by Derrick Jaxn
"It's cool, I didn't even notice. But okay then, I'll hit you up tomorrow to check on you," I said, getting up and heading to the door.
"Thank you. Shawn you don't know how much it means that you did this for me. Danielle is really one lucky girl."
She reached up around my neck and hugged me, making her body rub against mine. The robe she had on did nothing to put any material between us. It was time for me to get the hell out.
I got home about 15 minutes before I had to be at work to see Danielle in the bed sleep and a plate on the stove. Her food wasn't the best since she never had to cook growing up. We usually had chicken tender sandwiches for dinner, or spaghetti which was her specialty.
I appreciated the effort and dared not to complain because I knew she was trying. I was the lucky one. I grabbed my work apron and the plate and headed out the door. Another night, another dollar. The grave shift was waiting for me.
****
The next day, I hit Jazmin up to see how things were. She assured me she was fine and thanked me again for being there the night before, but I still felt uneasy about her being alone. I had always tried wiping my hands of problems that weren't mine, and I always failed miserably. Some would commend that, but compassion causes stress. Stress I could do without. I needed to get her something to protect herself to alleviate me of that burden.
I headed out to the pawn shop to see what they had in stock. I never had been a fan of weapons but I'm even less a fan of a woman living in fear, particularly a woman who was my friend.
On the inside it looked more like a garage sale.
No organization, just an array of random products that were marked down to a good price and gently used. I went up to the front counter, and the guy sitting behind it had to be the sloppiest looking grown man I'd ever seen.
He was in need of a haircut, both on his head and in his nostrils. He saw me walk up out the corner of his lazy eye and stood up, his hairy stomach hanging out the bottom of his shirt and pressing up against the counter.
"How can I help you?" he said in his deep, scratchy voice. His teeth looked like he only brushed them with his finger and the odor from his mouth was so strong, I could almost see it in the air when he talked.
"Well, I need something. A weapon."
"Who wants a weapon? You? What do you need a weapon for? You got muscles everywhere."
"It's not for me. It's for a girl."
"Oh I see. If you say so. You got ID?"
"Yeah here it is." I pulled it out and handed it to him. He looked at it for a while, then pulled out some kind of infrared flashlight.
"You're only 21? Geez, I thought you were at least 30." He handed it back to me. I made a mental note to sanitize it later. "Well, you gotta be 25 to buy a gun."
"Who said I wanted a gun?"
"Well ,if this is really for a girl, what else would she need? Anybody could take a knife or a bat from her and we don't carry pepper spray."
"Well, how come I have to be 25?"
"It's the law. I didn't make the rules."
"I don't have to be 25 to get shot. Why do I have to be 25 to shoot? That doesn't make sense."
He looked up as if in deep thought and scratched his cheek stubble.
"You know what? You got a point. Look, I'll let you buy a gun, but you didn't get it from me. Anything happens and I'll swear I've never seen you in my life. How much money you got?"
"I got a $100 dollars. I need something that's not too hard to handle and that's safe. Nothing rusty or real heavy."
"Hmm…..let me see." He walked to the far side of the counter. I could see his ass cleavage out the back of his pants as he bent down to the lower drawers and regretted the split second it took for me to turn my head. "This should do it." He came back over to the counter with something wrapped in a black cloth and set it down.
"What's this?" I asked, unraveling the cloth.
A little wave of glee spread over his face. "Glock 26. It's about as close to handgun perfection as mankind will ever get. It has all the best qualities of the larger Glock models that are brought together to make a concealable 9mm to fit the hand of most shooters well, particularly girls. It can shoot any 9mm ammo you give it with a smooth trigger. Like butter. You're not going to find a much better piece than this."
"Where did you get it?"
"You're asking a lot of questions. You some kind of cop?"
"No, I was just curious."
"Yeah yeah, you want it or not?"
"I need bullets too. Give me some bullets and you got a deal."
"You don't get free bullets and I'm already giving you a huge discount. I'll give you one bullet. Hope your little girlfriend has great aim or more money because that's all I'm giving you for $100 dollars."
"She's not my girlfriend. But aight. Here's your money." He snatched the money and put it in his pocket. I could've sworn transactions were made with a register these days.
"Remember, you never came here, kid."
I'm not a kid, I thought to myself as I walked out. That conversation didn't need to go on any longer, and I wasn't too keen about walking around with a gun on me. I didn't have a license, and I didn't know how to use one which was more than enough reason for me to stay away from them.
I went and put the gun in the trunk of the car. I could drop it off at Jazmin's later since mine and Danielle's next scheduled quality time wasn't until tomorrow. For now I needed to get a quick nap in before I fainted. This whole working-all-night, stressing-all-day routine was getting to me.
Later that evening, I swung over to Jazmin's apartment right after practice. I hadn't told her about the gun yet, because I didn't want to weird her out, but this was for her own safety. I wasn't making myself available to be her personal security guard anymore, but I did care about her well-being.
