"Do you think I wanted to leave you?" Maggie said, ignoring the question I'd asked and answering the one I wouldn't raise. She shook her head, her own frustration obvious.
"I don't know," I said. I didn't. I didn't understand anything about her, not really, not about any part of her that mattered. When I realized that my body had stopped aging at what appeared to be my late twenties, I knew I could never stay in one place for too long. Anti-aging technology certainly helped—no people with money looked older than thirty unless they wanted to, at least until their eighties or so—but at a hundred and fifty-five years old I was so far off the norm that I couldn't let anyone discover my true age. I could never settle down with anyone without telling them, and I've never been able to muster that level of trust. It was easier to avoid intimate relationships entirely than to deal with the consequences. Maggie had made me rethink that decision hundreds of times, but in the end I knew I was right to let her go—and she was right to leave for her own reasons.
Her face clouded. She shook her head slowly. "Maybe you don't, Jon, but you should. You really should."
"Does it matter?" I said. Without meaning to move, I was standing right in front of her, almost touching her. "You did what you had to do. You'd do the same thing again if necessary."
She stepped back and looked away.
Now I understood.
"Like you're going to do as soon as this is over. Right?" When she didn't answer, I repeated the question, louder this time, "Right?"
When she faced me again, tears were running down her face and she was nodding. "Yes, because I have to. Because what I'm protecting is more important than either—or both—of us."
I clenched my fists and willed myself to stand still, not to move at all, but after a few seconds I couldn't take it and instead turned and walked the several steps away from her that the area permitted. "Isn't it always?" I said, more to myself than her.
I leaned against the wall. I heard her crying behind me, but I couldn't look back. We both knew where this was going, and all I was doing was making it worse.
I couldn't change her mind; I was even pretty sure I shouldn't.
I could, though, do one good and useful thing: I could make this easier on her.
I took a few deep breaths, unclenched my hands, and turned around.
"I'm sorry, Maggie," I said, "for being such a jerk. You're only doing what you have to do to keep a whole group of people safe, and I in no way disagree with your choice. In your situation, I'd do exactly the same." I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I had, that I'd left others in the past, that I would probably would do so in the future, that I could see no chance I could ever have a long-term relationship. Instead, I looked at her and wished that she could read my thoughts, that she could know that as much as I hadn't wanted her to leave, I understood her choice. Then, with all the sincerity and heart I could muster, I lied to her. "I'm sure it wasn't easy for you, and I'm sorry I didn't say that before." I wasn't sure. I'd never understood her feelings for me, but that didn't matter. What mattered was selling the story to her.
She chuckled and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I've watched you lie to major government officials and religious heads. I've seen you con a great con man. I know you can sell any story to anyone. I guess I should be flattered that you can't lie to me about this topic. I'm just sad you don't understand, but you don't, and trying to explain it all to you will only lead to more pain for both of us. So at least hear once that it wasn't easy, that leaving you was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Okay?" Without waiting for my response, she straightened and said, "As for why I wanted to talk to you, it was because I knew you'd end up learning of my involvement, and I didn't want any of this to surprise you."
"You also didn't want me to say something I shouldn't," I said, glad to be back on terrain I understood.
"Or that," she nodded. "Not that I expected you would. I'm just being careful."
"As you should be."
"You were also correct," she said, "that I'll be leaving as soon as we have the child. I have to go; being even this involved is a big risk for us."
"So why take that chance?" I said. "You're going to a great deal of trouble, not to mention an enormous expense, for a single child."
"I like to think that we'd do the same for any descendant of Pinkelponker, and I'm glad that in the process we can help all these other kids, because what the Tumani rebels are doing to them is horrible."
"But."
"But this is a very special child indeed, a child who doesn't yet know how special he will be. We have to rescue him before his powers manifest themselves."
"So if they haven't shown up yet, how did you find him?" I said.
She smiled and shook her head. "You know I can't answer that. We did, and now we have to rescue him."
"Are you going to tell me which child it is, so I can protect him?"
"No, but not for any of the reasons Alissa is probably guessing. I wish we could, but we don't know who he is. We know he's among the children the Tumani rebels recruited as soldiers, and we're pretty sure he's alive, but until I and a colleague walk among the kids, we won't know which one he is."
"Assuming he's in the complex and we succeed."
"Assuming all that."
All this risk, all this expense, a covert attack on a base on a planet no one cares about, and all they wanted to do was save one kid.
Of course, if I had the resources and the opportunity, I'd do the same for Jennie.
"Just how rich is your group?" I said. "The economics here don't add up, and whenever the money doesn't make sense, my experience is that something else will prove to be false as well."
"Rich enough that everything this mission might possibly cost wouldn't deserve a mention in a weekly analysis of our assets." She pointed to her head as she continued. "Think about it, Jon. You've met Manu. You've seen him predict a future event correctly. He's just a boy; others with the same ability are much more powerful and accurate. Knowledge plus time yields money. Some large entities have more assets than we do, but ours are very considerable indeed."
