by Roz Lee
“I didn’t fuck her.”
“You expect me to believe it’s not a sexual relationship?”
“No. But it isn’t what you think.”
“Then tell me, Todd. What kind of relationship do you have with this woman? Or is it women?”
CHAPTER NINE
For reasons he couldn’t explain, he was ridiculously happy to see Brooke pissed off at him, but she didn’t need to know that. She’d scared the life out of him, running off to God knows where for days, leaving him to imagine all kinds of horrible scenarios where she ended up dead—or worse. But now that he could see for himself she was alive and well and still loved him, he knew he needed to tell her everything or risk losing her.
Letting her go wasn’t an option.
That didn’t mean he would let her off scot-free for her behavior. It took every bit of self-control he could muster not to throw her over the hood of his car, bare her ass, and paddle the livin’ daylights out of her. Then she’d raised her chin, challenging him like the old Brooke, the one he fell in love with. Most of his anger had melted away, seeing the return of her spirit, but if she was to remain in his life, slave, sub, or lover, she needed to know her disappearing act had consequences. Still, he owed her the truth.
“Woman. Singular. Her name is Mistress Lola. She’s a Dominatrix. I’ve been her sub since the day I got here.” The Brooke he knew and loved was rarely at a loss for words, but he’d stunned her into silence. He reached for another beer, waiting for her to find her voice.
“You submit. To a woman.” She wasn’t asking, only processing the information.
“Believe me, you aren’t any more surprised than I am.”
“Why, Todd?” She shook her head. “It doesn’t make any sense to me.”
“It made sense when I decided to do it.” He pushed off the counter. “Can we sit? I’m exhausted.” The adrenaline rush from seeing her on his doorstep was fading, the day’s activities catching up to him again. If he’d known Brooke was coming, he would have stayed home instead of trying to forget his misery with Mistress Lola.
He rounded the bar separating the two rooms and collapsed onto the sofa. Brooke spun on the stool then cautiously sat in the lone chair placed catty-corner from the opposite end of the couch. She was as far from him as she could get and still be in the same space.
“I’ve made so many mistakes, Brooke, I don’t even know where to start. But, if you’re inclined to listen, I’ll answer all your questions.”
“You look tired.”
“Such a mild word for what I feel. I’m too old for this shit.”
“Baseball?”
“Maybe. I’m thirty-five, practically a senior citizen in the League, but that’s only a small part of it. The daily workouts are certainly more challenging than they were ten years ago, but I’m in pretty good shape…for an old guy.”
“You aren’t old.”
He smiled at her show of support. “Yeah, I am. When my contract is up in a two years, I’m done. No one else will sign me, and I’d say no if they offered. Retirement is, was, looking good. I could see it, Brooke. You. Me. Some kids, maybe. When you asked to be my slave, said you wanted that kind of commitment, I was flattered. I knew little about that kind of arrangement, but I figured, ‘how hard could it be?’ We were good together at the club, so I agreed. Even then, I would have done anything to make you happy.”
She placed her mug on the end table.
“More tea?”
“No. I’m fine.”
“Look, for the next few minutes, can you just be Brooke? Not my slave or even my sub? Let me wait on you for a change?”
She nodded. “Okay. But I don’t want any more tea.” Her hand went to her stomach.
Todd cursed under his breath. “You’re hungry. Why didn’t you say so?” He stood, searching for his cell phone.
“You said you don’t eat here. I assumed that meant you don’t have any food.”
He found his phone in his jacket pocket. He kept most of the delivery places on speed dial. “Pizza?”
“That would be nice.”
After placing the order, he turned the thermostat up then returned to his seat. “Half an hour. I turned the heat up. I think the term heat pump was coined because it allows heat to build up during the day then it pumps it all out at night.”
The slight lift of her lips warmed him more than any forced air system ever could. “As I was saying, I screwed up, Brooke. I wanted you in my house so bad, I agreed to something neither one of us were ready for. Because of my poor judgment, we both were in over our heads. I could see you becoming more and more unhappy, and I knew I needed to do something to fix the mess I’d gotten us into.”
“I wasn’t unhappy.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Don’t lie to me, babe. We’re going to be truthful tonight.”
“Okay. Maybe I wasn’t as happy as I thought I would be. But I wasn’t unhappy.”
“That’s some consolation, at least. Anyway, I contacted Frank because I needed someone to talk to about our situation. I told you the truth. He’s considered one of the best slave trainers in the lifestyle. I brought him in to scene with us a few months back, remember?”
“Yes. I didn’t think much of it since we’d done that before. You know I like to perform for you.”
“I love to watch you. That’s one of the reasons I thought his plan might work.” He brought his near-forgotten beer to his lips then thought better of it. He set it back down, spinning it on the end table, watching the sweat rings expand. “He was convinced you had yet to come to terms with being a slave. You knew all the moves, and your heart was in the right place, but your head hadn’t caught up with the program. He thought, with the right scenes, the truth in your heart would override the resistance in your brain.”
