by BA Tortuga
“Danny says you’re not answering. Are you okay?”
“My phone was on silent.”
“Well, he needs to know when you’re coming home.” So did Kris.
“I’ll call him. I… I’ve been working a lot, visiting friends. I’ll be home next week.”
Where the fuck was Josh staying? What was he doing? He had a business to run. Kris started ramping up, and he knew it wasn’t fair. “Are you—did you need anything?”
“I needed you, but that didn’t work out worth a shit.” Josh didn’t sound angry, just tired. “I’m going to bring Cypress with me, show him around Austin. I think he’ll like it. It’s the best time of year there.”
“Yeah. Okay. Well, let Danny know where you are in the process.”
“I will. I don’t have ’net access here, but I’ll go into town and log in, check e-mails.”
“Thank you.” They did civil and noncommittal so well. Kris wanted to scream. “Okay. My dad is waiting for me to have supper. Just leave the car at the gallery?”
“I will. I’ll have it detailed. I’ll let you know when we’re planning the opening.”
“That will be great. I want to see it.”
“Cy is brilliant. It will be perfect and make a fortune. Have fun with the Judge. Tell him you walked away from me. He’ll love that shit.” The phone went dead.
Kris wanted to hit the wall and punch a damned hole in the dark wood paneling.
Instead he tucked his phone into his jeans and headed back to the table.
“Everything okay?” the Judge asked, not looking like he was too worried.
“Just a few things to iron out at the gallery. Josh is still in Santa Fe.” He sat carefully, worried he might break.
“Doing what? Spending your money on more art?”
“Dad. Please.” He blinked rapidly at his potato, about to lose his shit in the worst way.
To his dad’s credit, the conversation immediately turned to the weekend’s cookout, whether they should do ribs or steak. He voted for ribs, but he knew Tyna would ask for chicken and jalapeno poppers.
“Hot dogs for the kids, though. No sense wasting good meat on them.”
Kris chuckled. Man, how many times had he heard that in his lifetime? “Maybe some chicken too. Kids like chicken.”
“Like y’all know anything about kids. I need grandbabies, and you and your sister aren’t cooperating.”
The gruff teasing continued, the Judge giving him the distraction he needed.
He had the feeling that would be harder to deal with tonight when he was alone with his thoughts.
14
Josh finished gessoing another set of canvasses while Cy worked, and Zack explored the studio like a giant cat inventorying his lair before heading out back to start the grill.
Weirdos, the lot of them.
“You about ready to break for the night?” He’d taken up Cy’s schedule, going to bed in the wee hours of the morning and sleeping a few hours, getting up for coffee and wandering around town before napping in the sun for another few hours and then getting to work.
Josh found the whole thing fascinating.
“Yeah.” Cypress blinked owlishly, then stretched hard, his clay-covered hands grasping the air.
“I got the canvasses ready for tomorrow.” Eventually he was going to have to go back home. One week had turned into two, and although Zack said there was no pressure, this vacation was going to have to come to an end, one way or another. Thank God for flexible freelance schedules.
Tomorrow.
He’d paint tomorrow, and then they could go.
Josh yawned, trying to push back the thought of how long his nights seemed when all he could do was lie there and think of Kris.
He wasn’t even to the point where he could jack off to thoughts of the son of a bitch. All he could do was remember that last night.
It would change. It had before, but right now, no.
“I put the lawn chairs out, guys, and the fire pit’s going.” Zack’s voice sounded lonely, and Josh headed out to wash up and settle, spend some time with his sponsor, his mentor, his best friend.
“You want to go on a hike in the morning? One more before we head back?” Mornings were Zack’s favorite times, and Josh sort of loved their weird, rambling conversations as they hiked.
“I would love that.” Zack shared a grin with him. “The landscape here is like the moon or something. So cool.”
“Yeah. Everything is different. Fascinating.” Soothing too, bone deep.
“Everything here is just like home.” Cypress sat down, sprawled like a giant gooney bird. “If you find any good rocks, bring them back. I’ve been planning a piece.”
