Pawn

by Carla Cassidy

It was as if the storm had entered the room. Wild energy coursed through her and the lightning outside the window had nothing on the electricity that sizzled through her veins.

  She could feel his heartbeat crashing against her own as he tore his lips from hers and instead trailed kisses down the side of her neck. Hot and hungry, the touch of his mouth made her hum with sweet anticipation.

  He pulled her hips against his, grinding against her in frantic rhythm and building the intensity of her desire. She'd forgotten the delicious sensation of hard male against her. But as they rocked together, she remembered and wanted.

  Not wanting it to end before they'd even begun, she stepped back and plucked at the bottom of his T-shirt, needing it off, needing to feel the heat of his naked body against hers.

  In his eyes she saw a hungry urgency, an urgency she felt, as well. The storm seemed to be on top of them, booming thunder and flashing lightning, but she was lost in Nick's deep brown eyes.

  With a groan, he stumbled backward, his eyes blazing and pulled his T-shirt over his head. Thank God she hadn't taken the time that day to make her bed, for she had a feeling if she'd now had to take the time to pull it out, she would have lost him.

  Instead, as he dropped his T-shirt to the floor, she took off her bra, then peeled away the black Lycra pants, leaving her clad only in a black thong.

  She shut off the light, leaving the room illuminated only by the spill of the light from the bathroom, then she lay down on the bed. Nick reached for the fastening of his jeans. His hands trembled and Lynn embraced the fact that his urgency was obviously as great as her own and she was so hungry for him she thought she might die from it.

  He kicked off his shoes and took off his jeans, his gaze never leaving her. Wearing only socks and briefs, he joined her on the bed.

  There was nothing soft or gentle between them. As the storm raged outside and rain began to pound against the window, they became a tangle of arms and legs.

  Mouths met in frantic kisses and within mere minutes both her thong and his briefs were gone, cast to the floor with their other clothing.

  There was no time, no need for any further foreplay. He moved between her legs and she was wet and ready for him. He pushed deep inside her, then froze and squeezed his eyes tightly shut as his breaths came in short labored pants.

  He opened his eyes and stared down at her. "This is going to be too fast." His voice sounded half-strangled. "It's been too long for me."

  "It's been as long for me," she replied, her voice sounding as strained as his.

  He drew a deep, shuddering breath then shifted his hips against hers. She gripped his sinewy shoulder muscles and arched up to meet him as need clawed at her insides.

  He stroked into her fast and furious and she met him thrust for thrust as the rolling tides of her climax came closer and closer.

  Lightning flashed and in the glare she saw the tautness of his features, the wildness in his eyes. She cried out as the tides rolled over her, through her. He didn't slow his pace, but rather drove into her with a frenzy that made her climax feel as if it lasted forever.

  Then he was there with her, stiffening with a guttural groan that made her want to do it all again. He collapsed on top of her, his heartbeat crashing with her own.

  She squeezed her eyes tightly closed as her hand stroked the warm, solid muscle of his back. She loved the feel of his slightly moist, firm skin.

  All the tension, all the restlessness that had plagued her for the last couple of days was gone. All she felt at the moment was the sweetness of his body against hers, the faint stir of his breath against her hair and a peace that had been absent for too long.

  It had been as good as she remembered. Their bodies had moved together in perfect unison, as if made specifically for one another.

  He rolled to the side of her and onto his back. "We didn't use a condom."

  "Believe me, a condom was the last thing on my mind," she said dryly. "Besides, I'm on the pill and I haven't been with anyone since I was with you."

  As her heartbeat slowed to a more normal pace, she realized she wanted him again. And again. And again.

  She had no idea what tomorrow would bring, didn't even know if she would live through the next day. The only thing she knew for certain was that once more with him hadn't been enough.

  She got out of bed and went into the bathroom and when she returned, she got back into the bed and turned on her side to face him.

  Reaching out to stroke the springy tuft of hair in the center of his chest, she sighed. "I want you again," she whispered. "And this time I want it slow."

  He raised a dark eyebrow and released a small laugh. "I'm not a teenager, Lynn."

  She smiled and ran her hand lower across the flat of his abdomen. His muscles tensed beneath her caress. "I can make you feel like a teenager."

  Once again he laughed, this time sounding half-breathless. He grabbed her hand and held it tight. "You have no idea what you do to me."

  "I know what you do to me and I want you to do it to me again now."

  He pulled her across his body and met her lips in a kiss of infinite tenderness. It was exactly what she needed after the tumultuous lovemaking they'd just shared.

  As he kissed her, his hand smoothed down the length of her back, sending shiver bumps up her spine. She loved the male scent of him, the smell of hot sex that lingered in the air. She loved the way his finger pads felt as they razed across her naked skin and she loved the way his skin felt beneath her own fingertips.

  He broke the kiss and instead took one of her nipples into his mouth. The intimate contact shot an electrical current from her breast to the center of her being.

  "Apparently you do make me feel like a teenager," he said and she realized he was fully aroused once again.

  This time she didn't leave it to him to set the pace, rather she straddled him so she could be the one in control. Their lovemaking was slow and languid as they took the time to explore each other.

