Shaking him a few times he starts to mumble something. I have no clue what it was. Shaking him for the thousandth time, I know he’s awake when he says, “Please stop shaking me or I’m gonna fucking hurl all over the place.” I instantly stop shaking him because I do not want to clean up a drunken person’s vomit. I’ll pass on that one.
Trying not to be loud, due to the fact that his son is asleep and I’m sure his head is killing him, I say, “Jackson, are you alright?” He sits straight up stiff as a board. Eyes squinted, he looks around.
He looks pissed to see me and says, “Avery.” That’s all he says. I shake my head unsure if I should say something or not. I don’t know if he could even see me shake my head until her asks, “What are you doing here?” Uh, what?
That’s my first thought, and then I remember that he passed out before he even knew where he was going, so I tell him. “Jackson, I’m at my house, the same exact place you are. The guys said you got drunk and passed out. They brought you back here so you could sleep it off.” I say it as nicely as possible because dealing with a drunken person is already hard enough. He shakes his head for some reason. I have no clue if he is confirming or denying something.
After what felt like minutes he says, “Rhys. Where’s my son? I want to see my son.” He asks fast and then tries to get out of bed. Knowing he might fall, I go over to him to try and help him. He pushes my hand away and says, “I got it.” Okay, so he’s a mean drunk. I’ll let him fall on his ass then. That will teach him. As soon as he tries to make it off the bed, what do you think happens? Yup, you guessed it, he falls flat on his ass and I can’t help the chuckle that escapes my mouth. I tried to help him, but he decided to be macho about it.
Trying to silently laugh to myself about what just happened, I start to laugh harder when I realize that he is now crawling to the crib. I start to laugh harder and then instantly stop when I realize he’s trying to use the crib to pull himself up. I jump up and smack his hand away. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? I’m trying to see MY son.” He asks angrily.
“YOUR son is sleeping and I won’t have you waking him up because you wouldn’t take my help. I don’t know what your problem is, but he is asleep and you are gonna leave him alone. You have been drinking. I will help you up if you promise not to touch him.” I say back to him.
“Promise not to touch my own son? Who the hell do you think you are? I’m beyond pissed off at you right now. Don’t tell me what I will or will not do when it concerns my son. Got it?”
He’s a mean drunk, wants to mess with the baby, and, he’s pissing me off again. Not a great combination. “Listen here, asshole. I took great care of your son tonight. We had a blast. Now, I’m not telling you what you can or can’t do, all I’m saying is you are drunk and going to wake him up. If you want to kiss him or rub his back like you usually do, I will help you. You don’t have to be a dick about it and just because you are drunk tonight, it does not get you out of going through my kicking your ass tomorrow for being a bastard. I was busy with your son. We will re-hash all this shit tomorrow. If you want to kiss your son, you better let me help you up right now, or you can continue to sit on your drunken ass. Take your pick asshole.” I raise my eyebrow and silently dare him to fuck with me right now.
Chapter 16
After a few minutes of the stare down between Jackson and myself, he agreed to have me help him. I really didn’t want him to kiss the baby smelling as bad as he does, but I know he really wants to.
No words were spoken when I helped him back into bed. I was already fuming so if he even thought to utter a word to me right now, I would probably kick his ass. I cannot believe he was acting like an egotistical asshole. I really should’ve punched him instead of talking. It probably wouldn’t have helped, but damn if I’m not thinking about doing it.
Hearing Jackson snoring is a sign of relief, for him anyways. Me, I’m still pissed. I’m tossing and turning and trying to get comfortable. Finally getting into a spot, I feel myself starting to drift off.
Hearing a small cry, I jolt up. Looking around, I remember where I am. Not only that, but I remember everything that happened last night, or should I say very early this morning. Looking at Jackson, I get up and make my way to the crib. Seeing my Chubbs wide awake and now fussing, is just the cutest sight I’ve ever seen. I would just love to wake up to his smiling face every morning. Where the heck did that come from? I know I’m falling in love with this little man, but would I really want to wake up to this every day? I answer yes quickly in my head and just shake my thoughts away. It really is amazing how you can have so much love for someone so small.
Picking up this handsome little man, I walk over to the changing table and change him. Buttoning him back up, I’m startled by the fact that Jackson is standing right behind me. I didn’t hear him once again. He really needs to stop with his stealth mode and creeping shit. Not saying a word, I finish dressing Rhys and pick him up. “Hey there, Chubbs. Are you hungry little man? How about we go and make you a bottle and get that belly fed?” I say to him and then lightly tickle his stomach. Still ignoring the fact that Jackson is behind me, I turn around and try and step around him.
“Morning.” He says huskily and even though I’m still pissed off at him, I can’t help but find his voice sexy. Damn my body is a traitor. Simply nodding my head I say morning back to him. Walking back to where I was sleeping, I start to put my slippers on. As I’m heading towards the door he says, “Hey, um, can I get some Tylenol or something? My head is killing me for some reason.” Some reason? Does he not remember anything from last night? Lucky him because as sexy as he may seem, I still want to kick his ass.
