I hung my purse on the doorknob and went and sat down on the chair across from Amir. He looked up and smiled at me.
“So, we staying in?” he asked with a huge grin, one spread wide across his mouth like he’d just won a bet.
“Yeah, staying in is okay,” I told him, trying to sound like I wasn’t disappointed with the arrangement. It was still good to be hanging out with Amir. He looked good and smelled even better. He had the best smile on a guy I’d ever seen. So what if we weren’t going out for a date. I couldn’t stare into his big brown eyes in a dark theater anyway. “But Tilly will probably be home soon.”
“No problem, your grandmother is cool,” he said, reaching for a magazine in Tilly’s endless supply of reading materials. He opened the Essence and flipped through quickly. I looked at the door, hoping Tilly would come waddling through it, but she didn’t. Amir was still flipping through the pages, not appearing to be reading anything in particular. Eventually, he looked up and put the magazine on his lap. “So, what are we going to do?”
I shrugged my shoulders. He was the one who asked me out. He was supposed to have the itinerary taken care of. Now that I had to improvise, I was at a loss. Tilly would know how to improvise. Her guests were usually entertained by a meal, good conversation, or just watching a television show. Going out to the movie theater was looking better as the time went by.
“Did I hear something about you being a dancer?” Amir asked, in a tone clearly teasing me. Tilly had a big mouth and she was definitely the only one who would have passed that information on. Surprising, since I thought she hated my dancing. “Yep, I’m pretty sure that’s what I heard. Why don’t you teach me some of your moves?”
He motioned toward the area in between us near the coffee table and laughed. I didn’t think so. I was going to have to think of something quick, because I definitely wasn’t putting on any kind of dance show, or any other show. I crossed my legs when I saw him staring at my skirt. Automatically, I covered the scar on my knee with my hands. The fall happened ten years ago, but I still didn’t like anyone staring at it. I scoured all the contents of Tilly’s living room with my eyes, before remembering a deck of cards I’d seen in one of her kitchen drawers.
“Want something to drink?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Sure, thanks,” he said, leaning forward and putting on a pouty face. “Does this mean no dance?”
I giggled and hurried into the kitchen. This couldn’t be how all dates went. If so, I didn’t know many girls who would bother. I was looking forward to Tilly coming home more than I was to spending time with Amir.
But I was stuck, so I pulled two glasses from the cabinet and poured pink lemonade into them. The ice cubes rattled in my shaky hands as I dropped them into the glasses. I opened every drawer in Tilly’s kitchen searching for the playing cards.
I found them in the last drawer I looked in and carried the cards and glasses back into the living room. Amir’s hand brushed mine as he took the glass from me. He didn’t move his hand away.
“Thanks,” he said. His fingers felt like knife blades teasing the hairs on my own hands. I didn’t like it.
“You’re welcome,” I said, pulling my hand away from his and holding up the cards in front of us. I held them out so he’d reach for them. He took the bait but I was too quick for him.
I tried to set up every game that I knew of: Spades, Speed, War, and even Go Fish. None of them interested Amir unless we were touching in some way or another. His touch was different from our day in the park.
“NaTasha, why don’t you come sit over here?” he said after the third round of War. I shrugged and moved so I was next to him on the couch. But I didn’t feel entirely comfortable about it and I checked the door, praying for Tilly to walk in.
“Now it’ll be harder for you to beat me,” I pointed out nervously, motioning to the small distance in between us, clearly not conducive for card playing.
It was his turn to shrug and move closer to me. He threw his cards down, ending the game.
“Then I guess we’ll just have to do something else.” He leaned in and kissed me, pushing his tongue into my mouth. It was supposed to be nice, but it was so unexpected. I gasped for air and tried to push him away. He got the point, but dove back at my face like I was a sweet dessert he wanted to taste. I tried to keep up with him, but I couldn’t. I started to get more nervous.
