"Thank you, Mrs. Ruth." I sighed. "I miss you."
"It's only been a day, Clara."
I nodded, though she couldn't see me. "Yeah, but it feels like an eternity."
"You'll be home tomorrow, right?"
"I'll try."
"Ok, well if you get a chance, call Pastor tonight. He'd love to hear it for himself."
"Ok," I said, but knew I wasn't going to do that. "I love you, Mrs. Ruth."
I realized that I'd never said that to her before. I heard her soft gasp before she said, "I love you, too, honey. You're sure you're all right?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Ok," she said reluctantly. "I'll see you tomorrow then."
"Bye," I said and let the phone drop from my fingers into the pocket on my bag.
"I guess my persuasion wasn't up to par, huh?" Eli said dryly. "Sorry."
"It's ok," I said truthfully and lay down, putting my head in his lap. "What about the Horde?"
"What about them?"
"The Witch who gave you the stone had to know where we were going. She said she'd give us a head start. You're not afraid the Horde will be there waiting for us?"
"They might be," he agreed, "but it's worth the risk to get you better."
"Dead is better?" Enoch muttered and I looked at him. He pointed angrily to his bond and screwed up his lips. "Bond! I don't give a flip, but the frigging bond is pissed you're even thinking about it now that the Witch is on to you."
"Has to be done," Eli said, his eyes closed as he leaned his head back. His fingers combed through my hair and I wanted to groan at how good it felt against my pounding head. "I'll keep her safe, but The Wall is the only place to get the answers. Once we're in, the Horde can't touch us until we come back out again."
"Why?" I ask distractedly.
"Because the Horde doesn't go to The Wall. They think it's betrayal and disgusting to mix and mingle the races that way. Just like Consumed Clubs. They don't go against them, but they avoid them."
"I just can't wait to get there," Finn said dreamily. "There're so many Sirens!" He grinned. "Do you have any idea what feeding emotion from a Siren is like?" He shivered in delight. I almost vomited in disgust.
"This is about you getting your kicks with Sirens? I thought you wanted the bond broken?" Eli asked.
"Oh, I do. And I'm pretty confident that we can do that. But who says we can't have a little fun, too?"
"I think you should sell the bird, Eli," Enoch said, eying the creature. "He's no use to you and I bet you could get a good price for him."
"I'm not sure that's a good idea," Eli said. "I feel like he's got a secret that that I haven't figured out yet."
"How poetic," Finn muttered.
The bird held itself against the side of the cage and yelled, "Arequipa! Arequipa!"
"We're going!" Finn yelled and gave Eli a strange look. "How can you stand that thing?"
"I don't know. It definitely does not grow on you."
"A Goblin's tooth is all you need!" Cavuto yelled.
"What's he going on about?" Enoch asked.
"We don't know," Eli answered and sat up a bit. "He keeps saying it."
"Arequipa!"
"Shut it, bird!" Finn said and shook the cage with his foot, causing the bird to shriek and squawk.
"Hey," I said and wondered why I needed to defend the bird who hated me, but I just did. "It's a bird. What do you want us to do? Muzzle it?"
"We could muzzle you," he rebutted and smiled. "I'd pay a thousand bucks to see it done."
"Finn," Eli warned. Finn rolled his purple eyes and muttered something about making a phone call before we got too far from shore.
"Do you feel all right?" Enoch asked me, surprising me and Eli.
"Yes. Why?"
"Because the bond is going nuts right now." He rubbed his wrist. "Really it's been going nuts for days. It doesn't make any sense."
"It makes perfect sense," Eli said sadly. "The bond is letting you know that the Devourer blood is hurting her."
"But…I feel fine right now," I said. "I don't feel any different."
"It's ok," Eli soothed and pulled me back down to lay on him. My stomach growled loudly and I peeked up to see Eli laughing silently.
"It was that loud, huh?" I said and felt myself blushing a little.
"It's like your body is trying to eat itself," Enoch muttered in disgust. "I'll ask the Captain what he's got to eat. There better be a meal included for what Eli paid."
"I'm sorry," Eli said suddenly. "I should have made sure you ate before we left shore." He sighed. "There I go again, being really crappy at taking care of you."
"It's ok, Eli. We've been a little preoccupied."
"That's no excuse."
Enoch came back and said the Captain, i.e. a small Guatemalan man who barely spoke a lick of English, said that dinner would be served in a half hour. My stomach growled happily at the news. Little did I know that 'dinner being served' meant egg salad sandwiches and a bag of Cheetos to share.
I scarfed the meal; the pickle bits stuck in the egg salad seemed to hit the spot perfectly. I drank all of my Dr Pepper and then grabbed the bag of Cheetos from Enoch to take with me.
