by J. E. Parker
Singlehandedly my ass. If he only knew…
“Why all the concern then?” His fingers twitched around the pen he held in his hand. “If you don’t care, why did you come pull me out of a bar at two in the morning just to make sure I got home alright?” His jaw clenched, but he didn’t respond. Still, I pushed. “And if you don’t care, then why in the blue hell did you make sure I got placed under your command instead of over in Garrison like I wanted. You think I wanted to be stationed here—with you?” I was so pissed my entire body was shaking. “Tell me why your overbearing, convoluted ass decided I needed to be hired on here of all places! You knew I wanted out of this shit hole town. Knew I didn’t want to be here without her and t—”
Keith cut me off. “Because I promised Maddie I’d watch out for you! Even when she was falling apart, my little girl made me swear on her mother’s grave that I’d keep you safe!” Baring a mouth full of white teeth, he shook his head. “And as much as I’d like too never have to see your face again, I’m not breaking my promise.” He paused and jabbed a finger in my direction. “She’s already experienced enough betrayal to last her a lifetime. I won’t add to it.”
Pain clawed at my heart and hatred swirled in my gut. It wasn’t supposed to be like this! We should’ve been married by now. Probably would have been pregnant…
Fuck!
I ran my hands through my hair and tugged—hard.
Keith’s words from the night before bounced around in my head. I may have been drunk, but when it came to her, I didn’t forget. “The other night at the bar you said what I did was still killing her.” Keith’s shoulders tensed. “I need to know, Cap. What did you mean by that?”
“You sure you want to know?”
I nodded once without meeting his eyes. I knew whatever he was about to say would gut me, but I needed to hear him say it anyway. “I’ve gotta know. Her pain…” my voice cracked, and I released my hair before dropping my head backward. Closing my eyes for a second, I inhaled through my nose. “Whatever pain I’ve caused her, I need to know about it.”
“Why? Why do you suddenly care so much?”
I’ve always cared you prick. “Because whatever she feels, I need to feel it too.” It was as simple as that. I hurt the girl I loved—love—more than anything in the world and I deserved every ounce of the gut-wrenching, heart-stopping agony that was thrown at me.
In all honesty, I deserved to burn in hell for what I’d done to her.
Even if it wasn’t intentional.
A look I didn’t recognize flashed in Keith’s eyes. Understanding maybe? Visibly swallowing, he dropped his pen and leaned back in his chair. His demeanor shifted, and the air surrounding us changed.
Keith looked… worried. “You aware that she hasn’t been home since y’all broke up?”
I suspected it, but I wasn’t sure. “No.”
“Well, she hasn’t.” He ran the palms of his hands down the sides of his face. “If mama or I want to see her, we have to go to her.” He tapped his knuckles on the desk. “When she lets us.”
“And where exactly do you go?” Yeah, I was fishing. Wasn’t even going to try to hide it. Come hell or high water, by the time the day was over with, I would know where she was.
Then… Hell, I didn’t know what I’d do then.
Keith ignored my question and continued. “Last time I saw her…” he shook his head before glancing at the open door behind me. He stood from his chair and pulled his phone out of his back pocket. After tapping in the passcode, he swiped right a couple of times and handed it to me. His eyes met mine. “Take it and see what you’ve done.” He pointed at his phone in my hand and with a wavering voice, said, “Look at what you’ve done to my little girl.”
His words gave me pause. Then, with trepidation and fear like I hadn’t felt in a long time taking hold, I looked down.
For the first time in six years, my eyes met hers.
My world stopped.
My heart broke.
And what little was left of my soul withered up and died on the spot.
“Maddie, baby…”
Keith snatched the phone out of my hand, clicked off the screen, and shoved it back in his pocket. “She doesn’t eat. She doesn’t sleep.” He paused and took a deep breath. “Not to mention she’s on so many meds I can’t keep them straight.”