  When they were finished they remained side-by-side, waiting for heartbeats to slow. She wished he could stay all night, wished she could wake up in his arms in the morning.

  As he toyed with a strand of her hair she closed her eyes. She'd thought she could make this all about sex and nothing more, that she could embrace the physical release and not be touched on any other level. But she'd been wrong.

  Nick had crawled deep into her heart a year ago and nothing had changed for her in that time. He was still as firmly entrenched as ever.

  But, she would ask nothing more from him than this. Even though they had just shared mind-blowing lovemaking, she couldn't forget that he'd put up a wall since they'd reunited, a wall that kept him emotionally separated from her.

  She had no idea why it was there or if it would ever fall away, but she couldn't force it away with her sheer will.

  "You've changed," he finally said softly.

  She raised up and looked at him, his features visible in the faint glow from the bathroom light. She considered his words. "Maybe a little. I know I'm stronger than I've ever been. If anything, it isn't that I've changed so much as I've grown up."

  It was true. The last year had been one of self-discovery and what she had discovered about herself was that she was strong and capable, that she liked the woman she had become.

  "When I was living with Uncle Jonas, he didn't want me to grow up, to be independent or to have a mind of my own. It was in his best interest to keep me weak and dependent on him."

  "There's nothing weak or dependent about you now," he replied.

  "When did you take up smoking?" she asked.

  "What makes you think I smoke?" he countered.

  She laid her head back on his chest and twined her fingers in his tuft of hair. "You can't fool me, Nick Barnes. You know I have a terrific sense of smell and several times when you've come in I've smelled cigarette smoke."

  "I took it up a couple of months ago…it's a nasty habit."

  "Nasty habit
s should be broken," she said softly.

  "When this is over, when everything is over, I'll quit." He ran a finger down her cheek. "Lynn?"

  She raised up once again and looked at him. He frowned, a deep cleft shooting across his forehead. "What is it, Nick?" He held her gaze for a long moment, then glanced sideways and she knew he was checking the clock on the end table.

  She followed his gaze and saw that the luminous hands read 2:30 a.m. The second bout of leisurely lovemaking had taken longer than she'd thought.

  She dreaded the time he would leave, but knew within minutes he'd get up, get dressed and get out. Rain still pelted against the windowpane and the wind howled a mournful tune.

  She knew this was probably a one-shot deal, that they wouldn't have the luxury of three hours and a tropical storm to make this happen again.

  "I know," she said with a sigh. "It's time for you to go. How many containers came off today?" she asked, wondering how many extra she'd have to clear the next night.

  "Only four. You shouldn't have any problems getting to all of them tomorrow night." He sat up and rubbed a hand through his tousled hair. It was as if her question had pulled him away from her. "And you're right. It's time for me to go."

  She nodded and watched as he grabbed his clothes from the floor then disappeared into the bathroom. As he closed the door she turned her head into the pillow, smelling the scent of him that lingered there.

  He thought she'd changed, but as far as she was concerned, he was the one who was drastically different. The Nick she had known before had been far more open.

  The man she'd just made love with had tasted like Nick, had felt like Nick, but when she looked into his eyes, she saw a stranger.

  She got out of the bed and turned on the light next to the sofa, then grabbed her robe from the closet and pulled it around her.

  As she waited for Nick to come out of the bathroom, she moved to the window and stared out at the rain-soaked streets below. She frowned as she saw a big figure in a black raincoat run from her building and to a big Buick that was always parked in the same spot directly in front of the apartments.

  Just before he opened the driver's side door a flash of lightning lit up the sky and in that instant she saw that it was Tiny.

  He got into the car and drove off down the street. She frowned thoughtfully. Where would he be going at this time of night? Maybe there was more to the ex-con turned reverend than she'd initially thought.

  She turned from the window as Nick came out of the bathroom. "You're going to get soaked," she said.

  He grinned and for a moment in that boyish gesture he was the Nick she knew, the man she'd fallen in love with so long ago. "Like you told me earlier, I won't melt."

  The sweet smile lasted just an instant, then was gone as his lips pressed tightly together and he headed for the door. He wrapped his hand around the doorknob, then turned back to face her. "Lynn…I…" He frowned. "This shouldn't happen again. Tomorrow night will be business as usual." He didn't wait for her reply but instead opened the door and disappeared into the dark hallway.

  She heaved a sigh of frustration, then walked over to the door and locked it. She refused to allow Nick Barnes to make her crazy.

  As she walked into the bathroom to clean up and change into her nightgown, she thought of what had just transpired between them.

  There had been moments during their lovemaking that she could have sworn what she felt emanating from him was the same intense love, the same deep caring that had marked their earlier relationship. And yet he'd been pretty damned dismissive when he'd left.

  What was happening with him? Was his distance just a result of whatever job he was working? She wished she could get into his head and discover those secrets.

  She crawled back into the bed she'd left and hugged the pillow that smelled of his scent. What was happening with Nick and what in the hell was Tiny doing out in the middle of a storm in the wee hours of the morning?

  NICK LEANED HIS HEAD on the steering wheel of his car and squeezed his eyes tightly closed. When he opened his eyes he slammed his palms down hard against the steering wheel.

