“I’m sorry,” I whispered to Sabrina.
She put her hand on my shoulder, the small wrinkles around her eyes deepening the longer she gazed at me. “Go get some fresh air and we’ll try again. I know you can do this, James.”
I nodded and hurried toward the back door, ignoring the eyes of everyone I passed, too afraid to see their disappointment as well. Once I was outside, I filled my lungs with the cool night air and rushed down the row of trailers until I arrived at mine. I flung open the door and locked it behind me, shutting all the curtains in case anyone could see in.
I didn’t need them to judge my tears.
I also didn’t need anyone lecturing me about the Diet Coke I was about to drink, and I knew they’d tell me it would only bloat my cheeks for the upcoming scene. The assistants had stocked my fridge with just soda and water since I was only eighteen years old, but what I needed was a bottle of champagne.
I needed something to take the edge off from all the uneasiness that was eating away at me.
I found a soda in the mini fridge and pulled open the top of the can, guzzling the freezing liquid until the bubbles hit my stomach. Then, I picked up my cell off the counter, taking a few more sips as I called my best friend, knowing the quietness of my trailer wasn’t going to help calm me.
“Aren’t you supposed to be filming right now?” Eve asked as she answered.
“If you can even call it that at this point.”
“What does that mean?”
I sat at the small table, holding my face up with my palm. “The director kicked me off the set for thirty minutes because my acting sucked so bad.”
“Tell me you’re kidding.”
“I wish I was and I’m so embarrassed.” I sighed, fighting the tears. “The set was packed, everyone and their mother saw how dreadful I was. And do you know what the director said to me? That when I return, he wants me to prove I’m worth the millions he’s paying me.” The first drips fell from my eyes. “Kill me now, Eve. Just take me out of my misery, so I don’t have to see their faces again.”
“God, that man is an asshole. I’d like to kick him in the fucking nuts.”
“I love you for that, but he’s right. I was so awful—”
“James,” she interrupted. “If you were about to agree with him, then I’m going to march my ass over there and kick you in the lady nuts.” She paused. “I know this movie is challenging and the cast is an epic line-up of actors and you’re feeling all the things, but you’re just as talented—probably even more so—than all of them. I don’t want to hear you say otherwise, got it, girl?”
Eve’s words were warming my chest, but they weren’t enough. The anxiety, worry, fear of having to show the director and cast what I was capable of was still very present. “What if I ruin this movie and no one ever hires me again? What if I can’t get my head in the right space? What if I go back out there and I can’t cry or give them the angst they need? What then? I … quit?”
“Have you lost your mind? None of those things are going to happen. You’re James fucking Ryne, Hollywood’s hottest, most talented actress. Directors from all over the world are vying for you. Stop doubting yourself and start believing in yourself—now.”
I stared at my nails that had been painted black and purposefully chipped for this scene, the ripped jeans and cut-off sweater that wardrobe had dressed me in. I traced the holes over my knees, feeling the smooth skin beneath. “You know the press is already all over this film, everyone is saying it has Oscar potential. After my last blockbuster, I feel like there’s a spotlight hanging over me and I’m expected to have an even better performance.” I dropped my head onto the table, my cheeks slick from the wetness that had dripped. “I guess I’m just feeling the pressure, that’s all.”
“That’s allowed, but don’t forget, you were hired for a reason. So, stop freaking out and start remembering why you’re such a badass.”
“Eve …”
“Listen, we rehearsed your lines last night, you know them by heart. Just relax and go have fun.” She giggled. “I mean, you have thirty minutes and I’m assuming you’re in your trailer, all by yourself. Why don’t you go rub one out, and then go show them your most Oscar worthy performance? We both know that’s the only way to relax.”
“Seriously? You’re nuts.”
“But you know I’m right.”
I finished the rest of the soda, swirling it around in my mouth while I stared at the empty can.
She was right, if there was one way to get me to relax, it was that. “Maybe—” I began but was cut off by a knock at my door. “Shit, someone’s here. I’ve got to run. I’ll call you on my way home, hopefully I’ll still be employed.” I stood, wiping the tears that lingered on my face as I made my way to the entrance.
“Oh my God, girl, we both know you’re going to go out there and kill it. Now, go. Love you, bye.”
I hung up and just as I was reaching for the handle, the door began to open.
I swore I locked it and I knew I was the only person who had a key aside from maintenance and they definitely wouldn’t come in without my permission.
It wasn’t ajar more than a few inches when I heard, “James, turn around,” in the most alpha, dominating voice.
Turn around?
The lights outside my trailer had unexpectedly turned off, hiding the man’s face. Still, there was something about his voice that wasn’t triggering me to want to scream or hide or run.
Just the opposite was happening, and I found myself wanting to take a step closer to get more of his delicious sounds.
“Who are you—”
“Turn around,” he growled.
My feet moved in the direction he wanted, my back now facing him.
“Put your hands behind you.”
The more I listened, the more familiar he became, I just wasn’t able to place him. But underneath his gritty, masculine tone—one that I hadn’t heard on set today—was a hotness that was causing everything inside me to melt.
