by Amy Isaman
Chapter 14
I WASN’T THERE WITH my mother which is where I should have been.
Instead, I was traipsing around coin shops in Boise after a stupid gold coin I thought could save my sister when my mom was the one who needed my attention.
“Will they be bringing her into Boise?” I asked the dispatcher.
“Yes, Ma’am.” She directed me to the hospital and stayed on the phone until the paramedics arrived and found mom alive but hurting. She’d be here in an ambulance as soon as they could get her here. I didn’t know if they’d drive with sirens on and full speed or if it would take them the full hour. I parked as close to the Emergency room entrance as I could, so I could watch for the ambulance.
As soon as the 911 operator hung up, my breath hitched, and I sobbed. Why the hell couldn’t I get it right and focus on whoever actually needed my help? Like Brett when he needed me? Or my mom, now? Instead, I kept trying to help Anne, but who didn’t even want my help.
I leaned my head back on the seat. If mom’s newly repaired hip was broken, she’d need surgery again. She wouldn’t be mobile again for weeks which would make her crazy. Especially with the weather warming up, she’d want to get outside and putter around her yard. But maybe it wasn’t even that. What if she’d suffered a heart attack or something? Fresh tears welled in my eyes. Whatever happened, she’d been alone and terrified.
I was done chasing ghosts. Mom was my priority. She was the whole reason I was in Idaho in the first place. Carly could find the gold if she wanted to search. And the police could figure out who killed Frank. And, hopefully, Mom and I could talk to Anne at some point, but even that wasn’t the most important thing anymore. Mom was.
I took some deep breaths and managed to get myself calmed down. I decided to stand right by the ambulance unloading zone, so I could meet her ambulance and go in the back door of the ER with her, if they let me. I figured I’d get in faster that way than going through the front door.
Finally, the right ambulance came screaming into the Emergency Room unloading zone. I knew it was mom because my sister’s little car was right on its tail. As soon as it stopped, the doors flew open. I stood back and craned my neck, trying to catch a glimpse of my mother’s face. She looked pale.
The paramedics rolled the gurney out and my mom turned her head when she rolled past us, giving me a wan smile. “Mom. Thank God. I’m here,” I shouted. Her eyes were closed, and she grimaced every time the gurney shifted, but I followed the paramedics in the doors without any problem. Anne ran up before the doors slid shut and slipped between me and mom’s gurney.
“I’m so glad you made it. I wasn’t expecting you,” I said to her back. “I thought you were at work.”
“Mom, I’m here,” Anne yelled, ignoring me. Only after the hospital staff began to take over did Anne turn to face me. “Really? You were expecting me to abandon mom like you did, even though you were supposed to be with her? I don’t think so.”
I clenched my fists to calm myself and tried to peer around Anne and get a glimpse of my mom, but my sister pivoted slightly and successfully blocked my view, like an NBA player trying to keep me from shooting.
Anne continued to glare. “I’m surprised you showed up here.”
“Is it her hip?” I finally asked my sister, breaking the stony silence between us.
“Of course, it’s her hip. She fell because you weren’t there to help her. As usual.” She just had to add that, didn’t she? I hated that our mom was lying on a gurney in the ER and here we were, playing the blame game. I’d already said everything to myself that my sister was saying now.
“I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have listened to her. She wanted to get used to being on her own since I’m scheduled to leave in a few days, so I left. She’s a grown woman, not a toddler, and I agreed with her. If she’s going to stay in her house, which we both know she wants to do, then she has to be able to function on her own without constant care.” I sounded like a petulant teenager, trying to justify my own stupidity and guilt.
Anne nodded tightly. “And now we’re back at square one with her hip.”
“Not necessarily. We don’t know if it’s broken or if she needs another surgery. Or, really, if it’s even her hip.”
Anne harrumphed and crossed her arms.
“Look, Anne. I’m sorry. I blew it. I get it. I shouldn’t have left, but our fighting about it isn’t going to help anything.”
