“Got any other Pu’er?”
Grimbledung shook his head. “It’s the only one I’ve got, sorry. Say, I can mix it with the Ogrejeeling if you want.” He rubbed his chin. “Yeah, that’d taste nice, I think. You think?”
The dragon stared at Grimbledung.
Grimbledung stared at the dragon.
“Uhm… Grim?” Tried Drimblerod.
Grimbledung looked at the female dragon and gestured at the male with his head. “He shy or something?”
“Why do you fly in our realm?” The female asked.
“It beats walking, sister.” Grimbledung waggled his ears. “Am I right or am I right?”
The female looked at the male. “Well, he is right.”
“Right?” Grimbledung looked at Drimblerod. “Put on a big pot of the Ogrejeeling , Drim. Add the Pu’er once it gets hot. We’re going to be here a while, I thinks.” He looked at the male dragon. “We will heat it with the Ogrejeeling if that works for you, Mister Dragon.”
“I really hope so,” said Drimblerod.
Rat crossed his arms. “Stupid gnomes. I can’t hear a thing from down here. Hey rug, just move back up into position nice and smooth like so I can hear what’s happening.”
The rug obliged by floating upward towards the wagon.
“Wagons do not fly.” The male dragon said. “They just do not.”
“A wagon fly? Don’t be absurd.” Grimbledung cleared his throat.
“Don’t,” Drimblerod begged. “Please don’t.”
“I’ve seen a horse fly. Seen a dragon fly.” Grimbledung put his hands on his hips. “Why, I’ve seen a porch swing, a diamond ring. But I done seen ‘bout everything when I see a wagon fly.”
“What’d. You. Say?” The male dragon rumbled.
“I said when I see a wagon fly.”
“What do you do then?” The female asked.
“Hover.” Grimbledung held out his hands and let them bob in the air. “We’re hovering. Hovering in yon sky, enjoying the breeze and such.” He glanced at his partner. “Making tea even.”
The female dragon sniffed.
“And the last thing we want to do is get on your bad side,” said Drimblerod. “So if you prefer we roll along the ground…”
The male dragon sniffed.
Rug eased up under the tongue of the wagon. The two dragons seemed to ignore them.
Rat moved to the back of the rug and started tying it to the harness.
The male dragon inhaled deeply. “That smell.” He looked at his mate. “Dearest?”
“Oh, sorry,” Grimbledung said sheepishly. He waved his hand behind his butt. “Been up on the bonnet watching the new sun come up. I swallow a lot of air when I’m flying.” He smiled. “How about you? Hey, you ever blow fire to see if…”
The female dragon inhaled deeply as well. “Yes, I smell it too now.”
“Well, then you dealt it sister!” Grimbledung guffawed. He slapped his knee. “Am I right or am I right? Got that tea on yet, Drim?”
Rat finished attaching the rug to the harness.
Drimblerod sat down.
The male dragon narrowed his eyes at Grimbledung. “Where have you been?”
“What lately?” He gestured around. “Hovering, just like I said.”
The dragon flared his wings and thrust his head toward Grimbledung. With his neck stretched out, he inhaled deeply on Grimbledung’s belt pouch.
The spines on the side of his face popped out again. “Where! Have! You! Been!” The dragon roared.
Grimbledung looked over his shoulder. “Well, back there someplace. Not sure exactly where really. Don’t have a map as it were. Didn’t stop to ask directions. Slept through most of it. Had to go to the…”
“WHERE! HAVE! YOU! BEEEEEN!” The smell of Sulphur filled the area as the dragon inhaled through his nose. Tendrils of fire popped into existence around his nostrils as he inhaled.
“The Lost Picman’s Mine!” Drimblerod exclaimed. “We were on holiday and are trying to make good time back home.” As he started to point in the direction of Julesville, he stopped and pointed in a different direction.
“That one lies.” The female said. Now the spines on her face spread out. “He lies to us.”
