“So, it has come to my attention someone was in my office yesterday morning,” Red said. “A few girls walking by saw the light on.”
I sat quietly and let her keep talking.
“So, that list is not final until I find out what happened,” Red continued. “We might have one less girl for the ceremony, but I’ll let you know when I know.”
“Okay, sounds good,” I said.
My heart jumped into my throat and started doing jumping jacks. I reviewed the list in my hands. There was a question mark near Monique’s name.
“Too bad and a lot of work down the drain,” Red added. “I guess she wasn’t as ready to move on as I thought. I’ve asked her to come in and speak with us regarding what happened yesterday morning.”
There was a knock on the door and, almost as if on cue, Monique stepped through the doorway. That was my sign to exit.
“Okay, well, I’ll look through this and get back to you tomorrow,” I said, not waiting for a dismissal. Coach West was already standing, though, blocking my escape. She closed the door to my freedom and all I could do was stare.
“Actually, NaTasha, one of the girls said they saw you exiting the office yesterday morning as well, so I’d like you to stay,” Red said.
Monique looked right at me, probably praying I wouldn’t say anything. No way was I going down for something she did on her own. Red motioned for me to sit next to Coach and I did.
“Red, I wasn’t even in here yesterday morning,” Monique said smugly, before she was asked anything. I sat and tried to pretend I wasn’t present for this interrogation. I picked at my nail polish.
“No one said you were, Monique,” Red said. “So, you didn’t stop in at all?”
“Nope,” Monique lied, glancing at me. I stared at her but kept my mouth shut.
“NaTasha?” Red asked. I reluctantly turned to look at her. “You weren’t in here, were you?”
All eyes turned to me. I couldn’t believe Red was even asking me. Monique folded her arms across her chest and smiled.
“I came to talk to you,” I said quietly. “You weren’t here, but I got your note to come in. I assumed you wanted to see me about the recognition ceremony.”
“Of course, that’s right, NaTasha,” Red said, shaking her head. “I forgot I asked you to stop by. I apologize.”
Monique pretended to be hurt. “Where’s my apology? I wasn’t even involved.”
“No one was accusing you, Monique,” Red said. “I was just asking a question.”
Her voice was calm and steady. If someone broke into my space, I would have been livid. I thought about the story Tilly told me about her childhood. I wondered if she had ever been falsely accused.
“NaTasha, I do have one more question,” Red said. “Was there anyone else here with you yesterday morning?”
The tension in the room was heavy. I could tell this wasn’t the first meeting for Monique about stealing. Coach sat with both arms folded and Red flipped through her pages full of meeting notes. Monique sat quietly but firmly, ready to pounce at any sign of opposition. She glared at me.
“NaTasha?” Red asked.
I could easily get back at her for yelling at me, for scratching my face, and for breaking Tilly’s bracelet. She had to pay for what she’d done to me. It was my turn to look smug. I folded my arms and smiled at her. For the first time she looked nervous. I didn’t take my eyes off of Monique.
“No, no one was here with me.”
They all looked shocked, especially Monique. Her face softened a little.
“Are you sure about that, NaTasha?” Coach asked.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I told them.
“Red, can I go now?” Monique asked.
“Monique, I just want to remind you about my rules,” Red said. “You have been here a long time and I would hate to have to see you extend that unnecessarily.”
I expected Monique to come back with some curt, smartalecky remark. I chipped away the last piece of polish from my thumbnail and snuck a peek at her. But this definitely wasn’t the same girl who had tried to pound my face in earlier.
“Okay, girls, you can go, unless you have something else to add,” Red said.
I expected Monique to smile or to acknowledge I’d just helped her out of trouble. But, I got nothing. She wouldn’t even look at me. This must have been what Rex meant by the good guys making a comeback.
“Actually, Red, I’m sorry I didn’t mention this earlier,” I started. Monique froze and looked me squarely in the eye then. “I am going to need a little help organizing the ceremony, especially since I’m new here, and have never actually been to one.”