The doorbell interrupted his explanation. Todd sprang up to collect their late dinner. Brooke moved to sit beside him on the sofa, the pizza box open on the coffee table between their knees. It felt wonderful to have her so close, even if he didn’t dare touch her. Until he knew she was still on board with their living arrangement, he’d take his cues from her.
When the pizza was gone, she returned to her seat across from him. In a way, it was better. He could see her expression. Her face always gave her away, even on that day when she found him at the club and offered herself up for the punishment of stealing an orgasm she had no right to take. When he took her up on the offer, she’d been surprised—even more so when he followed through. He missed the woman who saw what she wanted and went after it—no matter the cost to her bottom.
“Where were we?” he asked.
“My problems were all in my head.” He didn’t miss the scorn in her voice.
“Our problems,” he corrected. “And I had a few of my own. I knew how to satisfy you within the walls of the club, and I thought I was doing a good job at home, too. But I didn’t know what to do with you the rest of the time. It wasn’t your fault. You made mistakes, mostly because I hadn’t trained you properly, but I began to suspect you made some of them on purpose as a way to force me to do something—anything. I hated punishing you, so I was inconsistent, which only led to more confusion on your part. Frank’s solution was to hire a Dominatrix for me. He thought if I had a better understanding of your motivations, I’d be more effective handling you. Spring Training was coming up. We both thought it would be the perfect time to learn some discipline. You as a slave. Me as a sub.”
“I can’t imagine you on your knees.”
Grateful for her belief in his domineering personality, he smiled, remembering the night he realized he couldn’t crawl another step and hope to play ball the next day. “It didn’t last long. On the second night, I stood up and refused to do it again. As I said, I’m too old for this shit.”
“Were you punished?”
“Severely. I couldn’t sit for days, but I could run. There isn’t much sitting during Spring Training but there’s lots of running.”
He
r smile lit the room. Lit him, too.
He shifted so she wouldn’t see the bulge in his pants. “I explained later when she gave me a chance to. I haven’t been on my knees since.”
“But you still submitted?”
“Oh, yeah.” Scenes flashed through his brain like a newsreel in a centrifuge—dizzying. “I have to say I admire you more than any person I know, Brooke. I haven’t been put through anywhere near the things you’ve endured. I don’t think I could survive.”
“I wasn’t strong enough to stay.”
“Yes, you were. Why don’t you tell me why you really left?”
“Can I have a beer?”
“Sure.” He rose to get her one. “I can’t believe you drank lukewarm tea with pizza.”
“Thanks.”
As he handed off the cold bottle, their fingers brushed. His erection, having wilted thinking about his time with Mistress Lola, came roaring back. He took the empty pizza box back to the kitchen, using the time to wrestle his libido under control.
“So why did you leave?” he asked, resuming his seat across from her.
“Frank said something that led me to believe you were with another woman. I intended to come here to tell you it was over, that I wanted out. But after taking a few days to get up the courage to end it, I decided if you were with someone else, it was my fault, and I should at least try to fix things.” She lowered her gaze to her lap.
“You were jealous?”
“Horribly.” She glanced up at him, reminding him of countless times she’d tried to sneak peeks when he’d ordered her not to. She had always been a challenging sub.
“You have nothing to be jealous about.” His phone vibrated, clattering against the wooden coffee table. Picking it up, he glanced at the caller ID. “Shit.”
“What?” She jerked upright, all meekness gone.
“It’s her. I told her I would call her when I got home.” He felt his skin flush and rushed to explain. “I wasn’t all that steady on my feet when I left.”
“You’d better answer, then. Let her know you’re all right.”
Yeah. Like you answered all my calls the last few days to let me know you were okay. He slid his finger across the screen, answering the call. “I’m sorry, Mistress. Something came up, and I forgot to call.” He held Brooke’s gaze, letting her know he had nothing else to hide.
“You’ll pay for making me worry.”
“I’m aware of that. Brooke’s here. I wouldn’t have forgotten for anything less important.”
“She’s okay?”
“Yes. We’re talking.”
“You told her about me?”
“I did.”
“Don’t think this gets you out of your contract. You’re mine for the next few weeks.”
He closed his eyes, accepting that he needed to finish what he’d started for his and Brooke’s sake. He needed to understand his sub. “I haven’t forgotten. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bring her with you. You shouldn’t be the one to punish her for what she put you through, all the worry. You’re too close to the situation.”
He snapped his gaze back to Brooke. It wasn’t a bad idea. “Can I get back to you on that?”
“It wasn’t an order, just a suggestion. Seeing you punished for not following a direct order will only add weight to her punishment.”
It would, and perhaps Brooke could learn a thing or two from a woman who understood both sides of the power exchange. “Thank you.”
“You won’t thank me when I’m finished with you tomorrow night.”
“Then it’s good I’m doing it now.”
She disconnected, leaving her wicked laugh as a promise of things to come. Silence filled the room. Brooke’s gaze was steady, not even a hint of submission. Had he lost her completely? God, he hoped not. Life without her would be unbearable.
“Are you still mine, Brooke?”
“Do you want me to be?”
“More than anything.”
“Then, yes.”
When she dropped her gaze to her lap, his heart soared.