My heart slammed against my rib cage, and my hands twitched with the need to hit something. I spun around, and before I could stop myself, I planted my fist on the wall. Broken plaster and bits of dust floated through the air, clouding my vision. With a roar, I repeated the move. My knuckles split wide open on impact and pain ricocheted up my arm. Hard as I could, I pounded my bloodied fist into the crumbling wall—over and over again.
The pain grew each time I made contact, but I didn’t shy away from it. Instead, I welcomed it, relishing in feeling something other than the emotional agony that consumed every inch of me. Temporary or not, the physical pain pulled my mind away from the mental torment I couldn’t escape, and after seeing that picture would never be able to escape.
Two sets of hands wrapped around my arms but I ripped myself away from them both. “Hendrix!” Someone shouted my name from beside me, but I was so far gone I didn’t even know who it was. Arm heavy, hand numb, I continue to pummel what was left of the wall.
Blackness clouded the corners of my vision, and my senses slowed.
I heard her voice. Love you, handsome. Now, forever, and always.
I saw her face. Her beautiful fucking face.
I smelled her perfume. Sweet. Fruity. Perfect.
I tasted her lips on mine. Felt her fingertips grazing the back of my hand.
“Hendrix!” Something heavy slammed into my back, and I lost my footing. My arm dropped to my side, and my fist unclenched. Body limp, my knees slammed into the tile floor. “Grab him damn it!” The hands were back. This time one pair wrapped around my torso while the other pair yanked my fists behind my back.
I didn’t give a shit. At that moment, whoever was trying to manhandle me could stab me in the balls for all I cared. It couldn’t hurt any worse than the pain already splicing through the center of my chest.
Keith crouched in front of me. “Ya done now?” Was I? I didn’t know. He ran his hands through his hair and shook his head. “I should have known you’d lose what little sense you had left.”
I looked at the man standing beside me, his big beefy hands clamped around my chest. “Get your paws off me, Hank.” I knocked his hands away, and he flinched. Guess he was scared of me too. Not that I blamed him. He’d just seen me demolish almost an entire wall with one hand, and he knew about my temper. It wasn’t a secret that none of the guys at the station—Captain included—could go toe to toe with me either.
I’d tear every one of them to pieces without breaking a sweat if the need called for it. It’s why that son of a bitch Petrov had seen me as such a commodity.
Bastard. I hoped he was burning in hell. Swear to God, if I knew where he was buried, I’d piss on his grave.
The hands holding my slack arms behind my back released me. I looked over my shoulder to see Kyle standing there. He looked from me to the wall and then back to me again. Slowly, he raised his brows.
“Hendrix.”
I whipped my head back around. “What?” I barked, my gaze meeting Keith’s.
Face red and sweating, he glared at me. “Ya done now?”
Was I done? I honest to God didn’t know. I closed my eyes and cracked my neck. Feeling some of the pressure in my neck and head ease, I reopened my eyes. “That depends on what you say next.”
“What’s that mean?”
Five words. “Tell me where she is.” It wasn’t a question. Wasn’t a request. It was a goddamn demand, and if the son of a bitch didn’t tell me what I needed to know, I would beat it out of him.
He chuckled humorlessly. “Not on your life.”
My feet were moving before I thought things through. Faces separ
ated by mere inches, I yelled, “Last chance! Tell me where my girl is!”
His eyes flashed pure rage, and I smiled. Fuck you, Cap. “Not in a million years. You’ve done enough already.” His cheek twitched, and his eyes hardened further. “Made her all kinds of promises, even put your ring on her finger, and still, you walked away. You broke her heart. Shattered her spirit.” He shook his head in disgust. “She’s just a shell of the girl she used to be,” he pressed a finger to my chest, “and it’s all because of you.” My stomach rolled. Not because the words he spoke weren’t true—because they were—but because he had no idea why I had to choose to walk away. “And if you think I'll give you the key to walk back into her life and rip her apart some more, you’ve lost your mind. I’d put a bullet in my head before I ever tell you where Maddie is.”
