by BA Tortuga
Oh man.
“I’m doing the best I can.” And that was the God’s honest truth. He wasn’t going to let anyone make him feel like he was a fuckup, ever again.
“You’re amazing.” The rest of their food came, Zack’s omelet smelling like heaven with melted cheese.
Danny came by and got a cup of coffee and the pertinent information before heading out in a cloud of what was either lemon Pledge or some fascinatingly bad cologne.
Zack coughed when Danny left them. “He might shower before the show.”
“I might hose his skanky ass down.”
Zack chuckled, then hooted, then started laughing kinda uncontrollably. Ah, tension release. That was something he got, bone-deep. He laughed along so Zack didn’t get all tense about it. “Thank you, man. I needed a friend. I might need you over the next couple of weeks.”
“Whatever you need, you got it.”
“You rock.” Zack wiped his eyes on his napkin. “Eat up, huh? I know you need to get back to work.”
“I’m actually in a holding pattern. Cy is sleeping today, resting for the opening. You, though, you need a few hours of sleep.”
“I do.” Zack’s gaze sharpened. “Cy is freaking out, isn’t he?”
“You know it. I haven’t told anyone about it. I don’t want him to be any more nervous than he is right now, but he’s losing his shit. I don’t think he’s slept in days.”
“Crap. Is it just nerves? The show?”
“I’m sure. What else could it be?”
“I don’t know. Maybe he’s missing home?” Zack shrugged. “He seemed very tied to that place.”
“Yeah. I mean, I guess that’s one and the same, huh? I don’t think he loves it here.” Hell, Josh wasn’t sure he still loved it here.
“It’s a whole different energy.” Zack nibbled a piece of wheat toast. “Keep an eye on him tonight. That will be when he cracks, if he does, and you’ll have to do damage control.”
“Tonight, huh? Not tomorrow morning?”
“Always anticipate.” Zack grimaced. “I should have with Ray. I should have known, Josh. He hadn’t called for three days, and I just thought he was busy.”
“You can’t beat yourself up, you know. I mean, we make our decisions. You tell me, all the time, we’re not perfect. We make mistakes. We fail. You have to forgive yourself, huh?”
Hopefully that made sense and wasn’t just stupid.
Zack nodded slowly. “He didn’t want me to know, so I didn’t. I just don’t want Cy to surprise you with something—like this. You know?”
“I hear you. Thank you.”
He could see Zack fading fast, and he grinned. “You need me to drive you home?”
“Nah. I have my truck. I’ll get a coffee to go to keep me awake. Thanks, Josh.”
“I’ll call you later, check on you, okay?”
“I’d like that. Keep that energy up and sell sell sell.” Zack waved over the server and paid the bill while ordering two coffees to go.
“I’m going to sit for a second, answer some e-mails. I haven’t had a chance to just sit for a while.” He could finish up his coffee, enjoy the quiet now before the lunch rush.
“Sounds good.” Zack gave him a one-armed hug. “Thanks for listening.”
“Anytime.” He watched Zack go and sat back down, sipping his coffee and looking at his phone without actually seeing a goddamn thing. He didn’t really want to look at e-mails. Hell, he wanted to play solitaire and sit on his ass.
“Josh?” He had no idea how much time had passed when he glanced up to see Kris standing next to his table.
“Oh hey.” That was unexpected.
“What—I mean, I thought you’d be at the gallery.” Kris was looking at the extra cup on the table, at Zack’s used napkin sitting next to his.
“Yeah. My friend Zack needed to talk, so I met him. You… you want to sit?”
“I’d like that.” Kris looked a little surprised when he said it.
“Have a seat.” He waved the waitress over.
“Thanks. I mean, if you were leaving, I won’t keep you, but if you want some more coffee with me.”
He didn’t think he’d ever seen his cowboy look so worried. Unsure.
“I was sitting here woolgathering. That’s all.” He shrugged one shoulder, and he could hear Cy asking him, “Is that a tic, honey?”
Kris sat, then studied him for a moment. “How’s it going? The show setup, I mean? You need any help?”
“All done. Cy’s been working 24-7, and we’re just in a waiting pattern for tomorrow night.”