Knock Knock "Yo, Jaz, it's me. Open up." Knock knock knock knock knock knock-
"Boy, what the hell is wrong with you beating on my door like you crazy?" she said as she flung the door open with her neck rolling from side to side.
"You sound startled, which is exactly why I came over here. May I?" I invited myself in past her still holding the door open in anger.
"What you mean? I thought you said you couldn't come over here so often because you wanted to be home for your girl. It's the next day and you back already?"
"But I come bearing gifts and I'll be right out of your way soon. Look, I know you've been really on edge lately with the whole Lewis situation. And since I can't always be there, I got you something to keep you safe in the meantime."
"I don't want a dog and I already have a whistle."
"No, no, no, I have something even better." I pulled the gun out my book bag and set it on the table still in the cloth. It made a soft clunk and I could see her body shift when it did.
She squinted at the gun as if she was trying to see through the cloth and said, "Shawn...what is that?"
"Take it out and see."
She cautiously went over to the table and pulled the cloth back. When there was enough of the gun showing to reveal what it was, she jumped back onto the couch.
"What the hell! Is that a gun?! Whatchu doin' with that thing?!!!" She yelled. For this to be something we could both get in trouble for, she wasn't exactly using her inside voice.
"Okay, I know you're probably not used to one of these, but I think it's best if you have one just for emergencies."
"Shawn, I ain't tryna kill Lewis. I don't know how to use a gun and I don't even want it near me. Take that back wherever you got it."
"Whoa, nobody said nothin' about killin' nobody. You're overreacting. I'm just saying you can have it for protection. You'll probably never have to actually use it anyway. Once you feel threatened, just show it and I'm sure he'll go the other way. It's better safe than sorry."
"Yeah, but nothing is safe about having a gun in my apartment that I don't know how to use or even have the nerve to. Where did you get this and why is there only one bullet beside it
?"
"I got it from the pawn shop down the street, but that's between me and you. And I couldn't afford to buy bullets so he threw that one in for free."
"Yo cheap ass. You gon' get me a gun with one damn bullet. I guess if I missed, I'd just have to throw it at him, huh?"
"No, Jaz, and now's not the time to be funny. The point is, you feel threatened every day and that's not fair to you. Everyone has a right to protect themselves and this is giving you your best chance."
"No."
"No what?"
"I can't do it. I know you mean well but you gotta take that back or give it away because ain't no gun about to be up in here. I'm sorry."
"Don't tell me you're sorry. This is for you."
"I know, and I appreciate it but I don't believe in guns. I had too many bad experiences with them, and I swore a long time ago I'd never use one."
"What? What you mean, too many bad experiences?"
She looked away and I could see memories that she didn't want to come back inviting themselves into the moment.
"My dad used to be a cop. And he used to beat my momma's ass every day whether it was for an outfit she wore, or just because. Any reason was good enough."
"Jazmin, I'm sorry. I had no idea."
"And when he used to beat her, my brother would try and help and he'd beat him too. He was only 12. I was 10," she said, tears collecting in the ducts of her eyes.
"You really don't have to talk about this if you don't want to. I should've never brought it up."
"He beat him like he was some nigga off the streets. A grown ass man balling his fist up and punching a child in the face. And then one day, I couldn't take it and I screamed for him to stop. He came over to me and asked me what I was going to do if he didn't. Then he handed me his cell phone and told me to call somebody and if they came over, he'd kill them."
"Why didn't you just call the police?"
"So what? His cop friends could come over, and turn the other way like nothing happened?"
I just sat and looked at her instead of continuing to drive my foot in my mouth.
"Look. Shawn. I don't need no gun. I just don't believe in em."
"Alright. Say no more. I'll hold on to it."
Chapter 10
Say My Name
The bomb she just dropped was leaving debris in my thoughts for the rest of the day. I had no idea it was coming, but it made me want to help her even more. I had never been in a situation like that, but I can only imagine how helpless she was and how it must be making her feel to be in such a similar situation now.
I thought that at first, she would've accepted the gun out of pity alone. Kind of like when you drew your mom that really crude picture in kindergarten but she hung it on the fridge to let you know she appreciated you for trying. But I just felt like a complete ass for not only getting her in this situation but then making it worse. Some knight in shiny armor I was.
The next day was finally my chance to make amends with Danielle for the previous time I bailed out on us hanging out. I had been putting her on the back burner and she didn't deserve it. With all of the speed bumps and curvy roads dealing with my mom's situation, and especially Jazmin's, it was time to get something in my life on cruise control so I could try and remember what it felt like to exhale.
I needed another plan. I didn't give this one a name since the last plan I named failed me miserably. Names were bad luck.
I was still writing in my free time, just like I always had since I was a kid. Poetry was my first love, but short stories were my new passion. I had been working on one about Danielle and I as somewhat of a log in my journal, documenting all of the things we'd overcome; so I split it up into chapters amongst four "just because I love you'' cards, one for every chamber of the heart. It was time to step my game up.