“Amir, wait a minute,” I said, catching my breath so I wouldn’t suffocate from his sucking all my available air.
“What’s the problem, NaTasha?” he asked, like I’d interrupted some important business he had to attend to. “I thought you liked me.”
He looked genuinely confused. He was right. I did like him and here we were all alone. It should have been nice, but this was uncomfortable. I thought of all the talks Heather and I had imagining our first dates, the ones where the guy brings a bouquet of fresh flowers, candles were lit all over the room, a romantic dinner out on the town, soft music playing in the background. There was music playing, but there was nothing romantic about this date at all.
“I do like you, I just don’t like you attacking my face,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. Amir didn’t find any humor in the situation at all. He took a drink from the third glass of pink lemonade I’d poured him and cleared his throat.
“So, do you like me or not?” he asked, sounding like a different person. His voice was dark and harsh, almost intimidating and not friendly in the least bit.
This guy frowning at me in Tilly’s living room couldn’t be the same Amir from the bodega. I thought about how he joked and flirted with Tilly at the meat counter. Tilly would be so disappointed, with Amir and with me. I could almost see her standing over me yelling, “Girl, keep your morals intact.”
“Yes, I do like you. Weren’t we having a good time?” I asked. He nodded his head yes and leaned into me again. I did want him to like me. Heather wouldn’t believe it when I told her about my real first date. Of course, I’d have to exaggerate a little, but there was music playing in the room and an old bouquet of flowers that Tilly and I had picked up after church on Sunday.
He pushed me back so I was almost lying on the sofa. Amir’s body was heavy and his breathing was heavy, too. His hands wandered under my skirt. I pushed his hands away and tried really hard not to laugh when he touched me around my armpits. He kissed my neck and lifted my skirt with both hands. I thought about my pink panties right away, the ones I only wore on Mondays because of the MONDAY embroidered on the front. I wondered if Amir could see the letters. When his hands reached my thighs, Tilly’s face popped into my mind again. I tried not to think about her at that moment, but she was pushing her way through my thoughts like an athlete pushing her way through a crowd in a long-distance race, both her hands raised above her head, and she was screaming, “Make sure you can face yourself in the mirror in the morning.”
Tilly always said that when I was trying to make a tough decision.
I started to wiggle away from Amir and Tilly’s thoughts. Neither one was easy to do. Amir’s body was heavy and he kept right on kissing me and pulling at my clothing like I wasn’t even there. Three buttons popped open on my shirt.
“Amir, Tilly will be back any minute,” I said, gasping for air and energy to get him off of me. He ignored me at first and then mumbled something about not worrying. He must have forgotten who we were talking about. If Tilly walked in on us, Amir wouldn’t be able to walk home and she would send me home in casts, too. I used my knee and pushed into his stomach until he moved. “We can’t do this, Tilly will be back soon.”
Amir sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes like I’d just insulted him. He brushed and straightened his clothes quickly and stood up. I pushed my skirt back down and followed him to the door. I buttoned my shirt as far up as I could. I didn’t want Amir to think I didn’t like him.
“I guess I was wrong about you, NaTasha,” Amir said, just as he swung the door open, right in Tilly’s face
.
“Well, excuse me, young man,” Tilly said, slamming her hands on her hips almost as hard as Amir had swung the door. Each one looked as mad as the other, for very different reasons. My heart was racing. “And just what were you wrong about in regards to NaTasha?”
Amir’s face softened a little, but he still didn’t give up much information. He muttered something that sounded like, “Sorry, Ms. Tilly,” and pushed past her. Tilly kept the scowl on her face and hands molded at her hips until he was out of sight. The only things we heard were his footsteps taking the stairs two at a time all the way to floor one. For a second I thought Tilly was going to chase after him, but she didn’t.
“So, what in the Lord’s name happened up in here tonight?” Tilly asked me. I really wasn’t in the mood for her questions. I turned to walk away but remembered first who I was dealing with.
“Excuse you?” she said.
