by J. E. Parker
Her cheeks turned red. “Just a little.”
I snorted before taking the empty bottle from her and tossing it towards the bedroom door. I’d pick it up in the morning and throw it away. “You ready to get some sleep?”
She nodded before sliding under my comforter. Lifting the blanket, she motioned for me to get under it too. “It’s been a long time since I fell asleep in your arms.”
She didn’t need to convince me.
Once I was under the blanket, I wrapped my arm around her torso and pulled her into me. She was on her back, and I was on my side, so I had a perfect view of her gorgeous face. Moving my head closer to hers, I pressed a soft kiss to her temple. “Night, baby.”
She yawned and snuggled into me. “Night, Hendrix. See you in the morning.”
“It is morning.”
She stuck out her tongue again. “Alright, smartass. Guess I’ll see you at noon then.”
“Love you, pretty girl.”
“Love you too, handsome. Now, forever, and always.”
I closed my eyes. “Now, forever, and always.”
We both drifted off to sleep.
Maddie
It was almost one in the afternoon when I woke.
Hendrix was still sleeping so I slipped out of bed as quietly as I could.
Seeing one of his shirts on the floor—he’s such a slob—I picked it up and pulled it over my head. The dark grey material fell to my knees and was two sizes too big but I didn’t care. It was comfortable, and it smelled like him. Those were the only two things that mattered.
Leaning over the bed, I pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Love you,” I whispered before turning around and walking out of the room. There was a noticeable hop in my step as I practically danced down the hall towards the kitchen. It was the first time in a long time that I’d woken up without feeling like I was moments away from falling apart.
Don’t get me wrong, I was still scared to death to reveal my secret, but I knew deep in my heart that Hendrix wouldn’t push me away. Would he be upset? Yes. Would he walk away again? No.
Call me crazy, but I believed him when he said that he’d never leave again.
My smile dropped when I walked into the kitchen.
The small room was dang near empty. The only thing lining the dark laminate countertops was a coffee maker and some scattered mail. There wasn’t another small appliance, mixing bowl, or salt and pepper shaker to be seen. I didn’t even see a toaster.
Lord help me.
Shaking my head, I started to pull open the cherry stained cabinet doors. Not surprisingly, the shelves that lined each cabinet were nearly bare as well. All I could find were a couple of coffee cups, a few paper plates, a single blue bowl, and a half-empty jar of peanut butter. God only knows how long it’d been in there.
Bleh.
Moving over to the fridge, I crossed my fingers and said a prayer that there was something like a carton of eggs or block of cheese inside. If not, the behemoth was going to have to drag his butt out of bed and take me to get breakfast because I was starving.
I wrapped my hand around the fridge door and was about to pull it open when Hendrix’s voice stopped me. “Hey, pretty girl.”
My back was facing him, so I looked over my shoulder and tossed a smile in his direction. “Hey, handsome. I was wondering when you were going to drag your lazy butt out of bed.” Never mind that I just got up. "I was going to—" I stopped midsentence and spun around to face him fully. Then I pointed my finger at him and screamed. "You’re naked!”
He rubbed a hand across his chest and looked down. “It would appear so.”
“Y…you…” My God I couldn’t even talk right! I nodded towards the bedroom. “Go put some friggin’ clothes on. Or at least a pair of underwear. You’re distracting me,” he smirked—the jackass—and began to move towards me, “from finding something to eat. I’m starving!” I could tell by the arrogant smile on his face that he was up to something. Bet I know what it is too. I kept my hand on the fridge as I jumped back a step. “Stop right there! I know what you’re up to.” He stopped and crossed his arms over his chest. Just the sight of him made my knees wobble. How is he so perfect? “I need real food for breakfast, handsome, not tube steak.”
Hendrix tossed his head back and laughed.
I smiled in return. “Now,” I pulled open the fridge door, “you better have some eggs or at least some cheese in here. If not, I may just kill you.”
