“I can hardly wait!”
Julean reached over, trying to keep a safe distance from him and kissed Henry on the cheek.
“Good night, Hank,” she said tenderly. “I love you—so much.”
Henry sighed again as he got out of the car and jogged to catch up with her. He was surprised by how quickly his manhood responded to certain words and thoughts. When they arrived at her door, Henry wrapped an arm around Julean’s waist and drew her hard against his body.
Julean quickly resisted him. “Good night, Hank.”
She stepped back and opened the screen door.
Henry managed a crooked smile and thought how ridiculous he must look. Julean chuckled and, for the first time in the three years they’d gone together, she said, “Ooooh, Henry.”
“G’night, Julean,” he finally said, seeing as how he wasn’t going to get any further. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Yes, please do,” she said, “And remember I’ve got a gown fitting tomorrow night, so I won’t be seeing you.”
“Oh, yeah, I forgot. I’ll call you after that. G’night, honey.”
She waved and smiled. With half her body hidden behind the front door, she raised her skirt a few inches and thrust her leg out like a seasoned showgirl, then slowly pulled it in and closed the door.
Henry groaned and headed stiffly back to his car.
On Sunday, Julean and Henry went to the twelve o’clock mass, holding hands as they walked down the aisle together. In Julean’s free hand, she held a white pouch containing a pearl beaded rosary and a white leather-covered Sunday missal. Henry had given it to her for her first communion. He was very grateful that Julean had accepted his faith so willingly and lovingly.
They genuflected and entered the pew, then knelt again and silently prayed. Henry was the first to rise and sit down in the pew, waiting for mass to start. Julean continued to kneel in deep prayer. She had taken her rosary from its case and was slowly moving it through her delicate fingers. At the sight of Julean’s sincere devotion, Henry wondered if he lacked faith.
Henry couldn’t stifle a yawn as he waited for Father Connelly to start the mass. The guys at his stag party had kept him up until two-thirty the night before.
Finally, Father Connelly entered from the sacristy and they all stood. Julean jabbed him in the ribs numerous times with her elbow, trying to keep him awake during the sermon. By communion time Henry found himself wide awake. At their turn, Julean and Henry stepped into the aisle and into line to receive communion.
Since Henry had gone to confession the previous Saturday, he felt he was free from sin and prepared to receive communion. However, as Julean walked in front of him, his eyes wandered down and took in her shapely figure and long slender legs. Her hips swayed from side to side, and he knew he was in trouble.
Henry looked to the side, trying desperately to find some distraction, his gaze finally resting upon the statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary, portrayed with a blue mantle draped loosely from her shoulders, her hands together in front of her chest in prayerful repose. It suddenly occurred to Henry that she, too, was a woman. Sure, she gave birth to Jesus, and even though Joseph had been a chaste spouse, Henry thought for sure he must have had the odd temptation. It was amazing how quickly he was able to justify, defend and rationalize his sinfulness to himself.
Henry began to see the statue of Mary from a whole new perspective. Behind that cloak was a woman’s body. Henry nearly gasped out loud as he looked away. What am I thinking? He quickly looked back at Julean, trying to wipe out the multitude of sins he was committing. Better that he had such thoughts of Julean rather than of the Holy Mother!
He looked up, glancing from side to side, hoping no one was watching. He so desired Julean. He just couldn’t seem to shake the image he held so firmly in his mind. Other impure thoughts he’d entertained in the past came flooding out of nowhere too. He felt he was sinning and didn’t know if he was worthy to receive communion.
Julean stepped forward and knelt at the communion rail. Henry hesitated and then knelt beside her, his elbow touching hers. The moment of truth had arrived. Should he kneel and receive Holy Communion, guilty of all the sexual thoughts floating around unharnessed in his mind or should he walk away?
He decided to stay.
Look, Lord, You made me this way. I’ve tried to be good, but I don’t have the strength anymore. I desire my Julean so much I just can’t think of anything else. If I am guilty of a sin, please forgive me.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw Father Connelly and an altar boy making their way down the rail. As he waited for the priest to reach him, beads of perspiration formed on his brow.
“The body of Christ,” Father said as he gave communion to Julean. “Amen,” whispered Julean.
The altar boy moved to Henry and held a tray below his chin to catch any Host that might fall. When Father Connelly came and stood in front of him, Henry closed his eyes and opened his mouth.
Father Connelly paused.
He knows. He knows my thoughts and won’t give me communion. Henry opened one eye a tiny bit, squinting at the priest through a maze of eyelashes, and then dared open the other as well. His tongue was drying up.
Father Connelly was smiling at him.
Oh, God, does he know?
Father Connelly then reached into the gold chalice, took out a round white Host and said, “This is the body of Christ, Henry.” As the priest’s hand brought the Host towards his mouth, Henry squeezed his eyes together, expecting something awful to happen. He was sure that when the Host touched his tongue, it would erupt into a lashing of fiery hellfire.
But instead, as Father Connelly placed the Host on his tongue, a surge of peace swept over him, and all the passion and desirous thoughts went away. As he stood, he felt completely absolved and at one with the Lord. Henry thanked Him for coming to his rescue and allowing him to receive Him in such a beautiful and unabashed manner.