A brief glimpse of surprise passed across Anne’s face before she glowered at me again. I wondered if Brian ever apologized for his abuse, or if she took it all on? But it didn’t really matter. I needed to show her that I meant it. No matter what. I was truly sorry that I was off chasing ghosts to help her when really, she just needed me here.
Anne nodded tightly and turned as they rolled our mom into a semi-private space in the ER where she took the lone seat in the corner.
I followed her, furious with myself for this whole situation.
We all waited silently for the nurse to finish taking mom’s vitals. “Sorry for the trouble, girls,” Mom said, as soon as the nurse left. She looked pale and old, frail even. I swear hospital beds somehow made people shrink, but her voice sounded strong. She held her right wrist with her left hand.
“Mom, it’s no trouble. I’m so sorry I left. I feel terrible. What happened?”
“I’m an idiot.” Mom shook her head, then grimaced with the movement. “I was getting out of my chair like we practiced and grabbed for the walker. But I missed it somehow and just sort of tipped over. I managed to catch myself with my hand, but I think I broke my wrist. It hurts.”
“It’s not your hip?” Anne asked, standing and moving next to me.
She shook her head. “I think—”
“Okay! Let’s do this!” A young and much more chipper nurse interrupted us. “We’re going to steal her for a minute for some x-rays.”
“Can you check her hip too?” I asked. “She had a replacement a few weeks ago. We need to make sure that’s okay too.”
“I’ll let the doc know.” Anne and I moved back as she helped mom into a wheelchair and took her away.
I groaned. “If her arm is broken, and she has a cast, she won’t be able to use her walker. We’re going to need to get her full-time care.”
“I thought that’s what you were here for.” Anne returned to her chair where she sat and crossed her arms, staring at the floor in front of her. “Lotta good that’s done,” she muttered, just loud enough for me to hear.
My phone pinged with an incoming text which I ignored.
“Anne, I get it. I’m sorry. I can’t do anything else but apologize at this point. We need to figure this out. We need to get Mom taken care of.” I paused for a moment and added, “And you.”
“Tricia, I’m fine. I’ve taken care of myself and my family without you here for most of my life. And I’ll take care of mom. Just go back to the city and do whatever you need to do.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” That stung. And she knew it would.
I don’t know who had it worse. My beloved sweet husband who was gone leaving me to raise our kids on my own or Anne’s horrible abusive beast of a husband who apparently tortured her, and but she was stuck raising her kids with him.
“Nothing. I’m sorry.” She finally looked up at me and waved her hand like she was swatting a fly. I didn’t quite feel any real apology behind her words.
I sat down next to her. “Anne, you are my family. You’re my responsibility too. I can’t just leave. And, if it’s too much trouble for you to take care of mom because you have your own, uh, stuff, to deal with, I can take her back to the city with me. Mary, my mother-in-law, can help take care of her until she can come home and be on her own.”
“Stuff?” she snorted.
“Yeah. You know… Brian.” I finally managed to say his name.
She shook her head. “That’s not your problem.”
“Actually, it is. I don’t want him aro
und mom or in her house. I don’t trust him.”
At this my sister threw her head back and laughed. “Good luck with that.”
But I meant it. I didn’t want Brian anywhere near my mother. Or really, near Anne or Madi either, but I didn’t think I’d approached this situation quite as well as I could have.
“So, I can’t just leave,” I added.
“Yes, you can. You left today, and here I am, taking care of mom, as usual. Go home. Leave. I can handle my life like I always have.” She nodded her head toward the door and raised her eyebrows, still with that pinched face, like I was welcome to prance on out at any time, and she wouldn’t give me a second thought. Which pissed me off. And made me sad all at the same time.
I stood. “You know what? I’m not going to leave Boise, or mom, or Elk Creek right now. But I am going to leave this hospital room because I can’t be around you when you’re being like this. I left mom alone at her request. I’ve apologized to you. I truly am sorry. And that’s pretty much all I can do. So, I’m going to give us both some space and go get some coffee. Would you like some?”