The smile plastered across Hendrix’s amused face dropped. “Maddie, stop! Don’t look in there.”
It was too late.
I’d already looked.
My belly sank to my toes, and my heart clenched so tightly I was sure it was preparing to shrivel up and die. “Hendrix…” I stared at the variety of bottles. Some were big. Some were small. Most of them were a different color. “What… I mean….” I didn’t know what to say. “Are these yours?” It was a stupid question, yet I still asked it.
Hendrix’s head dropped forward. “Goddamn it, Maddie.” His voice was low, quiet. “You weren’t supposed to find out like this.”
I didn’t understand. “What?” I narrowed my eyes and wrapped my free arm around my body. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. Again. “How?”
Hendrix looked up, and his eyes were glossed over. He looked so ashamed. “Baby, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” I knew what he was trying to tell me, but my mind didn’t believe it. Just ask him, stupid! I opened my mouth, but the words wouldn’t come. I took a breath and counted to three. One. Two. Three. “Are you—”
He answered my question before I finished asking it. “Yeah, I’m a drunk.”
My heart stopped.
No! No! No! He couldn’t be. Not after…
My chest tightened and my insides twisted. “These can’t be yours.” Deny, deny, deny. “Not after you promised.”
One look at him and the denial bouncing around in my head evaporated. “Hendrix,” I slammed the fridge door shut, “there’s enough liquor and beer in there to stock a small convenience store.”
His shoulders hunched. “I know, Maddie.” Lifting his hands, he ran them down the sides of his face. “I fucked up, okay?” He shook his head. “I fucked up so bad that I don’t even know how to fix it all. I’m just…” He spun around and leaned his forehead against the closest wall. Seconds later, his right hand slammed into the drywall. I jumped back in fear. Not because I thought Hendrix would hurt me, but because someone already had. Colin’s voice, his smell, the feel of his hands… it all came rushing back.
Oh, God.
The room around me spun. Focus, Maddie! “Hendrix,” I clutched the front of the countertop so hard my knuckles turned white. “How long?”
He didn’t turn around to answer me. “Since I lost you.”
Since he lost me?
Six years?
Six godforsaken years?
Reaching behind me, I gathered my hair into a makeshift ponytail and pulled it away from my neck. I was hot. So friggin’ hot! “Why?” It was one of those stupid questions that I was famous for. There was only one reason for someone to drink as much as it appeared Hendrix did.
They did it to escape.
Hendrix spun around. The skin on his fist was torn, and his knuckles were covered in blood. How many times had the same skin been broken? "To forget." See? "Shit got so bad, I couldn't goddamn stand it anymore." His chest heaved, and his nostrils flared from the force of his breaths. "Everywhere I looked, everywhere I went." Running his hands through his hair, he tugged on the strands. I wanted to go to him, wanted to hold him, wanted to comfort him. But I couldn't. Wrong as it may be, I was so damn disappointed in him I couldn't stand it. "Anytime I saw someone eating ice cream or reading a book." He chuckled. "Every time I saw a girl wearing flip-flops." He looked up, and his eyes met mine. "Every goddamn song that came on the radio." He took a step closer, and I took a step back. My shoulders hit the wall behind me, and I shook my head. Hendrix stopped. "E
very fucking thing reminded me of you, Maddie. I couldn’t handle the shit. I needed a way to escape, needed a way to forget. So, I did exactly what I promised I’d never do.” He shrugged before throwing his arms out to the sides. “I stopped by the watering hole, and I got a drink.”
He spun around and slammed his hand into the wall again.
This time I didn’t flinch.
"And I didn't stop. Not even when I was too shitfaced to walk or when I didn't know my own name. Want to know why Maddie?" I shook my head. Still, he continued. “Because even when I was on the verge of blacking out, even when my world was spinning out of control, I still heard your voice. Still smelled your perfume.” His voice cracked. “Still tasted your lips on mine.”
