No. He wasn’t going to go there. Robin was out of the picture. As far as Sam was concerned, he never wanted to lay eyes on that woman again.
“Hey...where’ve you been?” Kate’s voice startled him from where he sat in the chair. Her hand rested on his shoulder, and every nerve ending in his body quivered.
She had no idea what she did to him. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have perched herself on the arm of the leather recliner and slid her hand across to his other shoulder the way she did. She gazed down at him looking all fresh, bright-eyed, and smelling like bacon. He was coming undone.
“What were you thinking about just now?”
That should have been an innocent enough question. His heartbeat thundered in his head like horses running the Kentucky Derby, but he didn’t speak. He couldn’t.
“Must have been good, whatever it was.” She gave his shoulder a playful squeeze. “Wanna let me in on it?”
Could she possibly know? No matter, there was only one woman on his mind right now. He had all he could do not to pull her onto his lap, kiss those full, smiling lips and make her remember the passion they once shared. He needed to get his mind away from that idea or he’d be taking another cold shower.
“Nothing for you to worry about.” Sam forced a smile as he stood with his nose in the air. “Mmm, something smells good. Breakfast must be ready.” He hurried past her, hoping like hell feeding his face would remove the troubling thoughts of his past.
Their meal was quiet, and he could see her studying him from across the table. There was something on her mind, he was sure of it. Shifting in his seat, he watched her clean up the dishes. She poured them both another cup of coffee and then cleared her throat. He lifted a brow over the rim of his cup as he took a sip and watched her sit back down.
“Something’s bothering me.” Kate placed both hands around her mug.
“I figured. Have the headaches come back?”
“No, no. Nothing medical.” Taking a sip, she set the cup on the table. “It’s something here at the house.”
“The house?” He took another drink, hoping she didn’t see the slight shake of the cup.
“There’s a bedroom upstairs, and the door is locked.”
Sam gulped hard to keep the coffee from spewing between his lips. How could he have forgotten that room? He’d locked the door that horrible day and never looked back. The sting of Robin taking his son away was still so fresh in his mind.
“Hmm.” He twisted his neck, trying to crack the tension.
“I’m sure there’s a logical explanation why we’ve locked it, but of course I can’t remember.” She tucked a stray hair behind her ear.
“It’s only storage.” He tried to sound nonchalant while reaching for another piece of bacon.
“Storage? Then why lock it?”
“Uh, yeah. We had some water problems in the basement last year. We brought a lot of stuff upstairs. Haven’t gotten around to taking it back down, is all.” He paused, and then thought to add, “You’re the one who locked it, silly.”
“Oh. Well, maybe I’ll unlock it. I can sift through the stuff. You know, it might help bring some of those memories back.”
“No.” Kate jumped, and he realized he’d spoken too harshly. “I mean...you saw a mouse. That’s why you locked the door.”
She blinked. “A mouse?”
He pounced on her weakness, eager to divert the conversation. “Oh yeah, remember, you swore you’d never go in there until I got rid of them.”
“Them?” Kate’s complexion paled a little.
“Sure, there’s probably more than one by now. Sorry, but you know how busy I’ve been.” Sam hoped like hell she bought this. She’d be full of questions if she went in that room. Questions he didn’t want to answer, which would only raise more questions.
Talk about disaster.
He took his empty cup to the sink. “There are too many heavy boxes. I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself. Besides, there’s no hurry to move the stuff.”
“I only want to look inside them.” She stood and followed behind him. “Something could help me remember. Do you think you could move them for me?”
She wasn’t going to let this drop, so he had to think fast. Those pale blue eyes begged him to agree with her. Too bad he wasn’t going to. He couldn’t open that door.
“Remember, the doctor said to take it slow. You’re doing great all on your own, no need to go into that dusty old room. One of these days we’ll do it together.” He shrugged. “Could be fun.”
“I guess I can hold off.” She gave him a curious glance. “I don’t see what the big deal is.”
“There’s no big deal.” He leaned against the counter. “The room’s a mess of boxes and junk, and you hate mice. Plus, there’s no immediate reason to be in there.” He tried to keep the edginess out of his voice.
She walked to the sink to rinse her cup, and he hoped the subject was closed. When she returned to the table, she reminded him of a child busting at the seams to keep a secret. “I was thinking of something the other day.”
“And what might that be?” He crossed his arms, playing in to her amusement.
“I was thinking maybe we could go into the city. You know, do some shopping, and maybe go see Jennie.”
There it was, the one thing which had gnawed at his gut since rearing its ugly head nine days ago.
“I’ve been feeling better. Not many bad headaches, only a few small ones. What do you say? Are you up for it?” Her eyes twinkled like sun off the water.
He didn’t want to disappoint her, but he wasn’t willing to cross that bridge yet. He’d do anything but take her into that damnable city. It was too risky, almost as risky as opening that door.
“Actually, we need to go to the market.” He saw her eyes drop to the table and his heart sank. He hated to deny her small request, but there were huge consequences she knew nothing about. Maybe he could make up for it. “Hey, there are some shops in the next town. How about we go there instead? We’ll buy our groceries and make a day of it.”