Anne stared at her hands in her lap and nodded. As I headed toward the ER entrance, I wondered if this was one of those tests, like a child gives their parent. They say they want one thing, like for you to leave, but then when you do, they get even more pissed that you didn’t stay with them and really prove that you loved them. The only thing that was good about this situation was that Brian wasn’t here.
Before Carly dragged me to Logan’s apartment, my sister and I were getting along, well, except for my befriending Carly. And now that I knew what was going on, she was furious with me. Like I’d made it happen. Or my knowing was too humiliating. His behavior wasn’t her fault, though she seemed to think she was somehow responsible for it, which was the whole emotional abuse thing. She pissed him off. So, his anger was her fault, not his. Like he was her victim. The whole thing made me crazy.
I wandered out of the ER and toward the information desk. An aging volunteer with a giant name tag that declared Madge a proud member of the hospital auxiliary manned the information station.
“Where might I find a good cup of coffee?” I asked her.
“Well, you can get coffee at the cafeteria,” she smiled brightly. “That’s down the hall right behind you. Just past the gift shop that has some lovely items.” She spoke slowly and loudly, like I was slightly deaf. “But between you and me it’s not that good. If you want good coffee, walk out the front door, across the parking lot, and head east two blocks, to the little cafe there on the corner. Then, you can come back and wander through our gift shop. Some of the local ladies make some fun items for patients.”
“Thanks,” I said, turning toward the cafeteria and gift shop. I figured I’d stay here, get us both a cup of coffee and try to make amends again. But first, I needed to calm down. I wandered into the gift shop wondering what someone might make at home that would qualify as “fun” for a hospital patient. Turns out, anything crocheted. Handmade afghans, stuffed animals, hats, mittens, scarves, and even yarn baskets lined the shelves. Thankfully, I was standing behind a tower of stuffed animals when I heard Brian asking Madge where to find the ER. I peeked out behind an over-sized giraffe. He wore his uniform, gun on his hip which, to be honest, was pretty fucking intimidating. I stayed hidden.
Brian always struck me as a solid kind of guy, jovial even. But clearly, I didn’t know the man. At all. I knew he was competitive as we played enough family games that I figured out he didn’t like to lose. I’d also seen him be bossy and impatient with Anne but nothing scary or violent. Now, that’s all I could see.
But I couldn’t hide in here all day. Despite my churning stomach, I lifted my chin and headed out.
“Brian, hi.”
He turned and stared at me with a blank poker face. He didn’t nod in acknowledgment. No friendly hello.
So, I did my usual and began rambling. Unfortunately, silence never sat well with me. “They just took mom to get some X-rays on her wrist. She’s in some pain but doing well, I think. I thought I’d grab a cup of coffee for Anne and I. Would you like one?”
“Nope.” He crossed his arms.
“Okay, then. I’ll, uh, get Anne her coffee.” I turned and fled toward the dismal coffee in the cafeteria.
Five minutes later, the lady at the ER reception desk explained that mom already had two visitors and that was the maximum number, so I couldn’t go back in. She smiled and slammed the glass partition shut. Wait… what? Two visitors maximum? Brian took my visiting spot? I stared at her through the glass and knocked again.
She reluctantly slid it open. “What?”
“It’s my mother back there. I need to be there. And, I have a cup of coffee for my sister. Can you go get her for me or tell my brother-in-law that he needs to leave? He took my spot.”
“I’m sorry, but we don’t get involved with who’s in the room. You’re free to text them and communicate that way.” She slid the door shut again and immediately spun her chair sideways so I could no longer see her face. I wanted to throw Anne’s shitty cup of coffee at the window.
Instead, I walked as calmly as I could to the waiting area and opened my phone to send her a text when I saw that I missed three calls and four texts. The most recent was from my mother-in-law. It merely said, “Call me as soon as you can.”