“Okay.” Cypress always had some project in the works. Clay, canvas, or collage. All the good C’s. Josh loved his process, loved to sit and watch Cy work out of the corner of his eye.
More than that, he was painting. Hell, he’d sold two canvasses to tourists wandering by. Two.
Him.
“You two. It’s fascinating to watch y’all work. It’s like… exercise and shit.”
Josh chuckled at Zack. “Did you know if you add ‘and shit’ to the end of a sentence, you sound more gangster?”
Cy snorted. “I thought it was if you added vato….”
“Nah, then you sound like a cholo.” Zack delivered the line in perfect deadpan, and then they all cracked up.
“Nope, that’s Lonan. He’s flannel wearing and all.”
“Lonan?” Zack asked.
“My ex. The one that broke my heart. We all have one, huh?”
Josh nodded, and Zack hummed, completely noncommittal, and went to turn the chicken. Josh knew better; Zack had Ray, a sponsor in AA, a man he loved desperately who just never loved him back the same way.
“So what happened with Lonan?” Josh had this intense desire to know all.
“It’s a long story. I had a flu that wouldn’t go away. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move without hurting. It was crazy, and Lonan begged me to go to a doctor, but I went to my gran. She treated me. I went to healers, naturopaths, everything I could think of, but I just got worse. Finally I collapsed in the road, and someone called an ambulance. It wasn’t the flu.”
“What was it?” Josh’s eyes felt like they were burning from the smoke, from the story.
“Leukemia. Lonan came to the hospital, stayed with me every second of the chemo, all of it. Once the treatments were over and I was in remission, he said he’d stayed because he cared for me, but that he couldn’t do it anymore. I…. Well, I’m a bit of a bird, and he’s like the earth itself. Steady. Solid. I think he worried that I would peck at him until there was nothing left.”
Oh. Josh blinked hard, the smoke definitely making him tear up. “That sucks. I’m glad you’re well now.”
“I am too. I miss him. He lives close. We have breakfast together sometimes. He does me favors. He fixed my sink. He was right, though. I have nothing to offer him, nothing that I can do. No favors, you know?”
Zack grunted, sounding so caveman that Josh snorted before he could stop it.
“What?” Zack said. “That’s a pile of bullshit. Love isn’t about a broken washing machine or tiling a floor. I mean, I get being scared, but your ex sounds like a giant pussy.”
Cy clapped his hands over his mouth, but that didn’t stop the laughter bubbling over.
Relaxing, Josh joined in, the laughter the best part of all this time they’d spent together.
“When are we going to have to leave here, Josh? Soon?”
Josh wasn’t sure if Cy sounded excited or worried.
“Day after tomorrow.”
Zack nodded, his expression full of sympathy. “I hate to say it, but I need to get back to work.”
“Yeah. Me too. And I have to introduce Cypress to Austin. Feed him good barbecue.” He didn’t want to go back, even though it was home.
“Mmm. Do they have barbecued tofu?” Cypress winked, the joke be
coming common now. Zack had accused Cypress of being a tofu lover on their first night together.
“Mother’s on Duval totally does!” He loved their tempeh enchiladas.
Zack gagged audibly. “Rabbit food and pressed bean curd.”
“You like their baked potatoes,” Josh reminded him.
“You know very well I’ll eat brisket too,” Cy put in.
“Brisket is fatty. Eat the lean.”
Cy and Josh rolled their eyes in concert. “Nutritionists!”
Zack looked over, stuck out his tongue at them. “Fuck monkeys.”
“Really? Fuck monkeys?” Josh didn’t think Zack was trying hard enough. He seemed off his game.
“Dingleberries? Douche nozzles.” Zack waved his tongs. “You get the idea.”
Cy nodded. “He thinks we’re giant dorks.”
“Did you know a dork is a whale’s penis?” Josh was a wealth of useless information.
They both gave him a look, and he shrugged. “I spend a lot of time surfing the web.”
“You need to paint more,” Cy said. “Seriously.”