“Fine.” She pouted like a child then sat up straight. “But you have to promise me next weekend we’ll go see Jen. I haven’t seen her in so long. Does she even know about the accident?”
“I called her after it happened and again to let her know I was bringing you home.”
“Oh. I’m surprised she hasn’t stopped out or called me.” He saw that thoughtful look upon her face once more. He needed to put out this fire, quick.
“You know, she was planning on taking an extended vacation in Europe. More than likely she’s having so much fun jetting around she hasn’t had the time or energy to call anyone. You know how Jennie gets.”
“Yeah, you’re right. She probably hasn’t even charged her cell phone. Either that or she’s hooked up with some cute guy. I’m sure she’ll call when she gets back.”
He watched the gleam fade from Kate’s eyes and could only imagine the things Jennie would say to Kate if she were around. One more incident to add to his list of things he didn’t think through enough. Thank goodness Jennie was far enough away for that to happen. He needed to keep Kate busy so she wouldn’t continue to think of things like her best friend and that room.
“So, do you want to shop in town or skip it for now?”
“Oh, no, no, I can’t skip it.” Her eyes twinkled once more. “Besides, I thought of a great gift for Mom and Dad. I know, I know, Christmas has passed. I guess it can be one of those ‘just because’ presents. Besides, I haven’t seen them in a while, and they haven’t called. I have a feeling something’s wrong.”
Where was she getting this stuff, Sam wondered while trying not to give away his shock. If it were possible for Sam to fly out the door, he would have.
“A present, you were saying?” he said to distract her. He’d completely forgotten about her parents. It had actually been nice to have her old man out of the picture for once. Sam listened in disbelief as she continued.
�
��Remember the little boutique in Dublin where we got Dad that tobacco he loves so much? Well, I thought we could give them a call and see if they could ship us some. They might even still carry those gorgeous lead crystal vases. What do you think? Great idea, huh?”
His hesitation only gave her time to rethink.
“Oh, I have a better idea. Why don’t I look into it today and ask them if they will express ship it. That way when we go to see Jen next weekend, we can make a whole trip out of it and see Mom and Dad, too.”
This was getting crazier by the minute. Those memory flashes of hers were going to make him nuts. How could he possibly explain this? Dublin, of all places, how did she ever remember buying tobacco for her father? This meant she had every intention of going next weekend.
In a little over a week, his project had become more than he could handle. Maybe this was a sign it was time to tell her everything, time to cut his losses and run. He was ready to make the sacrifice when the most bizarre idea popped into his head.
No, it would never work. Or would it?
Well, he’d have to give it a shot. For as much as his conscience was screaming to do the right thing, he enjoyed having her back in his life. Besides, returning to her old life right now might not be a good idea. He still wasn’t sure what exactly was going on with her ex-husband.
She’d said she thought something was wrong with her father. He’d build on that. Sam knew he was probably building his own coffin, but he had to take the chance. If he hadn’t taken chances in the first place, Kate wouldn’t be here now. She’d probably be dead. Or she could be dead if he let her go, and he wouldn’t let that happen. He had to keep those goons away from her, even if she hated him for it once she found out.
“Hel-lo. Earth to Sam. Jeepers, I thought I’d come up with a really great idea.” She’d joined him at the sink and fanned her hand in front of his face. “If you don’t like it, just say so. You don’t have to pretend like you didn’t hear me.” She paused, scrunching her face in concern. “Or didn’t you?”
“I heard you,” his voice sounded like stone.
“Then what’s wrong with the idea?” Her forehead wrinkled as she stared at him.
“Nothing’s wrong with it. I, um, well...” He didn’t know if he could go through with this, not that he’d ever been a coward or anything, but Kate had a way of getting under his skin and now was no exception. Avoiding her eyes, he made his way back to the table and sat down. It was either that, or puke.
“Well what?” She followed him over. “You’re making me nervous. Why are you looking like that?” She sat across from him and reached for his hand. “Are you all right? What’s going on?”
“You don’t remember, do you?” God, he still couldn’t look at her and acid bubbled in his stomach at what he was about to do.
“There’s a lot I’m not remembering these days, nothing new there.” She squeezed his fingers until he won the battle with his insides and met her gaze.
She seemed worried even through her smile, and it killed him. He hated to do this to her, but right now he didn’t see any other way. In order for her to forget the notion of visiting anyone, this had to be done.
He cleared his throat and gripped her hands, maybe a little too tight. “Kate, you and your Dad had a big falling-out. You haven’t spoken in over a year.”
There, it was out. He watched her pale as his words hit home, and for a moment he thought she would faint. He felt like a rat caught in its own trap. His stomach lurched when she pulled her hands away.
“What? How could I forget something like that? Oh my God, what happened?”
“The doctor said you shouldn’t overwhelm yourself with too much at once. I don’t think we should get into it.” Sam didn’t want to lie to her again.
“I can’t believe I don’t remember. It’s like I’ve blocked it out of my mind…as if it never happened.”
She’d always been so close with her father. He’d hated like hell to do this to her. He hoped by changing the subject it would help her a little.