Chapter Fifty-Five
Edith couldn’t get the conversation with Mrs. Pederson out of her mind, particularly what she’d said about Henry getting married in less than two weeks. She knew how much her daughter had loved him and deep down suspected Jenny still did.
And then there were the dreams—so real, invading her mind nearly every night. In them Ted urged her to confess all to Jenny. It’s like he’s come back from the dead. A shiver ran up and down her spine just thinking about it.
There’s still time, Edith said to herself as she thought of the letter from Henry in her keepsake box. She could pretend the mailman had just delivered it and let Jenny handle it from there. My God, how utterly complicated things could get. She had never really thought about it all like Ted had. Perhaps in the end it might be best to simply step out of fate’s way.
Jenny and James had announced their plans to marry after James’ university convocation in another year. James had promised Jenny the best wedding money could buy and Jenny had smiled at his extravagance. But Edith knew her daughter still longed for a relationship filled with love, and that in the recesses of Jenny’s heart, she longed for Henry—or at least someone of his character. Someone who would put their relationship before financial concerns.
Edith liked James. He was smart, very handsome and would one day likely be very wealthy. His family had status; they moved in jet-set circles. But lately, she questioned whether those assets really held any importance. Jenny seemed happy but was she really? Edith thought she was beginning to understand the desires of her daughter’s heart. Since Ted’s death, Edith had let her guard down and had begun to see what Ted had seen and understand what Ted had known all along. The special sparkle in Jenny’s eyes, even when she was around James, just wasn’t there.
Edith felt guilty. Perhaps the stand she’d taken all those years hadn’t been the right one, after all. Maybe the real reason she hadn’t burned the letter from Henr
y the other night was because down deep she’d known it was wrong. Perhaps she should relent and tell Jenny everything, come hell or high water.
And yet she’d made a pact with Henry’s mother.
With each passing day, the struggle of indecision overwhelmed her. Henry would be married in two days. After that it definitely would be too late. But even if she told Jenny, there was simply no time for Jenny to really do anything about it. She couldn’t call Henry and say, “It’s me, Henry, I still love you. Stop the wedding, I’m coming back to you,” could she? Or, perhaps it was that simple. But how terrible for Henry’s fiancée! No, she’d promised that she wouldn’t show the letter to Jenny while she was alive—she couldn’t break her word. If she did, it would put Mrs. Pederson in a predicament, too.
Edith rose from the patio chair, no longer able to sit still. Not even the beauty and serenity of the estate’s gardens could offer her solace. More than anything, Edith wanted her daughter to be happy. Perhaps she could allow Jenny a five-minute conversation. That’s all it would take to let Jenny know the truth. That’s what Ted would want her to do. But the potential hell those few minutes might cause kept Edith from giving in.
Jenny met her just as she stepped into the kitchen from the patio. “Hi, Mom. I was just coming out to join you. It’s such a beautiful day, I want to enjoy it fully. Soon classes will start again and I won’t be able to sit out here.”
“I can’t believe that you’re in your third year already. Where does the time go? Have you decided on your second major?”
Jenny nodded. “Uh-huh. I’m thinking history in addition to English. That’ll be best for when I’m a high school librarian helping students to look up information for their social studies classes.”
“And this is James’ final year in business administration too, isn’t it?”
“If he finishes—he threatens to quit all the time. He never studies and gets straight A’s all the time. I heard from one of the others in his class that he knows more about business than most of his professors and often argues vehemently with them. What concerns me is the time he spends at work. When he’s not at school or with me, he’s at the office with his father planning the next merger.”
“Well, honey, running a big corporation is very time consuming. You’d better get used to it.”
“That’s just the thing, Mom—I don’t know if I ever will. It bothered me so much when Daddy was so involved at work all the time. I think family should come first.”
Edith was silent for a minute. It had bothered her as well, the amount of time Ted had spent at work. But after awhile she’d gotten used to it and accepted it as part of their life. But maybe she shouldn’t have…maybe Ted would still be alive if ...
“I hate to remind you, Jenny, but we have to leave this house soon to make way for the new president. You’d better enjoy it all while you can.”
“Oh, Mom, so soon? I thought for sure they’d let us stay here for a few more months.”
“Mr. Peakan called two days ago, saying he wanted to meet with me next week. Perhaps I can negotiate a bit of an extension. We’ll see.”
“I’m really going to miss the gardens, the flowers and all the greenery. And in the next week or so all the monarch butterflies will be heading off to Mexico. It all reminds me so much of Cami—” Jenny stopped short of saying her daughter’s name.
Edith looked away.
“I hope we can find some place like it,” Jenny said. “I told James just the other day that when we get married I want an estate just like this one. I told him I wouldn’t leave home unless he promised me a paradise. I was joking, of course, but now I’m really thinking about it—I’ll miss this place so much.”
“Oh, Jenny, an estate isn’t everything. As long as you’re in love and happy, that’s the main thing.”
