by Nicky Shanks
Fuck.
Am I snooping?
Who fucking cares. Open the damn paper, you idiot.
My fingers shake as I open one of the folds, taking my time because I really don’t have a good feeling about this. I let the heater warm me before unfolding the second flap and shutting my eyes like a schoolboy—like shutting the world out will make whatever this paper says go away.
She’s going to be my damn wife someday. I can’t go around betraying her and sneaking through her things. I’m not a paranoid mess anymore.
She’s changed me—she knows the rules.
Fuck. The rules.
I told her to keep her secrets safe.
She’s just doing what she’s been told.
As I force myself to start reading, my stomach is burning. When I scan the words for the third time, I know my life is about to come crumbling down around me.
This can’t fucking be true. She’s married to Brandon. She lied to me.
She’s keeping this from me.
What do I do? I can’t be pissed—I’m the one who told her to keep her secrets safe.
I didn’t mean ruin my fucking life in the process, though.
The air in the car suffocates me, making it almost impossible to catch my breath. My chest hurts—my entire damn body hurts. This. Hurts. The world spins and it’s not stopping, no matter how hard I try and yell through my dry mouth.
How could she do this?
She said yes to me; she’s going to be my wife.
Not his.
Why hasn’t she asked me for help with this?
Does she not trust me?
I can’t go out of town knowing something like this.
I’m going to fucking kill Brandon.
I need to calm down.
Stressing out about why Julie didn’t tell me about being married to Brandon isn’t going to help anything right now. It’s not like I blame her—I wouldn’t want to make that public knowledge either, but at least I could help her take care of it. It’s just another obstacle in the way of our happiness…there’s been so fucking many that it’s hard to even blink.
Someone pulls up next to me in the parking garage and I can feel their eyes on me. The more they stare, the more my blood starts to boil. I look up to start mouthing off to whoever it is, but my body turns to stone and all I can do is glare.
Casey.
He has the balls to show up here after what he’s done?
Before I can stop myself, I’m bolting from the car to tear him to pieces. I’m stronger now, and I’m going to kick the shit out of him without any real effort on my part. My hands rip him from the front seat of his car without so much as one word from his mouth. He stares at me with glassy eyes and no expression on his face at all.
I still want to kill Brandon.
But not before I kill Casey first.
Chapter Ten
Casey
I’m in a dark place.
A really, really dark fucking place.
The loss of Nora left a gaping hole inside of me. Followed by the loss of Julie, which ripped my soul to broken shreds. Now, I’ve lost Lucy too. A triple loss in just under six months…that’s gotta be a record of some kind, even for me.
Hopelessly pathetic.
My own mother didn’t even want me.
The thoughts in my mind are getting a little scary. I’m waiting for my biological mother, Veronica, to show up at a small diner a few cities away from Rockford. She contacted me shortly after I tried—and failed—to warn Oliver about her plan for Julie. Since he won’t listen to me or answer the phone, the only thing left to do is play along with this woman to keep Julie safe myself. If Oliver won’t get over himself to help me…I’ll do it alone.
“Son.” Her cold voice smacks me in the cheeks before I even see her pop out from behind the booth seat. She looks worse than before, and she nervously hides her forearms by pulling down her sweater sleeves. She catches me staring and her long, frail fingers snap in front of my eyes. “Casey, snap out of it. What’s your answer, boy?”
I swallow down the scream that’s building in my throat. “I’m in. Tell me how to get Julie.”
Her wicked smile sends shivers down my spine. I don’t trust this woman with anything as special to me as Julie is…no matter what she is or isn’t to me right now. Even if I had the chance to tell Oliver, he would take the credit for being the hero when he didn’t even lift a finger.
Again.
“You’re smarter than you look, kid.” She snickers and tips the glass of water sitting in front of her to her dry mouth. It looks like she’s having trouble swallowing the lukewarm liquid, and that saddens me. I wish I never met this person; my real mother is the woman who raised me, and I’m going to make it a point to hug her the next time I see her.
“What exactly do I do?”
Veronica snaps her fingers at the waitress and orders a cheeseburger and fries. When the young girl leaves us alone, her frail body leans closer to me and I feel the chill of death in her breath. “A little birdie told me that Oliver is going out of town tonight and he won’t be coming back until Friday at the latest. Some business deal thing, I don’t know. Mac had to pull some strings to find out that information.”
“Who’s Mac?” I take a fry from the plate the waitress brings and Veronica’s eyebrows rise. “Is that your boyfriend?”
She nods. “He’s outside. He doesn’t like boys like you.”
I nearly choke on my fry. “Boys like me?”
“My sons.”
I force the fry down my throat and nearly choke. I hate that she calls me that—I’m nothing to her but someone she’s trying to manipulate. Once I get Julie and she sees me as her new knight in shining armor, this woman is history.
I don’t care if Julie just wants to be my friend—I need her back in my life. Ever since I lost Oliver, Nora, and Julie—and probably Harley and Victor too—nothing seems right. I’d give anything to go back to that week in the cabin where everything was perfect. Nora was perfect, her laugh was perfect. The way her almond-shaped eyes followed mine was perfect. Her marshmallow lips were perfect.