I stared at Monique as I spoke. She bent down and pretended to tie a shoelace.
“Not a bad idea,” Red said. “Monique, since you’re here, please assist NaTasha with whatever she needs. We’ll meet again soon to touch base.”
Monique stared at me with her mouth wide open. I thought she would pass out then or break into violent rage, slamming things around the office. Planning anything with me was the last thing she wanted. But, she had no choice.
“Do I have to?” Monique asked. I thought I spotted a smile on Coach’s face.
“We could go back to our previous conversation if you prefer,” Red said. Monique stayed quiet and shook her head no. She gathered her things quietly. “Good, then. I think you two will make a great team. You can include others if you need to. Let me know as soon as you can what supplies you will need.”
I followed Monique out of the office. She went one way and I went the other. At that moment I wondered if I’d done the right thing.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
SHAUNDA MUST HAVE seen me heading for the ladies’ room, because she was hot on my heels just as I shut myself into a stall. I could hear her shuffling around in her bag, pretending she really needed to be in there, but I ignored her.
When I came back out she looked at me sheepishly. “I wanted to say sorry to you for this morning on the court,” she said. I stared at her blankly, forcing her to recall her betrayal. She lowered her head a little and began. “I should have defended you. I’m sorry, NaTasha.”
I had to face those girls on my own. Some friend she was. My real friends would never have treated me like that. I thought of Heather. I would have had to pull her off Quiana. Well, maybe not, but she wouldn’t have let me fight alone. Shaunda had left me out in a pack of wolves to survive on my own.
I didn’t say anything. While I waited, I poured out the contents of my purse and decided to touch up my hair. I wet a paper towel and wiped my face clean, careful not to ruin the bandage. My face felt rough and it throbbed from the scratches I had endured earlier. I pulled out my comb and raked it through my hair a few times.
“It’s just that I have been trying to steer clear of those girls for so long now,” Shaunda continued. “They used to torture me so badly. I’m finally ready to move on with my life and I just want to leave here peacefully without them bothering me anymore.”
I glanced at her in the mirror next to me. I rolled gloss on my lips and handed it to her when I saw her admiring it.
“It’s MAC’s new stuff, sparkles a little, too,” I told her, completely ignoring her apology.
“Thanks,” she said, almost in a whisper.
“No problem,” I said, taking back my gloss. She put her pointer finger between her lips and dabbed lightly.
“So, what is your history with those girls?” I asked. Somehow I knew the story wasn’t going to be pleasant. Shaunda took a deep breath and turned to look at me. I hadn’t forgiven her yet. She’d left me hanging like a dirty washcloth on the court. I pulled the comb through my hair several times again slowly. She turned back away from me to dab her eyes dry. I watched her open her own purse and take out a jar of skin bleach and use the paper towel to add a new coat to her cheeks, forehead, nose, and chin.
“What are you doing?” I asked her. “Why are you using that? How long have you been doing that to yo
ur skin? That stuff is really not good for you.”
I tried to take the bleach away, but she held it out of my reach.
“I know what it does for me, NaTasha,” she said. “It makes me forget who I am, and reminds me who I want to be. I have never fit in my whole life. Not with white girls, not with black girls, not with Hispanic girls, not with Asian girls, no one.”
I looked at her clear, light skin with model bone structure and wondered if she had one of those body identity crisis disorders they talked about on Oprah.
“I know it sounds crazy,” she said. “All my counselors and family members have told me so. But, I still hate what I see in the mirror.”
She started to cry. I put my arm around her shoulders but as much as I wanted to encourage her, I just couldn’t. I knew exactly what she was talking about. Her pain was the same as mine.
“Did Quiana tease you about your skin color?” I asked, hoping to calm her down.
Shaunda turned her whole body toward the sink bowl and dry heaved a few times.
“I’m sorry, Shaunda, I didn’t mean to upset you,” I told her.