“Oh, well. Good. I mean, if you need me to work tomorrow, just holler. I can come in.” Kris took off his hat and laid it down on its crown, just like a Texan.
“I’m good.” He nodded when the waitress asked if he wanted more coffee. “What do you want, cowboy?”
“Gingerbread pancakes, please. Bacon. Coffee and water.”
“Yes, sir. You want anything else, man?”
“Because I didn’t eat enough already. Christ. Thanks, but no.”
The server chuckled and wandered off like a lost bird, bouncing from table to table, filling coffee and picking up plates.
“You sure you don’t mind hanging out?” Kris traced a wet ring on the table with one finger.
“Well, to be honest, I’m not interested in having a big knock-down, drag-out fight in the restaurant, but beside that, I’m pretty cool.”
Kris pursed his lips. “I’m not wanting to fight, Josh.”
“Me either, so we’re golden.” God, see him. See him be classy as fuck and smooth. More Zen than Zack the Zenmaster—maybe not the best analogy today.
“So who’s this Zack guy?”
“I told you, he’s my best friend. I met him five years ago. He came to Madrid, helped me drive Cy down.”
“How did you meet?” Kris looked so serious. Not angry, but more than curious.
“At an AA meeting.” He wasn’t going to be ashamed of it either. He stuck his chin up, lips set in a hard line, daring Kris to say anything.
“Oh.” Kris sat back, hands folding on the table. “I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah. I have my five year token.” He pulled it out of his wallet, handed it over.
Kris turned it in his fingers slowly, staring down at it as if he just didn’t quite get it. “That’s—that’s amazing, Josh. I’m sorry. About Madrid. I really am. It’s all on me, not you. I know that, and I can’t tell you how much I suck.”
“I appreciate it.” Josh took his token back, put it where it belonged. That was part of life, right? Accepting apologies. Forgiving but not forgetting?
Yeah. Right.
Josh damn near started in on Kris, because damn, he wanted to rub it in, but… shit. He thought about Zack’s mentor, about the fact that this man gave up twelve years of sobriety because of losing someone he loved, and Josh just couldn’t go be an asshole.
“So, what the hell are you doing here at this time of the day?”
Kris gave him a wry grin. “I needed to drop off some papers at Dee’s office.” Dee was Kris’s real estate agent and was always digging up investments for him.
“Ah. It’s a hell of a hassle, the business of moving money.”
The lines around Kris’s mouth tightened. “I guess. I sold that piece of land down by Wimberley.”
“Hey, I was just giving you shit, man.” He held up his hands, shook his head.
“I guess I’m already feeling like a bad guy. Tyna is all pissed at me for selling it. She wanted to do some kind of bizarre roadside stand with jam or something. I told her it’s going to be an El Niño year this year and that was low ground.”
“Ah. Well, I know that you’ve got your father’s knack for making the smart money decisions.” Money before emotions, mind before heart. That was the Judge in Kris, and it served the man well.
“Tyna isn’t going to sell jam on the side of the road, Josh.” Kris’s coffee came finally, and he took
his time adding sugar and cream.
“No. No, I can’t see her hanging out with the fire ants and the wasps.” Josh snorted, eyes rolling at the thought of Kris’s oh-so-prim sister selling to people who may or may not have all their teeth.
“Yeah, and the last time I was in Wimberley, they lost a bull at the PBR event. Might just take her out. Bang.”
“Yeah, Tyna and bull snot are not two great tastes that go great together, cowboy.”
Kris snorted, his lips twitching. “I ever tell you about that time she agreed to go to the branding and pick up testicles for fifty cents apiece? We were six.”
Josh dropped his hands to his crotch. “Y’all are a sick, sad family, man. That’s just nasty. You lose all hipster points immediately and possibly eternally.”
“Then I probably shouldn’t tell you that despite getting all muddy and bloody, she didn’t make any money, because I kept feeding them to the dogs.”
“I’m not sure, if I’d known that, I’d have ever let you near my dog.”
“Or your testicles?” Kris was laughing out loud now.
“That goes without saying.”