“Hendrix, stop.” I couldn’t hear anymore. I'd suffered too, but you didn't see me turning into a raging alcoholic. You didn't see me breaking any promises that I'd made him.
No, you did something so much worse, the voice in my head said.
I turned around and stared at the wall. I couldn’t face him.
"How many more secrets do you have? First, it was the shit with your Pop and the mob, and now you're an alcoholic." I pressed my hands against the pale-yellow wall. "What else am I missing?" Rancid acid churned in the pit of my belly. It wouldn’t be long before I was puking my guts up.
I whipped back around and placed my fisted hands on my hips. “What else did you have to do to forget me?” I was yelling at the top of my lungs, the sadness having fully transitioned to anger. “Tell me!”
He held out his hand in a placating manner. “Baby, calm down.”
Hell no.
“Screw you, Hendrix! Don’t you call me baby and don’t you tell me to calm down!” More screaming. More yelling. “Now tell me, what else don’t I know?”
He dropped his hand. “Nothing, Maddie, I swear. You know it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly.”
Silence ensued.
“This isn’t going to work.” I already knew…
Hendrix panicked. “We can fix this. Swear to God we can fix this." I placed my hands on the sides of my head and closed my eyes. Tears burned the backs of my eyelids, but I refused to let them fall. Not now. If I allowed myself to cry, I’d break. No, scratch that—I’d friggin’ shatter. “Just me and you, Maddie.” I could hear him moving closer. Still, I didn’t open my eyes. “Whatever the problem is we can work it out. I can fix anything. You’ve just got to give me a fucking chance!”
I can fix anything.
I can fix anything.
His words repeated on loop in my head.
I can fix anything.
I can fix anything.
Any control that I still held onto slipped away, and I completely lost it.
Without thinking twice, I charged. One steps. Two steps. Slamming my hands into Hendrix’s hard chest, I screamed at the top of my lungs, “You can’t fix it!” I kept hitting him as I continued to yell. “You can’t fix a damn thing!”
Like a Greek statue carved from stone, he didn’t move no matter how hard I pummeled him. “I can fix all of it. You just have to give me another chance! Just tell me what you want!”
My head snapped back, and I didn't even try to stop the words as they left my mouth in a shrill cry. "I want my baby back!" I continued to hit him as the tears cascaded down my face in a torrent of painful memories. "I want my son back!"
A second later, Hendrix grabbed my wrists and pushed me back against the wall. “What the fuck did you just say?”
I couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t face him. I’d screwed up so bad.
He clenched my jaw in his right hand and wrenched my face up to meet his. “What son?” His eyes were wild and full of anger. “My son?”
A choked cry ripped from the base of my throat. I nodded.
Hendrix squeezed harder. He wasn't hurting me, but a blind man could see that his control was slipping. "Where is he?"
Don’t make me say it. Don’t make me say it.
Please don’t make me say it.
"Tell me!" I whimpered, but he ignored me. "Fucking tell me, Maddie!"
Seconds ticked by.
One.
Two.
Three.
“He…” Tell him, you friggin’ coward! “He’s gone.”
“Gone where?”
I clenched my eyes shut. I didn’t want to see his face when he’d learned what I’d done. How I’d failed.
“He died.”
What was left of my heart broke into a million pieces.
My son—our son—was dead. Gone. And nobody—not even Hendrix—could fix it.
Hendrix released me, and I opened my eyes.
It was a mistake.
Hate filled eyes met mine, and I knew it was over. We were over.
“You kept my son from me?” His voice was full of so much hurt. And I’d caused it. Me. I didn’t respond because what could I say? It was all my fault.
Hendrix backed up a couple of steps. “Where’s your phone?” I pointed towards the bedroom. He turned and walked away. A couple of minutes later he returned, fully dressed and carrying his keys. He slammed the phone down on the countertop. "Call Shelby, call Grandmama," he paused, "call some fucking body to come pick you up." I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off. "Don't say a goddamn word. Just get your shit and get the fuck out of my house." He looked over at me, but I didn't flinch away. I deserved every ounce of the hate he was spewing all over me. "Anything we had is done, Maddie. Far as I'm concerned, you don't fucking exist anymore."