“You’re fucking unbelievable.” I took a step back, and Keith dropped down into his desk chair and crossed his arms over his chest.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I walked around the other side of his desk, needing to put some distance between us before I really did something stupid. If I hit Keith that would be the end of my career. Normally I wouldn’t care, but the wheels in my head were turning, and if I was going to do what I was thinking, I needed to keep my shit together.
I smiled as the skin around my eyes tightened. Cracking my non-busted knuckles, I leaned over, placing both of my hands back on his desk, and whispered, “Like Grandmama once said, Cap—to be so smart, you sure as hell are dumb.”
For the second time, he was up and out of his seat before I could flinch. I waited for him to hit me but he didn’t. Instead, he stood there, hands fisted at his sides, and murder in his eyes as he glared at me. “What the hell are you talking about, Hendrix?”
Disgusted, I shook my head. “You hate me, always have. That’s no secret. I never cared either. But I thought you knew how much I fucking loved your daughter.” His eyes protruded from his head as his entire body shook with barely constrained rage. “Much as I loved that girl, you think I would have walked away from her willingly?”
His jaw twitched. “Doesn’t really matter now, does it?”
“It sure as hell does!”
“Why?”
“Cause I’m not leaving this fucking office until you tell me where she is!”
I swear I could see steam coming out of his ears. He leaned forward, and the vein on the side of his neck bulged. “Again, if you think for one goddamn minute that I’ll tell you where my daughter is, Hendrix, you’ve lost your damn mind!”
I didn’t think jack shit. I knew he would tell me because I wouldn't give him any other choice. Smirking, I nodded once. You’ll tell me.”
Irate, Keith looked at me like I was crazy. “And why in the good Lord’s name would I do that?”
“Cause it’s what she would want.” Say her name! “It’s what Maddie would want!” My heart kicked into overdrive when her name rolled off my tongue. How long had I been since I’d said it aloud? Too damn long. I twisted the watch on my left wrist. “We can either do this the hard way or the easy way. It’s your choice, Cap, but the result will still be the same.”
Now it was his turn to slam his hands down on the desk. Let’s see if can make him mad enough to punch a wall too. “I am not telling you wh—”
“I’ll tell you.” My head whipped around at the sound of the familiar voice.
Holy. Shit.
Hendrix
I was speechless. Utterly speechless. The last time I’d seen the woman standing in front of me, she’d pressed the muzzle of a double barrel shotgun against my chest and said, “You broke my babies heart. It’s only fair I break yours too.” That was six years ago.
Guess she had time to cool off.
“Ask me, and I’ll tell you.”
“Where is she, Grandmama?”
Tears filled her eyes, and her chin trembled. She looked so much older than I remembered. Had missing Maddie done that? “I need you to fix this, Hendrix.” The first tear slid free. “I need you to fix my grandbaby. Every time the phone rings…” Reaching into her purse, she pulled out a lace handkerchief. “Every time it rings I’m afraid to answer it.” She covered her eyes with the white lace. “Cause I’m afraid somebodies calling to tell me my baby is gone and that she ain’t coming back.” She sobbed, her entire frame shaking from the force of her tears. “I’m an old woman. I don’t know how much time I’ve got left on this earth. And I can’t leave things like this.” The shaking continued. Unable to stand it anymore, I moved towards her and wrapped my arms around her small frame. She clutched my shirt and cried against my chest. “I swore I wouldn’t do this. Promised myself, I wouldn’t ask you for help. Not after what you’ve done. But I don’t have no other choice.” She pounded on my chest with her tiny balled up fists. “I’ve lost so much time with her. I need my grandbaby,” she choked on a sob, “I need my grandbaby to come back home!”
I pressed my nose to the crown of her head and kissed her hair. “I need her to come back home too.” She gripped my shirt tighter. If I hadn’t been standing in the middle of Keith’s office, I would have teared up. Wasn’t any way I was showing vulnerability in front of that asshole though.
Minutes passed before Grandmama pulled out of my arms. When she did, she used her handkerchief to wipe away the tear tracks stamped all over her cheeks. Looking up at me, she placed both of her palms against my cheeks and said, “Bring my girl home, Hendrix Cole. You do that, and I’ll be grateful to you until the day I die.”
