Suddenly his legs gave way and he collapsed onto a kitchen chair, completely emotionally drained. He rested against the spindles of the chair and felt the cold wet of his shirt against his back. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. And then again. He needed to settle down, clear his mind and think what to do next.
Should he phone Jenny right away? He checked the kitchen clock: two-eighteen. It was later in the day in Ottawa. He didn’t know if they were an hour ahead or two. She’d be in school now, perhaps on her way home. How long would that take?
How far does she live from the school? Maybe its best to wait until evening to make sure Jenny will be home. Yes, around suppertime would be best.
Henry went into the living room and picked up a magazine. He flipped through all 121 pages but didn’t read a single word. He went over the telephone conversation again and again, sometimes chuckling over his cleverness and at times bursting out laughing. Perhaps he’d go to his room and read the notes Jenny had written him. That could always occupy his mind for an hour.
He went to his room and got out the notes, but even they couldn’t hold his attention for long. I’m going to talk to her!
He got up and paced the floor, looking at his watch hoping time would move faster. The minutes stretched into hours. He tried reading again but couldn’t concentrate on anything but Jenny. The anticipation of finally talking to her overtook him. Henry couldn’t wait any longer. It was four-thirty, it would be at least five-thirty, maybe six-thirty, there; he should’ve checked with the operator.
It didn’t matter, anyway; it was time.
He had to know where he stood with Jenny once and for all. His feelings for Julean were getting stronger by the day. Thoughts of having both Jenny and Julean crossed his mind. What if he were one of those old-time Mormons and it was permitted to have more than one wife?
Geez, Henry, don’t flip out.
Henry swallowed hard and slowly dialed the number. Perspiration rolled down his armpits once again. His heart raced as the call ran through the lines. How would she sound? It seemed like an eternity. Would she know him? Recognize him? Still like him? Still want him? It would be so strange to talk to her out of the blue like this.
His throat was drying up. He needed a glass of water, but it was too late.
The call connected, the phone rang once and then again …
“Jenny we have to get going or we’re gonna be late.”
“It’s a long trip to the city and I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll only be a minute.”
The phone rang.
“Would you please get that, James?”
“Yes, just hurry up.”
The phone rang again and James hurried to answer it.
“Hello?”
“Hello, is this the Sarsky residence?”
“Yes.”
“May I speak to Jenny, please?”
James’ grip on the phone tightened. Instantly, strong feelings of anger and loathing swept through him. Just that afternoon he and Jenny had had an argument about all the boys who phoned her, all those guys who’d wanted to dance with her last Halloween. And ever since Jenny had told him about Henry Pederson, he’d just known someday the nerd would call. As soon as he heard the voice on the line his instincts told him who it might be. And his instincts rarely failed him…
“Who is this?” James asked sharply.
“Henry.”
The name surged through him like a knife slicing his innards. Hate, jealousy and anger seethed from the inner incision.
“Is this Pederson? Henry Pederson?”
“Yeah…that’s me.” Henry said, surprised.
“Look, bud, I’m James Hamilton and Jennifer is mine. She’s my girl and we intend to get married, so get lost creep and don’t call here again!”
James slammed the receiver down, almost splitting it in two.
“Who was that?” Jenny asked, coming down the stairs. “You look so red and flushed. Are you angry?”
“No, no, it’s no one. Just some drunk crank caller.”
Jenny looked at him quizzically. Something was off.
“It was no one. Come on let’s go or we’ll be late for the movie.
Henry held the phone. He’d never hated a dial tone so much. He was stunned by what had just happened. Obviously, Jenny was engaged or planning to marry.
Geez, first it’s her parents and now this James Hamilton comes between us. This can’t be happening! It’s not supposed to turn out this way! It’s not the way I pictured it at all. I’ve just got to hear it from Jenny.
Henry dialed the number again. It began to ring.
James held the front door for Jenny as she walked out into the evening air. Just before he closed the door the phone rang.