Oh God, saved by the gingerbread. Kris’s plate of ginormous carbs arrived, along with bacon and more coffee for both of them. No more ball talk. Kris was going to keel over with all the syrup he laid on those pancakes too.
“Sugar slut,” he teased, daring to steal a bit of Kris’s bacon.
God, even with his thick dark hair all goofy with hat-head, the son of a bitch was the finest man he’d ever seen. Possibly the best one on earth.
“Oh man, what if they had candied bacon. Remember that buying trip to Portland?” That had been one of the good times, for sure.
“The polenta cakes.” That had been one of the first times he’d ever been on a plane, and his very first time on the West Coast. Portland had been like Austin, but cold, and low on the y’all factor.
“Mmm. We ought to try to recreate that, make it at home.”
Josh paused with his coffee mug halfway to his mouth. Was Kris using the royal we now, or was he making some kind of statement?
He forced himself to take the drink, be nonchalant and chill. “I don’t imagine it would be too hard.”
“Yeah. Bacon and brown sugar and some hard polenta.” Kris chuckled. “I need to eat, not fantasize about food I don’t have.”
“Eh, you can do both. Gingerbread in the hand is worth two polenta cakes in Oregon or something.”
“There you go.” Kris chuckled, looking way more relaxed.
Josh’s leg was bouncing hard, eight or nine cups of coffee zipping through him at this point. He didn’t want Kris to think he was bored or ready to zip out. He wanted to steal whatever time he had left, remember it and use the good times as a balm.
Kris gave Josh a knowing look. “How many?”
His cheeks started burning, just going blazing hot. “Seven or eight. Maybe nine.”
“Uh-huh. Nervous about the showing, or just being polite to your friend Zack and me?” Kris winked at him, and everything fell away for a moment.
“Be good. This morning started early.” God, Josh still loved Kris. Well, of course he did. He probably always would.
“Yeah.” Kris grimaced. “Toilet overflowed at the house, and my dad called. Always a joy.”
“Ew.” He’d slept in the studio, keeping an eye on Cypress. There wasn’t much waiting for him at the apartment these days. He was lightening his load, and Boomer was seriously fond of being with more people all the time.
“Yeah. I’m thinking of selling the house too.” Kris pushed a piece of pancake around the plate.
“The Steiner Ranch one?” Josh had only been in it a few times, and not in years. It meant nothing to him. Kris had sold their little house years ago. “I guess the market is great for it.”
“That’s it. I’m craving simpler, you know? That place is a frickin’ monster, and so… designer.” Kris pulled a face. “Not me. I tried, for whatever reason.”
“It was cheap, and you were going for less cowboy, more Dallas mogul.” He knew some things about Kris too.
That got him a wild eye roll. “Yeah, see me try to step into a bad TV show.”
“Hey, it’s a valid lifestyle choice. You’d have to wear a white hat and gain a little weight, though.” He almost kept a straight face. “Maybe a Nudie suit.”
“Right. And while we’re at it, we’ll get you some new suspenders and some rounder glasses. New hipster accessories.”
“I might grow a bigger beard, even.” He shook his head. “Hell, I’m considering cutting my hair. Going short.”
Kris blinked. “No. I mean, your hair isn’t fading or thinning or anything. Don’t cut it.”
“Apparently male-pattern baldness wasn’t one of the biological donors’ issues. I just got the addictive gene from both sides.” It was a fair assumption, anyway. He knew he was a crack baby, and addicts didn’t tend to have lives of luxury.
“So did I. Daddy is addicted to blondes with boobs.” Kris shrugged, glancing at him kinda sideways. “I love your hair.”
“Thanks. It’s…” What? His crowning glory? A vanity? Easier to deal with now than it had been when he’d been with Kris? Shit. “…really gotten long. I haven’t cut it since I had my senior pictures taken.”
“Damn.” Something hot flashed in those bright green eyes, something that revved his engine despite his determination to remain unmoved.
“I know, right? Crazy.” God, he was tempted to lean across the table and lay one on Kris, just because he could.
“Definitely crazy, baby.” Kris shifted in his seat. “How can I miss you so much?”
“I don’t know. I guess it’s because we’re stupid.” And they still fucking loved each other, even if it was stupid.
