“What’s going on?” Ashley asks, her eyes shooting daggers at me. “Are we crashing a date?”
“No.”
“Yes,” Dallas says at the same time I deny her assumption. I look over at him to see him arch an eyebrow at me, a goofy smile on his lips. He pulls me closer and kisses the top of my head. “We actually have reservations at Houlihan’s. So we need to get going.”
Houlihan’s? Please tell me he’s joking. That restaurant is definitely not cheap! I look down at what I am wearing. Definitely not Houlihan’s appropriate.
“Oh. Wow. Fun.” Ashley stumbles to find words. Her gaze tells me that she definitely wants to kill me. Does she still think she has a claim over Dallas?
“Have fun, kids. I’ll see you guys Monday?” Tyler finally speaks up. Dallas nods his head, and I follow suit.
Dallas holds tightly to my hand as he leads us away from them. Once outside, he begins to chuckle. “Why are you so nervous, Kay?” he asks, looking down at me.
“Ashley wanted to eat me,” I whisper. Dallas continues to laugh as he opens the door to the Ford for me. I climb in and look over at him.
“I wouldn’t let that happen,” he promises, shutting the door before he jogs over and gets into the driver’s seat. He buckles in.
“Houlihan’s?” I squeak. Dallas throws his head back in laughter.
He drives to TGIFriday’s.
Chapter Ten
Goodbye
*Dallas*
October 5, 2015
Sleep has become a foreign concept to me. Every night since Thursday, I spend hours upon hours staring up at the ceiling fan. As I watch the blades turn at low speed, my mind is occupied with thoughts of Kyle.
All I think about is Kyle’s ghostly figure staring at me, hugging me, proclaiming his fears. It was so real, yet it had to be impossible.
I went back to the court Saturday night, but he wasn’t there. Nor was he there last night either. It’s eating me alive, not knowing if or when he will make an appearance again.
Kayla’s words keep running through my head as well. “He’d want you to look to your future. He’d want you to live on…” But how can I continue on after something so life changing and indescribable has happened?
I knew I shouldn’t have gone on that date with Kayla. It was great, and after it was over, I placed a kiss on her forehead, just like when she brought me home from my drunk episode. Kayla makes me smile, and she brings a warmth that fills my heart and makes my stomach flip. However, I should have spent that Friday night at the courts, searching for Kyle.
I need to devote my time to finding out who killed my brother, in helping him get the peace he deserves.
The date with Kayla was great. But it only served as a distraction. And I can’t have any if I am to help Kyle. Just like I couldn’t have girlfriends during basketball season; I will not have one when my brother needs me the most.
I will not.
I know today is going to be tough. I have relied on Kayla to bring me a shred of happiness and laughter into this dark time; however, I have to cut ties with her.
At least for now.
It will hurt her, and I know that seeing Kayla hurt will cause me more discomfort than I’m willing to admit. She’s such a free spirit. She’s charismatic and selfless. She doesn’t deserve what’s coming. And I hate to do what my mother lectured me about, but it has to be done.
Tyler and Mikey seem to notice the mood I’m in, for they remain silent as I grab my books from my locker. They chat quietly behind me as I walk to Government.
I stare at the clock the whole lecture, willing it to speed up or slow down, I’m not sure. All I know is I want to fast forward a few hours, to skip witnessing the look in Kayla’s beautiful hazel eyes when I tell her that whatever we have is over.
You’ve done this many times. It’s not a big deal.
But it is. I’ve never cared about someone the way I care about her. A girl I loathed for so long, a girl I was so convinced ruined my relationship with Kyle. Now she’s the only person I want to keep from pain.
But Kyle is more important than what I want.
Perhaps, when it’s all over, I can revisit the idea of being with Kayla, because I enjoyed Friday. I enjoyed watching her as she accused me of sucking my thumb, the way her eyes lit up mischievously and the way she laughed when she said I had buck teeth. I enjoyed seeing her squirm under the intense glare of Ashley, even though Ashley couldn’t hold a candle to Kayla. I enjoyed her complete horror when she heard I was taking her to Houlihan’s and then the absolute relief when we pulled into TGIFriday’s.
