Ryan looked from her, to Nat, then back again. “Did you ask Diamond to come here?”
“Sort of,” Mattie admitted.
“Jesus.” He shook his head. “Why did you even agree to have dinner with me? Clearly you two have something going on here.”
Mattie said nothing to that and neither did Nat. He just stepped to the side, giving the man ample room to leave. A few seconds later, the front door slammed shut behind him.
“Now that’s an angry man.” He picked up the poker, moved one log over, then added another. Soon the fire was blazing hot.
Mattie laid her head back against the sofa cushions and groaned. “I really messed that up. We were out for dinner, and when he dropped me home I just wanted him to leave. But he kept ignoring all my polite social cues.”
“Polite social cues? Hell, Mattie, why didn’t you just tell him to go?”
“I was nervous about making him angry.”
Nat stared at her. Mattie wasn’t usually one to pull her punches.
“I’m terrible at dating, okay? Last time I was in a situation like this I was seventeen years old. I didn’t have to tell the guys to go home. I had a father to do that.”
Nat chuckled, then sank into the arm chair next to the sofa. It felt crazy good to be around Mattie again. Maybe she did have a headache. But she still looked about as delicious as a slice of apple pie with whipped cream on top.
“What were you doing out with him the first place? As I recall the last time you were socializing with him at the Smoke House he was getting a little too friendly.”
“Yes. Well. We’d both been drinking that time. He called me up and suggested dinner and I figured why not give him a second chance.”
He looked at her incredulously.
“Don’t judge me. I’m not like you, Nat. I don’t like being on my own.” She hesitated. Glanced at the fire. “It’s lonely.”
Nat swallowed hard. Did she really think he liked being alone? If she did, he’d better not disabuse her of the idea. “So you took a chance. I guess I can understand that. But it didn’t turn out so well, huh?”
“Not really. I mean, Ryan’s fine. I think. Just not my type.”
It was wrong of him, Nat knew, but he felt so happy to hear her say that. “Seems like you better trust your instincts next time.
The look she gave him then made his heart squeeze in an exquisite mix of pleasure and pain.
“You want to know what my instincts tell me, Nat?” She got up from the sofa, polished off the glass of water on the table, then went to stand by his chair. Her invitation was unmistakable.
“Mattie. I’ve been staying away from you for a reason.”
She was close enough he could smell her delicate perfume—like linens drying in the sun on a summer day. As he watched, she undid the thin belt holding her sweater together. She let the belt fall to the floor, then shrugged the sweater from her shoulders. Underneath was a simple white T-shirt that hugged her breasts and clung to her petite waist.
Hugged.
Clung.
Those were two things he wanted to do to her. Very much.
“Don’t you ever get lonely, Nat?”
“You were married for nineteen years. Of course you feel lonely. But it gets easier with time.”
“You didn’t answer my question. Do you ever get lonely,” she repeated.
“Only for you,” he admitted.
She held out her hands. And he took them.
Then he pulled her into his lap, where she curled in like a sexy, little kitten. He couldn’t believe how light she was. He brushed back her hair so he could see her face. Read her eyes. Kiss her mouth.
As soon as he tasted her, he wanted more. Everything.
“Mattie. You should send me packing. This is too soon for you. And I’m—I’m not the right guy.”
“You said I should trust my instincts.”
She was so lovely. Bewitching. When she leaned in for another kiss, God help him, he couldn’t resist.
“Headache?” he managed to ask, a long time later.
“Gone.”
* * *
Real life wasn’t anything like her dreams. Nat was not a tractable plaything, he was a big, solid man with a presence that commanded her full attention. He kissed her for a long time, made her want him so much, she realized the desire in her dreams had been nothing. He spread the quilt from the sofa on the floor, then peeled away her jeans and her T-shirt. His own clothes went next and suddenly she was shy. Not just of her own nakedness, but his too.
“Close your eyes,” he instructed, as if he could sense her unease. It was good advice. With her eyes shut she could concentrate on how he made her feel. Tenderly, slowly, he teased her body with his touch and his kisses.
“You’re beautiful,” he murmured.
The shyness wore off, replaced by a very deep need to make love to this man. “Take off your clothes, Nat. Come next to me.”
He did as she asked, joining her on the quilt. The glow from the burning logs made his skin golden, hiding the scars she could feel with her hands
He kissed her possessively, his head above hers, and she reached out to touch the side of his face. Such a gorgeous man. But what mattered most to her right now was the way he looked at her—as if he adored her.
I love you. The words popped into her head, but she didn’t speak them. Instead she put her hands on his back, pulling him close so she could kiss him again. She had to give a few quiet instructions. They both asked questions and gave breathless answers. It was their first time, but it wasn’t awkward.
More like slow and intense.
The first time, she came so easily, with just a brush of his fingers. And then he was digging out a condom and letting her put it on him. She felt a little awkward. But amazed, too, by the intimacy and how totally natural it felt with him.
Finally they were doing it, having the sex she’d been longing for. And again, everything felt so right, she knew her instincts had been absolutely true.
After, Mattie collapsed onto his chest and he held her there for a long time, until the dying fire and their cooling skin made her shiver.
