“Might.”
He hesitated, before insisting, “Probably.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. I know several people who cope quite well with MS, Nat. And I’ve done my research. You can’t know what the future holds for you, any more than I knew when I married Wes that we would end up divorced.”
“Completely different scenarios,” he said, his tone taking an edge of stubbornness.
“In some respects. But consider this. I don’t regret marrying Wes. We had a lot of good years. Raised two beautiful daughters.” She reached for one of his hands, and he let her take it. His were large and strong, rough with calluses. As she rubbed her thumb into his palm, he rolled his hand over and gripped his fingers around hers.
“Mat—you’re messing with my mind. I’ve already decided. I don’t want to be the man who ties you down and makes your life less than what it could be.”
“You could never do that. I’m not asking you to promise me forever, Nat. No one can do that. Just tell me that you love me today.”
“I do. Have for a long time. Mattie, if I was healthy nothing would make me happier than to ask you to marry me.”
He wasn’t making this easy. She’d known he wouldn’t, but it still hurt. Couldn’t he understand that no one, no one, could ever mean as much to her as him? She had to make him understand that this was too precious to throw away.
“And, if three years from now, I die in a car crash, and you’re still basically in the same condition you are now—how will you feel?”
“That’s highly unlikely.”
“Everything is highly unlikely until it happens. All we can be sure about is today. And I don’t want to waste another day apart when we could be together.”
He shook his head. “You need to think this through rationally. Talk to your sisters. I’m sure they’ll agree with me.”
Wrenching her hand from his, she stood up, suddenly exasperated. “Damn it, Nat. There is such a thing as being too noble.”
He stared mutely at her, which only made her angry. She felt like hitting something. Instead she threw her arms in the air with frustration. “You’re impossible. Let’s keep living alone and miserable, then. That seems to be what you want.”
She swiveled, started to fast-track it toward the barn. But she didn’t get far before Nat caught up to her. Grasping her shoulders, he spun her around, holding her so he could see her face.
“You’re not miserable. You love this life. And your daughters.”
“Yes. But I’m not a woman who’s cut out to be alone. Especially not when the man of my dreams lives just a few miles down the road.”
She could see the battle going on behind his pained-looking eyes. And finally, something inside him cracked. “Aw, Mattie. You don’t fight fair.”
And then he kissed her.
She closed her eyes, absorbed by the sweet magic of the moment. But then reason kicked in and she remembered the last time she’d practically forced him to make love to her, only to have him walk out on her when it was over. Was that what this was—a pity kiss? She pushed her hands against his solid chest. “Stop it, Nat.”
“But I thought this was what you wanted?” he said, his breath warm against her skin.
“A kiss?”
“My love. As represented by a kiss.” He gazed into her eyes, letting his guard down, too, showing the same emotions she’d seen in him before. “I will never love anyone but you, Mattie. But are you sure you want to take the risk of loving me back?”
“I don’t have a choice. We were meant to be. I really believe that.”
He pulled her back into his arms, held her like he wanted to make her a part of himself. “Then let’s do it. Let’s fly the girls down next weekend and get married.”
“So fast?” She had to admit the idea was exhilarating.
“You said you didn’t want to waste a minute... if we’re going to do this, I say let’s go all out.”
“Yes, yes, yes! Let’s have the ceremony at the Double D. Maybe outside, if the good weather holds.”
“Absolutely. What about rings?”
Mattie glanced at her left hand. She could no longer see a trace of pale skin where the rings Wes had given her had once sat. “Not important to me. Let’s pick up two plain gold bands.”
“Then you have to let me buy you a nice wedding present.”
She glanced at the barn, then at the man who understood her so well. “Actually, there are three things I want very much.”
Nat suddenly looked sheepish. “If you’re talking about Copper, Madame Curie, and Princess Pride, well... they’re back home at the Double D.”
She stared at him, surprised... and yet not. Wasn’t this exactly why she loved him so much? Their priorities were perfectly aligned. “When did you buy them?”
“The day after they were sold. I couldn’t stand the idea of your horses belonging to someone else.” His chest heaved on an exhale. “Just hadn’t quite figured out how to tell you what I’d done.”
“Oh, Nat.” This man was incredible. No wonder she loved him so much. “I can’t believe you did that for me.”
“I’d do anything for you, Mattie.” He spoke the words quietly. No grand avowals for Nat Diamond. Just the simple truth.
Whatever the future held for them—no doubt there’d be downs as well as ups—Mattie knew this: she was a very lucky woman.
THE END
The Carrigans of Circle C
Hawksley Carrigan, owner of the Circle C Ranch south of Marietta, Montana, always wanted a son to carry on the family name. Unfortunately for him, he ended up with four daughters
Book 1: Promise Me, Cowboy
Sage Carrigan’s story – Buy now!
Book 2: Good Together
Mattie Carrigan’s story
Book 3: Close to Her Heart
Dani Carrigan’s story - Buy now!
Book 4: Snowbound in Montana
Eliza Bramble’s story – Buy now!
Book 5: A Cowgirl’s Christmas
Callan Carrigan’s story - Buy now!
Excerpt: Close to Her Heart
CJ Carmichael
Copyright © 2014
When the ultrasound technician excused herself from the examining room, Dani Carrigan was unconcerned. As a healthy, thirty-four-year-old woman, with no family history of relevant medical problems, she didn’t see the need.
