“Would you take Anna Mae?” he said abruptly. “I’ll take care of Harry.”
He turned his back on her to finish undressing. The sooner he immersed a certain part of himself in cold water, the better!
“Are you going to teach me how to swim?” Harry asked Jake.
Jake planned to swim in his long john trousers for the sake of the kids—and his own sanity. “Do you want me to teach you?” he said to Harry as he sat down and pulled off his boots and socks.
Harry nodded. “Uh-huh.”
“Then I will.”
As soon as Jake was down to his long johns, he picked Harry up and headed into the water. He was glad to see that Miranda had taken Anna Mae into deeper water, so she was covered up to her neck. He felt her eyes on him—on his bare chest—and felt the blood rush in his veins. He could almost hear the hiss of steam as the icy water hit his heated body.
Jake focused on the little boy in his arms and tried to forget about his unruly body. “All right, Harry,” he said as he put his hands under the little boy’s skinny belly to hold him up. “First step is for you to learn how to hold your breath and put your face in the water.”
Jake taught the little boy the way he’d been taught, one step at a time. How to hold his breath. How to blow bubbles in the water. How to hold his breath and put his face in the water. How to paddle like a dog. How to lift his face and take a breath.
“Harry, you’re doing so well!” Miranda praised.
“Remember when Dad taught me?” Nick said wistfully as he eyed Harry.
“Yes, I do,” Miranda replied, brushing the wet bangs out of Nick’s eyes.
Jake looked up and saw the sad look that passed between the Wentworths. “Hey, how about some lunch?” he said.
Everyone trooped out of the water. As soon as Miranda and the kids were settled on the blanket with the picnic basket of food, Jake crossed to Slim and said, “How about a dip in the creek?”
Slim made a face. “Got no legs, Jake.”
“You’ve still got arms. The rest of you will float.”
“What about them kids? Don’t want them watchin’ me.”
“They’re busy eating lunch. They aren’t going to bother us.”
Jake picked Slim up and carried him to the edge of the pond and set him down. He waited while Slim pulled off both shirt and long john shirt, then helped him get out of his boots, socks, and trousers. He picked up his father-in-law, who was dressed now as Jake was in long john bottoms, and headed into the water.
He felt Slim’s arm tighten around his neck and said, “I won’t let you go.”
Slim didn’t say anything about the temperature of the water until it reached his waist, reminding Jake that he had no feeling below the waist. As soon as the frigid water hit Slim’s belly, he hissed and said, “Damned creek’s colder than a dead snake.”
Jake laughed. “You ready to swim, old man?”
For a moment, Slim looked scared, then his jaw clamped and he said, “Ready as I’ll ever be.”
Jake eased his father-in-law away from his body and waited until Slim’s arms were waving in the water before he let go. Slim started to sink, then leaned his head back and let his body float out in front of him, using the gentle wave of his arms to keep himself from sinking.
Jake thought he saw tears brim in the old man’s eyes and turned away quickly so he wouldn’t embarrass him. “I should have thought to do this sooner,” Jake said as he paddled to keep himself upright beside Slim, ready to catch the old man if he got too tired to keep himself above water.
“I wasn’t well enough before winter set in,” Slim reminded him. “And we was busy as hell for a while after that. That girl of yours has a lot of gumption,” Slim said. “And a nice shape,” he added with a grin.
“You weren’t supposed to notice that,” Jake said with a rueful laugh.
“I’m old. I ain’t dead! Just wish she hadn’t grabbed that towel so damn fast.”
Jake was glad she had. He laughed along with his father-in-law, but it was no laughing matter. The last thing he wanted was one more image of his wife’s body appearing in his dreams at night. He already had one perfect breast with its rosy pink nipple indelibly impressed in his memory.
“You about ready to get out of here?” Jake asked.
“I’m hungry enough to eat a folded tarp.”
“I don’t think that’s on the menu today,” Jake said.
