“It is.” I lean closer to breach the distance and settle my lips to his. He shifts to stand, cradling my body to his and takes us to his room. He settles me in his bed and removes his clothes and works to free me from mine.
His body shields mine and his eyes burn into me. “The day I found your present in my closet— I realized it will always be you. That art, it meant everything. It was a piece of you that I had when I went to bed. When I woke up. And it occurred to me, that piece was fine for the moment but in the future, I wanted all of you.”
His words force tears to overflow. I cup his jaw and annunciate each word. “You have me. All of me.” Words are ceased as our mouths mesh and hands roam. We don’t indulge in a lot of foreplay and as he eases inside of me and stills, we both sigh in relief. Somehow . . . this moment solidifies us.
Breck comes home tonight and I haven’t removed my ring since he gave it to me. “When are we telling everyone?” I tickle his side.
“Listen to me.” I groan. This doesn’t sound good. “I wanted to ask you to marry me and I wanted it just for us. I did the respectable thing and went to your dad first.” I know this. “But I want our friends to share in this.” He produces a long gold chain. “Mason is coming home for our last game. He somehow finagled that in his contract so everyone will be here. School will almost be over and I want to do it then.”
I smile. “Okay.” I put my fingers over the ring and can’t bring myself to remove it.
“This is for you.” He dangles the dainty chain in front of me. “The ring will be nestled against your heart.”
“You’re sappy.” I manage through my emotions. I slip the ring from my finger and my stomach knots. I can’t place why but this sensation isn’t welcome. Sliding the chain through the ring, I slip it over my head and it stays burrowed low enough nobody will see it.
“Shit.” Caden slams the laptop closed.
“What?” I come up to see what’s bothering him. He’d been Skyping with Mason. Our time together has been scarce with midterms, Breck home and she’s lonely all the fucking time.
“Mason is gonna propose to Breck at closing night.” I bite my lip. The last game of Caden and Deacon’s season is in two days.
“So. We’ve given them four years. It’s still our night. We can’t let anything else get in the way.”
“Promise?” He grips my hips.
I rest one hand on his face and the other circles my ring. “Promise.”
We seal it with a kiss and I sigh in relief.
“Have you given any more thought in doing the internship this summer?” I scrunch my nose at his question.
“This summer is our last one before you start med school. We’re supposed to be getting our home ready. Enjoying time and I’ll have tons to do for my gallery to open.” I have so many reasons to say no. The biggest is I don’t want to be apart from him.
“It can be done. I’ll go with you for a few weeks and come back for renovations.” He offers. It’s a prestigious offer . . . Pasta Oner in Prague is a famous street artist and hailed as the Michelangelo of the 20th Century. He’s hosting three artists to assist in a mural he’s painting and I was chosen.
“I don’t think so. I have three weeks to decide.” I end this discussion so he can’t push me to go.
Caden called a flawless game . . . Deacon was credited with seven outs. Their last game together won them another championship and we’re waiting outside the dugout for the opposing team to clear. There will be a ceremony thanking family and friends. Mason is gonna propose to Brecklynn after and Caden says he’s gonna do it at the same time. Granted, it won’t be a secret for me but this is a replay for our friends.
The other team is grumbling, shoving some of our players as they pass and I hate this part of the game. Sore losers. I meet Caden’s eyes as he gathers his stuff from home plate and Deacon is making his way off the field— in an instant I’m breathless.
He takes his mask off, throws it in his bag and his body crumbles to the ground followed by a loud clink of the metal fence.
Screams, shouts, fists erupt all over the field. I’m rooted. Frozen. I can’t tell if there’s blood and I don’t know what the fuck happened. Brody is kneeling at his head and waves his hands to the announcer’s box. I rush to where Caden is and halt. His eyes closed, face peaceful . . . like he’s sleeping.
“What?” I manage to whisper.