She had other matters on her mind.
First, the need to urinate. She’d been instructed to drink several glasses of water prior to the ultrasound.
Plus, her exposed belly was cold, thanks to the gel the technician had gooped over her skin. The gel had been warm when the technician—an intensely serious woman about Dani’s age who had introduced herself as Emily—first applied it. But it had cooled now, and the air circulating from the heating system at the University of Washington Medical Clinic didn’t help.
Dani glanced at the empty chair next to her examining table. Most women these days brought their husband, or significant other with them to these things.
Her significant other still didn’t know she was pregnant.
She had to tell him soon.
Her belly had popped two weeks ago, and for that amount of time she’d been avoiding sex. But her last reason not to invite him back to her place after they’d gone out for a nice dinner—she had too much paperwork to catch up on—had caused him to raise his eyebrows. She’d never used work as an excuse before.
Dani closed her eyes, picturing Adrian Carlson in her mind. She loved his thick, slightly wavy dark hair, which he wore short at the sides, but piled high over a forehead with a slight widow’s peak. He had intense gray eyes, deep set under serious eyebrows. Strong cheekbones, a firm jaw. And a mouth that often quirked up at one corner, when he was amused.
More importantly, he was the most intelligent man she’d ever met. And he was also the Department Head of Psychology. In other words—her boss.
If that wasn’t complicated enough, he already had a
child. A daughter, Ava, who was only six years old. The mother—his wife—had died two years ago. Adrian was very protective of his daughter. So much so, Dani still hadn’t met her, even though she was anxious to do so. Dani knew how painful it was to lose a mother prematurely and she felt that she would be able to offer some comfort to the little girl.
In time, Adrian always said when she raised the subject.
Dani was very much afraid that Adrian wasn’t going to welcome the news that she was pregnant. But maybe he would surprise her. Perhaps a new child would be just the sort of life-altering event that would make him finally ready to commit fully to their relationship. Including—and this was a long shot, and maybe old-fashioned of her to even want, but she did—marriage.
The door to the examining room opened, letting in a waft of air that chilled her belly further, as well as the technician and a second medical professional—this one a man in his forties with a white lab coat, wearing wire glasses that had slid partly down his very narrow and long nose.
“Dani? I’m Dr. Buttress. I’m just going to have a look at these pictures.” He took the wand and began running it over her belly, just as the technician had already done. He began by scanning all over, and then narrowed in on a certain small area.
Dani felt the first sliver of concern.
She’d seen the beating heart. She knew her baby was alive.
“Is something wrong?” Up until now, every one of her doctor appointments had been completely normal. Her OB, Dr. Gwen Fong, was relaxed and reassuring. “Keep doing what you’re doing, Dani. Continue with those iron and folate supplements, and remember to take some time to exercise moderately, every day.”
Earlier, when the technician had asked if she wanted to know the sex of the baby, Dani had been tempted. Girl? Or boy?
Having grown up with three sisters, she’d be so much more comfortable with a girl. But maybe Adrian would prefer a son? She felt sexist and uncomfortable even entertaining that thought.
But now, the baby’s sex was the furthest thing from her mind.
Just let her—or him—be healthy.
Please.
When she’d first figured out she was pregnant, Dani had been surprised by her strong emotional reaction. It had gone beyond happiness, had been, in fact, the purest sensation of joy that she’d ever experienced.
Dani was a scientist, a PhD in psychology accustomed to making logical decisions based on the facts of a situation.
In her case, having a baby didn’t make sense. She had a demanding career that she loved. She wasn’t married. Had no family living in Seattle for support.
Yet. She desperately wanted this baby. At night when she put her hands on her belly and closed her eyes, she imagined holding a newborn in her arms. Breastfeeding, then rocking her to sleep. She’d held her sister Mattie’s twin daughters when they were little and remembered how light and delicate they had seemed.
So precious.
Dani focused on Dr. Buttress’s milky brown eyes, trying to glean a hint of what was going on in his head. He relinquished the wand, peered once more at the screen, then stood back on his heels.
“The heart looks good. Baby’s size is what we’d expect at sixteen weeks...”
She could sense the “but.” She held her breath as she waited for it.
“But I’m seeing a few markers here.” He glanced away from her, back at the screen.
Dani’s gaze flew to the technician. Emily’s lips were pressed together in a sympathetic expression. Far from reassured, Dani turned back to the doctor.
“High fluid levels at the nuchal translucency.” He pointed on the screen to a spot on the baby’s neck. “Also the little finger only has two joints and the femurs are short relative to body size.”
Dani reflexively bent her only little finger, noting the way she could curl it into her palm. Only two joints—that didn’t seem too bad. And if the baby was on the short side, well, that was okay, too. She and Sage were tall, but their other two sisters—Mattie and Callan—could definitely be classified as petite.
The doctor sighed. “We can’t be sure. Not from just one ultrasound. But these are markers for Down Syndrome.”
Find out what happens next in Close to Her Heart
Buy now!
About the author
www.jodiophotography.com
CJ Carmichael has published over 35 novels and has twice been nominated for a RITA award. She likes to write stories about romance, family and intrigue, usually in small town or rural settings. When it’s time to take a break from the computer, she heads to the Rocky Mountains near her home in Calgary where she lives with her partner Michael and their cat, Penny. If you’d like to learn more about her books, check out her website:
http://cjcarmichael.com.
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