I thought about it for a few seconds, and as I did, I grew angry. "So even though you could save all of these children for a cost you wouldn't notice, if one of your special few hadn't been among them, you would have left them to their fate."
She didn't look away this time. "Yes," she said, "to my great embarrassment, we would have done just that. As would you. As would most people. Without an incentive, how many of us would jump into a fight that was not directly ours? How many of us devote even a fraction of our assets to helping others? Plus, we have to maintain a very low profile, because if any government or megacorp knew we existed, well . . . ." She shrugged.
I understood. They would hunt down every child of Pinkelponker and use them and study them in the hopes they could replicate the abilities. I'd never go back to being an experimental animal; they were right to do everything in their power to avoid being discovered.
I also had to accept her other statements. I hated them, but she was right, and I had no room to criticize. I've helped a lot of people, but rarely by altruistic choice; I've been dragged into some battles and paid to fight others.
One more practical matter was bothering me. "How did you find me?"
"Alissa found you."
"By implementing a strategy you gave her."
Maggie nodded. "True," she said. "We already knew where you were, but we couldn't tell her without drawing more attention to our relationship with you than we were comfortable doing. So, we created the messages and made sure one ended up where you were."
"You didn't answer my question: How did you find me?"
She stared at me but said nothing.
I finally understood. "You didn't have to find me," I said, "because you track me. Right?"
"The very question I wanted to ask," Lobo said privately. "I find it most disturbing that anyone can follow us without me being aware of it."
&n
bsp; "We do," Maggie said, "because of your past involvement with us. As we do Jack Gridiz and others who have come close to knowing about any of us. It's only prudent."
"How?"
Maggie smiled but said nothing.
"Fine," I said. "I hadn't really expected an answer." Like Lobo, I found this troubling, but Maggie wasn't going to tell me anything more.
"Lim is pacing furiously," Lobo said. "I suggest you wrap this up."
"At the risk of sounding angry, which I'm not," I said, "we need to finish this conversation and bring back Lim. She can't be happy that we're meeting without her, and I don't want to undercut her authority on this mission. Is there anything else we need to cover privately?"
I hated asking, because even though I knew more talking would do no good, there was still so much I wanted to discuss with Maggie, but we couldn't keep Lim in storage any longer.
"Just this," Maggie said, her tone all business now, "Lim may not appreciate the extent of our resources or what we—what I—am willing to do to help your team if you say it's necessary. So, I'd like to ask you to keep an eye on the situation, and if you spot something else we should be doing, some area where we could be helping, let me know."
"You understand what such a request could do to my relationship with Lim?" I said. "She's in charge, and she won't feel she can command well if she thinks she has to watch her back constantly."
Maggie waved her hands. "I'm not trying to undercut her. At the same time, you are the person I know, the person I trust."
"So why approach Lim?"
"Because we needed a large team, and she could recruit one more easily than you. And because of what I read in her: She cares about these kids. She will do her very best for them."
"Yes, yes she will." I thought about how I would run this mission and manipulate the odds if I were in Maggie's shoes, and about the way she had completely fooled me in the past. "And by using Lim as the lead on this mission, you end up with two data sources on the inside."
Maggie shrugged.
Protecting any of the children of Pinkelponker always came first with her. I'd do well to remember that fact.
"Anything else?" I said.
"That's it."
I stared at her for a few seconds longer, but there was nothing I could say in a short time, maybe nothing I could ever say, that would change anything.
"Release Lim," I said aloud to Lobo.
To Maggie, I added, "Brace yourself."
Chapter 14
Just outside the jump gate station, planet Macken
The sound of Lim's steps preceded her into the forward chamber.
I leaned against the wall as far from Maggie as I could get.
Maggie stayed where she was and turned to greet Lim. "Thank you, Alissa," she said, smiling as Lim entered the area, "for allowing me to respect the wishes of my principals. I'm sorry it took me so long; they had instructed me to review quite a few questions with Jon."
Lim stared first at Maggie and then at me; she was clearly annoyed but fighting to maintain her self-control. She'd grown a lot since we'd last worked together; at that time, she'd had trouble staying calm in almost any meeting. "No apology necessary," she finally said. "It is, after all, your money and, therefore, ultimately your mission."
"But it is under your command," Maggie said, "and I apologize again for doing anything without your direct involvement. If it'd been up to me, well," she shrugged, "but it wasn't, and I had to follow my orders."
Maggie played her perfectly, because Lim relaxed visibly as she said, "Is there anything else I need to know?"
"I debriefed Jon on his capabilities and that of his ship," Maggie said, "and I satisfied myself that he understands and appreciates the importance of this mission. That's about it."
"And compensation?" Lim said.
"We didn't discuss it," Maggie said. "I trust you and he will sort out that topic without my involvement."
Lim nodded, satisfied. "Of course. Should we take you back?"
"Yes, please," Maggie said. "Will you be coming with me? I believe you and I have a few more details to review."
"After a few minutes," Lim said, "if you don't mind waiting."
"Not at all," Maggie said, "not at all."