I gave her the cards throughout the day, each with a rose and a kiss to make sure I built up her anticipation and curiosity. I could tell she knew I was up to something, but she played along with it. At first.
I limited all casual conversation and small talk, only giving her direct orders via text messages on where to meet me to receive the next chapter of our story. I think that bothered her a bit, but she still cooperated.
By the time I was giving her chapter 3, she completely gave up on trying to hide it.
"You know, Superman, you can just tell me what this is all about," she said, smiling.
I refused to break character. I stared at her blankly.
"So you're really not going to talk to me? All right, fine. I won't try to get you to talk anymore."
Her reverse psychology still wasn't enough. I blinked a few times, expressionless and staring.
"Superman, please just tell me what is going on already. This is not fair." Her face was beaming with hopeful anxiety. Just the way I planned it. I handed her the rose and the third card. I went to kiss her on her cheek but she grabbed my face and tried to put her tongue on my Adam's apple.
This was it, I had her. After the kiss, I walked off without saying goodbye. My thoughtful segue to what was about to be a very hot and steamy night was almost complete.
I got home about an hour before she did so I could clean up and remove any fragile items from the bedroom. The nightstand lamp, all of the pictures hanging up. I even moved the bed off the wall a few feet so the headboard wouldn't put a hole in it. The room was now jungle-sex proofed so all I had to do was leave the final chapter where she could find it, drink my Red Bull, and stretch.
I heard her come up to the front door of the house and pause to read the final chapter from the card. This one concluded:
...And the two were a match made in heaven. But until God had their homes ready,
they made their own paradise on Earth using love as the foundation to help them weather the storms,
trust as the security system to keep the intruders out, and
lust as the home cooking to make their stay a little more worthwhile.
THE END.
P.S. Come into the room and don't..... you... say.. a word.
She opened the door, and before she could turn the lights on, I grabbed her hand gently to lead her in.
"It's okay, I got you," I whispered. We walked into the bedroom, already set up. "Almost there. Now, lie down and just relax. I'll take it from here."
The fact that she wasn't resisting any let me know that she was down for whatever I had planned. That got my adrenaline flowing. I went over to the stereo and pressed play on the slow jams' playlist. There's A Meeting In My Bedroom by Silk dropped that classic baseline at the beginning of the song and their voices filled the room. It was the perfect soundtrack for what was about to take place that night. I came back and undressed her, starting from her feet and working my way up from there.
As I was taking off her socks, I could see the screen on my phone lighting up. It was on silent and her eyes were closed so she didn't see it. Whoever it was could wait. I refused to let this plan be a repeat disaster of the last.
I proceeded, slowly caressing her, monitoring her increasing heart rate as I teased all of her hot spots. I kissed her toes, massaged her calf muscle, and kept working my way up to undo her zipper.
A few seconds later, I saw my phone ring again. Damn, can I get some privacy I thought to myself, but I was too curious to keep ignoring.
I moved on to the other side of the bed to get a better look, now removing her shirt, and I could see the calls were coming from Jazmin.
Figured. I knew she'd think twice about having the gun around so she could feel safe, especially since it was night time. But I tried to help her and she didn't want it. I could still give her the gun, but it was going to wait till the next day. My time wasn't hers to do with as she pleased. She would just have to get a night light this time.
I put the phone on the floor and slid it under the bed with my foot. This was time for Danielle and me, and for once I needed to keep my promise to her.
I kept going, touching, and kissing her
frame. I felt the energy from the Red Bull creeping in and I was fully erect to the very tip. It felt like I was reinforced with stainless steel, freshly cooled from the fiery furnace and casted into a slight curve to the left.
She melted in my hands, letting me have my way.
I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled her to the edge of the bed, put her legs over my shoulders, and converged our bodies. My eyes rolled back.
She gasped.
Put her hands on my thigh to keep me from going too deep, too soon.
Her lips were soaking wet, wrapping around me, kissing every vein all the way back to my pelvis and as sure as she opened wide, I was filling her up.
I kept pouring.
Her body shivered when I was in far enough to reach that spot at the very end of a woman's vagina to let you know it was no more left; which was perfect because I had no more left. She fit me like a glove.
In between eyes rolling in the back of our heads, we caught glimpses of eye contact.
There was so much passion in hers, a slight fear, but trust that no matter what, I was going to be taking care of her. Just the way I wanted it.
I pressed her legs toward her ears and leaned all the way over like they did in the Smooth Criminal music video. I felt her holding her breath, biting her bottom lip. That let me know that I was hitting her G-spot and every other letter of the alphabet she had in there.
I got cocky.
"You feel that, baby?" I said, daring her to talk. It was something we didn't do a lot of. Our body language alone was like poetry.
She nodded her head and moaned.
I eased out and then dove in deep again, this time swirling my hips, digging around for gold. I did that for another five minutes or so. The playlist was on about the sixth track. I heard Jodeci's Freek'N You come on.
That was my shit.
It was time for me to turn up.
I slid out until just the head was in and then pulled her back into me a little faster.
Further.