I continued to follow his instructions, moving into the position he had requested, my hands joined, resting on the top of my butt.
Incredibly submissive.
“Good girl.”
I smiled at the compliment, goosebumps rising over my skin as I heard the door shut and lock, his footsteps getting louder until he stopped directly behind me.
“Are you going to tell me your name—”
“Quiet.”
“Quiet?”
His chest pressed against my back, his hard-on grinding into me. His arm then circled my neck, his palm cupping my tit with a strength that made me moan. “That’s the only sound I want coming out of you. A moan just like that one. Do you hear me?”
“Yes—”
“What did I just say?”
He pinched my nipple, and I made the noise again, but this time louder.
“That’s my good fucking girl.” He bit the edge of my ear, holding it in his mouth while he said, “You’ll get rewarded when you follow my orders.”
Each time he touched me, breathing over my neck, it felt almost as good as an orgasm.
“Ahhh,” I exhaled as his tip ground into the back of me, wetness now pooling between my legs.
“Someone is hungry for my cock.”
“Mmm,” I responded, not wanting to break the rules.
“How badly do you want me to fuck you, James?” His hand dropped down the front of me, rubbing my pussy from the outside of my jeans, his other fingers pinching and pulling my nipple.
My head leaned back, hitting the muscles of his chest, each exhale giving him my answer.
“Do you want me to fuck this”—he cupped my pussy—“or this”—he slid to my ass, his thumb rubbing that forbidden place.
“Fuuuck.”
His lips went to the shell of my ear where he whispered, “Looks like I’ll just have to surprise you while you’re …” His voice trailed off and there was a slight shift in his body, suddenly everything t
urning black as he tied a dark piece of cloth over my eyes. “Blindfolded.” A second piece of string went around my hands, binding them to their position.
“What are you—”
“Shhh,” he said in my ear. “Only moans, remember?” Seconds after he finished speaking, he lifted me into the air as though I were completely weightless, and tossed me over his shoulder.
“Oh!” I squealed, knowing it wasn’t the sound he wanted, but the sensation of being in the air was so much different than the ground. I felt us move across the trailer, a breeze whipping past my face as he tossed me onto the couch, landing on my butt.
His hands found me the moment I hit the cushion, unbuttoning my jeans, loosening my heels, both instantly off my body until I was left in only a thong and my sweater.
“You’re fucking gorgeous,” he roared, that tone so achingly familiar again, I just couldn’t remember where and when I’d heard it.
But I couldn’t focus on that, not when I felt the intensity of his gaze wrapping around me. And even though he’d taken my vision away, I could still feel his stare boring through me, tugging at my release.
I rubbed my legs together just so I could have a little friction.
“Does that feel good?” he asked, his hands now keeping my legs apart. When I didn’t answer, he added, “I’m giving you permission to speak.”
“Yes.”
“Does this feel better?” He blew on my pussy, the thin fabric between us warming from his air, each burst like a pumping bass, blasting against me.
“Oh God,” I groaned. “Yes, that feels better.”
Something began to penetrate into me, and it took me a moment to realize it was his nose, running up and down my clit. “You smell so fucking good.”
He was inhaling me.
The thought was almost enough to make me come.
I heard the sound of a zipper and clothes falling to the floor, my hearing much more sensitive now that he’d taken away my sight.
“Do you want my tongue, James?” He continued the rise and fall with his nose. “Or do you want my cock?” I felt something much larger press against me and I knew it was his crown, the thick head circling my clit.
“Ahhh,” I sighed, the breath trembling out of my lungs.
“Sounds like someone wants me to keep surprising her …”
My head fell against the couch cushion as he slid my thong to the side and his warm, wet mouth dove in.
“Yesss,” I hissed, his tongue lapping around the top of my clit, sucking, eventually using his teeth to graze me. My legs tightened, so I could feel more of him, the softness of his hair rubbing my thighs, the smoothness of his cheeks. None of them signs of who this man was.
I was rocking my hips at the same speed as he licked, my breathing turning louder, the build taking a hold of me.
“Don’t come.”
It was a warning, but I was so close. The tip of his tongue was flicking that high point where I was ultra-sensitive, and I wasn’t sure I could stop my body from reacting.
“James …” he cautioned and that only added to the feeling in my body and it increased even more when he plunged two fingers inside me, curving them upward, aiming for my G-spot. “You’re not listening to me.” His mouth pulled away and I cried for it to return. He gave me a single lick and my hips bucked. “You’re getting far too close when I’ve told you not to fucking come.”
“But I can’t—”
“No words,” he barked. “Only moans or I’ll stick a ball between your teeth.”
“Mmm,” I sang in the most high-pitched voice, letting him know I was screaming inside.
“I know my mouth feels good.” He licked harder, but only once every few seconds, unhurriedly gliding his fingers in and out of me. “And I know you want to come, but you’re going to have a wait a big longer for that.” He didn’t move his face away, he just kept his movements slow, his tongue raising all the way up and lowering back to his hand, treating me like the most decadent meal, savoring each bite.
