by Nicky Shanks
“Fuck, Julie.” Oliver pants so hard that his breath feels like a hot summer’s breeze. “I don’t know how I’m going to survive you.”
Once I’m able to open my dry mouth, I laugh. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”
His thick, hot lips press against my open mouth and he twists his tongue around mine. I kiss him—hard—all of the love and guilt that I have wrapping around his lips and punching through my heart. I can’t believe I just made love with this man when I’m married to another man.
What have I become?
To be fair, we slept together before I knew any of this. But now that I do know, it makes it worse in my mind.
My situation is unconventional, sure.
But that’s not an excuse.
“I love you, sunshine.” He kisses my forehead before extracting himself from my body.
Forget Oliver’s rules.
I have to tell him my secret before it eats me alive.
Chapter Eight
Brandon
The softness of Julie’s skin will haunt me forever. Even when she hangs up on me…I’m still completely intoxicated by her. Somewhere, deep down inside, I know that it’s not love anymore. No, that love ship has sailed long ago and it’s all my fault. I promised her I wouldn’t destroy anyone else like I did with her and I intend to keep that promise.
Spending the past few weeks alone with Heather have mended me somehow. Maybe not completely, but enough to see beyond the monster in my eyes. It’s hard—and very self-destructive—knowing that other people see you as a destroyer: someone who turns everything they touch into ashes. It’s hard to explain the love that I had for Julie when I met her, the best I could ever come up with is exactly what I told her in our impromptu wedding vows…the same ones I forced her into out of paranoia.
Loving you is like a limitless feeling of happiness.
I think that’s why I held onto her so tightly. I wouldn’t allow her to take any college classes like I’m doing with Heather; I was always afraid she would meet someone better and leave me for some other guy. With Heather…she’s already had someone better and I don’t have that fear.
Oliver.
The scowl on my face darkens and I shut the door to my small office.
That prick.
I look at the time on my computer and I have an hour before I have to slip out of here and pick Heather up from the campus. I snicker when I think about her with her purple backpack she only bought as a tribute to our disgust for the purple room. I’ll admit…the more time I spend with her, the less it hurts that I don’t have Julie anymore.
I check some emails and tap my fingers on my oak desk, annoyed. I wonder if I should reach out to Nate, my best friend. We had a small falling out over my obsession with Julie and he has been shunning me for over a month. I guess I not only have to show Heather that I’m a different person, but there are countless other people who deserve that respect too.
Jesus.
What has happened to me?
It’s true what they say, though.
You never know what you have until you’ve lost it.
There is the problem of finding a time to get divorced from Julie without Oliver knowing. I owe her that much if anything. Even I can’t believe I had to get her drunk to force her hand, but that was the old me…the desperate me. I open a few internet browsers on my computer and search for instructions on how to get divorced in Washburn County without a lawyer. There isn’t anything we have to divide and it’s stipulated so it should be fairly easy. I thought about using a lawyer at the office like I told Julie I would, but if Vernon Trumbull, my ultra-powerful boss, finds out about this…who knows what he’ll do.
Especially if he finds out I was screwing his daughter.
Heather texts me a kissing face emoji, and it actually makes me smile. She’s nothing like I thought she’d be. I was prepared for hot, steamy nights with tequila and lace panties. There’s definitely been a lot of sex, but it’s not what I imagined. It’s a different feeling than just straight up fucking someone.
It’s sensual.
I slam my hands down on my desk in frustration. Someone knocks at the door and I frown; I only have twenty minutes to get to the campus. Whoever is on the other side of that door is going to be in the middle of a race they can’t win.
“Yeah,” I mumble, hoping they don’t hear me.
The door slowly opens and Rachel—long, bare legs and all—steps into my office and paints a sexy grin on her puffy lips. “Hey, there.”
No. Not right now.
“I’m busy, Rachel. I’m at work.” I try to be as cold to her as I can. Rachel never was one for subtle hints…or just flat-out objections, either.
Rachel frowns and her now cotton candy pink hair falls around her cleavage. “No one is around, my dad is out of town, but you know that. I wore a dress you won’t have to take off.”
I chuckle. “Well, that’s no fun, now is it?”
She licks her lips and sways her body closer to me. There isn’t an inch of me that doesn’t want to grab her and spread her legs apart with my tongue, but I hold my composure and think about Heather. She doesn’t deserve someone like that, and I promised her I wouldn’t do that to her.
I promised Julie that same thing.
My forehead crinkles. “I really do have work to do, so…” I gesture to the open door. “You can see yourself out the same way you came in.”
She pouts. “Oh, come on. I know I freaked you out about the whole ‘staying the night’ thing,” she uses her fingers to make air quotes, which equally freaks me out, “but can’t we just get past it and sleep together again? I miss you and I miss your huge—”
I clear my throat for her to stop. “I’m seeing someone.”
“I thought she broke up with you?”
Heat flashes through my cheeks. “Who the fuck told you that?”
Her laugh isn’t pleasant. She’s laughing at me. “I know people. My dad does business with someone you might know. Oliver Jackson?”
