by J. E. Parker
I froze. “Wait,” I barked, “you knew?” My voice rose a couple of decibels as I continued. “He told you?” I paused. My brain felt like it may explode. “But didn’t tell me?” It didn’t make any sense! Why would he do that? Not tell me, I mean.
Grandmama coughed a couple of times. Was she sick? “Hendrix didn’t tell me anything. His father did.”
Wait. “Pop told you?”
“Mmhmm. Said it was one of the things that he needed to do before his guilt could be absolved. Guess he thought telling me and your Daddy would lighten his load, so to speak.”
For the first time in my life, I was speechless. Jesus! “Was he drunk when he told you?”
“Nope,” she took a sip of tea, “apparently, the man hasn’t had a drop of alcohol in six years.”
My eyes nearly bugged out of my head. Standing up from the bed, I walked over to the window and placed my head against the cool glass. “I can’t believe it.” I really couldn’t. Pop, sober? Never thought I’d see the day…
“For what it’s worth, I really do believe the man is trying to become a better person. Not once during his entire confession did he try to blame someone else for his actions. He took responsibility for the entire thing. Even took the blame for pushing Hendrix to break up with you. Said he told him it was the only way to get that dirty Russian’s crosshairs off your back.”
I turned around and pressed my back to the glass pane. “I don’t know how to process any of this. It’s too much. I can’t…”
"That's understandable. It's not every day you learn that your ex-boyfriend was being blackmailed by a leader of the mob and that your well-being was being hung over his head like an axe preparing to strike. If it hadn't been for you, I've got a feeling Hendrix would have told those commie bastards where to shove it." She exhaled. "He didn't though, and luckily he's still alive to tell the tale.”
My heart sunk. “What?”
“Maddie, sweetheart, you’re the smartest person I know. Use your head. Do you really think the fight Petrov forced him to take would have been a clean fight? I highly doubt an underground fighting ring ran by the mafia would have been safe. Those kinds of places only have one rule: kill or be killed." I opened my mouth to respond, but she kept going. "That boy—hardheaded jackass that he is—was willing to risk his life to keep you safe." She paused and took another sip of tea. "If that isn't love, then I don't know what is."
Oh God! I hadn’t even thought about it that way. “What was he thinking?”
“He was thinking that he was going to do whatever he needed to do to keep you safe. And just to be clear—there aren’t many men that would've done what he did. His head may be hollower than a Halloween pumpkin, but he's got balls bigger than any Brahma bull I've ever seen."
“Good lord, Grandmama! I don’t want to hear you say another thing about Hendrix’s…. his… his…” I couldn’t even say it.
“Go ahead, Madelyn Grace, say it. Hendrix’s balls. Ballsssssss. His giant—bigger than a bull—balls.”
My mouth opened and closed at least ten times before I found the ability to speak again. Eyes narrowed, I hissed into the phone, “exactly how many shots of moonshine did you add to your tea?”
Now it was her turn to scoff. “It’s three in the morning, Maddie!” Silence. Then, “only one.”
I knew it! “One day you’re going to get in trouble, you know that? Moonshine is illegal.”
“Who’s going to arrest me? Sherriff Burke? The man buys more of the stuff than I do! Who do you think keeps the local troopers from raiding Old Man Roscoe's still? It sure as hell isn't the mayor!" She coughed again. "Anyway, back to what I was saying—it's a good thing Hendrix didn't have to fight one of those animals. If he did, the boy would probably be dead. I know he's got a temper, and he's been fighting all his life, but those criminal types are a different breed altogether.”
Wait.
Hold up.
"He didn't have to fight?" I was confused. Swear to God, my brain was on the brink of exploding.
Grandmama sounded in disbelief when she asked, “You don’t know?”
"No, but I guess you do."
She sighed. “See, told you the boy has a head hollower than a pumpkin. Why on earth wouldn’t he tell you all of it?”
I twirled a strand of hair around my finger. “Probably because I started puking when he got to the part about Petrov selling me into prostitution. And after that, well, I gave him the silent treatment for the rest of the night.’
“Maddie!”