“Listen, maybe if we go into town, it will take your mind off this. I don’t want you being worked up all over again. It was so hard on you the first time. I’m sure you’ll find a way to make up with him. Wait until you’re stronger, for both of your sakes.”
“I don’t understand. I know we’ve had our differences, but Daddy’s never been mad at me for this long. I, I need to be alone right now.” Her eyes glazed over like ice on the lake. Sam felt just as fragile as he watched her shuffle to the stairs with her shoulders hunched and her head hanging low. He hadn’t thought she’d take it so hard.
“Sure.” He struggled with giving her the time she needed or following her to give her some sort of comfort. This was it. He was coming clean. She was going to hate him anyway, so what did it matter? He started to go after her when the phone rang. “Damn.”
Something always seemed to get in the way of him doing the right thing. Could it be fate again? Hell, he didn’t know what to think or do anymore.
Chapter Five
Sam headed into the kitchen and grabbed the phone.
“Yeah.”
“Hey, it’s Rusty.”
“What’s going on?” Sam messaged the weariness weighing over his eyes.
“Not much here. How’s everything with the happy couple?”
“Not so happy right now.”
“Why, what happened?” Sam’s sigh, followed by silence, must have led Rusty to think the worst. “Don’t tell me her memory has come back? Does she remember what happened before the accident?”
“No, but it might as well be that bad though.” Sam massaged his temples. Had he really said those things to her? Hell, not only did he build the coffin, but he’d also tied the noose around his own neck and jumped. He swallowed hard and continued, “I had to tell her something, and now she’s hurting. Why does she keep bringing things up that I have to trip over myself in order to explain?”
“W-What do you mean you had to tell her something? What exactly did you tell her, Ace?”
“That she hasn’t spoken to her father in over a year.”
“What? Are you stupid? No, wait. Don’t answer that one, because I already know.” Rusty growled through the phone. “What other idiotic things have you been doing to screw yourself?”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” Now that he’d voiced it all to someone else, Sam was disgusted with himself. Everything kept snowballing, and there wasn’t a shovel big enough to dig him out. How could he have sunk so low?
“Try me,” came Rusty’s forced response.
“I thought of Robin today.”
“Robin? Boy, you’re more dim-witted than I thought. What’s gotten into you? Robin’s gone, and that’s a good thing. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll never make mention of her again.”
“Trust me, Russ, I don’t ever want to see that woman again. I don’t know why, but I found myself comparing them.”
“Listen you fool, there is no comparison. You have the best girl around. If you botch this up again, I don’t think either one of you will recover.”
“Botch what up?”
“This chance you’ve been given to have Kate back in your life. I can’t believe you don’t see it.”
“Whoa, Russ, that’s just not going to happen. I’m looking out for her, that’s all. There is no chance for Kate and me. Even if I did want it, she made it pretty clear how she felt. Once she learns the truth, she’s going to hate me.”
“Why did you ever tell her those lies in the first place?”
“She started wanting to go see Jennie Duncan. Then she came up with this crazy gift idea for her parents. What was I supposed to do?” Sam didn’t want to admit to his friend how he feared losing Kate again. Sure it was bound to happen eventually when she learned the truth. For now he would relish in the sheer joy of her smile, having her to come home to every night, and the times they’d spent just snuggling in each other’s arms. Sam was in
no hurry for the fantasy to end because the reality of the matter sucked.
“I sure hope you know what you’re doing.” Rusty’s voice brought him back.
“Me, too, my friend.”
“Jill is planning a great dinner for Tuesday. You guys still in?”
“We’ll be there, buddy. I could use some allies to keep me from sticking my foot in my mouth.”
“You can count on it. We won’t stand by and let you hurt her again.”
“I’m not trying to hurt her. I’m trying to protect her.”
After hanging up the phone, Sam decided it would be best to handle some paperwork in his office instead of following Kate. Yes, it was becoming harder to explain events as Kate seemed to remember them. He had to admit, once an explanation came to mind he was getting pretty good at rolling with it, even though he detested the fact he had to keep lying to her.
How could he tell her everything, when “everything” could mean losing her?
While thumbing through invoices, the picture of Kate caught his eye and he was instantly taken back. They’d always had a spark, and she was beginning to feel it, too. He’d caught her looking at him many times, and then she’d try to cover it up. Could Kate fall in love with him again? He picked up the black lacquered frame as reality raised its ugly head. She’d flat-out turned down his suggestions at Jed’s that night.
“Get a hold of yourself, Hackett, and don’t even go there.” He spoke to her image with the hope of convincing himself. The only problem was that for Kate, he’d go anywhere, do anything. She had that effect on him and as much as he wanted to deny it, he couldn’t.
“This is absurd.” He shook his head, knowing the woman in the picture wasn’t the same woman upstairs. He and Kate were two different people now. He returned the picture to the desk but couldn’t stop thinking about what Rusty suggested.
Sam took a risk to keep her safe, why not risk it all to keep her heart? Maybe it was time to put his pride aside and find out.
***
“How you doing over there, beautiful?” At the touch of Sam’s hand on her knee, Kate turned from staring deep in thought out the truck window. Her heart still ached over the rift with her father. She wanted to make it right.
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