head.”
“To clear your head?”
“Yes.”
“Celeste, do I need to remind you that with your mother in bed you are needed at home more than ever?”
Perhaps I am possessed by the devil. I simply don’t know why I say some of the things that I do. The words just blurt out of my mouth. “If that’s the case, Father, then I don’t think this would be a good time for me to be married.”
I have closed my burning eyes again, but I can feel him staring at me. A full minute passes before he replies. “If it weren’t for your age, Celeste,” he says finally, “I’d take the strap off the wall and whip that contrariness right out of you.”
I don’t comment, but I open my eyes and stare at my feet.
“I just hope that whoever you are assigned to does a better job with you than I have.”
“I just hope that I don’t die in childbirth at seventeen years old.”
Father sighs. “It is not for us to question the ways of the Lord,” he says.
“Are we finished here?” I ask him. “I need to get back to preparing dinner.”
“Not quite. First of all, I want you to know that I didn’t intend to simply push Taviana out the door of the truck and leave her in Springdale, on her own. I planned to speak to people I knew, to see if I could help find her some work.” He shakes his head. “But she wouldn’t let me. I suggested we go to the church. They would find shelter for her, but again, she refused my offer of help.”
Taviana and her pride. Why couldn’t she have swallowed it just this once?
“We don’t have much money, as you know, Celeste, but I was able to get her to take one hundred dollars, to tide her over until she finds work. It was a gift, but she insists that she’ll repay it.”
“I’m sure she will.”
“She won’t go hungry for a few days anyway.”
I nod. If he’s expecting me to applaud him for his generosity, he’s mistaken.
“Promise me there will be no more disappearing,” he says.
“Promise me I won’t be assigned to a husband,” I respond.
He glares at me as he gets to his feet. “It’s been a long day, Celeste. Your disrespect is not appreciated.”
He’s right about that. It has been an incredibly long day, and there are an endless number of chores yet to be done. I follow him across the yard to the house.
Chapter Ten
Taviana
It’s as though the time I spent in Unity never even happened. I’m standing on a sidewalk, alone, with one hundred dollars in my pocket. I have nowhere to go, nothing to do. Did I just dream the past eighteen months into existence?
One part of me, the part that felt at home in Unity, tells me to get on with it, find a place to live and some kind of work. The other part of me, the part that’s longing for a little excitement, wants me to ditch my suitcase in a locker at the bus station and explore the town. After very little soul-searching, that’s the part of me that wins out.
I wander the streets looking for...I’m not sure what. The usual businesses are all here, the services, the community center. The kids are in school. There’s really not much to explore after all, and I quickly grow bored. It’s a familiar sensation, this lack of purpose. It’s the way I lived for years. I notice how easy it is to leave behind the girl I was in Unity and slip back into my old self. An uneasiness gnaws at my stomach. How long before I slide right back to my old lifestyle, the me I was before I moved to Unity? When I lived there, I temporarily became someone different, someone in a long dress, an apron and practical shoes. That girl learned to fit into her new community, to be good and obedient. Is there no way to blend the two me’s?
I round a corner and stumble u
pon the library. A smile bubbles up from deep inside. It’s like running into an old friend. I’ve spent countless hours in libraries, keeping warm, using the washroom, reading, surfing the net. That was the best part, being able to escape my life and enter an entirely new one for a few hours.
The librarian smiles at me when I push open the door. I smile back and savor the dusty smell of old books. The New Arrivals display is right by the entrance. One of the book covers is intriguing, and I pick it up and read the description on the back flap. A story of romance, of regret, of redemption. This is the gripping tale of a woman haunted by her past. Except for the romance part, this could be my life. I think of Celeste, how she loves stories and how I wish I could see her set loose in a library. It would truly be heaven on earth for her. But that’s not going to happen.
Taking the book with me, I head over to the racks of DVDs and scan the titles. This would really boggle Celeste’s mind. There is no end of stories. I continue wandering through the library until I come to a bank of computers and plunk myself down at an available one.
An hour passes before I drag my eyes away from the screen. I’ve just brought myself up to date on what has happened in the world in the past couple of years. It still boggles my mind that the people in Unity are completely unaware of what is going on out here. Maybe that’s a good thing. Most of the news is dreary, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it anyway.
I’m approaching the checkout with my book when I remember that I can’t borrow it. The kind librarian reads my face. “Do you need to apply for a card?” she asks.
I nod, and she slides a sheet of paper across the counter to me. “Just fill out this application form and return it with some identification that includes your address.”
That settles it. I have no address, no phone number and no identification. I used to be able to use my mother’s, but that was another town. I guess I won’t be getting a library card.
“I’ll bring it back tomorrow,” I tell her, placing the novel back on the shelf. I shove the form in my pocket and head out the door, empty-handed, feeling like I’ve just been turned away from the soup kitchen.
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