“Maybe I should get it, James; it might be important.”
“Jenny, it’s probably that drunk calling again. If we don’t leave now we’ll miss the show.”
James grabbed hold of Jenny’s hand firmly and led her briskly to his shiny black bmw.
Henry listened to the phone ring over and over until the dial tone kicked in again. He held the phone for a long, long time before he finally hung up.
Should he call again? It just can’t end like this. And just as Henry reached for the phone again, it rang, startling him. It rang once more before Henry answered. He was almost scared to pick it up.
“Hello?”
“Hi Hank, its Julean. Are you okay?”
“Ye—yeah…why?”
“I had the strongest feeling you needed me. I just felt compelled to call and make sure you were okay. You’re still coming over tonight, aren’t you? I can’t wait to see you.”
“Yeah, I’ll be there around seven-thirty…and thanks for calling.”
And that was when Julean whispered, “I love you so much, Hank.”
“I—I love you too, Julean.”
Henry held onto the receiver with one hand and, with the other, disconnected the call.
Reaching forward as if to dial a number, he suddenly stopped in mid-air. He stared at the phone. In a trance, he finally, gently, replaced the receiver and walked away.
Chapter Thirty
Geez, Mr. Engelmann,” Henry repeated for the third time, “I finally get Jenny’s phone number only to run into another roadblock!”
“And this one is even harder to break through, Henry. If Jenny and this boy you mention, James, you say, are planning to get married, perhaps it is best to let go. After three years surely Jenny could have phoned or sent you a letter? It seems she has moved on, Henry, and besides you are now seeing Julean, such a lovely girl.”
“I do love Julean but there was just something special with Jenny and me. I can’t explain it. I keep going back to the morning we met in the store. It was as if a spell came over me…”
“Yes, yes, so you have said several times. But we can’t keep living in the past, Henry. It was a special meeting, an attraction that was perhaps out of the ordinary—but this relationship with Julean can be too. Perhaps you’re making more of your first meeting with Jenny than necessary, you were very young then. And as I’ve said on several occasions, the lack of closure makes it all the more difficult to let go.”
“But that’s why I have to talk to Jenny—to finalize it.”
Mr. Engelmann took a deep breath and after some reflective thought said, “Okay, suppose Jenny had answered the other night; she would have been happy to hear from you but in the end she may very well have told you the same thing that boy said, ‘I am going with him now, Henry, and we plan to marry.’ It is reasonable to assume that she would come to the same conclusion as her boyfriend, isn’t it? And it seems to me you’ve done everything you could to reach Jenny, and the doors have always remained closed despite your efforts and our prayers. Perhaps it is meant to be,” Mr. Engelmann said, “for now anyway,�
� he added, seeing the look on Henry’s face. His tone was gentle. “Perhaps this is where the Lord wants you. What is that saying…‘bloom where you are planted.’ ”
Henry stared at his mentor. He always made such perfect sense and yet Henry didn’t want perfect sense—he wanted Jenny. Henry put his head down and almost in a whisper, said, “I know you’re right, Mr. Engelmann, but I’m still confused about what to do. I love Julean but I love Jenny too; my feelings for her are still so strong. If only she’d sent just one letter I’d have pursued her immediately and nothing would have stopped me.”
“Henry, in my heart I believe it is time for you to trust in Jesus. Move on. Trust that the Lord has brought this beautiful young woman into your life and much good will come out of it.”
“I guess I’m just not as strong in my belief as you are, Mr. Engelmann. I find it hard to trust in something you cannot see, and God seems so distant at times.”
Mr. Engelmann nodded, “Yes, but just because you cannot see the air it doesn’t stop you from breathing, does it?”
Henry shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. “No.”
“It’s the same, Henry. Just because you cannot see God shouldn’t stop you from believing either. It is a matter of knowing our Lord and how he works in our lives.