“Girl can’t cook worth beans,” Slim said.
“She’ll learn.”
“We don’t starve first,” Slim grumbled.
“We’re having sandwiches for lunch. Can’t do much to ruin those.”
“Looks like she’s been keepin’ her distance from you, son,” Slim observed as he dried off and began dressing himself.
“You noticed that?” Jake sat down and dried his feet.
“Hard not to,” Slim said. “Girl’s been walkin’ ’round with her lips stuck out like a buggy seat the past couple of weeks.”
“We’ll work it out,” Jake said, pulling on his shirt.
“You sure ’bout that?”
“Sure as I can be.” Jake wished he felt more confident that he and Miranda would end up in an amicable marriage. Amicable, but not sexual. It helped that Miranda had nowhere to go. She didn’t have much choice except to agree to the terms he’d set for their marriage. Although she’d been doing a pretty good job of giving him the cold shoulder.
Slim eyed him sideways. “You really like that gal, don’t you?”
Jake was surprised by the question. Surprised that Slim had asked it. And surprised by his answer. “Yeah,” he said. “I do.”
How had she become so important to him in such a short time? When had he started caring for her? How had Miranda Wentworth snuck her way into what he’d been so very sure was a hardened heart?
The morning after the picnic, when Jake arrived in the kitchen after another miserable night spent in the barn, he was greeted with the sight of two lively boys having a contest to see who could eat the most flapjacks. Across the table, a vivacious woman was playing a game with his daughter, mother and child laughing as Miranda wiped jam off Anna Mae’s cherubic face.
He felt a tiny sprig of hope. Maybe Miranda was finally getting over being hurt by his rejection. He turned away to pour himself a cup of coffee from the stove but continued watching her from the corner of his eye. And saw her shoulders slump and her mouth turn down.
She was hurting all right. Just too proud to let him see it. She still believed her ruined leg had repulsed him. But why wouldn’t she? Had he said a single thing to the contrary? And he was hiding in the barn every night, avoiding even getting into bed with her.
Because you know you’d never be able to keep your hands off her if you were sleeping in the same bed together.
Yeah. But she didn’t know that.
He needed to sit her down and talk to her and explain why abstinence was the only choice they had. He had to impress upon her the danger to her of them having sex. And somehow he had to make amends for running away to the barn every night, and do it without letting her know just how vulnerable he was to her seductive wiles.
He thought all that, but he said nothing at the breakfast table.
Neither did she.
He ate far more flapjacks than he wanted, thinking that any minute he’d get the courage to tell her they needed to talk. But in the end, he simply said, “I have chores to do in the barn.”
“I thought you might have finished all those already,” she said.
Since you spend your nights out there.
Jake heard the words, even though she didn’t say them. This was the time for him to speak. This was the time to get everything out in the open.
But his stomach was churning. And his heart hurt.
“No. There’s more to do,” he said as he grabbed his hat and stuck it on his head.
“The boys are helping me in the house today,” Miranda said.
“Fine.�
�� He practically ran from the house. And felt like a breathless idiot when he reached the barn. Scared out of his house by a little wisp of a woman … with wounded blue eyes.
Damn it. He simply wasn’t sure how to repair Miranda’s self-esteem without making love to her. And that was not an option!
Jake spent the morning mucking out stalls. It was mindless physical work that gave him far too much time to think. He must have spent an hour arguing the pros and cons of having sex with his wife. The only con was the danger to her health. There were too many pros to count.
He was so caught up in his thoughts that he was hardly aware of what else was going on around him. The whispers caught his attention, because that sound suggested secretiveness. He glanced over his shoulder to see which of the kids had come into the barn, and what they might be up to.
A second later, he dropped the pitchfork he was using to muck stalls and ran for the ladder that led up twenty-five feet to the loft, his heart in his throat the whole way. Even so, he was barely in time to catch Anna Mae, who fell from near the top of the ladder, yelping in pain when Harry, who was one rung above her, stepped on her hand.