When we'd dropped Maggie and were once again floating in space just off the gate station, Lim looked into my eyes and said, "Is there anything you'd like to add to her description of your conversation?"
"Only that I told her that meeting without you was a bad idea because you might feel she was trying to undercut your authority. I also said that if I were in command, I wouldn't want to feel like I had to watch my back all the time."
"What did she say to that?"
"She said that she had no intent to do any such thing and that you were in charge."
"And you agree?"
I hit the wall beside me. "Yes!" I said. "As I just told you. I didn't ask to meet with her; you two decided I should. I didn't do any of this. You approached me, you told me to talk with her, and now you're bracing me like I'm some fresh noncom out to steal your squad. I'm not—as I'd hope you know. As I also hope you'd know, if I want something from you, I'll ask directly."
She held up her hands. "Fair enough. I'm sorry. I didn't want it to go down the way it did, but she insisted."
I took a deep, slow breath, and said, "So what's next?"
"Tomorrow morning, we meet on Macken with the other senior leaders, review the mission plan, and head to Tumani."
"Will I know anyone?"
Lim smiled. "Gustafson and Schmidt. We worked with them the last time you were in this system."
Gustafson had been a Saw Master Gunnery Sergeant and a man I'd liked instantly. Only near the end of my time on Macken had I learned that Schmidt, a Saw Sergeant, was involved with him. "Are those two still together?" Before she could answer, I added, "And have they quit the Saw?"
"Yeah," Lim said, "they're a couple. Schmidt hasn't left him since he finally figured out that she was interested in him. I don't think she'll ever let him go. They're both still with the Saw, though; they're doing this on an extended leave. Of the two, Schmidt is the one we need more."
"Why?"
"Because she's a reintegration specialist."
I snorted. "In my experience, reintegration consists of your final paycheck and, if you're lucky, a useless exit interview with some psych flunky who drew the short duty straw."
Lim nodded. "Mine's the same as yours, but we can do a lot better with these kids."
"And since when," I said, "has Schmidt worked in reintegration? The last time I saw her, she was just another noncom."
"She cares deeply about the issue, and she's had a fair amount of training."
"Training?" I laughed. "You and I have both taken field med classes. Neither of us would want the other one to operate on anybody."
Lim's face tightened. "What do you want me to say? Schmidt's the best of us at reintegration, so she'll run that part of the show. Is that going to be a problem for you?" After a few seconds, she added, "None of this should matter to you anyway; you'll be leaving as soon as we capture the complex."
"You're right, of course," I said, "and it won't be an issue."
"Good, because that's not the problem in front of us now."
"No, it's not. What about the old man?" Colonel Tristan Earl had been the head of the Saw in this sector. He was one of the few officers I've ever completely respected—and also a former lover of Lim's.
"I'm afraid not. He's on a yearlong assignment at FC HQ, and he couldn't get the leave. Anything else that can't wait until morning?"
"No," I said.
"Then put me back on the station," Lim said. She was so bursting with energy that she couldn't stand still. "We need to finish mission prep so we can finally get to work."
Chapter 15
Dump Island, planet Pinkelponker - 139 years earlier
"Run!" Benny's voice rang clear and loud from his perch on a ledge a few meters above the b
each where the five of us stood at attention.
I looked at the two on either side of me and started to go.
"Stop!" Benny screamed. "Fall in."
I joined the others standing with our feet just behind the line Bob had drawn in the sand with his big toe. I stood up straight, the way Benny had told me to. Even though it was early morning, the sand was already warm. I liked it here, though, liked the sound of the ocean and being on the beach, liked the moments when I could forget where I was and enjoy the water and the sand as if I were home again on Pinecone.
"You hesitated," Benny said, his voice loud and seemingly all around us.
I glanced upward for only a second, but he noticed.
"Eyes front!"
I stared straight ahead. I didn't like the way he was yelling at me, but I obeyed him because I'd said I would.
"You hesitated," he said again, "and that hesitation could kill you. Worse, it could destroy any chance of escaping from here. When the ranking person gives a command, you follow it—immediately, without question. Do you understand?"
"Sir, yes, sir!" said Alex, the guy to my right, a small, squat boy who couldn't have been more than twelve and who had only one full-size arm, his left.
"I can't hear you!" Benny said, louder than Alex had been.
"Sir, yes, sir!" the others replied, loudly and in unison.
I couldn't stand it any longer. I stepped over the line, walked closer to the rock wall, and stared up at Benny. "I don't like this!" I said. "I don't see why you have to yell at us, and I don't know why we're bothering to learn this stuff. How is it ever going to help me get back Jennie?" At the thought of her, my eyes clouded with tears.
Another realization hit me. "What do you know about being a soldier anyway?"
Out of the corner of my eye I watched as Bob walked in front of me, as if he was going to use his stick of a body and his twig arms to push me back into line. Benny shook his head slightly, and Bob returned to where he'd been. As if Bob could move me. I could throw him with one hand. I was more than ready to do it, except I knew that the impact might hurt him.
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