“Either that or you need to start running with me.”
“I’ll paint, thanks.” His hair was heavy enough that it would drive him crazy and also, hello? Running.
He looked into the fire, and he could hear Kris saying, “Christ, you’re such a hipster.”
Josh took a deep breath, and then he nodded. “Yeah. I totally need to paint more. Totally.”
15
“Thanks, Leon. I’ll call you tomorrow once I have that bank draft set up. Right. Okay. Bye.” He hung up with one of his suppliers for the ranch, intending to get with the business of stock trading. He’d wasted two fucking days at Two Spirits paying bills and signing forms because Josh wouldn’t come home, so now he was at his place in Austin, catching up on his real businesses.
He turned back to his laptop, and damned if the phone didn’t ring again, making him jump a mile. Not Josh. Damn it. He didn’t know the number, but he answered anyway.
“Kris Cerny.”
“Hey Kris. It’s James. James Eller. I called last month about the property on Avenue G? I have clients that are very interested in that parcel.”
“Yeah, hey. I’m still working on my partner. What are we looking at, ballpark? Offer-wise, I mean.”
“My people are very eager. If we can close in thirty days, they’re offering five million, cash.”
Holy shit. The words actually affected Kris physically, pushing him back in his chair. He stared at nothing, shocked into silence for a moment.
They’d paid five hundred for it, if by them you meant Kris. Five hundred thousand, and Josh would work for free for the first ten years. They’d been together then, and they’d laughed over that. He assumed Josh paid himself now. He didn’t deal much with the day-to-day shit. Right now it was a tax write-off.
“We can maybe swing five and a quarter, if that makes it easier to decide.”
“Hey, I’m not having a crisis about it, but I have to talk to Josh. He’s not wanting to sell.” Was he really going to do this? Yeah, he thought he was.
“Do you think you can have an answer for me by close of business?”
“If you can swing five and a quarter, we have a deal.”
“No shit? Thirty days to close?”
“Cash?”
“I’ll have the paperwork drawn up and sent over today. I appreciate it, man.” Eller sounded like he was on cloud nine.
Thank God Josh’s name wasn’t on the paperwork. With half the profits, Josh could start whatever business he wanted, anywhere he wanted. That would be the best solution, right? A clean break.
“I’ll be here at the house in Austin.”
“Good deal. Good doing business with you. E-mail me the name of the lawyer you’re going through?”
“You bet.” He dug Holly’s card out of his Rolodex. He could shoot that e-mail out by the end of the hour.
He ended that call, e-mailed Holly and Eller, then hit Josh’s number before he could talk himself out of making this deal.
“’Lo?” That wasn’t Josh.
“Cypress?”
“Uh-huh. Josh is painting. You okay?”
“I am. I need to talk to Josh, though.” He wasn’t okay, but selfish as it sounded, he wasn’t doing this for him. He was giving Josh his freedom, giving him the tools to make a whole new life.
“Oh.” The sound came out oh-OH-oh, singsongy and foreign. “Josh, it’s Kris. He needs you. To talk to you.”
Another voice sounded, one he didn’t recognize. “Tell him you’re working.”
“Shut up, asshat.” That was Josh. “What’s up?”
“Hey.” He wanted to ask who the other guy was, but he bit back the words. “We had an offer on the gallery.”
“Yeah, you said. I said no.”
“No, Josh. We had a new offer today. Crazy good. Cash. We have thirty days to close.”
“No. I don’t want to sell it. It’s our dream.”
“Five and a quarter million in cash, Josh. With half of that, you can build any dream you want.” Kris felt like a piece of cracked china, ready to split if someone breathed on him. He had to do this. Had to.
“I don’t care. That’s our gallery.”
He shook his head. “You don’t really have a choice, man. Don’t you get it? Everything’s in my name, and I agreed to the terms. For once, do something that’s in your best interest and just take the goddamn money.”
“I…. You did what?”