I cringed. “I know, okay? I shouldn’t have done it. I was just… I couldn’t think straight. Part of me was happy that our break-up wasn’t caused by him not loving me anymore, but another part of me was so angry at him. He could have told me. We could have found a way to work through it.”
“Honey, I’ll admit I don’t know a darn thing about the mob, but they were probably watching him. They might’ve gone as far as tapping his phone and reading his emails as well. Much as I hate to admit it, I think he did the right thing.”
“I do too.” And I did. Since I’d had time to cool down and think about it, I understood better. "So why didn't he have to fight?" I had to know, and I was too scared to ask Hendrix. The way I'd acted earlier—ignoring him even after he went and picked up my prescription and brought me back Chinese takeout for supper—he'd probably wouldn't talk to me. Not that I’d blame him.
“Peter… Paul… Petro… What was the guy’s name?”
“Petrov.” I picked at the hem of my shirt. Stupid nervous habit!
“Yeah, Petrov. Well, he and a bunch of his posse got arrested the week before the fight. Months before, some informant tipped the authorities off about a trafficking operation they had going on. Something about importing fancy pieces of artwork from Europe." Holy crap. "All of them, except Petrov are currently serving double-digit sentences courtesy of the Federal Government."
I stilled. “What happened to Petrov?”
Grandmama coughed again. “The son of a bitch is dead.”
My mouth dropped open. “What?”
“He’s dead, honey. Within the first week of being in jail, another inmate shanked him to death. I’m sure the man had lots of enemies.” Lowering her voice, she mumbled, “too bad they didn’t let me get to him. I would’ve cut his nuts off and fed them to him.”
I couldn’t…
This was just…
Moving across the room, I sat back on the full-sized bed. “Who was the informant?”
"No idea. None of that information was released to the public. None of the cases ever went to trial either. When those sickos saw the evidence that the Government had, they all started turning on each other. Murder, racketeering, embezzlement, fraud. Most of them took plea deals to avoid getting the needle.”
“Seriously?”
“Serious as a heart attack, honey.” Another sip of tea. “Speaking of, you should’ve seen your daddies face when James told us the truth. The ignorant fool dared to look remorseful. Guess he realized what an ass he’d been to Hendrix all these years.”
Anger churned in the pit of my guts. “I don’t want to hear about Daddy, Grandmama. I’ve only seen him twice in the last week, and he didn’t even bother to come by as I was being discharged from the hospital.”
Grandmama sighed. “I’m not going to make excuses for him because there are none. Just know that your Daddy loves you, Maddie. He’s just dealing with his own set of issues. Surely you know how that goes, hmm?”
Smooth Grandmama. Real smooth. “Guess I don’t have much room to talk, do I? I’ve been dealing with my own issues for the last six years.” And hadn’t come home once in that time. “Guess I can understand needing to be alone when you’re hurt.”
“I knew you would. Speaking of hurt, what are you going to do about the behemoth?”
Pulling my legs up onto the bed, I crossed them and placed my elbows on my thighs. “I don’t know. I mean, I still love him. I just don’t know if I can tr
ust him.”
The sound of a chair scraping across the floor came through the phone. "You're not telling me anything I don't know, sweetheart." Was I that obvious? "All anybody has to do is take one look at you when that's mans in the same room, and they'll know the truth." Guess I was. "You can try to act indifferent, and you can try to act like you don't care, but sweetheart, it only takes one look at your eyes to know that you still love Hendrix Cole with every ounce of your soul."
Tears slipped from my eyes before spilling down my cheeks. “How do I get past it? I mean, I know why he did it now, but that doesn’t change the fact that he hurt me. What if… what if something else happens and he walks away again? Even if he does it with good intentions, I won’t survive losing him a second time.”
"Maddie, sweetheart, it takes a strong heart to love. It takes an even stronger one to love after being hurt. But you baby, you've got a heart forged from a fire. A heart of steel. Use it.”
I was speechless. Completely and utterly speechless.
Grandmama sighed again. "I'm going to ask you one question, and I want you to answer me without taking time to think." She paused and the seconds ticked by. "Do you want to spend the rest of your life without him?"