“Tilly, it was nothing,” I said, knowing I couldn’t tell her the details of the story without embarrassing myself and making her angrier than she already was. I was going to have to figure out something to tell her, though. She already knew something wasn’t right in her home.
“Nothing my big backside,” she said, walking into the apartment. She took off her sweater and hung it behind the door, where my purse was hanging, then turned to face me. She scanned my wrinkled clothing.
“Did something…happen?” she asked, making her sex face, the one where one eyebrow goes up and the other way down. “Because if he hurt you, I’ll just have to kill him.”
“No, Tilly, it wasn’t like that at all,” I told her. I covered my eyes and put my head in my hands. It had been a long day for us both. I didn’t feel like reliving what happened with Amir.
“Then exactly how was it, Miss Thang?” she asked, enunciating every word slowly and deliberately. She was getting more annoyed by the moment. Her shoulders were hunched a little and she heaved in and out with great effort. She took a step closer to me and raised both eyebrows. “Well?”
“I can still look myself in the eye in the morning,” I told her.
Tilly’s facial expression changed right away. She was still angry, but proud and surprised, too. She nodded her head and kissed me on the forehead.
“You okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” I answered. I really was okay. I was glad she had come home when she did, though. I could tell she was, too. She fiddled around in the kitchen for a few minutes, but every few minutes, she’d peek out and look at me.
“You know I love you, right, girl?” Tilly finally asked after checking on me a million and one times. I was still sitting in the same spot.
“Yeah, I know, Tilly,” I said.
She nodded and went back to opening and closing drawers in the kitchen. Something told me we wouldn’t be shopping at the corner bodega anymore. After what felt like hours of sitting inside with Tilly pacing, I needed some air. I promised her I wouldn’t leave the stoop. She reluctantly let me go, even though I knew she’d be watching from the window upstairs.
“You be back up here soon, you hear me?” Tilly called.
“I promise,” I told her.
I changed my shirt and grabbed my cell. When I got downstairs, Khalik was there bouncing his basketball.
“Why are you always hitting that stupid ball?” I asked him, rolling my eyes at him. He smiled and bounced it over to me. I caught it with both arms, sat down, and tossed it back. There was something about Khalik’s smile and calm demeanor that always made me feel better.
We passed the ball back and forth for a few minutes in silence. Every time I threw it back with more and more force, letting all of my disappointment and anger leave with every toss. He didn’t go easy on me, either. He kept smiling and pushed the ball back to me just as hard. We kept at it until the ball sailed past me and we were both laughing hysterically.
When we regained our composure, we sat in silence for a few minutes.
“I told you to stay away from that dude,” Khalik said after awhile. Not rudely, just in a matter-of-fact way. He was right, he had told me, and I just didn’t listen.
“Yeah, you did,” I said, not looking at him. We had a full conversation without really saying much. He wasn’t there to judge me or tease, he was just there. And I was glad. Right at that moment he was the only one I would have wanted to be with. I shoved him lightly with my shoulder. I wanted to sit there with Khalik all night.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
THE PHONE WAS ringing as I walked into the apartment. I ran to answer before the voice mail kicked in. Everyone knew not to call my grandmother’s house after nine o’clock. Even though she may be awake sometimes, Tilly thought it was rude.
“Hello?”
My mom was awfully chipper on the other line. She sounded like she was having a party at the house. I told her so.
“Of course I miss you, honey, but I’m glad you’re getting along so well with Tilly,” she said. “I’m really proud of you. Really, I expected you to quit a long time ago. We all did.”
I wanted to ask her who all the people were who thought I would have quit.
“Thanks a lot,” I said. My dad joined us on another phone.
“How’s my little girl doing in the big city?” he asked.
“I’m okay, Dad,” I said. “I’m glad I decided to stick it out. There were things for me to learn here, but I can’t talk too much about it because nosy Tilly will overhear and make me tell her how right she was over and over.”