***
Todd’s intense gaze made her squirm in her seat. He still wanted her. She hated to think of him with another woman, but if what he said was true, then he’d done the unthinkable, submitting to a woman—for her. She couldn’t imagine what that was like for a man with a dominant nature. But then again, she’d seen the change in him since they’d taken their relationship outside the club.
He was right, he’d struggled to establish the rules she would live by, and her confusion had led her to act out in unacceptable ways.
“Were my instructions unclear when I left the other day? Did I not tell you to serve Frank as if he were me?”
“Yes. Your instructions were clear.”
“Did I give you permission to abandon him?”
“No, Sir.”
“Did I give you permission to travel unaccompanied?”
“No, Sir.”
“I understand your reasons for doing these things, but I also believe you could have prevented us from worrying ourselves sick over your safety by talking to me. Perhaps you wouldn’t have found it necessary to disappear for days.”
She could practically feel his anger reaching across the room. She resisted the urge to cringe. He had every right to be mad. She’d made decisions with no thought to how they would affect others, especially the man who loved her.
“Why didn’t you call me? I had the whole goddamned house wired with video and audio capabilities, for Christ-sake. All you had to do was look into a camera and ask to speak to me. You have to know I wouldn’t have ignored your request.”
“I’m sorry, Sir. It was more than thinking you were with someone else. I felt overwhelmed. I missed you so much. I know I’m a disappointment to you.”
“You could never disappoint me, Brooke. Test my patience? Yes. Make me crazy with need? Every damned day. Twist me up in knots? All the time. But I couldn’t be more proud of you. Especially after what I’ve endured the last two weeks. However, you defied my orders without so much as requesting a discussion.”
Emotion clogged her throat, so she nodded to indicate she understood. What she’d done could not go unpunished.
“Mistress Lola wants to meet you.”
Regardless of whether it meant another punishment or not, she lifted her gaze to his. “Why?” At his raised eyebrow, she dropped her gaze. “Sir.”
“I suppose she would like to see what manner of submissive drives a Dom to his knees for her. She’s also offered to carry out your punishment for me. She seems to think I may be too close to the situation, that perhaps my judgment might not be as clear as it should be regarding your actions.”
“Permission to speak, Sir?”
“Go ahead. Consider it granted until I send you to bed. I’m trying to understand your behavior these last few days. I can’t do that if you don’t talk to me.”
“I’m sorry, Sir. I appreciate that you are making an effort to understand why I did what I did.” She looked down at her clasped hands. “I don’t believe you would ever go too far in punishing me.”
“Perhaps she believes I’ll be too lenient.”
Her heart raced. “I hadn’t thought of that. I mean…I assumed…. You’re furious with me, Sir.”
“You assumed my punishment would be harsh?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“You’re correct, but maybe not in the way you expect. I’m not sure what she has in mind, but I doubt it’s conventional.”
“Will you let her punish me?”
“I don’t know, pet.” His use of the endearment eased some of her lingering misgivings. He was thinking fondly of her again. That had to be good. “Maybe. I think we both could learn from her, so I just might allow it.”
“I’ll accept whatever you decide, Sir. I understand once the punishment is administered, the offense is forgotten, so would you let me apologize to you tonight? Let me show you how much I love you.”
&
nbsp; CHAPTER TEN
Todd took his place on the infield. Past seasons, he anticipated the first pre-season game with as much enthusiasm as he had his first season in the Major League, but this year was different. Baseball was his job, but, more than that, he loved the game. It was a part of him like nothing else had ever been. Until Brooke.
Fielding the traditional warm-up throws by rote, his mind wasn’t on the game about to begin. It was back at his condo, in bed with the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. She wanted to be his in a way he was trying to understand, but if he was honest with himself, he was failing miserably.
Since he first discovered the wonders of sex, he knew he was a Dominant. While most of his adolescent friends had been ecstatic to simply fuck a girl, he’d craved more. It wasn’t until he met Frank Williams his first year in the Minors that he found the fulfillment he’d been looking for. The Mustangs’ former third base coach had introduced him to the BDSM lifestyle. For the first time in his adult life, he had found complete sexual satisfaction, being a Dom. As some people preferred cherry preserves on their toast, he preferred a cherry-red ass to a plain one. The need to dominate sexually, the desire to explore a woman’s needs through measured pain and what he called mind-fucks was something he no longer questioned. Being part of the lifestyle showed him his sexual inclinations weren’t abnormal.
He’d come a long way in the last few weeks toward comprehending the psyche of a submissive, but he wasn’t any closer to a mind-meld with voluntary slavery than he was in the beginning. He recognized the competitor in him—not wanting to admit defeat. Perhaps he was fighting a losing battle within himself, but the consequences of losing this particular skirmish were too high.
Brooke needed him to provide for her. As her Dom, her Master, he had made a commitment to give her what she needed. If he couldn’t, he had no other choice than to cut her loose so she could find a man who could meet her needs.
“Wake up, man!”
Todd jerked his gaze around in time to get his glove in front of his face before the thrown ball rearranged his jaw. He took a second to shift his focus where it needed to be—on the field—then threw the ball to first base.