“I—”
"Shut up, honey, and listen to me." I gasped in outrage, but she continued. "Will you be able to handle seeing him marry another woman? Fathering kids that didn't come from your womb?"
My entire body shook, and my heart reacted before my brain could stop it. “No,” I quietly cried, jumping up off the bed. “That can’t happen.” I shook my head almost violently. “That won’t happen!”
Grandmama was entirely too calm as she asked, “And why won’t it?”
Hands fisted at my sides, I growled, “because he’s mine!” My chest rose and fell with the force of my breaths, “Hendrix is mine.”
Grandmama hummed. "That's what I thought. Guess you better get him then. Last I heard, Sadie Leigh was trying her damnedest to get her claws in him."
Not happening. Not now. Not ever.
“I’ll call you tomorrow, Grandmama. Love you.”
I was just about to hang up when I heard her desperate pleas through the speaker. “Maddie! Wait!”
I exhaled. “What do you want, you crazy old coot? I’ve got a man to forgive!”
“I just wanted to remind you of something, hussy.”
I rolled my eyes at hussy. “What is it?” I was practically bouncing on my feet as I waited for her to answer.
“I want grandbabies. At least three. You need to get started on that asap.”
My heart dropped into my stomach, and the urge to puke grew. Push it back, I told myself. Push the pain back. Closing my eyes, I whispered, “I’ll work on it. Love you.” I hung up.
Dropping my cell phone on the bed, I took a deep breath, and without giving myself time to think, I moved.
Heart of steel, Maddie. Heart of friggin’ steel.
Maddie
Hendrix’s room was mostly dark. The only light spilling into the room came from the dimly lit hallway where I stood. It didn’t help me see much though. I couldn’t tell if Hendrix was in bed or if—
The door to the right of the bed—the master bathroom I guessed—suddenly swung open, and out he walked.
The door must have been shut when I was in his room earlier because I’d never noticed it. If I had, I wouldn’t have run my fluffy butt all the way down the hall to the other bathroom when I was on the verge of puking.
I inhaled sharply as Hendrix moved further into the room, giving me a better view. Wearing no shirt and grey sweatpants that hung low on his hips he looked ovary combusting good. If I'd been wearing panties, I'm sure they would have melted right off my hips.
“Maddie?”
A smile tilted my lips heavenward as a memory came rushing back. “No, it’s your local axe murderer.” Much to my disappointment, he didn’t laugh. “I wanted to talk”—no I didn’t— “but if you’d rather go back to sleep I can…” My voice trailed off as I waited for him to respond.
Nothing but silence surrounded us.
Crap.
Even though he couldn’t see me, I hooked my thumb over my shoulder and pointed behind me. “I’m gonna, uh, I’m just gonna go.”
Feeling defeated, I turned around and walked away.
Two steps later, Hendrix's arm wrapped around my waist. I yelped in surprise, as he slammed my back into his chest. Dipping his face so that his lips hovered over my ear, he whispered, "Where do you think you're going?"
“I… I…” Lord, I couldn’t even talk! My face flamed. “It can wait until morning.” I blew out a breath. “Go ahead and go back to bed, handsome. It’s not a big deal. Really.” I didn’t know who I was trying to convince more—him or me.
He growled against my ear. “No.”
I nodded in agreement. “Okay then.” What else was I supposed to say?
The fingertips of his left hand dusted the outside of my thigh. I gasped. Then, I moaned as he moved his hand upwards. The hem of the long shirt that I was wearing rose as his fingertips danced across my skin, moving towards my hip. Oh, God. Again, he growled in my ear. "What the fuck are you wearing?" His fingers continued their ascent. "Scratch that. The better question is: what the fuck aren't you wearing?"
I stalled for a moment before a grin spread across my face. “One of your t-shirts.” I’d shamelessly stolen it out of his closet. “And to answer your second question—panties.”
His hand stopped moving.
“You came into my room in the middle of the night without wearing panties? Do you know how dangerous that is?”
I shivered. “No.”