I enjoy when she fiddles with her fingers and bites her bottom lip. I enjoy how she avoids eye contact when she’s nervous. I enjoy seeing that rare amount of confidence surging through her sporadically and noticing that she can take on the world if she wanted.
I enjoy every fiber of Kayla Williams. But I must not be selfish. I’ve been selfish all my life, and that resulted in getting Kyle killed. It’s time for me to be selfless.
Walking into Psychology, I feel as if I’m going to be sick. Kayla is sitting in the back, her head bowed as always as she reads a book. Instead of chewing on her finger or twirling her hair as a sign of being delved into the book, she’s bouncing her legs and tapping on the table.
Her eyes lift every now and then, and anxiety is evident. I can’t help but wonder what’s wrong.
Before I can stop myself, I am already pulling on the chair beside her. “What’s wrong?” I ask. Kayla smiles slightly at me, shaking her head.
“Erm. N-nothing.” She turns and places the book on the desk, placing a bookmark in the pages.
“A Voice in the Wind,” I whisper, reading the title of the book. Kayla snaps her head back over to me and smiles.
“Francine Rivers is my favorite author. It’s about a Christian slave girl who falls in love with a rich aristocrat. Through the book, she must struggle with choosing God or love the man who would take her from God. It’s powerful, and it might be my fourth time reading it.” Kayla blushes at the end, bowing her head slightly.
There it is. That blush and her shyness. She never needs to be shy with me. Although, after today, I doubt she’ll ever be with me.
“It sounds like a great book,” I whisper.
Kayla turns her attention toward me, reaching over to place a hand on my arm. I sigh. “Kayla…”
“I know,” she says, turning her head away from me and extracting her hand. “It’s been more than a week.”
My eyes widen at her words. She thinks she’s just another one of my…girls? How could she think that? She is so much more.
I open my mouth to refute her words, but I realize that doing so will only give her unnecessary hope. Hope that I will then crush a moment later.
I do not want Kayla to ever think so little of herself. She is a light in this dark time. I don’t deserve her; it’s not the other way around. I will never deserve her.
“I’m sorry,” I say softly.
Kayla nods her head. “It was foolish to think that this time it would be different. That Kyle’s death would have made you open up your eyes. We only get a certain amount of opportunities to be happy, Dallas. Perhaps you should quit throwing your chances aside, because soon, you won’t have anymore.”
Her words are heavy and truthful. Of course, she’s right. She’s wise for someone our age. She has been through hard times, and she knows how to recover. She knows the world is not full of fairy tales. She knows the cold, true reality of it all. And yet, she’s still so gentle and kind. She doesn’t raise her voice or get angry.
“I only wish you the best, Dallas.” Kayla turns her head to look at me, and I almost scream when I see tears brimming her eyes.
I hurt her.
“Kayla…”
“Goodbye, Dallas,” she says, opening her book and lowering her eyes to the pages. That simple motion dismissed me altogether.
I hurt her and have lost all right to be by her. To be her friend. To find
solace in her.
Standing, I gather my backpack and move to the row of seats in front of her. I claim a new seat and drop my head into my hands, letting out a trying breath.
It was worse than I imagined. Not only because I hurt her, but because she thought she was just another girl to me. She’s tearing my guts out, and she doesn’t know it.
I promise, after I settle Kyle’s death, I will approach her again. I will beg for forgiveness and confess to how completely, utterly stupid I am. I will beg her to give me another chance.
I promise, Kay. When it’s all over, I will come back to you.
*Kayla*
I knew it was only a matter of time until Dallas broke off whatever it was we had going on. It was a child’s dream to think I would be able to change him, that I’d be able to help him.
It’s evident he doesn’t want me or my help.
I just don’t understand what I was to him. I thought I made him happy during this trying time. I thought we were becoming friends…friends through Kyle’s memory. I thought we were finding comfort and happiness in each other.