“That asshole threw a bat and hit Caden in the head.” All the air whooshes from my lungs. I turn and see Deacon has the offender in a choke hold pummeling his face. And there isn’t a damn person stopping him. Paramedics nudge me to the side as they bend and examine him. Why won’t he wake up? They attach a collar to support his neck, roll a hard board underneath him and load him to a gurney. Mr. and Mrs. Monroe run into the mix as they’re wheeling him to the ambulance.
“One of you can ride but the rest need to meet us at the hospital.” His dad pushes me to follow as he holds his mom upright. I scurry to catch them as I notice all our friends rushing to their vehicles.
The doors slam and there’s a flurry of motion. “I-Is he br-breathing?” I hate to ask.
“Yes ma’am. Vitals seem strong. We’ll know the extent of his injury when he has some tests.” He inserts an I.V. into his hand, places leads on his chest and hands me the remnants of his jersey. I ball it up and bring it to my nose and inhale the scent that is familiar . . . love.
I’m showed to the waiting room and within five minutes everyone rushes in. His parents go to the desk, take paperwork and exchange information. “Any word?” Mason sits next to me and takes my hand.
“No.” I utter.
“He’s strong.” Brody reassures us. I refrain from punching him— he’s trying to be comforting.
“I don’t know what that fucker was thinking.” Deacon barks.
“Nothing now because you knocked him unconscious.” Saylor shuts his tirade down and I can’t help the small grin of satisfaction.
Waiting.
Longing.
Fear.
We all grip hands and remain silent. A throat clears and “Monroe” is called. Thomas raises his hand and the doctor stands in front of us. “He is awake and we’ve run some tests. There is slight swelling in the brain but nothing to cause us grave concern. It seems to be subsiding on its own.” A collective sigh escapes our group but his doctor delivers a blow. “We will need some of you present when we run tests. He’s suffering from anterograde amnesia.”
“What is that?” Bethy asks and Josh explains to her.
“Partial amnesia. He can remember events prior to the injury but not all of them.” The doctor nods at him.
“He thinks he’s in high school. Mentioned a trip for Spring Break.” My body convulses and Mason supports me. “In cases like this, memories can return in time with no prodding. We aren’t sure how fast or if all will return. We don’t feed the patient information.”
“What if he doesn’t remember?” I meek.
“There could be worse things.” He admonishes me. “Who can help with the tests?”
We all step to follow and he looks us over. “I guess it’s all or nothing here.” We follow him to Caden’s room like we’re watching an execution.
I rush to him and collapse in a fit of sobs. He holds me but something is missing. The pieces we worked so hard to fit together are gone. I pull back and stare into his eyes.
Blank.
His look.
The white sterile walls of the hospital room.
My heart.
It’s all empty.
“Hey, Aves.” He grimaces.
Tears sting my nose, my throat clogged with emotion. “You okay?”
Everyone is studying me. The doctor saves the awkwardness and asks a series of questions. I don’t offer input as his answers come. It isn’t like he’s forgotten me in a whole. Only the last four years he resided in my heart— and me in his. “A headache. And the fact I’m still living in my senior year of high school when
I’m a senior in college. Fan-fucking-tastic.” His humor isn’t hitting its mark. The doctor did explain to him that we wouldn’t feed him any information but he was graduating college in a few months.
“Caden Monroe. Language.” We chuckle as Bethy groans at his choice of words.
“Sorry, Mom.” His eyes float down to glare at the sheet— that bashful look makes my gut clench. My heart is slowing from its normal rhythm, feeling as it’s stopping. I remember that look— after he took my virginity he gave me the same one. The first time in the hotel room when his mouth got done devouring me— same look. The first time he told me he loved me, like he doubted I could feel the same. Little did he know, I’d felt that way since our first dance . . . when he was my savior.
I swallow the emotion clogging my throat and smile. “That’s good. You’ll remember.” My voice is pleading . . . my entire existence depends on it.
“The doctor said it could be days, weeks, months . . . or it could be gone for good.” Fucking Lee Lee being the life of the party. I nod, words are failing me. “We should let him get some rest.”