"Hey!" Enoch complained as his hand was yanked out of it.
"I'm the only one on this boat who has to eat except the Captain. Bite me."
"Don't tempt me," he growled.
I went to the bow and leaned against the rail as I munched on the cheesy goodness. Cheetos were practically the best invention ever.
Eli chuckled as he came up behind me and caged me with his arms against the rail. It reminded me of our date at the club with Patrick. It seemed forever ago. "Cheeto thief."
"Guilty," I said and popped another one in my mouth. "Mrs. Ruth never has crunchy Cheetos in the house because she read in a parenting magazine that they're a choking hazard."
"So you're getting your fill," he said amused and reached around me to steal a few. I heard his crunch in my ear. "Best invention ever."
I turned to him in surprise. "I literally just thought that exact thing like ten seconds ago."
"So surprised?" he smiled. "Didn't you know we were perfect for each other?"
I smiled and nodded. "I did know that."
"Good. You look so much better," he observed. "And you seem in higher spirits."
"Talking to Mrs. Ruth was good." I thought about it. "I never really embraced her as a mother figure, and I realized that when she called. It's like I've been subconsciously waiting for my mom to come back. But she's not, and I need to move on. Pastor and Ruth love me. I thought when I moved in that I'd be just be a burden or a guest, but I made myself that way."
"And now?"
"Now, they're my family and it's time I start acting like it."
He toyed with his tongue ring with his teeth, his eyes unfocused. "Can I ask you something?"
"Mmhmm," I mumbled and popped another Cheeto.
"The truth. Do you want kids someday?"
I stopped and stared at him. "Can I be truthful and you not try to put some on self-deprecating act?"
He laughed in surprise. "Sure, yes."
"I'm not sure." The answer surprised him. "I think I would, but…things have changed."
"Because of me?" he said and screwed up his lips.
"That sounds like self-deprecation," I sang.
"Am I the reason?" he insisted.
"If we had kids," I hedged, "would they be Devourers?"
"No," he answered softly.
"Then why was Hatch going on about-"
"He thinks it's wrong, an abomination. But Devourers can't be made; they have to be born of two Devourers. If we had children, they wouldn't be different than any other human child. They'd never feel different, or act or look or know different."
I licked my lips. "Yes, I want kids one day. Can I ask you a question?"
"Of course."
I held my breath as I asked, "Why did you ask me about children?"
He lo
oked at me closely, and I knew he was looking at my mismatched eyes and our possibly broken future, but I didn't look away. "Because I think it's proper to know if the girl I'm in love with wants children someday or not."
My heart stopped. He said it. He said it to me, to my face, with no inflection or deflection.
"I have other questions, too," he continued when I stayed silent. "Where do we want to live after we graduate? What's your favorite restaurant? Do you want to go to college? Do you-"
I cut off his questions with a hug. He sighed and I thought I felt him chuckle, too. "Eli," I said, but it croaked out of me.
He leaned back and the horrified expression on his face told me the tears that were clinging had let go. "Oh, love, I didn't mean to upset you. You don't have to say it back to me. That's not why I-"
"No, dummy, they're tears of happiness," I said. I'd said that to him before when he thought I was upset about the bond. I wasn't upset then and I definitely wasn't upset now.
He remembered and smiled as he repeated what he'd said that day, too, "Then, I'm honored."
"I've never told anyone I loved them before," I explained.
"You don’t have to-" he started.
"Eli, shut up," I said softly. He smirked and nodded for me to go on. "I've never said it because I've never felt it and I won't say anything that I don’t feel. And I won't say 'I love you, too' because my feelings should be my own, based on what I feel. But you can trust me when I say that…I love you."
His eyelids fluttered a bit before closing. "The best kind of agony," he muttered.
"What do you mean?" I asked and put myself flush to him.
He accepted me into his arms and pressed his forehead to mine. "My heart hurts with the knowledge that I don't deserve you."
"Eli-" I started to argue.
"Clara, shut up," he whispered softly and smiled. I smiled, too, and sighed as a sign to him to keep going. "I don't deserve you and never will, but I'll never let you go." Then he mouthed, "I. Love. You."
I mouthed back, "I. Love. You."
His mouth moved to mine with infinite slowness and torture. Just as his lips touched me, I felt the Cheetos bag fall from my fingers. His lips were warm and soft and damp from where he'd licked them. I sighed when I felt his arm across my back, pulling me up gently. I felt something else, too; a fire in my chest, but the warmth was welcomed.
So...this was what love felt like…
I let my hands do what they pleased, and they gripped his neck and hair. He groaned. Hmm. He must like that.
"What…Clara!" Enoch boomed, jolting us to look at him. "You wasted the Cheetos!"