“You’re cold?”
“A little,” she admitted.
With a groan, and using the arm of the chair for support, he pulled himself up. “My leg must have fallen asleep.”
He wrapped her in the quilt, then, favoring his right leg, limped to where his clothing lay and quickly dressed.
Mattie snuggled into the warm fabric, but it wasn’t the same without him. “What are you doing?” It would feel weird to invite him to spend the night in the bed she’d shared with Wes. But it was part of moving on, and she wanted him to stay.
His expression, however, didn’t look promising.
“What’s wrong?”
“I have to go.”
She sat up, bringing the quilt with her. “Why?”
“I told you. It’s not the right time and I’m not the right guy. You have to keep yourself open to new possibilities in your life. Trust me, they’ll come along. You’re too wonderful to be on your own for long.”
After the intimacy they’d shared, his words felt as brutal as physical blows. Was this the same man who’d just made love to her?
“Why are you giving me the brush-off?” She recalled his earlier words, about there being a reason he had been avoiding her lately. But what reason? They had always gotten along well. Had lots of similar interests. And the sexual attraction part was obviously working, too.
“Mat, you’re just going to have to trust me on this.” He was dressed now, looking down at her with a certain amount of regret and concern. “Do you want me to help you into bed?”
She resisted the urge to say, only if you come with me.
“I’m not a child. If you want to go, then leave.”
Despite everything he’d said, she couldn’t believe it when he did exactly that.
* * *
Two weeks went by. The girls opted to st
ay at college during spring break so they could study. Or so they claimed. Portia sounded a lot happier. She kept mentioning a boy named Austin. She claimed they did a lot of studying together. When Mattie asked about her friend, Kirsten, Portia was off-hand. “Oh, we didn’t have as much in common as I thought.”
With March came longer days, melting snow, and the return of familiar songbirds like goldfinches and meadowlarks. Mattie looked forward to being able to take her horses out for longer rides. Like her, they were suffering from cabin fever after the long, dark winter.
In April, Mattie had to don her uncomfortable skirt and blouse again and drive to Missoula where she met with her lawyer and signed the official divorce papers. She hadn’t heard from Wes in all this time, but she assumed it was what he still wanted, and as they’d now been officially separated for more than one hundred and eighty days, she figured she might as well get it over with.
On the drive home, her feelings of sadness and remorse were none the weaker for the warm sunshine spilling in her windshield. She wondered if Wes was still happy with Suzanne and his new job at the Lumberyard. Several times in the past few months his realtor had shown Bishop Stables to prospective buyers. No offers yet, though she knew that could all change in the blink of an eye.
Still, she did her best to live day-to-day, enjoying the horses and Tuff, spending time with the Book Club ladies and making plans to holiday on Flathead Lake this July with her sisters.
A few other men from the community had called to ask her out since that disastrous night when she’d gone out with Ryan Garry and ended up having sex with Nat Diamond. After that dating faux pas she’d decided she’d better get used to being single for a while, before she experimented with men again.
But that didn’t mean she wasn’t hurt.
And the oddest thing was, it wasn’t the divorce from Wes that stung the most, but the fact that Nat had never called, not once, since their night together.
A week after Mattie signed papers in Missoula and requested her lawyer to send the papers on to Wes, she heard a truck pull up in her lane. Tuff gave a sharp bark, her usual way of announcing that they had visitors.
Mattie was making her bed at the time, pulling fresh, line-dried linens onto the king-sized mattress, thinking for the hundredth time how silly it was that a small woman like her still slept in such a big bed.
She decided to finish fitting the corners over the mattress before going to the door to check out her visitor. But before she had a chance, she heard the door open.
Hadn’t she locked it when she came in from feeding the horses that morning? She was sure that she had.
Then she heard footsteps on the hardwood floor, like an echo from the past.
She almost doubted her hearing.
Only one man walked with that particular rhythm.
She abandoned the bed and went out to the hall. There he was, at the other end of it. Hat in hand, but still wearing his boots. No matter how much she nagged, he never took them off at the door.
“Wes?”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“I signed your papers.” Wes threw a manila envelope onto the kitchen counter. Mattie glanced from the package, to him.
The man who had once been her husband looked weary and sad. Sun, years, and worry were showing on his face today. He brushed a hand over a two-day growth. “It’s early, Mattie, but I could use a beer. Are there any in the fridge?”
She nodded and he helped himself. Watching him move around in the kitchen, made her heart ache. He knew it so well. As well as they knew each other. One year ago their lives had been like familiar slippers, comfortable and formed to fit like a second skin.
In the space of six months, so much had changed.
He popped the tab off his beer, then took a long drink. “I’ve accepted an offer. Bishop Stables has been sold, and the new owner will take possession in sixty days.”
Mattie let out a gasp, put a hand to the wall. The news shouldn’t have been so surprising. But she’d assumed he was here to talk about the divorce.
“Nat Diamond bought it,” Wes continued, his expression souring. “He put an offer in around Christmas, but I held off, hoping to sell for more money.”
Somehow Mattie doubted that. “But you didn’t get any more offers?”
“A few. They were all lower than Nat’s.”