“Just tell me where she is.” My voice was quiet. Calm.
She closed her eyes.
Time ticked by.
When she opened her eyes again, the tears had been replaced with fire, and the feisty Grandmama I’d always known was back. “Under one condition.”
Wait a minute. “What?”
Squaring her shoulders, Grandmama lifted her chin in the air and looked me in the eyes. “I want you to answer one question.”
I shook my head in exasperation. “Then ask!”
“Are you an alcoholic?”
My answer was harsh. “No.” Her stare was harsher. She knew I was full of shit.
Keith didn’t hesitate to throw me under the bus. “He has a running tab down at The Watering Hole, mama. What’s that tell ya?”
Grandmama shook her head in disgust. “You want me to tell you where Maddie is?”
Grinding my back teeth together, I growled. “Yes.”
She stepped back and clasped her hands together in front of her. “Then you quit drinking and go to AA meetings.” Keith snorted, and it took everything in me not to shove my good fist through the wall. This was fucking blackmail! “They have them down at the church and the town center every night.” I opened my mouth to argue, but she cut me off. “You go to the meetings and stay sober for thirty days, and then I’ll tell you where she is.”
My right hand twitched. “Don’t even think about punching another one of my walls!”
My head snapped to the left. “How about I punch your face instead?”
Grandmama pinched my chest—hard. “There will be no physical violence unless I’m the one doling it out. Now…” she paused and ran her hands down the front of her floral dress, smoothing out the fabric. “Are you going to step up and be the man that I know you can be? Or are you going to stay on this path of destruction until you turn into your father?”
I squared my shoulders, tightened my fists, and set my jaw. “I’m not going to turn into my Pop.”
Grandmama didn’t look convinced. “If you don’t do something sooner rather than later, you sure will.” She stepped closer, closing the gap between us. “Now tell me, Hendrix. Are you going to stop drinking and start going to meetings, so you can fix this mess and bring my granddaughter home? Or do I need to call someone else?” She smiled, and the hair on the back of my neck stood on end. She was up to something. “From what I was told this morning, it seems that Ida Jacob’s youngest grandson Ty
has taken quite an interest in my girl. Maybe he could—”
My blood pressure went through the roof, and the vein in my temple nearly exploded. “If that son of a bitch gets anywhere near Maddie I’ll kill him!” I grabbed the chair beside me and threw it. It bounced off the floor and slid into the wall. More busted plaster. More cloudy debris. Too bad I didn’t give a fuck. The county could take the cost of the damage out of my paycheck.
Keith cursed, and Grandmama placed her hands on her hips before speaking. “I’m gonna ask you one more time, Hendrix…”
I didn’t let her finish. “Yes! I’ll go to the damn meetings!”
She nodded once. “Good.” Chest heaving, I fought for breath. Ty mother fucking Jacobs. I couldn’t believe it. Actually, I could. He’d always been a little weasel. “And when thirty days is up, if you’ve kept your word, I’ll tell you where she is.” She clucked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “But if you don’t, then I’ll be making a phone call to Ty myself.”
That wasn’t happening.
Pulling my keys from my pocket, I walked out of the room but stopped in my tracks when Keith called out my name. “Hendrix! Where are you going?”
Without looking back at him, I replied, “To check in for my shift at 24.” I took a breath, fighting for calm. “Then I’m going to find a fucking AA meeting.”
I didn’t wait for him to respond before walking out the door.
Ty fucking Jacobs.
I was going to kill him!
Grandmama
Grandmama stood in the middle of her son’s office, watching the boy she loved as if he was her own grandson, walk away.
“You have any idea what you just did?” Keith asked from behind her. When she didn’t answer, he began to fuss. “Ty is a volunteer at station 24. He’s usually there during the weekdays when he isn’t working for his grandfather’s security company.” He paused and blew out a breath. “He’ll more than likely be on shift when Hendrix gets there.”