I groaned as my back connected with the ground, but I soon settled down. Drew’s deep breaths soothed me, and knowing Jessa was here too was like the icing on the cake. I thought she slept as well, knew how traumatic yesterday and today had been for her and hoped she was resting, but when she whispered, “Are you okay?” I almost jolted upright in surprise, because I hadn’t expected her to be awake.
She was close to me, so close because Drew had his back to the wall while Jessa played little spoon to his big spoon as she faced the room. There were only so many configurations two people could have on Drew’s bed, and I was actually quite glad, because it meant I could speak with her in the soft silence of the dying night without disturbing Drew.
“I’ve been better.”
She released a shaky breath. “Me, too.” A pause. “Did Max leave? Or is he downstairs?”
“Curfew,” I informed her softly. “I told him to take your car.”
“Good thinking. With you two around, I won’t be needing it that much this weekend plus, hell, his bike is at his house.” I heard the concern in her voice and marveled at it. “He left it on the street so he could drive me back to school. I was with him when I got your text about Drew.”
She let so few people into her life, but she embraced Max. That meant something, didn’t it? Had I been blind all along to her feelings for him? I saw his for her, plain as day. But were they reciprocated?
My throat worked as I thought about what I wanted to say to her, raising a topic of conversation I really shouldn’t be bringing to her attention, but if we were to live a life free from lies, we had to start somewhere. Being open went hand in hand with speaking the truth.
“He has feelings for you, Jessa.”
“He’s a friend,” she replied softly, but there was a strange note to her voice. A note that sounded like she was flattered.
Great.
I reached up and pinched the bridge of my nose. “He’s definitely a friend, but he still wants more,” I whispered. My throat felt thick as I managed to get out, “Do you want more?”
“I love you, Sam.”
While her fervent tone reassured me, I didn’t really need the reassurance. I told her as much. “I know that, baby. I don’t doubt your love.”
“Then, why are we talking about this?” Was that tears I heard in her voice? Fuck. I’d never meant to make her cry, but I just needed to get this out into the open. What I’d seen in Max’s face, heard in his voice, discerned from the words he’d uttered in her defense, I’d known this was going in a direction I couldn’t control.
“Don’t cry, Jessa,” I replied softly, turning onto my side so I could stare into the darkness and hopefully catch a glimpse of her. The streetlamps gently illuminated the room, casting some parts in a soft shadow, but it allowed me to see the way her mouth was quivering with fear. Was she scared because she did have feelings for Max? Or was she scared because she thought I doubted her?
“What do you feel for him?”
“He’s a friend,” she argued, but again, there was a note in her voice that told me otherwise.
“I’m your friend. Drew’s your friend.”
It was weird, because I felt like I was guiding her down this path, and the end destination wasn’t one I particularly wanted. Max had blended easily into our group, that was for sure. I liked him, didn’t love him like I did Drew or Jessa, but as was the case with them, I didn’t tolerate very many people. There was a reason my circle was small.
After Jessa, I’d found no need to surround myself with sycophants and people who only wanted to hang out with me because I was the captain of the football team. I didn’t need that shit, didn’t need my ego stroked. Jessa had opened my eyes to the way I’d been leading my life, and I hadn’t appreciated what I’d seen. So now, we kept things tight.
I hung around with my tightknit group, and at lunch, our table was for us alone, people were allowed to move around us, like satellites, but nobody was allowed into the inner core.
Until Max.
No matter how much I wanted to hide from it, I felt like I should have seen this coming.
Not just on Jessa’s behalf, either.
Max had only been here a short while, we didn’t know all about his past, as today had proven when we learned he had a juvie record, but…
My dad always said that when you used the word ‘but’ in the middle of a sentence, it completely negated what you’d just been saying. He wasn’t wrong.
Though I didn’t know Max as well as I knew the other two people in this room, that didn’t take away from the relationship that was forming between us all.
I couldn’t open up the possibility of her having a relationship with both Drew and me, and not be aware she might want more.
“Would you like him to kiss you?”
A sharp gasp escaped her, and this time, there was no hiding from her panic. How Drew was sleeping through this, I wasn’t sure, but I sat up, quickly reached for her hands, and tightened mine around hers.
“Stop being scared,” I demanded in a low voice, not wanting to wake Drew, but needing to ram this home. “I love you. You love me. Drew loves us both. That isn’t going to change. Nothing is going to change after we’ve had this discussion. “
She tugged at my hold on her hands. “I don’t understand where this is coming from.”
Hell, I didn’t either. I’d never foreseen this conversation happening, but what I’d seen today in Max’s face? It had been coming since the first day of school and I just hadn’t realized it.
3
Drew
I wanted to ask what the hell he was doing, but I didn’t. He knew Jessa better than me because of the intimacy of the relationship he had with her, and that was something closed to me until this point, but I didn’t like it. Didn’t like it at all.
Was he trying to push her into Max’s arms?
She was close to me at the moment, squished against my body in a way that was both heaven and hell. My bed was way too small for two people, but it was a sacrifice I’d make every single fucking night if I could have her lying here with me. She smelled like orange blossom from what I assumed was her soap. With my nose pressed between her shoulder blades, huddled up as I was against her, my senses were overwhelmed by her. Not only had I been able to hear her breathing, feel her against me, but if I wanted to, I could reach out and press my lips to her shoulder, flutter my tongue along the line there because now, that was where we were at.