My head dropped forward, and I said the only thing I could. “I’m sorry.”
Hendrix pursed his lips and shook his head. “Don’t really give a fuck.”
He didn’t look back as he turned and walked away.
When he opened the apartment door and stepped through the threshold, I ran after him. I knew there was no chance for us anymore, but I needed to say it one last time. “I love you.”
With his hand on the doorknob, he paused before looking back at me. “Wish I could say the same.” He looked away. “Goodbye, Maddie.”
He slammed the door shut and I fell to my knees.
It was over.
It was all over.
Hendrix
I’d been driving around aimlessly for an hour when my phone rang.
Picking it up, I answered. “What?”
“Don’t you bark at me, dickhead!” Shelby. “I didn’t mean to bother you, but I got a call from Maddie. I didn't answer because we're slammed at the shelter, and now she won't answer her phone. Is she with you?"
Stopped at a red-light, I rolled down my window and spit. “No.”
She growled. “Well do you know where she is?”
"Nope," I spit again, "don't care either." It was a lie.
Shelby was silent for a few seconds before speaking again. “What do you mean?” Her voice was hesitant.
I tapped my busted knuckles against the steering wheel. "Maddie and I are done. I told her to call you to come get her.”
Shelby exhaled. “She told you, didn’t she?”
I curled my upper lip in disgust. Even this bitch knew. “Told me about what?”
Shelby started yelling. “Don’t play stupid with me you oversized billy goat! You know exactly what I’m talkin’ bout.”
"If you mean that she finally told me I'm a father,” the sarcasm in my voice was thick, “then yeah she sure as hell did tell me.” I’d never sounded so angry in my life. “Only six fucking years too late though!” My insides twisted and the need to hit something—or someone—nipped at every muscle in my body. “Want to hear the kicker, Shelby?” A sarcastic laugh spilled from my mouth. “Although I’m sure you already know,” I paused and blew out a breath. “Apparently, my kid—my son, the one that I never knew existed—is fucking dead."
“Hendrix,” it sounded like Shelby was running, “what did you do when she told you?”
Was this bitch stupid? What did she think I told her? “I told her it
was over and to get the fuck out of my apartment.” My heart clenched in agony. Even though I was madder than fuck and more hurt than I’d ever been, I couldn’t believe I’d said that shit to her. “Also, told her she didn’t exist for me anymore.”
Shelby gasped in outrage. “You stupid, heartless bastard!”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re calling me heartless?” I held onto the anger and forced myself to feel it. “When that bitch kept my kid from me?" The light turned green, and I stepped on the gas. "Every bit of this is her goddamn fault!" Even in the fucked-up state of mind that I was in, I knew that it wasn’t Maddie’s fault. Granted, I hadn’t stuck around to find out any details, but I knew with every ounce of my soul that I didn’t know the entire story.
“Let me ask you something. Did you talk to her at all? Try to understand? Did you even bother to ask her how y’all’s baby died?”
My answer was a quick, “No.”
She lost it. “You, stupid son of a bitch!” What sounded like keys clinking together came through the phone. “You better hope I’m not too late.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
A door slammed, and Shelby panted. “Don’t worry about it, Hendrix. Maddie doesn't exist for you anymore, remember?" She paused, and I heard a car engine roar to life. Then, "This is all on you, Hendrix, you dumb son of a bitch."
The line went dead, and the phone fell silent.
Deep in my gut, I felt it… Something was wrong.
Very fucking wrong.
Maddie
I took a deep breath as the UBER I was riding in stopped in front of my childhood home. Opening my purse, I pulled out a fifty and handed it to the driver. “Keep the change,” I said. The smile on my face was forced.