“Look at this,” she said, holding her arms out in front of me.
She rolled her sleeves up. Her skin was layered and discolored. There were small burns on the back of her arms.
“Quiana teased me about these marks,” she started. “When I figured out I couldn’t fit in, I started bleaching.”
Tilly was right. Everyone had a story.
“I didn’t like my skin,” Shaunda continued, “so I tried to change it. I thought I could keep that to myself until Quiana found out. She thought it was disrespectful to her personally because of her own dark skin. She found any opportunity to hurt me and then she did.”
I handed her a paper towel to wipe her tears.
“She used to call me ‘Scar’ whenever I walked into a room to make the other girls laugh at me,” she continued, “but then she got worse. She would yell things out while Red was talking or in the middle of our group. Only a few people knew she was referring to me, but I started having nightmares thinking about how she would embarrass me next. I had to see a psychiatrist. I couldn’t sleep, let alone explain what was happening to me.”
I rubbed her back in small circles. I wasn’t angry anymore. Shaunda had been through worse with Quiana and her gang.
“My parents tried to help.” She kept talking. “But they didn’t understand. My mom is white and my dad is black. Quiana is the reason I’m still here. Red doesn’t think I’m stable enough to leave. All I really need is to get away from this place and I’d be fine. I’ve felt like a prisoner here with that girl.”
“I wonder what makes Quiana that way,” I asked. Shaunda snapped her head toward me in shock.
“You haven’t heard?” she asked me. “I thought Tilly would have warned you.”
I thought Tilly told me everything.
“She was molested by her uncle for years,” she said in a whisper. “Her mother is still on drugs. Amber’s Place is Quiana’s only real home. Red is the one who has taken care of her, but Quiana is just mad at the world. She hates anyone who has had a more privileged life, which is about everyone and anyone.”
“So, what changed?” I asked. “Why are you ready to leave now? What made you strong enough to get past all of her torture?”
“One day I decided the teasing wouldn’t get any better unless I accepted who I was and was happy about it,” she said. “It’s a process. I’m not all the way there, but I’m trying. I’m not hurting myself anymore and that’s what I’m working on.”
Shaunda looked at me, and I looked down at the small bleach bottle in her purse.
“Like I said, it’s a process,” she said, “and when a new girl shows up to take the attention away from me, Quiana leaves me alone for a while.”
I had rescued Shaunda.
“Just be careful of those girls, NaTasha,” Shaunda said. “I know you aren’t here for long, but don’t let them get into your head and affect you the way I’ve let them do to me.”
“Oh, I’m not worried about them,” I told her confidently. I wanted to tell her all about the meeting we’d just had with Red and Coach, but there wasn’t time. Tilly had to be waiting for me by now. “They can’t possibly hurt me anymore.”
“Just be careful, okay?” she asked.
“Sure, but I have a feeling things will be different now,” I told her on my way out of the restroom. I had to go and face Tilly, with my bandaged nose, scratches, and all. It was time to tell her the truth about what I’d let these girls do to me.
CHAPTER TWELVE
“HEY, MISS LADY, where you headed?" Rex yelled when he saw me coming.
Tilly had given me a new grocery list as soon as we stepped off the train. She headed inside to start on dinner and I walked as slowly as I could to avoid seeing Amir at the meat counter.
First the beans, now my bandaged nose. Amir was going to think I was a train wreck. My nose had stopped bleeding, though no amount of foundation powder could cover this mess. “Hey, Rex, how are you today?” I asked him. I hoped Rex was having a better day than I was.
Rex was leaning against the wall of the bodega, right underneath a Help Wanted sign that hung in the window. I wondered if Rex had noticed the sign or if the owner would hire him if he ever applied for the job. I ducked under the sign next to Rex to hide just in case Amir was around.
“Oh, I’m hanging in there, NaTasha,” Rex answered. “And how might you be this fine afternoon?”