As I look back at him and say, “It’s on the table by the bed,” I say and point and the same time, “I put it there last night when you came in and was going to give it to you if you woke up, but that didn’t happen.” I say as I roll my eyes.
“You okay Avery? Did something happen last night?” He says looking at me.
I tilt my head and ask, “Jackson, do you remember anything from last night? Like texting and going out with the guys? Rhys?” I say giving him a few options.
He shakes his head and says, “No, I don’t remember a damn thing, which is weird. I remember asking you to watch Rhys and then you all but mauled me, and then heading out with the guys. What’s the texting you’re talking about? What happened? Did I do something wrong?” He asked hurriedly and almost as if he is scared of the answer.
“Jackson, um, a lot happened last night, but as you can see, YOUR son is hungry. I’m going to make his bottle and come back up here and feed him. When he is done and asleep, then you and I will talk. Okay?” He looks at me funny when I emphasize on the word “your”. I said it hoping he would remember even a little bit of what happened. Not only am I upset about last night and how he was acting, but now I’m mad that he can’t recall a damn thing. He must’ve been hitting the hard liquor last night.
Heading down the steps, I go to the kitchen and get everything out and make Chubbs bottle. I make it quickly and then head back upstairs to feed him. I see that Jackson has quickly showered and is sitting there in a pair of shorts that almost look like my brothers. Maybe he got them from him while I was downstairs. He could’ve gotten a damn shirt while he was at it. I have no clue how I am supposed to talk to him with his muscular body just staring at me like it is. I can see that he has some tattoos and there’s a huge tribal art one on his right bicep. Man, he really does have a nice body. He wears his clothes well, but damn if he doesn’t look better without them. Shaking my head to get that sight off my eyes, I sit in the rocking chair and start to feed the baby and start humming. Not realizing I was actually humming a song until Jackson interrupted me with, “Really, you’re singing Mariah Carey to my son?” I look at him and then realize he was right. I was humming “Thank God I Found you” by her. It’s the first song that came to mind when I looked at Chubbs eating. I just shrug my shoulders and nod yeah.
“What?” I ask him. He just shakes his head, gets up and kisses his son.
Looking at me he says, “So want to tell me what happened last night? Whatever it is, I can see it’s affecting you. I probably acted like an ass, but please just tell me everything.”
I say okay and have him sit on the bed. Telling him everything that happened including the text messages and all, his nostrils are flaring and he looks pissed. “Jackson, you were drunk and as much as I’d rather just kick your ass, you don’t remember. It’s fine. It’s done and over with and no one got hurt. Really, everything is fine.”
He stands up and heads to the bathroom. Without looking at me he says, “No, it’s not fine at all. I hurt you and I don’t even remember!” He slams the bathroom door and I can’t help the tear that escapes.
Jackson
I have no damn clue what the fuck happened last night. I can’t remember anything. I wake up with the biggest fucking hangover ever. When Avery asked me if I remembered anything from the night before, I knew that something had indeed happened. I just had no idea it was that bad.
After hearing how much of an asshole I was, I hated myself. I never acted like this. I hurt the one person I have ever had real feelings for. She just blew it off as if it was okay. I don’t get how she can be okay with it when I fucked up big time. I have to get out of here before I hurt her even more. I have to stay away.
Chapter 17
Still standing there looking at the door, I didn’t hear anyone come into the room until I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn and see that it’s my mother. Not moving or saying anything, she nods as if she already knows something. She hugs me and whispers, “Remember what I said babygirl. Patience. Whatever it is, it will work itself out, remember that. Remember who you are and you will find what you are looking for.” She nods again and looks at me and says, “Patience.” in an even lower whisper. She kisses my head and wipes my tears. I forgot all about them. I think I’m still in shock. As she starts to walk out the door, she stops at the crib and leans down and gives Rhys a long kiss. Looking back at me, she gives me a weak smile and then leaves the room.
Still trying to wrap my head around what just happened, I sit down on the bed that Jackson slept in. I want to go and knock on the door to see if he’s okay, but I decide against it. Whatever he is dealing with internally, he has to figure it out on his own. No matter how much I want to waltz in there and help him, I remain seated. Being inside my own head without any answers is a bitch. I just want to know not only what just happened here, but everything about him. I know he doesn’t open up or trust easily, but he said he was starting to trust me, so I don’t know why he hasn’t talked to me other than about Rhys.
The door to the bathroom finally opens and I am still looking down. I’m not sure I can look at him just yet. Knowing the way he makes me feel, whether it’s happy or sad, I just cannot raise my head up right now.
I can feel him moving towards me without even looking at him. I can still feel my tears sliding down my face. I have no clue as to why my tears haven’t stopped yet. Maybe it’s the way he makes me feel or the feelings I’m having towards him. No idea, but I do know, that right now, all I want is him. It’s so confusing. It’s as if my heart is being pulled in a million different directions.
I feel a warm hand on my check and I look up, right into a pair of green eyes. His smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes as he says, “I’m sorry Avery. I needed a minute to cool down. I shouldn’t have slammed the door. I am beyond pissed at myself because I can’t remember anything. Not only that, I made you feel like shit. I’m sorry.” Before I can reply he says, “Don’t even tell me its fine Av, because it’s not. I couldn’t remember a damn thing that happened. Hell, I still can’t. That’s so irresponsible. I have a son to take care of and here I am, not remembering what the fuck happened beyond the point of leaving here last night. Who the fuck does that?”