“I feel like I am. I just don’t know how to be who you need me to be.” Kris sighed. “I wish I did. I really do.”
Josh found himself fighting the urge to snarl. All he wanted was for Kris to trust him. That was it. How hard was that? “I just wanted you to believe in me, man.”
And out of everyone who mattered, Kris was the one who wouldn’t.
“I want to.” Kris stared him right in the eye, a seriousness there he’d never seen before. “I want to so badly. I don’t think I can trust anyone, so that puts us at odds no matter what.”
“Yep.” God, he was tired, down to the bone. “I don’t suppose you’re interested in a good old-fashioned one-more-time fuck?” He wasn’t sure he was even horny anymore, but he figured, how many times did you have a last time when you knew that’s what it was?
“God, yes.” A huge grin dawned on Kris’s face. “Yes, I am.”
“Cool. The plumber done at your house?”
“Yep. Come on.” Kris stood before tossing a twenty on the table.
He nodded and grabbed his cooling to-go cup. He’d drink it in the car. “I’ll follow you, cowboy.”
One more time.
One last time.
Kris drove back to his house on Lake Travis, his nerves buzzing with anticipation. He kept checking the rearview to make sure Josh’s old Toyota was back there. God, this was an idiot move, but he hadn’t been able to say no.
Not when Josh offered this chance like a penny from heaven.
The offer had shocked him to the fucking core, coming out of the blue like it did. Then again, that was Josh. Josh shocked him over and over like a live wire.
Kris pulled up in front of his house about twenty minutes later, and he hoped to hell Josh hadn’t cooled off in the time between. Because his cock was ready to go.
Josh unfolded himself from the little car and came to him, waiting for him to unlock the door of the big monstrosity of a house. The stupid thing was worth twice what he’d paid, and it was time to let it go, maybe.
The cool air hit him when he walked inside, making him shiver, and as soon as the door shut behind Josh, Kris reached out. Josh came right to him, face lifted for a kiss, the offe
r easy as pie.
Kris closed his eyes and fitted his mouth to Josh’s, those lips soft and warm against his. He couldn’t think, not now. Thinking would happen tomorrow when he was standing at the gallery. Today he intended to make Josh orgasm, over and over.
If this was it, they were going out with a helluva bang, so to speak.
He wrapped one hand around the nape of Josh’s neck, right under the heavy braid, so he could deepen the kiss. He rocked his body against Josh, who stumbled back against the door.
“Want you. Now.”
Josh laughed, the sound like a rusty gate. “That’s why I’m here, cowboy.”
“I know. But I don’t think I can make it all the way upstairs right now. I’m aching, baby.” Kris nipped that swollen lower lip. Josh made him bitey.
“So we’ll use the couch.” Josh pushed him back, then grabbed his arm and dragged him over to the huge front room off the foyer. “Your pretentious fucking couch.”
The thing was ridiculous—a leather sectional that had probably set him back five thousand. “You need to fill the space,” Stacey had said. Fucking designers.
Right now Kris was grateful for it, because he had room to fall back on the couch and yank Josh into his lap.
Josh took off his glasses, set them on the sofa table, then tugged Kris’s shirt out from his waistband, started popping the snaps. As soon as Kris’s chest was bare, Josh touched him, scratching at his chest hair, then pinching his nipples.
“Jesus, baby.” He was not in this to cream his fucking jeans.
“Josh.” Laughing, Josh rocked against him, rubbing their cocks together through their jeans.
No. No, that wasn’t working for him. He needed skin. He tugged off Josh’s vest, then his long-sleeved T-shirt, so he could push his hands up and down Josh’s back, feeling that velvety flesh. The ink that was there should feel different, ridged, but it didn’t. It felt like Josh.
He traced one vine- and flower-covered sleeve down Josh’s arms to his wrist. “These are amazing, baby. They really are.”
“Yeah? You like them?” Josh sounded a little stunned. “You never said. I remember when I got my first in college; you damn near swallowed your tongue.”
“My dad always said tattoos were trashy. I had to get over all that raising.” He bent to lick at Josh’s neck, needing the flavor of his lover, the salty heat.