His teeth nipped my ear lobe, and I almost collapsed on the spot. “Doing shit like that is liable to get you fucked against a wall, pretty girl.” His lips met the sensitive skin of my neck, and I arched my back, pressing myself into him. His hard cock dug into my back, and I couldn’t stop myself from sliding my hand between us and grabbing it through his sweats. “Fuck, Maddie,” he hissed, grounding himself into my palm. My core pulsed and my stomach clenched.
I needed him. Needed him now.
“Hendrix,” I moaned, “please…”
He spun me around to face him. Cupping my jaw with his strong hands, he looked down at me with lust filled eyes. “What do you want, baby?”
I couldn’t think! I felt like I was eighteen all over again. “You,” I whimpered, “I want you.”
His face morphed into a look that I couldn’t decipher, and suddenly he dropped his hands. My stomach plummeted when he crossed his arms over his chest and took a step back. He shook his head. “Maddie…”
Suddenly, I felt naked, and not in a good way either. Taking my own step back, I tugged at the hem of my shirt. Unable to bear looking at him, I dropped my head back and stared at the ceiling.
Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't. Cry.
What the heck had I been thinking? A couple of hours ago I was acting like a total brat and ignoring him. But now, I was standing in the middle of his room, sans panties, and practically begging him to have sex with me.
My emotions were more unstable than a house built on sand.
I had to leave, had to get out. “I’m sorry, Hendrix,” my voice broke, “I shouldn’t have come in here. Shouldn’t have done this.” I couldn’t stop the tears. Stupid, traitorous tears. Dropping my head, I pointed over my shoulder. “I’m just going to go.” Go where? Back to bed? Back to my childhood home? Back to the shelter? Heck if I knew.
I turned to leave when Hendrix grabbed my arm. "Stop." Like always, I listened to his command. He didn't release his hold on me as he moved around me and flipped on the light switch. I waited for the sudden brightness to send a bolt of pain careening through my skull, but it never came. Huh. Suddenly, Hendrix moved in front of me. “You’re not leaving.”
I furrowed my brows. “I’m not?”
His face was hard, unmoving as he replied, “No, you’re not.”
; Once again, silence surrounded us.
Until…
“Why’d you come in here?”
I shrugged. “You want the truth or a lie?”
He moved closer and his scent grew stronger. It made me lightheaded. “I always want the truth from you.” Nervously wringing my hands together, I stared up at him. He was so damn beautiful. “Truth is, I’m tired of being away from you.” It was as simple as that. Still, my answer wasn’t enough. Raising my right hand, I wiped away the tears that blotted my cheeks. “I know how I reacted earlier was… well, it was… bratty.” I blew out an exaggerated breath and crossed my arms over my chest. “I’ve spent so much time thinking you didn’t love me.” I swallowed. “And wondering what I did to cause it.” Breathe, Maddie. Just breathe. “That I didn’t stop to think that maybe there was another reason why you left." I shook my head and closed my eyes. "I should have known though. I should've realized something was wrong, but I was too blinded by the pain to think straight. I know that now. If I'd only—"
Hendrix cut me off. "Shut up." My mouth snapped closed. "If I hear you blame yourself one more goddamn time I'm going to lose my shit." Wrapping an arm around my back, he pulled me into him. "Baby, I lied to you." His arm squeezed me tight. "I said stuff to you,” closing his eyes, he ground his teeth together, “stuff that I’ll never forgive myself for.”
“But you had too.”
His eyes opened. “Doesn’t matter. Every bit of it will haunt me for the rest of my life.”
“You were protecting me.”
“I destroyed you.”
I nodded once. “You did.” I paused long enough to catch my breath. “But you destroyed yourself too.”
His forehead met mine, and his minty breath wafted over my face. “I’m so sorry, pretty girl.”
Raising my hands, I slid them into his inky black hair. “It’s not your fault.” And it wasn’t. It was Pop and Petrov’s fault—not his. “Besides, I’ve already decided to forgive you.”
"Yeah?" He smiled, and my heart melted.
"Yeah, handsome." I placed a gentle kiss on his chin. "We've lost enough time. I don't want to waste anymore." He exhaled, and I continued. Here comes the hard part. I grabbed his biceps for support. “But first, there’s something I need to tell you.” He leaned back and peered down at my face. “I can’t keep secrets from you,” I swallowed, “not anymore.”