  Damn. Damn it to hell. He'd just made a terrible mistake. In fact, he hadn't made the mistake once, but twice.

  Jesus, he'd been like a drug addict offered a rock of cocaine, unable to stop himself from indulging in something he knew nothing good could come of.

  He'd been so filled with resolve where she was concerned, so certain that he could stand strong. But her temptation had proven stronger than his determination.

  The minute she'd kissed the underside of his jaw, the moment that she'd pulled off that hoodie and stood in front of him so proud and beautiful, he'd been lost.

  Being with her again had been better than his memories, better than any of the fantasies he'd entertained in the past year. It wasn't just her body that turned him on, although when he'd seen her standing there in just that little black thong he'd nearly come undone without even having to touch her.

  No, it wasn't just a physical desire he felt for her. He loved the sound of her laughter, the keen intelligence that shone from her eyes. He liked the way she talked, the way she walked and the way she smelled. She was the only woman who had ever touched his heart.

  And she was going to hate him as she'd never hated any other man.

  He'd messed up. He'd messed up badly. And nothing good could come from what had just happened.

  With a sigh he raised his head and stared through the rain-slick windshield up at her apartment window. It was dark now. Too late for him to go back up and try to explain. He had to get back to his life in Raymore.

  Somehow, someway he'd figure out how to get back here tomorrow. First thing in the morning he'd come back and explain to her and somehow make her understand.

  He felt sick with self-loathing. He'd always been a strong man. But Lynn made him weak.

  He started the engine, then slowly reached into the ashtray and pulled out the solid gold wedding band and slipped it on his finger.

  It was time to get back to his wife in Raymore.

  Chapter 11

  The storm had blown itself out overnight and by ten the next morning the sun was shining brightly and the only sign that there had been a storm was the trash and debris that littered the streets.

  Lynn slept late, exhausted after the physical release she'd shared with Nick. When she finally awakened she lounged in the bed, remembering each and every one of his caresses and the wild sensations he'd evoked in her.

  When she got up, she showered and dressed, then a glance in the refrigerator let her know a trip to the store was in order. Besides, she wanted to buy a couple more steaks for the devil dogs before tonight's work.

  She'd just stepped out into the hallway when she met Tiny getting off the elevator. "Good morning, Lynn." He gave her a tired smile. He filled up the narrow hallway, blocking her path to the exit.

  "Good morning, Tiny. You're up and out early considering you were out in the wee hours in the morning."

  He frowned, the gesture making him look fierce, almost menacing. "What are you doing, spying on me?"

  She forced a light laugh. "Of course not. I was just having that insomnia thing last night and I happened to glance out my window and saw you get into your car around three this morning."

  "Trouble don't know what time it is. One of my flock needed me."

  "It was a terrible night to have to get out. I guess it was the storm that made it difficult for me to sleep. You look tired."

  His frown was replaced by a weary smile. "I'm totally beat. I'm planning on a nice long nap." He pulled his apartment keys out of his pocket.

  "I'm off to Pepper's. Do you need anything?" she asked.

  His smile widened. "No, but thanks for asking. That's real nice." He moved to the side of the hall so she could slide by him.

  "Okay, then. I'll see you later." As she got on the elevator Tiny disappeared into his apartment.

  She wondered if he'd
told her the truth, if it had been a member of his flock who had called him out at three in the morning, or if it had been something much different.

  She wondered about jailhouse converts, wondered if a sudden finding of faith was often a tool to obtain a Get Out of Jail Free card or if the embracing of good was usually real. Certainly she'd heard that parole boards looked favorably on criminals who repented past sins and vowed to live differently in the future.

  The verdict still hung in the balance where Tiny was concerned. For all she knew, his church could be a front for something quite different from praising God.

  Dismissing thoughts of her neighbor as she left the building, she breathed in the air, which this morning smelled less of fish and rot and instead held the faint, sweet scent of rain.

  It was the third week of September. Although Blake had told her this job would last a week, two at the most, she wasn't surprised that she was still here.

  As she walked the block to Pepper's her thoughts once again turned to Nick. A flush of heat swept through her.

  Even though he seemed distant most of the time, there had been no distance in those hours they had spent in her bed. His kisses had tasted of a depth of longing that had filled her heart with joy. His loving gaze had given her hope, hope that somehow there was a future waiting for the two of them to share together.

  She'd never been one of those women who felt as if she needed a man to complete her. She was just fine on her own.

  But she was at a place where she'd love to share her life with somebody special. And last night had only confirmed to her that Nick was her somebody special.

  Still, there was no way she could pursue her future with anyone until this job was done. Last night had been a respite from the danger, a magnificent escape from reality. And as Nick had reminded her as he'd walked out of the door, tonight would be business as usual.

  Pepper's was a small neighborhood grocery store that carried a vast array of Cuban food. A tiny bell tinkled as Lynn walked in and her mouth instantly watered at the pungent scents that filled the store.

  "Welcome." The owner, an older Hispanic man, greeted her with a wide smile. He stood behind an old-fashioned cash register, a woman Lynn guessed was his wife beside him.