“Come, let us make some hot chocolate and sit in the back room; my legs are weary and I have lots to say. It’s a cold day and all the shelves are stocked as best can be and I don’t think too many customers will come in anymore this afternoon. Many are beginning to shop at Safeway at my request. The manager there is keeping his word to deliver groceries to customers on the list I gave them and he has even included others I’ve asked him to help out too. In any case, we will hear the bell on the door should anyone come in.”
Henry followed his mentor to the storeroom. If it had been nicer outside, Henry would have loved to sit under the sun on the old grey crate; Mr. Engelmann’s school of life. The times spent there with his teacher would never be forgotten, forever imprinted in his mind.
Mr. Engelmann set two boxes out in front of the condiment table. Henry had seen Mrs. Engelmann do this with many people in the neighbourhood when she talked to them and prayed for them. Perhaps that was what Mr. Engelmann wanted to do; pray for him and his indecision between Jenny and Julean.
Henry scooped heaping spoonfuls of cocoa and put it in the mugs while Mr. Engelmann filled the kettle with fresh water and turned on one of the burners on the small electric stove. Henry could sense Mr. Engelmann was preparing for one of his lessons.
The two men sat down on the boxes and looked at each other and smiled.
“You know me too well, Henry. I see it in your eyes you already know I have something important to share with you.”
“Yup, I’m all ears, Mr. Engelmann. God knows I need some help and you’ve never failed me.”
Mr. Engelmann tilted his head, accepting the responsibility of his role and then began speaking about something which seemed totally unrelated to the matter at hand.
But Henry had long ago learned to be patient. That was Mr. Engelmann’s way. He was setting the stage, the background for a teaching that would cut deeply into his heart. Still, Henry wondered what else Mr. Engelmann could possibly say that he hadn’t already that could help to deal with his tangled feelings.
Mr. Engelmann leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.
“Henry, some of what I am going to say may already be familiar to you, but there is much we have not discussed. However, I think now is the time to talk about the sovereignty of God and there are examples in your life that will clarify what I am about to tell you.”
Henry mimicked his mentor by resting his elbows on his knees, leaning forward to make certain he didn’t miss a word his teacher was about to say.
“I have spoken to you many times of how much God loves us. He even sent His Son into the world to teach us the way to Him and then Jesus died for our sins in order that we might have access to heaven. His purpose was for the salvation of the world; to bring everyone to Him in heaven. In his efforts to do this, to accomplish His purpose, He works in the lives of each of us daily, not by interfering with our free will but more indirectly, by softening our hearts, bringing people into our lives who say this or that which influences us, perhaps through the reading of a book or the promptings of our guardian angels or His Holy Spirit. It’s a huge and immense concept to grasp, Henry. Theologians have called this the divine providence of God at work.
“Not too many people acknowledge this or are even aware of God’s workings. Just as many take their guardian angels for granted and thus forfeit a thousand blessings that could have been bestowed upon them. But God’s divine providence is perhaps the greatest daily miracle and it’s going on every second of every day in the lives of all His children on Earth, preparing us for His kingdom.”
Henry couldn’t tell where this was going and how it related to his dilemma.
Mr. Engelmann knew he needed to clarify. But his protégé was ready for this lesson and he would soon understand. The kettle whistled just as Mr. Engelmann was about to continue.
“I’ll get it, Mr. Engelmann.”
Henry jumped up and used a tea towel to grab hold of the hot kettle handle and carefully filled the two mugs. After stirring them he handed one to Mr. Engelmann and held his as he returned to his seat. Both blew on the steaming hot chocolate and took a careful sip.
“Ach mein lieber Gott, wo war ich? Ah, yes, I was speaking of God’s divine providence. It is hard to see the Lord’s workings in our lives because they are usually so subtle and it takes time to deal with or solve problems. Sometimes it takes just days, but more often it takes months and even years; it’s easier to see and understand this when we look back in our lives, especially if we have gone through a crisis of some sort.
“Do you recall the day you came to work and told me your father had left with another woman and your world had come to an end? You were in so much anguish, pain and suffering. The anger you held for your father for destroying the family you once knew was so great, you were certain your family would never be the same again.”