My parents and I laughed. I was proud of me, too, for staying and seeing this experience through. I missed home and my best friend, but the kids in New York weren’t as bad as I thought they’d be. Getting through Quiana, Rochelle, and Monique was rough, but they had good sides like everyone else.
“Why are you guys calling so late anyway?” I asked. They knew the no-calls-after-nine rule better than me. In fact, they taught it to me. “You are coming up to see the recognition ceremony on Thursday, aren’t you?”
“Of course, we’ll be there,” they said together. “We have a surprise for you and thought you’d want to know right away.”
“Well, what is it?” I asked. I was more scared than excited, but I didn’t think they could tell.
“Heather is going to come up with us,” my dad said, in an announcer’s voice, like I’d just won the lottery or something.
“Oh,” I said. My parents probably didn’t know how my best friend Heather found a new best friend while I was away. They probably also didn’t know that my new friends wouldn’t be thrilled at all to see my old best friend, especially since I wasn’t sure I even wanted to see her yet. “I mean, that’s great. I’m sure the girls at Amber’s Place will be really happy, too…the more the merrier.”
“Well, okay,” my mom said, sounding a little confused. The thought of bringing my two worlds together made me more uneasy than I had felt in a long time. I could just picture the faces of the girls at the center.
“It’s just that I’ve worked hard to get to know the girls up here and I don’t think Heather will understand that,” I told them. A week ago I would have jumped at the chance to get away from Quiana and to spend time with Heather.
“Well, hang on a minute now and I guess you girls can talk about that and work it out amongst yourselves,” my dad said. He said good-bye to me and I could hear the phone being passed to someone else.
“Hey, Tash, I miss you,” Heather said. Her voice sounded different, a little whiny and unreal.
“Yeah, me too,” I said.
“Are you surprised?” she asked, trying to sound excited. She sounded as excited as I was trying to be. I nodded my head yes and waited for her to finish telling me all the outfits she’d bought for the trip. Already, my head was spinning. “I started to invite Stephanie to come along, too.”
“But you didn’t, right?” I didn’t know what I was more upset about, having my best friend invade my new friends, or the mention that my best friend was thinking ab
out bringing my enemy along with her.
“Don’t worry, Tash, she may not be able to come anyway,” Heather said.
“I can’t believe you would do that,” I told her.
I had no more words. It would either be a great trip or a disaster. I would just have to wait and see. The girls in the Bronx had a hard enough time adjusting to me, let alone Heather and Stephanie. That was a completely different story. Heather definitely wouldn’t understand anything about the girls or their lives. And the girls really would think I was a sellout after meeting Heather and Stephanie.
The call waiting beeped.
“Look, Heather, I’ll see you soon, but I’ve got to answer this,” I told her.
“Fine,” she said, disappointed. “You know, Tash, you even sound different. I feel like I don’t know who you are anymore.”
“Well, that makes two of us,” I said, clicking over to the other line.
“Hey, Sellout, big news.” Quiana was on the other line. She sounded like she was out of breath.
“What’s up? Is it Monique?” I asked.
“No, Monique’s fine,” she said. “I just thought you and Tilly would want to hear about Maria and the baby. She had a girl. Her cousin just called here.”
“That’s great news,” I said excitedly. “How is she? What did she name the baby? Is she okay to have visitors?”
“Slow down, crazy,” Quiana said, in her monotone, tough girl voice. Somewhere deep down, I knew she was excited about the baby, too. She had called, after all. “I don’t know all that, but I’m sure Red will tell us when we get in tomorrow.”
“Okay,” I said. “Thanks for calling, Quiana.”
“Don’t mention it,” she said, “to anyone.”
Quiana didn’t want anyone to know she had called me. I assured her I wouldn’t mention it again, and hung up the phone.
There was so much going on in my head, there was no way I could rest well before the biggest event of my life. My two worlds were meeting and all I could see was a recipe for disaster.
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