I looked down at my feet to the see the bag of Cheetos leaning over the edge. Eli and I leaned over the boat side to see a sea of orange twigs in our wake. I pressed my lips together. Eli held up his hand to stop it. It didn't help.
We both broke out, bursting in laughter. The kind where you fall on each other to keep from tipping over. The kind where you grip each other and squint eyes and your body threatens to pee on itself if you don't stop. The kind where your future brother-in-laws stomp off in a hissy fit.
The kind that I so desperately needed.
Fifteen
Enoch sulked in the corner chair of the front deck. I tried not to smile about it anymore, though I was thoroughly enjoying the situation at his expense. Eli left me snuggling warmly under a blanket on the bench. He went to speak to the Captain about where exactly he planned to dock. We still had to either do a cab or rent a car to get to The Wall and he was trying to calculate everything.
"You know he only told you he loves you because he thinks you're going to die."
I stilled. Such hatred, such malice, such belligerence from someone who didn't even know me. "Don't talk to me anymore, Finn. I don't want to hear it."
I lay down and pulled the blanket higher.
"I'm just trying to save you some heartache." He shrugged. "You never saw them together, him and Angelina. I don't know what he's told you about them, but she was very much in love with him," he growled and sneered. I looked at him curiously.
"You sound very jealous," I whispered.
He stood and threw his glass on the floor. It shattered, but before the glass even flitted its way across the deck, Enoch was there. He shoved Finn back into his seat and held his hand out in front of me as he spoke to Finn. "I suggest you stop feeling sorry for yourself and shut up."
"Sorry for myself?" he scoffed and glared at me. "And I am not jealous."
"Ok," I said to placate the situation.
He stalked off to the other side of the boat and I sighed as I sat.
"I should never have brought him," Enoch muttered and tossled his hair.
"You brought him to get rid of me," I said softly, but honestly. "Why are you upset that that's exactly what he's trying to do?"
"Because it hurts you to do it," he answered and looked back at me. "The kind of pain and hurt I get through the bond isn't the kind I get when I feed from people. It hurts me to hurt you, or watch you be hurt. Like right now, you're hurting somewhere, aren't you?"
I hesitated and nodded. "My head. It's killing me."
He left without another word and went below. He came back quickly with a glass of ice water and a couple of pills. He held his hand out for me to take them, so I did. "Take it," he ordered quietly. "You should feel better soon."
"Not to jinx anything, but this is the nicest you've ever been to me. Why? I'm not going to be a Devourer, Enoch. I want you to know that so you don’t get even more upset later when we fix what's wrong with me."
"Yeah, I figured." He smirked. "High hopes."
"Why?" I repeated.
"Because…I guess I'm stuck with you. And like I said, if hurts when you're hurting. So, self-preservation and all that."
I smiled and nodded. "Right." I took the pills and drank the whole glass of water. Enoch watched me do it, to make sure I was taking them I guess. "I wish Eli and I could feel each other through the bond the way you can me."
"I would gladly offer it to him."
"Why can't your parents feel it?"
"It's a brotherlysisterly bond thing," he said and waved his hand at me in annoyance.
"Hey, I am sorry, you know."
"For what, princess?" he said snidely. "Ruining my life or making me soft?"
"Both. I would never have bound myself to Eli had I known what would happen to you."
He smiled humorlessly. "Yes, you would have."
I pressed my lips together. "Maybe," I conceded after a pause. "I love him. Like really down-in-my-soul love him. Don’t you want to be happy for him?"
"Are you kidding?" he hissed. "You ruined his life before you ruined mine."
"I think your dictionaries are different, Enoch," I said and leaned my head back. It wasn't hurting anymore, but I was so, so tired.
"Hey," Eli asked as he emerged. "What's all the hissing about?" He stepped on the broken glass and it crunched under his feet. "What's this? What happened?" he asked and came to me.
Enoch answered, "She didn't like Finn's advice, and Finn didn't like her assessment of him."
"Assessment?" Eli asked, his brow rose. "What happened?"
"He threw his glass," I said. "He's sulking over there." I waved my hand towards that end of the boat. "He's fine. I'm fine."
"And the hissing?" Eli questioned Enoch.
"No hissing, brother mine. We're just one big happy family."
Eli rolled his eyes and looked to me for the answer. I grinned. He rolled his eyes again and smiled before leaning back on the seat beside me. But then his face changed and he sat back up. He took my chin in his hands and looked at me closely. "Clara, did you take something?"
"Yes, why?"
"Your pupils are dilated," he murmured. "What did you take?" I looked to Enoch in answer. Eli knew immediately what happened and growled as he stood. "What did you give her, Enoch?"
"Just some tranquilizers the old man had stashed in the bathroom."
"Some! Some tranquilizers, as in more than one!" Eli boomed.
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