Jenny stared at her mom but said nothing further. As mother and daughter studied each other, Edith was reminded again of the spark missing from her daughter’s eyes. Something of Jenny’s internal fire was gone, buried deep in the recesses of her heart. Since leaving Regina, that special brightness which had so characterized Jenny’s younger years had grown dimmer and dimmer. Ted had mentioned it often before he died, and Edith had chastised him for seeing pain where she’d been blind to it. But now she saw it too.
Yes, Jenny had James, but neither he nor all the things he promised could fill Jenny’s longing for her first love.
God help me. I’ve lost my sense of direction. I don’t know what to do anymore. Edith turned from Jenny’s perceptive gaze and walked briskly through the kitchen towards the laundry room, hoping that something in the act of cleansing would wash away the cumulative stains of her wrongdoing.
“Hi Tammy, I’m leaving in about fifteen minutes so I should be there about four. The traffic shouldn’t be too heavy by then.”
“That’s great. Chloe’s been asking for you all day. ‘When’s Auntie Jen coming? Where’s Auntie Jen?’ If I hear her say it one more time, I’ll scream. Sometimes I think she’s forgotten that I’m her mother.”
“Oh, Tammy,” Jen laughed. “I bought the cutest little outfit for her at Fannie’s in the mall. It’s a blue denim jumper with a white t-shirt. And guess what it has written on the front?”
“Probably ‘I Have the World’s Greatest Auntie.’ ”
“Tammy! How did you know? Have you seen it already?”
“Nope, but I’m a good guesser.”
The girls laughed.
“So, where are you and Robbie going tonight?”
“He wanted to go to Al’s, his usual steak place, but I suggested La Roma’s, I think it will be more intimate.”
“It is, James took me there last month. It’s a very romantic setting, candles and all, and the Italian food is to die for.”
“Well, Robbie said, ‘La Roma’s it is,’ without any argument. He’s been so nervous all week; I think he might be proposing to me tonight.”
“That’s wonderful, Tammy! It looks like your wish is coming true.”
“Yes, it just might. See? I told you if you make a wish upon a shooting star at the very instant you see it, its dust settles in your heart and your wish comes true.”
Jenny chuckled. “I’ll keep watching, Tammy. But getting back to Robbie, I just love how he plays with Chloe, and much as she likes me, she can’t wait to see him—he’s becoming such a good father.”
“Yes, I know. He keeps asking me to go with him when he leaves again next week. I’m almost tempted to, for Chloe’s sake, but I want to wait until he finishes college next spring. He’s doing so well in his studies and is captain of the basketball team. The college has even granted him another scholarship, did I tell you? Besides, my final year of nursing will be done in January, so it might all just work out for the best.”
“I love the way he looks at you, Tammy;, I can tell he really loves you a lot.”
“The best thing I ever did was to derail that whole sex thing, even though many times, especially lately, I really want to make love to him, too. But he respects me so much and he’s become more mature and responsible and considerate.”
“I’m so glad for you, Tammy. I remember how worried you were about being without him.”
“I’m telling you, Jen, someday I’m going to write a book and tell all the girls never to sell themselves short. Put parameters around your relationship, respect your body and see it as the beautiful gift from God that it is. And for God’s sake, if I may put it so bluntly, Jen, don’t screw around!”
Jen laughed, “They should have you as a guest speaker at Springview. Seriously, the student council followed up on our suggestion and they’ve been having speakers in for the last two years. Next time I run into Mr. Morgan, I’m going to suggest your name.”
Tammy’s voice came down the phone line loud and clear. “When I think of all the hurt and pain girls and couples go through�
�what you went through, and me too—well, it’s just terrible, Jen. It’s been such an eye-opener for me.
“And you know, another thing I’ve learned—partly from you too—has to do with the way girls dress. You always look so lovely, yet you dress modestly. When I was first dating Robbie, I know my cleavage probably showed too much and I wore such tight sweaters, I don’t think much was left to the imagination. What I wore said the wrong thing about me. No wonder he was on me all the time. It was just asking for trouble.
“But speaking of what to wear, I’d better go get ready for tonight. Is there an outfit that says, ‘I’d like to be your wife’? See you in a bit!”
Chapter Fifty-Six
Henry woke up early Friday morning in a panic. There was so much to do. He had already picked up his suit from Goldman’s yesterday. His mother, Aunt Darlene and Mrs. Fix had spent the entire day making cabbage rolls and stuffing turkeys, and volunteers had started the decorating of the hall. Today, he planned to help the volunteers finish decorating. The band leader would be delivering all the instruments and setting up and testing the sound system, and all the wedding party cars needed to be washed and decorated. Then the rehearsal.
Henry was tired just thinking about it all.
And by nightfall, he was exhausted. He arrived home just before nine o’clock, as his mother and several other ladies were putting the finishing touches on the salads. Once the final bowl was finished and the last lady had left, his mother dropped onto the sofa next to him with a long, drawn out sigh.
His father was reading the paper.
“Well, Mr. Pederson,” his mother said to him, “are you all ready?”
Henry smiled. “You bet.”
“Are you nervous about it at all?” she asked.
“A little,” Henry replied, “but everything’s ready and so am I.”
“Not getting cold feet are you, son?” joked his father.
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