But I guess I was wrong. I guess I am just another girl who fell for Dallas Perkins’ charm and just tossed aside like all those other girls I pitied.
I guess I was wrong.
Chapter Eleven
Ninth
*Kayla*
November 9, 2015
Ever since that moment in Psychology class, about a month ago, Dallas hasn’t spoken one word to me. Not even a simple hello as we pass each other in the hall. No. He barely even looks at me. If I catch his eyes on me, he immediately averts his attention elsewhere.
I will never understand how someone can so easily kick a person out of their lives. Dallas and I almost spent every minute together for a week, and all of a sudden, he’s done with me. I’m just another notch on his list.
I should have known better than to sleep with the Devil…although we didn’t sleep together, I did develop feelings for him. He was a good friend when he wanted to be. He knew how to make people laugh, and at times, it did seem as though he cared for me.
Psychology is unbelievably hard to focus on now, since Dallas sits right in front of me, and I can’t help but watch him. Usually, thoughts of anger and self-hatred are what come to mind. Sometimes I remember that day in the courtyard, before our date. Everything seemed peaceful and happy. The date, I thought, went well too.
Did he end things because I didn’t kiss him? Or because I’m so shy around his friends? Did I do something wrong?
I grit my teeth.
I need to stop thinking about him.
Kyle never made an appearance, at least not to me. He might have made one to Dallas, but from what I can tell, I don’t think he has. Dallas seems preoccupied, usually doodling the black SUV in a notebook, or a gun. He sometimes will write the whole class period, never lifting his head to take notes.
What is he writing? Is he trying to remember something from that night that could help him find Kyle’s murderer?
“Ugh!” I scream, slamming my book on my desk to help snap me out of my thoughts.
Why can’t I get him out of my head?
“Do you have a comment, Kayla?” I tense, my eyes widening as I remember that I am in class. My eyes connect with Mrs. White before they flicker to Dallas. He has an arched eyebrow as he stares intently at me.
“Uh…” I whisper, extremely embarrassed at my outburst. “There was a spider.” I offer an innocent smile.
Mrs. White gives me a dubious look before she turns to continue the lecture. My attention goes back to Dallas, who has a stupid smile on his face. My glare seems to wipe it off, however.
“Spider?” I quietly scold myself as I hang my head back against the tree. The bark of the tree is irritating, but I ignore it. How could I be so dense?
“Where’s a spider?” I look up to see Anne walking over to sit beside me. I move my backpack, hugging it to me so she can take its former position.
“There is no spider. There was never a spider. I lied,” I mumble, shaking my head.
Anne chuckles, opening her lunch bag and pulling out a turkey sandwich. She tears it in half and gives me some. I gladly accept it. I forgot to pack my lunch this morning…rather, I didn’t have time, since I woke up late. Sleep has been absent for the last month and a half. Whenever I close my eyes, all I can see is Kyle’s ghost. And when I have them open, looking up at the ceiling, I’m thinking about Dallas.
I just want answers.
“So. Dairy Queen tonight?” Anne asks. I shrug my shoulders. It was something Kyle and I did, and Anne seems to understand that. Perhaps she’s just trying to help. Just like my mother and Katie are trying to help.
I smile as a memory enters my mind, of when I took Kyle to Dairy Queen last year.
“Happy Birthday!” Kyle cheers, handing me an Oreo Blizzard. I gladly accept it as he takes a seat next to me.
“Where did you get the money to buy me an Oreo Blizzard?” I ask him, taking a spoonful. I moan. Dairy Queen does it right.
“Chores.” Kyle shrugs as he begins to devour his Butterfinger Blizzard. I smile at him. This little treat means more to me than he knows.
Kyle is using his own chore money, not on new Nikes or a new game for the Xbox One. Instead, he’s using it on me, to celebrate my birthday. “Thank you, Kyle,” I say, leaning over to rub his hair. He shakes his head, trying to evade my touch.
Ahh. He’s still a teenage boy at heart, though.