Seeing that he is getting mad, even though I understand why, I reach out and touch his arm. “Jackson, look at me. Shit happens okay? You were safe and so was Rhys. Sure we had a disagreement, and hell yes I wanted to beat your ass because you pissed me off, but you didn’t really hurt me. Were my feelings hurt because you were acting like an asshole? Yes, but you were still drunk and weren’t fully awake. It’s fine.”
I try to convince him that it really is okay and that I forgive him, but he wasn’t having it. “Hurting even your feelings isn’t fine with me. I never wanted to hurt you in any way, shape, or form. I barely know you, yet I feel a pull towards you. It makes me sound like a chick, but that’s how I feel. Right now, at this exact moment, I feel like the biggest piece of shit there is. I feel like a shitty person, friend and father.” He says the last part with a whisper.
As I’m about to get up to his level he shakes his head and continues. “Av, I like you, I do, but you don’t know anything about me other than a few pieces. My life is private and I like it that way. There’s no reason to have my demons as a burden on someone else, much less you. This is why I can’t do this. I have to go. I just… I have to go.” Now standing up I walk over to him. “Jackson, what are you talking about? I get that you have shit hidden and you don’t want it out, but please trust me enough to know that I will never judge you. Ever. I just want to know everything about you, the good and the bad. It’s all in the past and I get that, but please trust me enough with it. I like you too, probably much more than I should, but I do Jackson. And who gives a shit if my feelings were hurt. I’m a big girl, I can take it. Please don’t leave. We can talk about whatever it is you want to talk about, but please, just don’t leave. I just want to be close to you.” The last part I say as I step closer to him.
With him looking down at me he says, “I can’t Avery. I can’t have my past fuck with your head. There’s shit you don’t know and shit I’m not ready to talk about. Yes, I like you, but it can’t go any further than that. After the whole thing with Rhys mother, I promised myself not to get close to anyone ever again and to put my son above anyone else.” Before I could interject with what I wanted to say, he continues, “I know you would never want to come before Rhys, but please trust me when I say that you don’t want to know my shit. It’s exactly that, shit. I just… I can’t. I have to go. I need to leave. I’ve got to figure my own shit out. I barely have time for myself and Rhys, I won’t have time for you or anyone else.” The last part was said with so much venom. He’s trying to push me away instead of letting me help him. I don’t get why he won’t just let me. Once again before I can say anything, he cuts me off, “Don’t say anything. Just let it be.” He keeps cutting me off without hearing what I have to say and it’s so frustrating.
He gets dressed and starts to pack up his and Chubbs’ things. As he picks up his sleeping son to put him in his car seat, I ask, “Can I at least give him a kiss? Please?” I say starting to get choked up and almost begging him.
He looks at me and continues to put the baby in the seat. Thinking he doesn’t want me too, I put my head down and start to silently cry. I just want to kiss Chubbs. I have no idea when I will see him again. Looking back at Jackson, he motions for me to go ahead and kiss his son. Not even thinking twice, I jump up and go to my Chubbs. “Hey little man,” I say to him in a very low whisper, even though he is still sleeping, “I know you’re asleep, but I’m sure you can hear me. I don’t know when I’m going to see you next. I want you to continue being your dad’s special little man and behave. I’m going to miss your precious face around here. Hopefully your dad isn’t gone for too long. I just…” I can feel myself getting more choked up. I take a few deep breaths and continue. “I just want you to know that, you have touched my heart beyond words. I never knew a person your size could make someone feel so much love.” I kiss both hands, then his cheek, right before I get to h
is head I say, “I love you Rhys. You’re my little man too. You’re my Chubbs and I love you so, so much.” I finally kiss his head and I linger longer than normal. My face is now drenched with tears. Standing up fully, I say, “I love you Chubbs, don’t ever forget that.” I know Jackson heard the last part. Turning back to face him, he opens his mouth as if to say something, but I shake my head and leave the room. There is just no way in hell I can watch him walk out that door with my Chubbs.
Jackson
When I came out of the bathroom and saw that Avery was crying, it took everything in me to not take her in my arms and console her. She is crying because of me, I know it. I know I shouldn’t have stormed out like that, but I needed to think.
I decided it was time to go. Packing up my son and leaving is what needs to be done right now. As I’m getting my sleeping son ready and putting him in his seat, she asked if she could give him a kiss and I can see it in her face that she is about to break down. I don’t mean to make her cry, but everything I do seems to be wrong.
Seeing her break down and cry talking to my son as if he was her own, broke my heart. I heard every word she said to him even if she was trying to be quiet about it. The moment I heard her say she loved Rhys, I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to tell her how I was feeling and everything that was going through my head, but she shook her head and walked out, so I remained quiet. Watching her walk away while she was so upset, made me feel like an even bigger asshole. I will stay away this time. She may be upset about it, but it’s better than me constantly fucking up. Sighing, I walk out the door.
Found By You (The Found Series) Page 6