“Hey, are you actually stupid?” Veronica screeches. “Come back to Earth, boy.”
“I’m here, what did you say?”
“I asked if you were aware of her little secret.”
My head hurts; I’m thinking way too hard. “Depends on which one you mean.”
Veronica’s smoky laugh startles me. “She’s married to Brandon Whitehouse.”
No.
She’s a damn liar.
“She’s not married; you’re grasping at straws.” I cross my arms. “Oliver would’ve mentioned something like that. He’s protective of her.”
“You’ll find out soon enough.” She laughs and smacks her lips. She sighs and slaps her hands together, grains of salt falling to the table. “As soon as Oliver leaves for his business trip, visit Julie. Talk to her, beg her to forgive you. Without him in the picture, she’s more receptive to giving you the benefit of the doubt. She has to see the good in people, that’s how she works.”
“She doesn’t trust me anymore,” I admit, but Veronica shakes her head. “She hates me.”
She snorts and stands up, frowning at her untouched cheeseburger. “That girl is incapable of hate. I know girls like her…I used to be her. I’ll contact you later to see how it went.”
I turn toward her. “Promise me that you’ll help me.” She stops, looking over her shoulder with the wicked smile back on her face. “Promise me that Julie will trust me again.”
“I promise,” she says, leaving me alone at the table with a half-eaten plate of fries and a crippling feeling that this thing isn’t going to go my way. Julie already hates me…
What is my deal with her?
She’s right. She’s not a unicorn.
But she’s compassionate and kind. She cares about how other people feel above herself. Her eyes can turn a grown fucking man to stone. I don’t know what
her lips taste like, but…I’m willing to bet they taste like honey. She’s proof that you can have feelings for someone without even knowing them, but I’m excited—or, at least I was excited—to keep getting to know her. The surprises of finding out little things about her are what kept me going. I don’t know, maybe finding some feelings for Julie was just my way of trying to get over Nora.
These girls aren’t the ones breaking my heart: It’s me. I’m breaking my own heart over and over.
First things first: I have to get her talking to me again. That starts with Oliver, and the only way to reach him is by just going to his apartment and knocking on the door. We were best friends once, and brothers without even knowing it, and somewhere in that cold, dark heart of his is the truth.
Veronica is long gone, so I stick a twenty on the table and rush out to my car. It’s a thirty-minute drive back to Rockford, so I call Oliver once again to try and reason with him before actually going through with this. He doesn’t even let the call go through. Sucking in my breath, I dial Julie’s number. Her phone shoots back an error message in my ear.
They’ve blocked me from their lives.
The anger that this presents inside of me shakes the car on the highway. This isn’t fair. I’m being punished for telling the truth and trying to avoid doing something stupid. This is how they repay me? I held her hand when Oliver was dying, I comforted her and I was there for her. He never even thanked me. But…Julie did. Her blue eyes sparkle when she cries too.
This is ridiculous.
When I reach Oliver’s apartment, my luck changes for the better. As soon as I pull into the parking garage, there he is, sitting in the rental car—that I provided for him—and he looks like he’s crying. After debating whether I should pull up next to him or not, I park on the passenger side and nonchalantly look over to him. His head is in his hands and he wipes his eyes before folding a piece of paper and putting it in the glove box.
That’s when he sees me.
The rage that locks our eyes makes his body tear from the car and rip me out of my front seat. “What the fuck are you doing here?” His growl echoes off the concrete of the garage. “I thought Julie was perfectly clear when she said you mean nothing: to her or to me.”
I swallow to keep him from crushing my windpipe. “I’m here to talk to you about something. Let me go.” His weight is now pressing me against the side of the car, and he holds me by the collar of my jacket. “Dude, come on. Let me go.”
“How can I let you go after what you’ve done?”
I find the strength to push him off of me, but I think he’s weak from crying. I point to his eyes and want to smile, but I know that won’t get me anywhere. “What’s the matter with you?”
Oliver coughs to try and hide his sadness. “Don’t fucking worry about it.”
“Fine.” I sigh and straighten my jacket. “I have to tell you something.” His fists rise and I hold up my hands to stop him from punching my lights out. “No, it’s something you need to know, I swear. Veronica came to visit me…twice, actually.”
“What?” His roar hurts my ears. “What for? To see another bastard son she’s abandoned?”
Ouch.
“Not exactly. She wants money. She said she asked you for money and you said no.” I make it a point to judge him with my eyes, because if someone was threatening the woman I supposedly loved…they wouldn’t live to tell the tale.
“I’m not giving that wretched excuse for a mother anything,” he snarls. “And you’re fucked in the head if you think I’m falling for your shit this time.”
“I’m not fucking around! She found me after the fight at The Tavern and damn near ripped my head off. She’s fucked in the head, man, like hardcore way out there. I just want you and Julie back in my life, that’s it. Fuck everything else, I miss you guys. Julie has been a good friend to me and the only person who—until now—hadn’t left me.”