“Let’s do this every month, on the ninth. No matter what day of the week or what we have planned, it must be cancelled or rearranged for Dairy Queen and Oreo and Butterfinger Blizzards. Deal?” Kyle even holds out his hand for me to shake, as if we are striking a real deal. But little does he know that I will do whatever is in my power to ensure that every month, on the ninth, we will be enjoying each other’s company at the local Dairy Queen.
“Deal.”
“He was a special kid,” I say softly, returning to the present. I look over at Anne, who furrows her brows. Her green eyes are bright when the sun hits them at a perfect angle.
A few weeks ago, Anne broke up with Drew. Drew was at a party after the Homecoming football game and ended up sleeping with some sophomore. Anne has been devastated, even though Drew and she weren’t serious. They have only been dating a few months. However, when you open your heart to someone and they crush it, it takes a while to recover.
I’ve tried my best to be here for her. My mind seems preoccupied most of the time, but I try to be in the present and current when she’s sharing her feelings.
“He was. He saw the world differently. He always lived in the now, never anxious or worried about the future.” I nod my head. Anne is right. Anne hardly knew Kyle. They might have met once or twice in passing when she was coming over after a tutoring session.
But in that short amount of time, it was evident how easy it was to get along with Kyle. There was something about him that always made people want to be his friend.
“Is it okay if I bring Katie to Dairy Queen?” Anne nods her head. “All right. We’ll meet at seven?”
Katie was more than eager to go to Dairy Queen. She has been on a strict diet for dance, but every now and then, Mom allows her to splurge.
Katie is already outside before I can even finish saying, “Let’s go to Dairy Queen.” She is dancing by the car, her arms wrapped around her to keep warm from the cool November breeze. I can’t help but laugh at her.
I’ve never seen a teenager more excited for ice cream.
Pulling into the lot, I see Anne’s car already parked. Katie hops out and bolts for the door while I take my time. I can see Anne giving Katie a hug through the windows. Locking my car, I open the door, and the “ding” signifies another guest has entered the small shop.
Anne gives me a side hug as well, and I fish through my purse to grab my wallet. Anne orders first, getting an Oreo Blizzard.
That was actually one of the things that enticed
our friendship. We were listing our favorites and that was among one of the many.
Katie orders a brownie sundae, and when it’s my turn, I stare at the cashier for a moment, a frown on my face. An Oreo Blizzard is screaming my name; however, that isn’t what I say to the lady. “Butterfinger Blizzard.”
Katie and Anne both cast a confused look at me, but I just stare back at them. I’m confused as well. I’ve tried Kyle’s Blizzard before, many times. I’m not a fan, so why would I want to get it for myself?
Sighing, I pay the cashier for both Katie and me and then accept the ice cream. We head over to a table where we all sit down, eating quietly.
“Is it good?” Katie asks, a cautious look etching across her face. I chuckle and slide the ice cream to her. Surprisingly, it’s not as bad as I remember it being. It’s actually pretty good. Katie moans in approval.
“Yum,” she says, then allows Anne a bite. Except she takes another, and then two more.
“All right!” I shout, snatching my ice cream back. “My ice cream.” I point to the brownie sundae and the Oreo Blizzard. “Your ice cream.”
Anne and Katie giggle as they return to eating. I lean back in the chair and look around the small shop. It hasn’t changed since the last time I’ve been here, which is about two months.
Kyle’s tradition only lasted about nine months; however, it was great to share something special with him. Every month, on the ninth, I will remember being here with him. No matter where I am, or what I am doing, I will always think of him.
The “ding” sounds through the store, and I glance up to see Dallas walk in with Mikey and Tyler. They’re laughing about some joke, wide smiles adorning each of their faces. Dallas’s eyes scan the area until they land on me. His smile falters, and I see him gulp.
“Let’s go.” Katie gets to her feet. She walks over, and I see Dallas look down at her. I can’t hear what Katie says, but I can tell it’s sharp, because he’s taken back by it. “Come on, Kayla,” Katie calls over her shoulder at me.
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