I choke down my scoff. If her father does business with Jackson, that means I’m doing business with him too. “Yeah, I know him. Julie didn’t break up with me. She left me.” I don’t know why I’m being truthful to someone who doesn’t matter. “She left me because I couldn’t control myself with you and destroyed her life.”
“That sounds like your problem, not mine. You’re exceptional in bed, so let’s focus on that.” She comes around my desk and stands next to me, rubbing her palm against my dick. I push her away after a few seconds, startling her.
“Get the fuck off of me. I have things to do.” I stand up and brush past her, but her legs catch up to me and I feel her hand push the door closed. “Rachel, open the door.” I tower over her but she isn’t scared. Her body is positioned with her arms outstretched so I can’t leave.
She thinks about it for a few seconds. “I just want to talk.”
I snort. “No, you want to fuck. I have somewhere to be.”
“What does she have that I don’t?”
The look on her face nearly makes me feel bad. “What do you mean?”
Her arms fall back to her sides and tears fall slowly down her cheeks. “I mean, why does the girl you’re running off to get to have the real you, but all I get is…this?”
“That’s all we ever were, Rachel. We were fuck buddies, grow up.” My snarl doesn’t surprise her and I realize that maybe I am treating her too much like a piece of trash. In light of my new outlook on life, I clear my throat and try harder. “You’re not worthless, okay? I really am seeing someone, and I don’t want it to end up like Julie. I can’t see you like that anymore.”
Her fingers find the tears falling down her cheeks and she wipes them away. “Okay. I get it.”
I let her move her body from the door so I can pass her. I think about stopping and maybe giving her a comforting hug but decide that it’s probably not a good idea. Rachel very well could be bluffing her sadness and that’s ok
ay…but I have to get the hell out of here before I give in and take her on my desk like I have done so many times before.
The drive back to campus seems long because I try to get myself back to normal the entire drive there. I haven’t told Heather about the marriage, either. I know I should have, but our time together has been so peaceful and anti-dramatic that I didn’t want to let that go.
I can’t let that go.
I’ve kept secrets like this before; I can keep this one.
Julie and I can get a secret divorce and never speak of this again.
Shit. I wonder who she’s told.
I park in the student parking lot and text Heather where I am. I should’ve been a good boyfriend and stopped for flowers to celebrate her first day, but there’s no time for that now. Her long legs come into view and I smile, putting my phone in the middle of the front seats and stepping outside to greet her. The crisp air feels refreshing as she jumps into my arms and kisses me, fixing all the bullshit that I had to go through today. I’m so happy to fucking see her that it consumes me and I find myself hardly remembering that Rachel just tried to physically take off my pants after telling me her father does business with Oliver Jackson. As if that guy doesn’t already haunt my damn life, now he has a hand in some of the business that I do.
“I can’t get past the sexiness of dating a college girl.” I laugh into her short, black hair. “Not to mention, my girl’s the hottest one here.”
Heather scoffs and pulls herself from me. “Oh, please. I’m like six years older than all of these little girls and they look at me like I’m some sort of exotic animal they have to take pictures of before I scamper away, never to be seen or heard from again.”
“Well, you are exotic.” I growl and nibble at her neck. “And a drama queen. We have time for an early dinner if you want to eat while we’re out.”
Her eyes perk up. “You read my mind. Can we go back to that barbecue place on Edmond and Roe? Those ribs seriously haunt my brain.”
I laugh as she pecks my cheek and lets herself into the passenger side of the car. Being with Heather is easier than I thought; I braced myself for high maintenance and temper tantrums. She’s a lot more chill than I could’ve imagined.
I join her in the car and she waves at three frizzy-haired younger girls as they pass us and squint their eyes at me like they’ve never seen a grown man before. I laugh and pull the car away, letting Heather settle into her seat while I make the drive downtown to the restaurant.
“So how was your first day?”
She waves me off. “Boring, just a bunch of introductions. Those girls I waved at are part of my work group in my Economics class.”
“You’re right, they are pretty young.” I joke with her but she isn’t amused. She’s annoyed at something and I know it’s not my bad jokes. “Are you sure that’s all that happened today? Something’s bothering you, I can tell.”
Her freshly applied red lipstick tantalizes me as her thin lips turn into a smile. “You’re implying that you know me. All you know is that I’m beautiful and talented.” She winks at me and plays my game right back at me. “So, in respect of our relationship and because I wholeheartedly don’t believe in keeping secrets from my boyfriends anymore—”
My eyebrow rises in intrigue. “Boyfriends? Plural?”
Her breath exits her lungs with force. “You know what I mean. So…Julie is in my Economics class, she came in after me and sat with Lucy…who is also in the class.”
My throat swells. “Lucy? The girl who moved halfway across the country to stalk you?”
She blushes. “Something like that. They are friends somehow. It’s all karma, you know. I have to sit and look at the back of her head for one hour, three times a week. It’s going to be brutal.”
I park the car near the entrance of Redwood Barbecue and stare at her. “You’re going to be fine. It’s just one hour and you don’t even have many chances to talk to her in that hour, right? Think of the bigger picture here, think of your future and how bright ours is because of the steps forward we’re taking.”
Now Heather crinkles her nose in amusement. “Did you read that on a fortune cookie?”
