Mrs. Sullivan glanced at Tammy. “Well, that would be nice. But Tammy, you and the baby are welcome back anytime.”
“Okay, Tammy,” Jenny said, taking charge when she saw her friend was too weary to do anything other than agree, “let’s gather your things together and get to my place. You might want to fix Chloe another bottle of milk, most of what I fed her she threw up on me. And she seemed really hungry. You may have to supplement your breastfeeding with a bottle. You’ve got a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, don’t you?”
“Yes, tomorrow at two-thirty. Will you be able to drive us?”
“For sure, Tammy.”
Jenny didn’t know how her mother would react to her showing up with Tammy and the baby, and she sure didn’t want Tammy to feel any more stress than she already was. They got caught in a traffic jam and didn’t get to the estate until almost seven-thirty. Her dad would probably be home already. Jenny drove up the circle drive to the front entry instead of the garage.
“Tammy, would you wait here for a second while I see if I can get my dad to come help carry some of the things in?” Jenny didn’t wait for Tammy to answer, she quickly got out of the car and rushed inside.
Both her parents were in the living room. Edith heard Jenny come in and was just coming to greet her when Jenny entered the living room.
“Oh, Mom, I have Tammy in the car. It’s so crowded at her grandma’s apartment and her grandma doesn’t look all that well and Tammy is under so much stress, can she please stay here?”
Edith sucked in a breath. “I told you before, Jenny, I don’t want to interfere with the Andersons—they’re already upset with us for sheltering Tammy before. You better tell her—”
“Now hold on just a minute, Edith, surely we can help Jenny’s friend out. I think it’s wrong for her parents to turn their back on their daughter like thi—”
Edith shot a look at her husband. “Ted. I really don’t think we should get inv—”
“Edith, we are already involved; the girl’s sitting in the driveway with her baby. She needs our help and we’re going to give it and that’s settled. I don’t want to hear any more about it. I’ll call Mr. Anderson later and explain things.”
Ted pushed past Jenny and said, “Come on, let’s help Tammy and her daughter inside and get them settled. Perhaps you could heat something up for the girls to eat, Edith.”
Edith stood there in a huff, not knowing what to say or think.
Jenny came over and took her mother’s hand, “Oh, Mom, it’ll be all right. Please don’t be upset.”
Jenny turned and rushed to catch up to her father. He already had the carriage out of the trunk and was opening the passenger door for Tammy. Jenny was so happy to have her father’s support. She’d never seen her dad so assertive with her mother, and she’d actually liked to see him take charge like that. She wished he’d do that more often. But she’d also noticed he too looked tired. And he was losing weight.
I wish he wouldn’t drink so much.
But she loved what he did next.
As he held the door for Tammy and her baby, Ted said, “Welcome, Tammy! It’s so good to have you stay with us. I can’t wait to hold that precious little baby of yours.”
Edith came to the entry as they reached the stairwell for the second floor. Her stern look softened into a pleasant smile, “Welcome, Tammy,” she said.
“You know, Jenny I’ve been doing a lot of thinking these past two months about Robbie and me.”
The two of them were sitting on her bed. It was a crazy kind of flashback to the sleepovers they used to have, only Chloe had joined the slumber party, and was, in fact, finally asleep in her bassinet. And Tammy looked more motherly, more mature somehow, even just in the last two months.
It’s amazing how added responsibility can affect your appearance and how you carry yourself, Jenny thought.
“And?” she said aloud.
“The entire time I was at Nana’s, Robbie never called or came over once.”
Jenny reached over and patted her friend’s hand, her eyes reflecting Tammy’s hurt.
“In a way, though, I’m glad he didn’t. It made me realize that we really didn’t have a deep relationship. Well, not on Robbie’s part, anyway. Maybe our relationship only lasted as long as it did because I gave in to his demands for sex.”
Tammy shifted on the bed, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.
Jenny got more comfortable too, crossing her legs and settling her behind into the soft covers like a hen into a nest.
The girls smiled at each other.
“Anyway, Jen, I can see now how that was all so wrong. It made me think about Lynne in form 4c. She has such a reputation for being fast and letting guys get to first base with her all the time. Robbie told me all the time how the guys boast to see who can get her to bed the fastest.”
“But surely Robbie doesn’t think that of you, Tammy!” Jenny was shocked.
“Perhaps not, but I feel like I was used. At the time it makes you feel needed—loved in a way, but really Jenny, sex is nothing more than fulfilling our selfish desires. There’s no commitment, no responsibility, and most important of all, no respect from the guys. There’s is no self-discipline, either, especially on their part. All they want is to have their insatiable sexual appetite fed and gratified. It makes me wonder who Robbie’s taking out now and trying to go to bed with!”
Jenny rested a hand on Tammy’s knee, conveying support and some comfort for her emotionally suffering friend.
“Boys have to be reined in and learn to sacrifice and delay their sexual drives. I don’t think most of them understand the big picture, and like you said, don’t respect girls, or even themselves, for that matter. Look what happened to me—I was taken to the park as if I was nothing more than a sexual outlet.”