“I told them I’d do the deal. The gallery’s a losing proposition, and we both know it. You’ll never get this kind of money any other way.” It was his way of making things right, dammit. He couldn’t give Josh what he wanted, but he could make sure his lover was taken care of.
“Jesus, you are your father’s son, aren’t you? Down to the motherfucking bone. How long do I have?”
“I told you. Thirty days.” His throat hurt from not screaming. Yeah, he was his daddy’s all right. Better than being anything like his mom.
“Fine. I’ll be home tomorrow, and we’ll do the showing in two weeks. You fucking stay away from the gallery, you hear me? You leave it alone. I’ll be out in three weeks.” Josh sounded like he was about to explode.
“Josh? Are you okay, man?” the voice asked.
“No, Zack. I’m not fucking okay. Let me be a second. I’ll be right in.”
“Who the hell is Zack?” Kris couldn’t help it. He growled out the question, on the offensive since the defensive didn’t work for the cowboy in him.
“My best friend.”
The words left him speechless for a second. “Your what?”
“My best friend. You remember those? Friends? Buddies? Pals?”
“What? Did you used to drink with him?” He couldn’t stop himself.
Josh started laughing, the sound like someone had torn it out of the man and it hurt something awful. “I wish. We’d have destroyed universes together. I’ll have Danny trade out your car for mine.”
Yeah, the old Toyota was still sitting there in his driveway in Austin.
“That’s fine.” It wasn’t. Nothing would ever really be right again after this, but Kris needed to know Josh was set up for life. Period. “I still want to know when the showing is.”
“There will be announcements. I want this last one to be good.” The phone line went dead, quiet.
Kris killed his phone too, and carefully put it down on his desk. He took a deep breath in through his nose and let it out through his mouth. Then another, his lungs not wanting to work. At some point this had to get easier.
Right?
He closed his eyes for a second, then the phone rang again, Holly’s face on the screen.
Work. Right. Work.
That would keep him in cattle, even if it didn’t patch his soul a bit.
16
Josh dropped Zack off at his condo, getting a hard hug and an admonition to call if he was tempted.
Tempted? Sure. Absolutely. He was going to go to Kris’s house and rip that son of a bitch a new asshole.
“Is it always this busy here?” Cy was wide-eyed, staring at the Austin traffic.
“Nope, sometimes it’s worse.” He still wasn’t sure if Cy wanted his bed in his apartment or to just stay in a long-term hotel deal. His temper was bad enough that he wasn’t feeling particularly patient, either. Selling the gallery without so much as a by-your-leave. “Have you thought about where you want to stay?”
“I—could I stay with you?” Cypress sounded freaked-out, just really breathless.
“Sure. I have a double bed, a couch. Are you scared of dogs? Because that’s my next stop. I miss my Boomer.”
“You have a dog?” That seemed to brighten Cy up, actually. “I love dogs. I don’t really need one of my own in Madrid, you know?”
“I do. He’s a monstrosity. Think cave bloodhound. I adore him.”
“Oh wow. Weird dogs are the best.” Cy glanced at him sideways. “How is it, being back here?”
“I miss New Mexico already.” He winked over. “Austin is the coolest place in Texas, man. I swear, I’m just super stressed out.”
“He’s really going to sell the gallery?”
“He really is. I mean, it’s money, right. Never hook up with someone that doesn’t love art more than cash.”
“No shit.”
Oh. Right. He reached out, swerving to miss a car that decided to change lanes as he headed into the hills. Boomer loved his boarder, but Josh didn’t intend to wait another second to get puppy kisses.
Boomer loved him, no matter what. Tiny apartment, big dreams and all. Lord, he was maudlin.
“We could go set his house on fire.”
“Oh, you’re sweet.” Josh had to smile. “Then again, I did that and it didn’t help.”
They started laughing, and it got so bad he had to pull over on a side street, both of them howling like idiots. He was going to get arrested if he wasn’t careful. Kris would love that. To see him fail again somehow.
“Why can’t we just fuck each other, Josh, and make it be good?” It sounded less like a come-on than a genuine question.