I laugh and unbuckle my seat belt. “Something like that.”
She never lets me open her door for her and I’m not sure if she does this on purpose or not. Honestly, I think she’s just used to doing things on her own. She’s a conundrum, really; as dependent as she is on people for certain things…she’s equally as independent in other areas of her life.
The hostess sits us at a small booth near the windows overlooking a huge manmade pond. I order a few beers and Heather sticks to fancy wine, but I don’t care. A place like this isn’t exactly five-star, so I’m sure I can afford a few glasses of overpriced wine. Besides, I want to give her whatever she wants.
Within reason, of course.
Halfway through the meal, something startles her and she wipes her mouth gently. After she excuses herself to the bathroom, I shove more brisket into my mouth and wash it down with the remains of the second beer. I don’t order another because I’m driving, and by the time we leave here I want to be sober enough not to need a cab. The waitress brings me an ice water and winks at me before she walks away. I start to get hard as I graze my eyes over her ass.
Jesus, get a grip.
She’s just a woman.
You have a woman.
She’s in the bathroom putting on more lipstick.
That sweet, sinful red lipstick.
I lick my lips and think about joining her when a woman sits down across from me and stares me directly in the eyes. She’s in her forties, but she looks like hell frozen over…a dozen times.
“Brandon Whitehouse?” Her scratchy voice says my name. “I won’t beat around the bush here. My name is Veronica and my son is Oliver Jackson.”
I let out the hot air I’m holding in my lungs. “So, what? His mommy is coming to fight his battles now? Look, I don’t know what Julie told you guys, but I said I would fix it…and I’m going to fix it. My girlfriend is coming back soon, can you get the fuck out of here?”
The woman laughs and it makes me sick. “Julie told me everything. How do you plan on fixing it?”
I click my tongue against my teeth, annoyed. “How else do you get a divorce? You go to the courthouse and pay some money and sign some papers, lady. Now, scram.”
Her frail fingernails tap against the table. “So, you and Julie are married, are you?”
My stomach sinks into my lap. “Isn’t that why you’re here?”
“Answering a question with a question, what a stupid boy. I see you’re fucking Oliver’s trailer trash ex-girlfriend. She scrambled the moment she saw me through the window. I wonder if my boyfriend has her cornered in the bathroom yet.”
My legs start to move, but she slams her hand on the table. “Stay right here. You do what I want you to do and she doesn’t even have to know he’s there.”
What the fuck is happening here?
“What do you want?” I growl. The people around me start to stare.
“I want information on Julie…but it looks like you gave me everything I could ever need.” Her smile is wicked and cracked; I feel sick knowing that she’s going to use this against Julie in some way.
“If you hurt Julie or Heather—”
She snaps her fingers in my face. “Julie isn’t your concern anymore, now is she? Man, my boys have made their lives a tangled mess, haven’t they? Oliver Jackson and his ignorance to lower-class problems around him, and his equally as miserable brother. I’m sure your parents are proud of how you’ve turned out, aren’t they?”
I don’t answer her.
She chuckles. “Okay, thanks for the information, kid. Your girlfriend will be out here, unharmed, after my boyfriend sees me leave unharmed. Thanks for your undivided attention.” She winks at me and rushes from the restaurant and the people around us go back to eating their dinners as I panic and look around for Heather.
Her bouncy black hair comes around the corner, unaware of anything that’s just happened. I can’t jump up and hug her, thankful she’s okay; that will set off an alarm that something did happen, and until I figure out what to do about it…she has to stay in the dark.
“Let’s finish up and get out of here,” I mumble and shove more food into my mouth, trying to act normal. She notices that I’m awkward but she lets me be as she nibbles on a piece of ham. I push the rest of my plate into my mouth and gulp the water down before she even gets halfway through hers. I wait for her to stop nibbling and drink her wine before paying the check and rushing her back to the car.
When we spend half of the drive back home in silence, she knows something is up. “Tell me what’s going on or I’m walking home.”
I snicker. “I’m not afraid of you walking home, sweetheart.”
“Fine. Just tell me what’s going on—I know something is up with you. When I went to the bathroom you were just fine, and when I came back…you’re tense for some reason.”
I sigh and pull into the driveway of our place. “If I tell you…you have to promise me two things: that you won’t freak out, and that you won’t hate me.” She doesn’t move a muscle when she hears me say this. I already regret starting this conversation, but I don’t want to keep things from her. I’m doing the opposite of what I would’ve done with Julie.
“When you were in the bathroom, some cracked-out woman sat down in your spot and told me she’s Oliver’s mother,” the look in Heather’s eyes reeks of fear, “but I think you already know that. She said you saw her through the window and high-tailed it to the bathroom to dodge her.”
Heather nods and takes my hand into hers. “I saw a picture of her in Oliver’s grandfather’s house once, a few years ago. She looked different in it, full of life and less hopeless. At first, I wasn’t sure if it was her, but when we locked eyes, I had a strange feeling and wanted to hide.”
I reach out to her and brush her hair behind her ear. “I’m not going to let some crazy ass woman hurt you; she just wanted to talk about Julie.”
Heather’s eyes light up. “What about her?”