She’d come to visit after Bret died and hadn’t ever left. It worked. We’d always gotten along, and she was a huge help with the kids.
The other texts were from Trent, my seventeen-year-old son. His first said, “Call me first.” Then, “I can explain.”
I slumped into a hard plastic chair, took a sip of the crappy coffee and called my son.
Chapter 15
LAST SUMMER, I LEFT Trent at home with my mother-in-law while Laurel and I traipsed off to London for a conference that we’d extended to include a vacation. It turned into something of a nightmare, but we survived. And I met Darius. Trent had done just fine—he’d been in summer school and working as a bagger at a grocery store, so being busy helped keep him out of trouble, despite being sixteen years old. Now, in his senior year, he apparently wasn’t doing as well. And yet again, I was in the wrong place to be able to help.
I stabbed my fingers at my phone, selecting his name and waiting for it to ring. I wasn’t exactly in the best frame of mind to deal with, but I didn’t have a choice.
Trent picked up his phone on the first ring. “Mom… hi. Did you talk to grandma?”
“Not yet. You said to call you first. She’s next. What’s going on?” I stood and began pacing back and forth across the emergency room waiting room.
“So, the principal didn’t call you? I thought she was going to.”
“The principal? Trent, what did you do? What happened?” I snapped.
“So, I guess it looks like I’m going to have some time off school. Like about a week.”
“You got suspended? For what?” Laurel was the risk-taker. Trent was the quiet one, the one who loved school and even took summer classes, the one I didn’t worry about nearly as much. Except maybe I should have. It was happening again.
I traveled seven hundred miles to fail at taking care of my mom, only to have him get suspended from school.
“It’s kind of embarrassing,” he finally muttered.
“Start talking. Now.” I’d already survived the teenage years with Laurel and knew that I wasn’t responsible for my teenager’s asinine decisions, but after today, I knew I felt responsible solely because I wasn’t at home with him.
“You know that debate tournament last weekend?”
“Yes, we talked about it. You won two rounds and lost two rounds so you didn’t make it to semi-finals. Did you do something at the tournament?”
“Kind of. On the way home, we were playing poker on the bus. I lost, so I had to moon the car behind us, and it was an off-duty cop.” He was silent for a second. “I feel like such an idiot, Mom. The cops came to school an
d the whole team got questioned.” His voice cracked.
“Did you get arrested? Is that indecent exposure?” My heart lurched in panic. Trent was still only seventeen, thank God, so hopefully that wouldn’t go on his permanent record. Would he be forever branded as some sort of sexual predator for a stupid teenage prank?
“No, but they gave us all a lecture. It was just my butt. Anything else and I could have been in way more trouble.”
Just his butt. Thank God, no nuts. And then I lost it. I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing into the phone. He mooned an off-duty cop?
“Mom? Mom, are you there?”
I sucked in a breath to try to control myself. “I’m here. I am so incredibly disappointed in you right now. I need a minute to think and talk to your grandmother. And apparently, the principal. You are to hang up. Give your phone to your grandma and go directly to your room. And I’ll be checking to make sure exactly that happens.”
“But…” I heard him say as I hit the end button and hung up. Collapsing into the waiting room chair, I tried to get a hold of myself. This was the icing on the cake for a spectacularly shitty afternoon after a whole series of even shittier days. How could I not laugh? The stress of the past week hit me with waves of totally inappropriate laughter. Could this get worse? Oh yeah, my son could have gotten arrested for indecent exposure because he mooned a cop.
When I lifted my head and wiped my eyes, the lady who refused to let me in to the ER glared at me. Apparently, laughing hysterically by yourself wasn’t normal in ER waiting room. I didn’t care. I nodded at her as I headed toward the restroom where I could rinse my face and clean up.
As I splashed my face with cold water, I finally started to breathe normally and realized that I felt a lot better. Lighter.