Tonight, she’d acted and reacted like more than just a friend would.
Yesterday, she accepted that there was something between Sam and me.
We were approaching the final step that would lead us all into being in this relationship, but whatever Sam was doing, it put me on edge. Except I stayed silent. Only when I’d heard the broken note in her voice, when I sensed Sam shifting on the blanket he’d evidently laid down beside my bed, had I awoken. My deep sleep had only been ruptured because of these two people who meant the world to me, because where they were concerned, my subconscious was always on red alert.
“What do you want me to say?”
The entreaty in Jessa’s voice about broke me, and again, I wondered what the hell he was playing at. But then, the reason behind the entreaty hit me harder.
Did Jessa have feelings for Max?
It was evident to anyone with eyes that Max felt something for her, but was that reciprocated?
Jessa let no one in. That was a fact. Sure, she looked open. She was friendly and bubbly, vivacious and vibrant. When it came to new people in school, just as she had with Max, she tried her best, brought them into our circle for a little time before closing it up again and letting them go on their way.
She had one friend who was currently out of the country, and even Lindsay wasn’t a particularly welcome member of our triad. They tended to study together when Sam and I were training, and they were more study buddies than anything else. Jessa’s friends were in this room. Well, Max, wherever he wa
s, was included in that list too. Still, the way she’d introduced Max into our group? It told me something I’d only just seen.
How shortsighted had I been? Or was it simply arrogance and self-absorption?
I’d been obsessed with money lately, tired from school and training, desperate to spend more time with my grandma, but Jenny Cassidy wasn’t that kind of woman. Even though she was sick, she didn’t take things lying down. She had an active role in the church, which was a huge source of discontent between us since I refused to go, and a lot of her time was taken up by community projects she refused to take a step back from thanks to her treatment.
I loved her, just as I loved my dad, but neither of them were very active in my life. These past couple years, I wasn’t sure what I’d have done without Jessa and Sam at my back.
“I just want you to tell me how you feel about him.”
Sam’s voice was cool but calm. It was neither overemotional nor bland. In truth, it was perfect. It wouldn’t inspire panic in Jessa, but his voice didn’t have to. The question did that for him.
From my position behind her, I could feel her heart beating like a drum. I wanted to soothe it, soothe her, but apparently this was a conversation we all needed to have. There was a reason, though, that Sam had chosen this moment when he thought I’d passed out to discuss this.
It was almost like this bedroom was our safe zone, and I had to admit, I liked the sound of that.
“He makes me feel safe.”
Jessa’s words were small, but they had me frowning. Safe? Of all the things I’d expected her to say, it wasn’t that. But then it hit me. Safety to Jessa was important. Not only did Sam and I always keep her safe, not just physically and emotionally, but I knew there were things that came as an integral part of being a Rothskind. Things that were alien to me, but that were an intrinsic part of her life.
I knew her parents had dealt with kidnapping threats back when they lived in New York, and one of the reasons they’d moved here in the first place was to get away from the rat race, to hide out among suburbia. That wasn’t something Jessa had talked about though. We only knew about it because Sam had overheard her parents talking about it one afternoon. He hadn’t even discussed it with Jessa. At least, I didn’t think he had. At the time, he’d just told me, and we’d both been mind blown by the idea that somebody had threatened to abduct Jessa and her brother.
Combined with her health issues, it was no wonder safety was pretty damn important to her. But I knew that as much as she loved us, she also felt safe with us, and probably, in her mind, it made her love us even more. That she felt the same for Max too, well, I didn’t know what that meant. I couldn’t say that it didn’t bode well for us, because I wasn’t entirely sure where Sam wanted this to go. Did he want Jessa and Max to have a side thing going on? Or…?
“He makes you feel safe, what else? Do you want to touch him? Kiss him?”
This conversation was getting weird and it probably made me a jerk for not standing up for her by bringing an end to it, but I wanted to know the answer just as much as he did.
There were some people in this world who were prudes. They couldn’t see past the definitive lines society set for them. There were many people like that in Hawk Ridge. It was a pretty religious community, with way too many churches per capita than was required, but it was just the way of it here. Those people who were devout and attended a service several times a week, not just on a Sunday, obviously believed in straitlaced relationships that society deemed right.
But there were others out there. Others like me who liked guys as well as girls, and who would easily be ostracized for that preference. It was one of the reasons why I’d wanted to keep things on the downlow with Sam, because I knew we’d be shunned. But just as I was bi, Sam as well, there were other ways that sexuality worked. I couldn’t expect Jessa to want Sam and me, and potentially never want somebody else. Or could I?
The thought had jealousy swirling inside me, but hell, I didn’t exactly have a right to feel that just yet. Sam on the other hand? God, this must be killing him. This conversation must have been like a dagger to the heart, because I knew that was how it was for me.