“And what about me? Robbie led me to believe he loved me, but now I’m no longer certain of that at all. And to think that I almost aborted the little baby we created. I get so upset with myself for even thinking I could have considered doing that! And I’m very disappointed in my mother for encouraging me to do it!
“I now see so clearly that it’s best to wait and get to know one another before you get physical. If I’d done that, maybe I would’ve understood Robbie better and realized that we really weren’t really meant for each other in the first place.”
Jenny nodded, thinking of Henry as she so often did. “You can have a lot of fun together without having sex, spending time to get to know one another, to become real friends who are there for each other through thick and thin.”
“Next time I see Lynne, I’m going to tell her what she’s really doing and how I got caught up in it too. Maybe because I’m the one who got pregnant, she’ll listen to me. And if her reputation is true, I’m surprised she’s not concerned about catching some disease, not to mention the guys who take her out.
“Oh, Jenny, it’s awful to even talk about another person like this. It’s all so sad when you stop to think about what a huge risk we take for a few minutes of gratification!”
Tammy reached out to grab Jenny’s hand. Jenny squeezed back confirming her agreement about everything Tammy said.
“You know, Jen, the person I respect most of all in this entire mess is my dad. He’s shown me the most support. He was against the abortion, and I know he did his best to convince Mom to help me. And I wish so much I had listened to him before all this. He’s a man and understands men. He cautioned me so many times and always wanted to make sure I was home at a decent hour. He was usually asleep by the time I got home and Mom always lied to him for me that I’d gotten home earlier. I wish now he’d been more strict with me; and even Mom let me get away with far too much.”
“Well, since we’ve both learned the hard way what’s best, why don’t we make a pact to never engage in premarital sex? Let’s try to
be an example for other girls. Somehow we have to get this message out there to others. We’re all in this together and sharing things like this is so important.”
“I know, we’re all afraid to talk about sex and yet we all need direction and guidance, a chance to think about what we’re doing and the consequences of our actions and decisions, but more than that, to talk about them.”
Jenny’s eye’s brightened. “We have one more student council meeting next Monday. I’m going to bring it up as a recommended project for our next student representative council. The new president will be there and so will Mr. Morgan, our advisor. He’s young, he’s married, and very understanding. I’m sure he’ll support the idea. Maybe he can get a speaker to come in and talk to the entire student assembly.” Jenny was getting more excited about the idea by the minute.
“That sounds great, Jen. But I’ll tell you one thing for sure, whether Robbie and I get back together or not, or if ever I go out with another guy, there are going to be some serious parameters in our relationship!”
Jenny smiled at her friend, her eyes again conveying perfect agreement. Jenny put out her hand and Tammy echoed the gesture, holding Jenny’s hand firmly in her own.
“Here’s to our agreement to remain chaste until we give ourselves freely and completely to the man of our dreams.”
And so a covenant between them was made.
Chloe began to stir in her crib.
“It’s just about time for her feeding. Maybe we should carry the bassinet down to the guest room now. She’s been waking up around three in the morning for her feeding, so I’m glad I won’t be disturbing your sleep. I sure hope your parents won’t hear her, either.”
“Oh no, I’m sure they won’t. And, Tammy, if you’re ever too tired to feed her just wake me and I’ll get a bottle for her. I’d love to feed her anytime.” Jenny’s eyes sparkled at the thought of holding baby Chloe close, just the two of them in the soft, dark hours of the night.
But Tammy knew beneath the sparkle of her dear friend’s eyes, Jenny yearned for her own little girl.
Chapter Forty-One
June 30 arrived faster than anyone expected. According to the purchase agreement, David Engelmann had to be moved out before midnight.
Memories had haunted him all throughout the previous night. Memories of how the wood and concrete structure around him had served as his home.
He had spent that last night in what had been his and Anna’s bed. She had been so excited when she had seen it in the antique shop. It had a royal look about it. After so many years as their marriage bed, the Salvation Army would be taking it away, along with the kitchen table, chair, fridge and stove.
The chair next to the south window he could not part with. As the sun rounded that side of the building, its rays would warm the chair and whoever was sitting in it at the time. It had been Anna’s favourite place to read her Bible.
When the weather was right, she would open the window an inch or two and let the warm summer breeze flutter the pages as she sat talking with the Lord. Many times David would come upstairs to find her asleep, Bible on her lap and head resting on the high-cushioned chair back. Often the sun was peeking through the venetian blinds, casting light and dark shadows across her, the chair and the floor. She looked so peaceful as she slept, and yet the stripes reminded David of prison bars, holding Anna captive in the disease she had fought for so many years. He had prayed so fervently that the Lord would heal her in this life, but it was not to be.
Yet, in the midst of her sickness, she had been so strong, so uncomplaining, so giving and so full of love. David believed her illness had brought her closer to Christ, closer to His suffering. And through her suffering, she understood the pain and sorrow of others.