He threw Anna Mae onto a pile of hay without thinking and grabbed for Harry, who cried out in terror as he fell from the ladder only an instant after Anna Mae.
Harry grappled for him and clung to his neck. Once Jake had Harry firmly in hand, he picked up Anna Mae from the pile of hay and clutched both children tightly to him. Turning from one woe-filled face to the other, he asked, “Are you all right?”
“I fell,” Anna Mae said, sobbing pitifully.
“What were you two doing on that ladder?” Jake demanded of Harry. “Where’s Nick? He’s supposed to be keeping an eye on you two!”
“I’m up here,” Nick said, peering down from the loft. He was holding a six-week-old calico kitten in each hand. “I don’t know how these kittens got up here, but they couldn’t get down.”
Jake was in no mood to hear excuses. “Get down here, boy.”
He watched as Nick slipped each kitten carefully down inside his shirt, which was tucked into his trousers, then buttoned it all the way to the top, before coming down the ladder. By the time Nick was down, Jake had set the two crying children on the dirt floor of the stable.
The instant Nick was on firm ground, he unbuttoned his shirt and handed each of the smaller children a kitten. “Here,” he said.
Their sobs subsided as though he’d stuck a sucker in each of their mouths.
“Go inside and find your mother,” Jake said to the little ones. It wasn’t until they were gone that he realized he’d told Harry to find his mother, rather than his sister. Hell, she’d been his mother since he was a baby, hadn’t she?
Then he turned to the ten-year-old standing with his chin tilted up in defiance. “What do you have to say for yourself, boy?”
“I told them to stay off the ladder.”
“And I told you to stay out of the loft,” Jake said angrily.
“The kittens—”
“The kittens would have found their own way down. You endangered those two babies with your foolishness.”
“I told them to stay off the ladder!” Nick argued.
Jake grabbed Nick’s arm and leaned in close to Nick’s face, to make sure the boy was listening. “You’re their older brother, Nick. You’re supposed to make smarter choices.”
Nick tried to jerk free, but Jake held on. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so angry. He shook the boy and said, “Your sister would be devastated if anything happened to you kids.”
“Yeah, but you don’t give a damn about me or Harry,” the boy replied with a sneer. “All you care about is your precious Anna Mae!”
Jake was so stunned by the accusation that he let go of Nick’s arm. The boy turned and ran before Jake could grab him again. He tried to think whether he’d been favoring his daughter over Miranda’s two brothers. Of course he expected more from Nick. He was older. Here in the West, a boy had a man’s responsibilities long before he might have had them in a more civilized place.
Nick hadn’t been gone more than a few moments when Miranda showed up in the barn.
“What’s going on out here? Harry babbled something about cats and falling off ladders and Nick being in trouble with you that made no sense at all.” She looked around. “Where’s Nick?”
“He ran off,” Jake said.
Miranda pursed her lips in a way he realized he would probably see often in the years to come. “What did you do?”
“Nothing.” When she lifted a disbelieving brow, he admitted, “I chastised him. He had no business being in the loft.”
“He was in the loft?” she nearly shrieked. She stared up the long ladder. “He could have killed himself!”
“Exactly what I said. I caught both Anna Mae and Harry just as they fell off the ladder.”
“Oh, thank God.” She put a hand to her heart in relief. “Why did Nick run away?”
“He accused me of not caring about him.”
Miranda met his gaze and asked, “Do you care?”
“How can you ask that? Of course I care!” Jake spluttered. “Haven’t I taught him to ride? Haven’t I been teaching him how to work a ranch?”
“Have you ever hugged him? Have you ever said a kind word to him?”
“Boys don’t need hugs and kind words. They need—”
“I beg to differ,” she interrupted. “Everyone needs hugs and kind words. They’re signs of caring. They’re signs of love.”