Jesus, just the idea of her wanting to add to our union made me want to tear my room apart, and then she whispered, “Why are you making me talk about this? Just because I have—”
“Have what?” Sam asked, urging her to speak the words she’d tried to hold back from uttering.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it matters,” he snapped, for the first time sounding like he was losing his patience.
“It’s just attraction. That’s all. When you’re married to somebody, that doesn’t mean you turn blind. You still see. You just don’t act on what you see and what that person makes you feel.”
The awkward phrasing, from anybody else, would have made me snicker. Jessa was eloquent, intelligent, and erudite. She was on the debate team and was a perfect public speaker. It was very rare to see her nervous. In fact, now that I thought about it, I only ever saw her nervous before a game. Those nerves, I recognized, were on mine and Sam’s behalf.
And didn’t that just make me love her even more. God, no wonder I was a goner. Sam, too.
“I don’t like this,” Jessa whispered, her voice tiny. “You’re changing things and I don’t understand why. Are you mad at me or something?”
Sam released a shaky breath. “Jessa, sweetheart, I’m the one who’s changed things. Well, Drew and me. We were the ones who made what we have unorthodox.”
“It would kill me if you touched another woman.”
Sam’s hiss was sibilant enough to make my ears sting. “Jessa, I want no other woman.”
At that, she relaxed some, but she was still throbbing with tension. “And how can you talk about Max this way? It’s like you want me to have feelings for him.”
“No, it isn’t. I just realized something tonight, something that… Baby, I’ve had this secret from you for all the time we’ve been together. And your secret is that you knew about ours. Then, there’s what Drew’s been hiding from us. Not just his grandma, but the drugs. I’m tired of having secrets. I don’t want that for us. All that will do is kill us before we even have a chance to get out there and make this what we need.
“The only way to be open and honest is to talk about these things, and I know Max has feelings for you. Before he left, he defended you. Said that he saw something between Drew and me. He was scared for you, and he didn’t want us to hurt you. I’d like to think he was just being a good friend, but I know he isn’t. Sure, I’m certain that’s at the base, but there’s more than that. He has feelings for you. And, babe, I have to believe that you have feelings for him.
“It’s not every day that you invite somebody into our circle, and it’s not every day Drew and I allow it, that we want to hang around with that person you’re trying to help. Remember last year with the exchange student? You were kind to him, and we just stuck to the background. We weren’t interested. But Max? We’ve brought him into the fold as well.”
“You have feelings for Max too?” Jessa queried, her voice high-pitched with amazement.
Sam snorted. “No. Not like that. Jessa, you and Drew are it for me. I knew that the moment you walked into my life. And I know Drew is the same. But I have to think there’s something there between you and Max, something you might need to work on.”
I couldn’t stop myself from growling at Sam, “Stop putting words in her damn mouth.”
Beside me, Jessa tensed, and peered at me over her shoulder. I couldn’t see much because of the darkness that had infiltrated the room, and I wasn’t about to brighten things up by switching on a lamp. Wherever Sam was going with this conversation, I had no idea, but also, I was well aware that it wouldn’t be made easier in the harsh light of my nightstand lamp. The sight of her tears in the meager illumination from the street, however, nearly fucking broke me and I couldn’t keep out of this anymore.
> Sam insisted, “We need to talk about this.”
Leaning up on my elbow, I shook my head, slicing it from side to side in outright rejection. “No. Not tonight. It’s already been a clusterfuck of a day, Sam. You bringing shit to the surface that doesn’t need to be—”
Sam held up a hand. “You think I want to be having this conversation? Did you think that today felt like the perfect time to fuck everything up? Apparently so, because you’re one of the reasons it’s fucked up. You nearly ruined everything, and because of it, things have come to light. Max has feelings for her, Drew. You said it yourself earlier. You were thinking it was just feelings, friendship, but it isn’t. I saw it in his face today, and I asked him. He said that whatever he wants from Jessa is something she can’t give him.”
I huffed. “So? That’s what happens with love sometimes,” I spat, hating that the words were falling from my mouth, because I wasn’t this kind of guy. In touch with my feelings? No. This conversation, shit, it was making me talk about this stuff. “Unrequited love isn’t a new thing, Sam. Just because we’re introducing a strange dynamic to this relationship doesn’t mean that this is a free-for-fucking-all.”
A watery giggle escaped Jessa, and I cut her a look, relieved to see that though her smile was soggy, it was a smile, nonetheless. She wiggled and shifted so she was laying angled back against me, able to see us both. Her hand came out and she pressed it to my leg. I wished it was bare skin touching bare skin, but Christ, that was a little too much to ask for after the day we’d had. After the day I’d, as Sam had correctly stated, fucked up.
“I love you, Drew.”
My heart froze in my chest. Hearing those words after what she’d said earlier? I wasn’t certain she could have said anything that would have surprised me more, or made me even happier than I was at that moment.
And it was weird to be happy.
Things were still up in the air on so many levels, and I knew it would feel like I was juggling for the next few months. There were no guarantees in this world, but I guessed I knew one thing—whether or not Coach could forge ahead with his plan, Jessa and Sam would find a way to help my grandma. That, in the grand scheme of things, was really all that mattered.
Dare You To Keep Me: HawkRidge High II Page 8