I can literally hear his heart stop beating. The standoffish man that stood in front of me now cowers and whimpers like a mouse. It’s weird seeing firsthand the effect a woman—no, not just any woman—has on even the most boastful and self-loving man. I know exactly how he feels, and that’s why it makes me know for sure this is the right thing to do.
“She’s already left you, Casey,” he says, rubbing his jawline because he knows the sting that comes with Julie Remington being disappointed in you. “She doesn’t want to talk to you.”
He better watch his fucking mouth.
What Oliver doesn’t know is that I have information that could end this right here, right now. All it will take is a short conversation with Julie about Lucy, and I can get what I want. But I’m not stupid; I know if I do it like that, she won’t just run to me and things won’t just be everything I’ve wanted. She’ll run to Nora or someone else and completely forget about me. I have to grit my teeth and pretend like I have everything to lose a little while longer.
“She will if you ask her to,” I blurt out, wanting to punch myself.
He shakes his head. “I’m going out of town. I don’t have time for your drama.” He sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose. “For once, I wish things could be normal and I wasn’t fighting to keep her safe from fucking crazy people.”
“You don’t have to keep her safe from me, Oliver. I don’t want to hurt her.” I rub my throat where he was choking the life out of me moments before. “I just want to fix things with her so maybe my life can start shifting back to something normal. You know, before all of this crazy shit and psycho bio-mothers. She deserves that from me at the very least.”
He snorts. “That’s an understatement. Trust me, you didn’t know Veronica and you’re better off. You’re not scarred like I am—at least not because of her—and if she’d kept you…who knows where you would’ve ended up.”
He isn’t saying anything I haven’t already thought of. Trillions of questions and scenarios ran through my mind the instant I even met the woman. Oliver looks like he believes in me again, and somewhere—deep, deep down—I feel guilty about my true plans. I’m going to do everything I possibly can while Oliver is gone to get Julie to want me.
Crazy, I know.
“Julie doesn’t want to go with you?” I fish for information. The more I know about where Julie’s head is at, the easier it’s going to be to win her over.
“No, she doesn’t need to be where I’m going. I want to get it over with and come back as soon as possible. Plus, she has classes now and she won’t just leave like that.” The exhausted breath he exhales almost makes me feel sorry for him. “She’ll be safe here.”
“You’ll look out for her, won’t you?” he asks.
There it is.
A small, miniscule amount of trust regained. It’s a start.
“I don’t know, Oliver. She’s not exactly my biggest fan right now.”
He snorts and crosses his arms. “You really don’t know her at all. She doesn’t hate you—she’s just hurt. You betrayed her trust, and that’s a huge thing for her. But don’t worry about her. I’ll get her on board. Just be here tonight at eight so I can leave, and keep your hands off of her. Oh, and pack a pillow, because you’re staying a few days on the sofa.”
This really isn’t a good idea.
“You trust me enough to do this?”
He nods and walks back to his side of the car. “You’re a shithead, but I know you’d never intentionally hurt Julie. Who’s better to look after her than someone who loves her? Sounds like a brilliant plan to me.”
He’s crazy.
“She’s not going to go for this,” I warn him, like I know her better.
“I’ll talk to her. She’ll be fine by the time you get here. Eight, Casey. Don’t be late.” He gets into the car to drive off. I stand to my full height and look at the cold, gray concrete wall for a few minutes. Several things are buzzing around in my mind, and I need to just take a minute and slow it all down.
What the hell just happened?
I do
n’t remember driving back home, and I don’t remember falling asleep face down on my bed, either. Lucy’s citrus and spice perfume still lingers in my apartment, and it’s just enough to make me want more.
Maybe I can curb my Julie appetite with someone else.
Since I wake up sweating from a sexy dream about Julie…the chances of that are slim. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me or why I’m so damn obsessed with her. It’s making me bitter, and no matter how much I tell myself that’s a disgusting fucking quality, I can’t help it. I want her more than I’ve wanted anything. The feeling destroys my focus and sends my body through millions of twists and turns to the point of nausea.
It’s nearly seven and I haven’t packed anything, so I jump up and take a quick shower, washing the dream out of my matted hair. I don’t know what I’m more anxious about: spending two days with Julie and not letting myself give into temptation, or if she’ll ignore me the entire time and it won’t be pleasant for my already crushed heart.
I sigh as I leave my apartment, because I know I’m a fucking idiot for doing this. The more I think about it, the more I owe it to Oliver to be there for him when he needs me—just like he was for me when I started all of this. Maybe if I’d just chased Nora a little longer, I would’ve eventually met Julie and then Oliver wouldn’t even be an obstacle and all this drama wouldn’t exist.
In a perfect world.
But I live in Casey Anderson World, where everything comes up Oliver Jackson.
The drive to his apartment even angers me: The well-manicured streets and expensive cars remind me that his life was always destined to be better than mine. Jealousy roars its ugly head the farther down the street I drive.
I have questions for my parents, that’s for fucking sure. I always knew I was adopted, but how can they keep something like this from me? Oliver came over to our house for Thanksgiving and Christmas every single year…how could they even look at him with a straight face?
Maybe they didn’t know who my real parents are.