Jake felt like she’d punched him in the gut. She was telling him that she needed affection to feel loved. He should have had that talk with his wife this morning at breakfast. “If you’re referring to what happened between you and me, I’ve—”
“You don’t ever have to make love to me, Jake. Not if my body repulses you.”
“Repulses me?” Was the woman mad? “What the hell are you talking about?”
She met his gaze bravely and said, “You took one look at my scarred leg and ran.”
“I wasn’t running from your scarred leg,” Jake said. “I was running from you.”
She frowned. “Isn’t that the same thing?”
“I wanted to make love to you, Miranda. Plain and simple. It’s too damned dangerous.”
“Dangerous? Oh.” She frowned. “You mean I might get pregnant.”
He nodded. “You could die in childbirth.”
“Or I could live and have a dozen healthy children.”
He was surprised into laughing. “A dozen?”
“Shouldn’t the choice be mine?” she asked plaintively. “If I’m willing to take the risk, why can’t you?”
“I’m the one who’ll be left to suffer if anything goes wrong,” he said flatly.
“Do you hear the ‘if’ in that statement?” she asked. “What if everything goes right?”
Jake couldn’t believe he was having this discussion—this argument—with his wife. Was he going to let her convince him to do something he knew was wrong just because he wanted the pleasure to be had from her body? But life was a series of risks and choices. Maybe she would be all right. Maybe she wouldn’t die in childbirth.
And maybe he was telling himself what he wanted to hear.
“I’m young and healthy, Jake. My mother bore six healthy children, and I’m sure I—” She stopped abruptly. “I mean—” She stopped again, obviously flustered. “I don’t know what I mean. The point is, I want to have children, Jake. I want to have your children. Can’t we try? Please?”
He was so busy thinking up reasons to keep her at bay, it took him a moment to realize what she’d said. “Your mother had six children? What happened to the other three?”
“They didn’t die at birth,” she said tentatively.
“But they’re dead, all the same,” he concluded.
She looked unhappy, but she didn’t contradict him.
“I don’t want any more children,” he said.
“
What if I do? Are you going to deny me that joy?”
Sure, there were rewards to having children, but in his mind, the dangers far outweighed whatever joy either of them might have. “Look at it this way. I’m going to deny you the chance to die having a child.”
She threw up her hands. “You’re a fool, Jake Creed! I’m sorry as I can be that I married you!”
She turned and ran without giving him a chance to reply.
But what could a man say when his wife called him a fool … and he knew she was right?
Jake had expected Nick to slink off and sulk for a while, then show up for supper, bowed but certainly unbeaten. The boy had too much spunk for that. However, at sundown, Nick was nowhere to be seen.
“You have to go look for him, Jake,” Miranda said, her eyes wide and frightened. “It’ll be dark soon. He must be scared. I would go with you, but I need to be here, in case he shows up on his own.”
Jake stood in the kitchen sniffing at what looked like a delicious supper of pork chops with onions and mashed potatoes. He was hungry. He wanted to sit down and eat. That obviously wasn’t going to happen. At least, not until Nick turned up.
He figured the kid was hiding somewhere in one of the slaves’ quarters. As soon as Jake saddled up and rode out, Nick would show up and have a hot supper, while Jake was out hunting for him in the moonlight. But he could see Miranda was truly worried.
“All right,” he said. “I’ll go look for the kid. But you better have a talk with your brother. I’ve got to be up at daybreak to work. I can’t be spending my evenings running around looking for some brat who got his feelings hurt.”
The look Miranda gave him would have done Medusa proud. If Miranda’s own head had been full of snakes, he’d have turned to stone.
“Do not call Nick a brat,” she said through bared teeth. “He made a mistake. You shouldn’t have thrown that cat and her kittens out of the house. If they’d been left in the bed I made for them in the parlor, he’d never have been out in the barn hunting for kittens in the first place.”
Texas Bride: A Bitter Creek Novel Page 20