Henry nodded; he remembered it all too well.
“But look now, its taken years, but see how much closer and stronger your family is and God is still working on it. Just the other day you commented how much closer you and your father have become. And during my visits, I too see how your father listens to you and treats you as an adult. This, Henry, is the working of our Lord, His divine providence.
“Remember at Anna’s funeral when you and your father stayed behind because your father wanted to talk to you and ask for your forgiveness? You shared with me that he’d been prompted by the funeral, the talks, the speeches—even the writing on a tombstone—caused your father’s heart to soften. You said he wanted to ask for forgiveness while he was alive because he didn’t want to be like that fellow seeking forgiveness after he was dead.”
Mr. Engelmann stopped and stared at Henry.
“This was God at work. The Holy Spirit and your father’s guardian angel prompting him, guiding him and leading him through God’s healing. These occurrences were no accident.
“And what about your father’s new job? The Coca-Cola rep coming in to see me one morning to tell me that they were looking for a new man to service the equipment? I was immediately prompted by my guardian angel to think of your father.”
Once again, Mr. Engelmann stopped and gazed hard into his student’s eyes. “All these incidents, Henry, are examples of God’s divine providence at work. Do you understand?”
Henry looked at his teacher and nodded. “I hadn’t thought about it like that, Mr. Engelmann…so, then, did God cause my dad to run away in order to do all this?”
“No. God is not the cause of that. It was your father’s personal choices that were the cause. God knew, however, that this trial would br
ing you and your parents closer together and happier than before.”
“But why couldn’t God just, I dunno, zap Dad and change him so he wouldn’t have done that awful thing, and make him love Mom more and show more respect to me? Why go through all this suffering and pain? I know Mom is still hurting.”
“Yes, that is a good question. Remember, Henry, God has given us free will to run our lives and make our own choices. We are not robots or dangling puppets on a string that He holds. Free will is a gift from God that we all want and appreciate, no?”
Henry nodded.
“So now you say, it’s good to have our free will, but when things go awry then you want Him to come in and fix it. Perform an instant miracle and, as you say, zap your father. You can’t have it both ways, Henry. We have to face the consequences of our decisions. But the good news is that God does not abandon us. He knows we are weak and are going to make mistakes and poor choices, and that is where His divine providence comes in. Indirectly He helps us along, as I have tried to show you—through the promptings of the Holy Spirit, our angels and by giving us the grace to straighten our lives out as we build up our character, pray to Him, believing in Him so we don’t repeat what we did and are stronger to deal with life’s challenges.”
Henry was beginning to see the plausibility of what his teacher was saying. He was reading the Bible more and was being influenced by it. And it did seem there was a force or power working to make this all happen. And he definitely felt the promptings of his guardian angel. He had to admit that out of the terrible thing his dad did, a lot of good was happening.
He looked at his teacher. “It’s a lot better at our house but it’s still not perfect between Mom and Dad.” Henry didn’t want to bring up the bedroom arrangement, but it didn’t seem to affect or limit Mr. Engelmann’s response.
“Henry, as you say, it is much better than before. It may not be perfect, but God is still working on it. Someday you will look back and see all the good that the Lord has done. As I have said to you many times, God’s time is not our time; His ways are not our ways, He has not abandoned us. The problem with humans is that we want our will done right now. We want our prayers answered right now. We want quick and immediate results because we are in pain and sorrow. And as I have already said, yes, the Lord could create a miracle in our lives and do what we pray or ask for immediately, but most often, Henry, He works slowly in our lives so we grow in trust, understanding, faith and in character. He is helping your parents to reconstruct a relationship that perhaps wasn’t as strong as it could have been. But trust me, Henry, someday you will see that out of this sorrow much good will come, as indeed it already has. God is listening to our prayers—yours, mine and your parents’—who want their situation fully healed as well.”
Another Angel of Love Page 27