“Well, you can’t trust wee folk,” said Grimbledung as he reached into his pouch. “They’re small and crafty fellows who will do whatever it takes to get their way with cunning and trickery because they lack in physical prowess.” He pulled out his hand. “But their lack in physical prowess...”
The male dragon reared his head back, preparing to blast the entire wagon in one breath.
“Does not mean you should discount their abilities.” Grimbledung held out his hand and opened it. There were six platinum coins in it. “Because that, dear fire belly, is a big mistake.
The dragon’s eyes locked on the coins. “Platinum!”
“Oh yes, a veritable treasure trove of it.” Grimbledung waved his hand back and forth. The dragons’ head and neck tracked it as it did. “And I can tell you where it is. Piles of it.”
“Where is it?!” The female demanded.
Grimbledung held his hand above his head. “For safe passage, I will tell you exactly… exactly where it is.”
“Tell me!”
“For safe passage, Mister Dragon.”
“You shall have it.” The male said. The spines folded flat against his cheeks. “On my honor you will have safe passage.”
“Fine then.”
“How do we know you won’t just incinerate us after we tell you?” Drimblerod shouted.
Grimbledung dropped his hand and turned. “Drimblerod Axebreath, I am shocked. Shocked is what I am.” He slipped the coins back into his pouch then pointed at his friend. “It is just plain rude to go around calling someone you just met a liar. Why, I’m dashed. And, truth be told, a little embarrassed by that.”
“Well…” Drimblerod looked at his feet. “I just thought…”
“Excuse me…” Said the male dragon.
“You just thought.” Grimbledung tut-tutted. “That’s why folks don’t get along with each other like they should.” He waggled a finger at his partner.
“Just tell me…”
“If folks would be more pleasant with each other and less short and gruff, these lands would be a much nicer…”
“TELL ME WHERE THE TREASURE IS!” Twin rings of smoke popped from the dragon’s nose. They passed on either side of Grimbledung.
Grimbledung ducked. “Easy there, big fellow.” He turned back around. “Don’t go off by accident.”
“Where is it, Gnome?”
“You know about the Lost Picman’s Mine?”
“That place that’s an amusement park?” The female said.
“Why is it everyone knew that but us?” Drimblerod said.
“I know the place,” said the male dragon. “What of it?”
“Well, they have this great ride where you get to sit on a flying carpet.” Grimbledung pointed at the Nain. “And it’s really grand especially if you get one of the nice soft rugs like this one…”
“What does that place have to do with the treasure!”
“I was getting there,” Grimbledung said. He turned to the female. “Before he wasn’t saying anything. Now I can’t get a word in edge-wise.”
The female tilted her head. “Males can be like that.”
“TELL ME!”
“Well, if you go to that place, the Lost Picman’s Mine, and you look for the ride with the flying rugs.”
“Yes?”
“There is a large head in the middle of the wheel the rugs go around.”
“A large head? Of what?”
“Well, it’s not a real head. It’s made of wood.” Drimblerod interjected. “And, now that I think about it, it may be slightly charred as we set fire to it when we left.”
“Inside the big head there is a shaft that leads down to an underground room.”
“And inside that room?”
/> “Heaps of gold and gems, gold. Platinum. Stuff like that.”
“Can this be?” The male dragon looked at Drimblerod.
“Hey now! I just got finished saying how we should all just try to get along, didn’t I? And not going around disparaging one another’s honor.” Grimbledung jabbed a finger at the dragon. “Didn’t I?”
“Well, I…”
“Honestly. I mean, honestly.” Grimbledung raise his hands plaintively. “Honestly?”. He pointed back the way they had come. “Down the shaft is your treasure.”
The male dragon pulled his wings to his body and immediately fell from sight.
Grimbledung leaned over and looked down. “You’re welcome.” He looked at the female dragon. “If you’re ever in Julesville,” He pointed in that direction, “Look us up; Grimbledung and Drimblerod at Second Hand Sorcery. I’ve got a great selection of teas back home and lots of local honey.”
“Thanks,” said the female dragon. “For the treasure and the offer of tea. Maybe next time?”
“Sure, sure.”