The armrests of the chair were worn and tattered. Anna had made no attempt to mend them. “It shows character, David; the chair is growing old, just like us,” Anna would say.
He remembered the day she had put doilies on the armrests; she’d taken them off the next, saying that it didn’t look the same.
“Let it show its journey with us,” she had said.
The rattle of the front door stirred him from his reflections. He descended the stairs, and opened the front door to let in the men from the Salvation Army. After exchanging pleasantries, he led them upstairs then got out of their way.
He looked around the empty shelves and bare counters downstairs, seeing the store filled with customers. Mrs. Goronic by the meat counter, waiting for him to cut some salami. Mr. Tearhorst at the cash register, asking for another package of Vogue tobacco and cigarette paper. He recalled the times they’d talked about the old country and their desire to go back for a visit. It could happen now, he had the money and the time, but it wouldn’t be the same without Anna…
David’s thoughts were interrupted by the moving men carrying the kitchen stove out to the truck. A few minutes later, the men returned, one of them carrying a tool box.
“I hope you’re not in a hurry, Mr. Engelmann. It’s gonna take some time to get that beautiful bed apart. Some family will sure be lucky to get it.”
“That’s what I was hoping. And, no, I am in no hurry. Take all the time you need.”
The men disappeared up the stairs again as David walked behind the counter as he had done thousands of times. He took out a soft white cloth from the shelf below the register and out of habit wiped the top of the marble counter. Like the chair upstairs, the counter had heard many stories, problems and concerns over the years.
He turned towards the old cash register and struck the “No Sale” button. The drawer sprang open with the bright sound of a bell; he never tired of hearing it—the more times it rang, the more he could contribute to their meagre living. He’d tried selling the till, but no one was interested in an antique cash register so he had decided to leave it behind. The meat cooler had stopped working the previous week and it made no sense to repair it. It too he would leave.
As the moving men walked the various parts of the bed and frame out to the van, Mr. Engelmann tried to visualize where each belonged, trying to see it again as a whole and not in pieces. In the end, he looked away. It bothered him too much to have his memories dismantled and disappear before his eyes.
By noon, the upstairs was empty except for the chair by the window. The men asked about it and offered to find someone to re-upholster it. But David decided it would be better to let it retire along with the store.
He walked the men to the door and watched them drive away with the last of his possessions, locking the door behind them. He turned and, one final time, walked through his store, his home. Henry and Bill would arrive shortly to drive him to the rectory where he would stay for the next week and a half before going off to the seminary in Gravelbourg.
He slowly climbed the stairs and inspected each empty room. The entire apartment was bereft of emotion now, as it had been when he and Anna first moved in. It had been a shell then and it was a shell now. He and Anna had made it a home, but that was all gone and soon he would be too.
Emerging from the bedroom he blinked back tears. The sun shone through the venetian blinds, casting that familiar light-and-dark pattern across the chair, outlining the window on the hardwood floor. He went over to the window and raised the blinds, erasing the prison bars.
“There,” he muttered, “you are free, Anna. Free of all pain and suffering.”
His Bible still sat on the window ledge. He picked it up as he sat in the chair. When he opened it, the scriptures he had read a thousand times before greeted him. He searched for something that might bring him solace, his spirit heavy-laden with so many memories. All the things that had made up his life—Anna, the store, his customers, his home—were gone. Loneliness, regret and sadness washed over him. He wiped away the tears with the back of his hand, but they kept coming. He closed the Bible and sobbed as the entirety of his loss hit him.
But perhaps the Lord was asking him to break all ties to the past so he could begin the important work He had for him to do before he and his Anna were reunited.
The sun’s travels west shifted the light through the window, sending a ray of sunlight down the stairs almost as if it were pointing the way to his future. He had never seen it happen before. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will light and guide your path.” And just as he was about to close the Bible on his lap, Psalm 119:105 came to him: Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.
“Okay, Lord. It is time.” He pushed himself out of the chair, his hands registering the familiar worn armrests one last time. He patted it with his hand and nodded, as if to say, “Thank you, you have served us well.”
At the top of the stairs, he looked back, then turned and followed the light cast by the sun.
Downstairs, as he had thousands of times before, he checked the back door to make sure it was locked, though there was no longer any reason to do so. He emerged from the storage room to tapping on the front door.
Henry was peeking through the glass with both hands cupped around his eyes.
“Coming!”
“Hi, Mr. Engelmann,” Henry said when he opened the door.
“Hello, Henry.”
“Is there anything I can help you with?”
“No, I have my Bible and there are just a few things in my suitcase there, behind the counter.”
“That’s all? No pictures or anything?”
“Oh, I have just two, packed in the suitcase. One is of Anna and me. Most of our family photographs were left behind when we escaped from Austria, and we don’t have any others.” They’d never had a camera. Now he wished they’d invested in one.
“Well, Henry, I am ready to go. Is Bill in the car?”
“No, he had a service call to make.”
Mr. Engelmann put a hand on Henry’s shoulder. They stood there for a moment, looking around the empty store.
Another Angel of Love Page 36