“I’m alright, I guess,” I told him. I pointed to my bandage and he frowned. “I could be worse, I guess.”
“Damn right it could be worse,” he said, looking around him. I immediately felt like unlacing my sneaks and sticking one inside my big fat mouth. He smiled and set his Need Money and Work sign down.
It was a warm day, but he still looked cold, wrapped in several layers of tattered clothing and a heavy snow coat on top of all the layers. I broke a sweat just looking at him. I wondered how he survived on these streets. I wanted to ask about a shelter or a church or somewhere he could sleep indoors. I didn’t. He’d been taking care of himself long before I had gotten here.
“I’m glad you’re doing well, girl,” he sang. “God is good, ain’t He?”
“Yes, He is,” I answered him.
At the bottom of his sign were the words GOD BLESS YOU.
I reached down and put my pocket change into the bucket next to his sign.
“You know Tilly would kick your butt if she saw you doing that,” he said, smiling.
I held up a finger to my lips and smiled back at him. The roundest black woman I’d ever seen exited the bodega. She rolled her eyes at Rex and shook her curly fake hair in my direction.
“You know, he’s been sitting in the same spot for years,” she said snidely. “He could have bought a condo on Riverside Drive by now with all the money we give him. Rex, you should be ashamed of yourself.”
“I’m just a vet trying to make it, Shirley,” Rex said. Shirley had her hand poised like she didn’t want to hear another word. She moved toward the street and used the same hand to stop a speeding taxi, still eyeing Rex and me out of the corner of her eye as she squeezed herself into the backseat.
If it was me sitting on the street with a cup and a Need Money sign, I wondered if anyone would care.
“Wow, she seems nice,” I said.
“Yeah, she’s a real piece of work,” Rex said, with a gruff laugh.
I didn’t know how he was able to deal with it all. I get teased a few times and I’m ready to run home. I wondered if Rex had anyone he could to run away to.
“You better get back before Tilly comes looking for you,” Rex said.
He was right. Tilly was probably rushing around the kitchen, waiting for me to return with the groceries, so I stood, debating whether to go inside.
“Hey, Rex, is there another store anywhere close?” I asked, pointing to my nose again. I peeked in the front window.
“Yeah, walk two blocks that way,” Rex said, pointing down the street, “and you’ll run right into it. Careful, though, their prices are high over there.”
I walked down to the other store and grabbed a red grocery basket. As I walked through the store, I added to Tilly’s list of items.
I paid for all the food and headed back for Tilly’s apartment.
“Hey there, NaTasha,” a voice called behind me. “How’s your visit with Tilly going so far?”
I was already at the stoop of Tilly’s building. I was nowhere near his meat counter, but I recognized Amir’s voice right away. I froze in place, hoping some other girl named NaTasha was on the block at the same exact time that I was. Amir tapped me on the shoulder.
He looked amazing, even in the white butcher apron. He was supposed to be cutting meat behind the counter in the back of the store.
“NaTasha?” He walked around me so we were faceto-face.
“Huh? Oh…hey,” I said, and smiled weakly. I put my hand in front of my face like I was trying not to spread germs. “How are you?”
“Good, except they have me pulling a double shift today,” he said. “I’m working the front and the back.”
That didn’t explain why he was here, standing in front of me. There had to be some reason. I smiled at the thought and waited for him to point out the bruises or my bandage, but he didn’t.
“Oh, that’s too bad,” I said, still staring.
“So, are you going inside or are you just going to hang around the doorway all night?” he asked. He still made no mention of my swollen face. What a great guy.
“Oh, I’m on my way upstairs,” I said. “Tilly asked me to pick up a few things for her and I was already a few blocks away from here.”
“That’s cool,” Amir said, eyeing me and the bandage. I don’t think I could humiliate myself further in front of Amir if I tried. I would have to shop at the other store from now on. Amir gestured toward my face. “Is everything okay?”
“I’ve only been here a few days and already decided on a nose job,” I said. We both laughed.
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