Just as I would get used to his movements, he would switch things up, using a different speed, alternating between one finger and two. The moment he would feel me tighten, he would pull back and the whole thing would start over.
“I’m waiting …”
I wanted so badly to ask for what, but I knew better. He was torturing me for something I had done, I just didn’t know what. And then it hit me—he wanted my moans, not the loudness or hissing of my breathing. So, I leaned my head back, spreading my legs as wide as they would spread, putting my feet on the edge of the couch, toes curled around the lip. I then let my sounds do all the talking for me, each sensation coming out boisterously.
He responded just the way I wanted, giving me more pressure, adding another finger, the friction bringing me right back to that place.
I turned louder.
My voice grew more guttural.
My legs shaking as I neared so close to that release.
And as I was seconds from the peak, his mouth was suddenly gone and he was plunging his thick, long, hard cock into me.
“Ohhh!” I yelled.
There was no pause, no gentleness as I stretched to fit him, just a relentless pounding that took me by surprise.
One I couldn’t get enough of.
“So fucking tight,” he groaned, my legs circling around him, my feet locking at the top of his ass.
I wanted to scream his name.
To dig my nails into his shoulders.
To tell him to go harder.
Faster.
To rub my clit with those deliciously strong fingers.
But I couldn’t do any of those things.
And as if he was inside my head, listening to my thoughts, he reacted. His speed increased, he used even more power, his hand went to the front of me, brushing over the top of my pussy, and I was bursting with pleasurable sounds.
“Damn, you’re so fucking tight.”
He didn’t need encouragement, this man was driven by my wetness.
There was so much momentum in each of his movements, so much rhythm every time he twisted his hips, his tip reaching that spot deep inside that his fingers had grazed earlier. But I learned he didn’t like patterns and the moment I began to build, he flipped me onto my knees, my chest pressed into the couch cushion. Before I could take a breath, he was diving right back into me.
This position was more intense, I could feel him deeper, reach farther. And he fucked me like he was angry, like he was full of emotion, like he was trying to hit the end of me.
I loved every fucking second of it.
“Ahhh!” I shouted.
He held my hands that were tied behind my back and used them to thrust into me, his face in my neck, teeth biting the little skin my sweater wasn’t hiding. With every pump of his cock, I felt myself get closer to that peak again and this one I wasn’t sure I could fight off.
“Not yet,” he growled, another firm warning.
He reached beneath my bra and clamped my nipple, pulling the small bud to the point where I screamed again.
The pain awakened me, causing me to get there even faster and before I could grow sore, he was moving to the other side, doing the same thing to that one.
“Fuck,” I breathed, making sure it sounded more like a moan.
“I need to know how badly you want to come. I need to hear it in your voice, James.” His teeth were on my ear, sucking the lobe into his mouth. “When I hear that need owning you, then I’ll let you get off.” When he bit down, to the point where I thought he would draw blood, he added, “But I need to see your face when you do it.”
I was suddenly in motion again, my ass now on the couch, my legs spread wide. I felt him kneel in front of me and when he entered, his movements were slow, deliberate. His thumb was on my clit, swiping across it like I was the screen of his phone.
Each inch that slid into me was the most fulfilling sensation, feeding my pussy to the point where I was lost. My mouth was open, a
ir panting in and out at the same speed as him. I couldn’t hold on, I could only allow the feelings to bring me there. And it all began to happen much faster when his hand dropped, a finger finding that other hole, the one in the back that was the tightest part of me.
“Oh God,” I cried. “Yes!”
He took some of my wetness and lubed it across his nail and knuckle and he pushed his finger all the way in.
“Mmm!”
“You like your ass touched, don’t you, James?”
“Yessss!”
“And you like being a good girl for me.”
“Ohhh, fuck, yes!”
Every time his cock pounded into me, his finger did the same. I couldn’t control anything that was happening—not the sounds that were pouring out of me or the way my legs locked around him or the climb that was overtaking me.
“You’re so fucking tight, I don’t think I can hold off for much longer.”
I couldn’t give him words or he’d punish me, so I groaned the deepest noise I could find in my throat.
“Your pussy is so fucking naughty, it’s trying to suck the cum out of me.” I moaned again. “Is that what you want? For me to fill you with my cum?”
“Hmmm.”
“Beg for it, James.”
Each exhale came with a scream that was dripping in need, my body tightening around him, the wetness in my pussy even making its own sound. I found his neck and bit down with my teeth, my tongue swirling around the neighboring skin to sooth it.
“Baby, you know I like that.”
I couldn’t process what he had said, my body moving too quickly to that place I couldn’t return from.
His hand was hammering my ass, his cock was doing the same to my pussy, and that familiar tingle was in my stomach, taking over my muscles, spreading up to my chest where a heat was turning to fire.
“Fuuuck!”
The top of my head was banging into the cushion, sweat was dripping down my back. I could taste the saltiness of his sweat on his flesh and the sexiness of his cologne and the lust that was pulsing in his neck and I was swallowing every bit of it.
I Have Lived And I Have Loved: A Charity Romance Collection Page 15