The female dragon closed her wings as well and dropped from sight.
“What in the lands did you tell them exactly who we were and where we lived for?” Drimblerod shouted.
“Well, so we could have that tea we offered, of course.” Grimbledung responded as he moved back to the seat. “At some future, undetermined date.”
“You’re going to be the death of me.”[32] Drimblerod leaned back in his seat.
“Right?” Grimbledung sat as well. “What a disaster!” ZOOMBA
“What are you talking about? We went from most definitely getting incinerated to definitely not getting incinerated. That’s about as far from a disaster as you can get.” Rat said.
“What, that?” Grimbledung jerked his thumb backward. “With the dragons? You just need to know how to talk to dragons.” He shook his head. “No, I meant the treasure. That’s a disaster!”
“How is it a disaster?” Drimblerod waggled his ears. “We’re loaded.”
“Remember when I kept sending those magicians to that one underground shelter in the Great Sandy Desert?”
“Yeah, so?”
“Do you remember why I was doing that?”
“Comedic relief?”
“No. Well, yes. But also because, if you remember, that was the farthest place I had ever visited.”
“So?”
“So I sent people there because I had been there. Just like I’ve been to that cave of treasures.” He thumbed backward again. “Where I just sent those two dragons before I got a chance to send you there with a couple of backpacks of holding.”
Drimblerod opened his mouth and closed it. He leaned out past the side of the wagon and looked backward. After a long moment be leaned back in. “What a disaster! Get us back you rug! Back to Julesville!” He grabbed the reins and snapped them. Since they weren’t connected to the rug because it has no mouth to put a bit in, it just stayed put.
“Hey noble and luxurious Nain,” said Grimbledung.
The rug flexed in the middle to turn back and face him.
“If you could get us back to town as quickly as possible, I will make sure to give you a good whacking when we get back. You’ll be as clean as when you were made.”
The rug straightened then shot off. Pulling the wagon away at incredible speed.
Thanks to the rug’s speed, the Gnomes would beat both the magicians and the Elves back. It would only be by a few minutes.
But it was plenty of time for at least one Gnomish panic attack.
Perhaps two.
Chapter 54
A Second Hand Sorcery Shaped
Hole in Julesville
“AHHHHH!” Screamed Grimbledung. As he flailed on the ground. Because he had hopped out of the wagon as Drimblerod made a turn a block away and encountered the space that used to contain their shop before anyone else in the wagon.
He stared at the sign that was stuck in the ground where the shop used to be.
“AHHH! Screamed Grimbledung again. Because nothing else came to mind.
“Grimbledung, what is the matter?”
Grimbledung turned his head to look at Pozzuoli. “Oh, it’s terrible Pozzswoolie, just terrible.”
Pozzuoli ignored the mangling of his name. Even though it infuriated him because at least half the time, the annoying Gnome got his name correct so there was no reason he could not get it correct every time. “What’s-a the trouble?” He looked around. “Where is the Drimblerod?”
“He’s landing the wagon.” Grimbledung sat up and wiped his nose on his shirt. “Just wait until he sees what has happened.” Grimbledung tugged on his ears.
Pozzuoli read the sign. “I don’t see. So what is wrong?”
“There is no shop! Someone has stolen it!” Grimbledung flopped onto his back and drew his legs up. He grabbed his knees and rocked back and forth. “All is lost.”
“It-a says right here that the two magicians took the shop.”
Grimbledung sat up again. “Those dirty thieves!”
“Thieves don’t usually leave notes or signs saying what they a-done.” Offered Pozzuoli.
“Those considerate dirty thieves!” Corrected Grimbledung. He hopped to his feet. “What’s the sign say?” He leaned in to where his nose almost touched the wood. “What’s it saaaay, Signore Pozzuoli?”
It was moments like this that made Pozzuoli think that Grimbledung’s antics were all a long-term, well-played-out ruse.[33] Even so he just answered politely: “It-a says that they took the shop when they left and they will-a be right back.”
“When did they leave?”