Mattie wasn’t surprised. Nat wasn’t the type of man to take advantage of his neighbor’s troubles to try and get a bargain.
“So I finally said yes. Can’t say it was easy. That man has always made himself too familiar around here. Don’t exactly love the idea of all this now belonging to him.” Wes shrugged. “But I had to think of the girls. And you. Only made sense to take the highest offer.”
Mattie didn’t say anything. Wes made it sound like he didn’t care about the money, personally, which she knew was not the case. “You don’t have any regrets about selling the ranch?”
His gaze was lowered as he shook his head. “Nope. I’m still enjoying my job. Want to buy myself an acreage outside of town. Stay involved in the rodeo, but not as a contestant anymore.”
He’d said get himself an acreage. “And you and Suzanne... will you be getting married?”
He let out a long breath. “That’s history as of last month.”
“Oh. I’m—” she honestly didn’t know how she felt about it. Part of her felt vindicated, glad that he hadn’t found her spot in his life so easy to fill. But she also felt sorry. Clearly Wes had done some real suffering. It made her like him just a little bit more than she had for a long time.
“We were two vulnerable people reaching out during a tough time in our lives. Turns out we’re really not that compatible in terms of day-to-day living.” He lifted his gaze to meet hers. “How about you? Seeing anyone?”
“No.”
His eyes widened, as if she’d given him an unexpected answer. “I thought maybe you and Nat...?”
“I thought so too, for a while. But—no. It doesn’t seem to be working out that way.” She moved to the windows where she drank in the view she loved so much. Soon the trees would be exploding with green, but she wouldn’t be here to see them. Later today, or maybe tomorrow, she’d start making her calls to the owners of her horses, letting them know her business had to close.
Tuff came to stand by her, sitting on her haunches, as if to say, “I’m with you.” Mattie kneeled to give her a scratch, at the same time wiping away a tear. Crying seemed so pointless now, given all that she had lost. The sadness felt like an extra thirty pounds that she would have to drag around with her for the rest of her life.
“Where will you go?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’m sorry, Mattie. Sorry I hurt you.”
But not sorry he’d gone. Not sorry he’d sold the home they’d built together. Looking out at the barns, Mattie realized that it was the farm, more than the man, she was going to miss. So maybe he’d been right to leave. Maybe she hadn’t loved him as much as she’d thought.
She’d once thought they were so good together. But maybe what they were really good at was being apart.
Wes finished his beer, then put the empty can in the recycling bin. “I signed the papers with Stan today. When the sale goes through, I’ll send on your share of the money.”
She turned back to face him. “Okay.”
“We’ll stay in touch...?”
“Of course.”
“Good.” He gave her a tight smile. Then took a few slow steps in her direction.
She did the same, and soon they were sharing a hug. Such a familiar embrace. But now... different.
“Take care, Mattie.”
“You, too, Wes.”
And that was it. The final good-bye.
* * *
The clock on the microwave said ten-thirty. Mattie wasn’t sure how long she’d been staring at it. Maybe ten minutes? Wes had driven off and she found herself frozen here, not sure what to do next. She ought to start phoning h
er clients.
Instead, she decided to saddle up Clementine and take her out for a trail ride. The snow was finally off the back ranges and she would be able to go on one of her favorite trails, following Chatterbox Creek then up to Ponderosa Hill. Mattie packed water and a couple of apples, then left Tuff in the barn, so she would have some company for the next few hours.
It felt wonderful to be outside, sitting on the back of a beautiful horse like Clementine, who moved through her gaits so smoothly Mattie could have balanced a book, rather than a hat, on her head. Spring flowers dotted the lower meadows, sagebrush buttercups, purple larkspurs, and yellow blood root. Sap was running in the pines—Mattie’s favorite scent in the world. She breathed deeply, and pushed all worrisome thoughts out of her mind.
She stayed “in the moment” for three beautiful, soul-cleansing hours. Everywhere she turned she saw beauty in the awakening landscape. A few times Clementine required a strong hand, as she kicked up a little spring-fever excitement, but she was easily managed and Mattie fell a little bit more in love with the horse with each passing hour.
Reality caught up to her, eventually, though, when she was back in the stables. While giving Clementine a much-deserved shower and grooming, she heard another truck roll into the yard.
Immediately her stomach tightened and began aching.
Who was it this time? Was it more bad news?
She set aside the body brush, patting Clementine’s hindquarters, “I’ll be right back.”
Clementine, munching from her feed bag, didn’t seem too concerned.
As she stepped out the barn door, she drew in a deep breath. Nat’s truck was parked up by the house. She watched as he got out of the cab and began walking toward her. He was wearing a down vest over a navy shirt, jeans, and boots, and his hat all but obscured his eyes from her view. Judging by his uneven gait, it seemed he, too, had been spending a lot of time in the saddle lately.
“Have you heard?” he asked.
She couldn’t help but contrast her body’s traitorous reaction to him—heart-rate speeding, palms sweaty—to the way she’d felt when Wes had shown up unexpectedly. Nothing could have demonstrated to her more effectively how her feelings toward the two men had shifted in the past six months.
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