“I dunno.” Pozzuoli shrugged.
“Where did they go?”
“Search me.”
“How long will they be gone?”
“No idea.” Pozzuoli looked around, hoping someone -anyone- who could extricate him from the conversation would show up.
“I knew we shouldn’t have left the shop with them!” Grimbledung grabbed the sign with both hands and shook it back and forth. “Ahhhhhh!”
“Grimbledung, what is the racket about?”
Grimbledung wheeled on his partner. “The shop is gone, Drim. GONE!”
Drimblerod looked at Pozzuoli. “Pozz?”
“It’s-a gone alright.”
Drimblerod walked to the sign and read it. “No, I meant do you know what happened? How long was the shop here before it disappeared?”
“It was here until yesterday,” Pozzuoli said. “Those two magicians did an okay job running your place.” He glanced at Grimbledung. “There was at least more silencio.”
“That a type of cheese?”
Pozzuoli shook his head at Grimbledung. “No.” He turned back to Drimblerod. “It seems that the assassenino woman find out where Liverioso’s love was.” He raised his hands plaintively. “So they-a went to get her.”
“A minute ago you didn’t know nothing about anything,” said Grimbledung. “Now you have details?”
“So they’ve been gone a day then.” Drimblerod leaned on the sign. “Well, hopefully they find her soon.”
“What if they never come back?” Grimbledung flopped to the ground again. “Never ever never!” He pulled his ears for good measure.
A peal of thunder made Pozzuoli and Drimblerod duck.
In a flash of blue light, Liverioso, Semfeld, and Sage appeared.
Semfeld doubled over. He put his hands on his knees and breathed deeply. “Shouldn’t... have... eaten.”
Liverioso dropped to his knees and put his hands on the ground. “Better... second... time.”
Sage threw up.
“Hey, you!” Drimblerod said. “What’s the idea of taking our shop?” He looked at the trio. “Where is the shop, anyway?”
“You three don’t look alright,” Grimbledung rolled to his side and looked at Sage. “You really don’t look alright. You alright?”
Sage looked at Grimbledung.
And threw up.
>
“Well, that’s a little insulting, I should say.”
Semfeld shrugged off a backpack. “We have it right here.” He took a few more deep breaths. “We didn’t know who to leave in charge after you left us in charge.” He stood upright. “So we brought it along so we wouldn’t have to worry that who we put in charge would just steal the shop.”
“Like you did!”
Semfeld nodded at Grimbledung. “Exactly.”
Liverioso rocked back onto his heels as his head reeled. He pointed. “We left a sign.”
Grimbledung rolled across the ground to Liverioso and grabbed him around the leg. “Where is our shop?” He tried to pull Liverioso’s leg to his mouth to bite him but Liverioso hopped to get out of reach. Grimbledung scrambled over to him on all fours and bit his pant leg. “Where is it?” He said around the fabric.
“I said it’s right here, you crazy Gnome.” Semfeld patted the backpack.
“Grrr!” Said Grimbledung as hair sprang from his ears. “GRRRR!”
“What is this?” Sage stepped back. “Is he…”
“Calm down, Grim,” said Drimblerod. He moved over and took his friend by the collar. “Drop the magician. Drop him I say.”
“Grrr!” Grimbledung replied. His teeth grew longer and sharp. So did his finger and toenails.
Sage stepped toward Grimbledung. A growl started in the back of her throat.
“Sage?” Liverioso was torn between looking at the now-hairy Gnome and Sage.
“Let go!” Drimblerod said. He tugged on his partner’s collar.
Akita and Nulu ran into the open area.
“We heard the thunder peal so we figured…”
“Akita!” Drimblerod turned to the constable for help. “Stop Grimbledung from biting Semfeld.”
Akita barked at Grimbledung.
Grimbledung looked at him. “Grrr-rabbits?”
“No, no rabbits today. Let go of that man’s leg.” Akita pointed. “Maybe rrrabits tomorrow,” he said as he rolled his r’s.
Grimbledung and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Mine (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 5) Page 28