Mason leads Brecklynn to the door, their love evident. That’s what I get for hiding it . . . our relationship. His frustration plays over and over in my mind and regret seizes me. I try to remind myself it could be worse. He doesn’t know Breck at all. Brody or Saylor. The kids. They’re all a person, a stranger to him.
Deacon grabs Saylor’s hand as she kisses Caden’s cheek. “Feel better.” Her eyes mist as she allows herself to be led from the room. His slight recoil from her touch has my heart splintering. There isn’t much holding it together.
Brody tries to fist bump Caden and it’s awkward as hell. He puts his hand to his side as Lee Lee blows him a kiss. I stare at Bethy and she makes an excuse to slip from the room. I stare at him— my heart. My mind. My soul. Every single piece of me aches for him. His brows furrow as he studies me. “You okay?”
No. Not even a little. “You don’t remember anything?” I’m desperate. Something. I need something tangible to hold onto.
“I know I kicked Zander’s ass for that damn dance debacle.” He pauses. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
I flash my ring at him— the one hanging from my neck. The one I was going to allow him to slip back on my finger, as he wanted— consequences be damned. “That’s it?”
“You’re engaged?” His voice is laced with hurt. He shakes his head. “I don’t know why I expect you to be eighteen still collecting coats.” His frustration level is growing. “I hate I missed so much. I didn’t miss it, I can’t remember it.” He clears his throat. “That’s great Aves. You’ll have to introduce me to the lucky guy. Or reintroduce me. Whatever.” His hands come up to hold his head and that’s the final crack. The sliver that slices my heart in a million pieces.
“No worries, Caden. I’m not engaged. I don’t have anyone.” A tear slips out before I can stop it and he sits up with his arms open. But, I can’t go to him. “I’ll check in with your mom in a bit. Anything you need?”
His head tilts to the side . . . a familiar gesture when he’s evaluating something. The mask slips in place as he lays back down. “I’m good. See ya.” I wave and flee. I don’t stop in the hall to converse with my friends. I need the outside. I need a wide-open space to swallow me whole. I need to disappear from this life, like I have from his heart.
Feet clamber behind me and I know it’s my people. All of them. How do I explain this? “What the hell?” Mason grips my arm. “Stop running. What happened?” I turn in his arms and sob.
I let my fear erupt.
My anxiety.
My pain.
My confusion.
I pour it all into Mason’s chest, soaking his shirt. “He’s gonna be okay, Aves. Calm down.”
“Nothing is the same. Nothing ever will be. He doesn’t remember.” I’m choking on the words, feeling sick with each syllable I pelt.
“If he doesn’t remember who fucking cares?” I know he doesn’t get it. “We have a lifetime with him . . . a chunk will be gone but we’ll all be fine.” God, he’s clueless.
They all are.
“Except the years we were together.” I whisper.
Mason’s body tightens, he’s stiff as a board. Brecklynn’s hand continues rubbing my back. I chance a look at everyone else and I’m met with a myriad of emotions.
Shock.
Bewilderment.
Happiness.
Disbelief.
“Come again?” DD steps up.
“Since Spring Break senior year.” I want to spell it out for them, but he was supposed to be next to me when this happened.
It’s all raw.
The moments.
The memories.
They made us . . . and I forced him to hide them all.
“Holy shit.” Lee Lee chuckles. I want to punch her plump, perfect lips. She means no disrespect and I know she’s happy with this news— even if she doesn’t know it all. But, frankly, if Ed McMahon walked up with a check from Publisher’s Clearinghouse for a million dollars, I’d want to punch him in his dicksucker, too.
“All those nights you disappeared?” I nod at Brecklynn as she is putting two and two together. I can see by the curve of her lips it all equals four in her mind. “And David?”
“My beard.” I giggle, shaking my head with my harebrained schemes. “Along with all the sorority chicks he banged.” I air quote the last word . . . he hasn’t touched another girl intimately since me.
“Your beard? Are you a lesbian? Wait, I’m confused.” Brody . . . god love him.
“No. I’m with Caden. Or was. Or fuck me, I don’t know. I’m not a lesbian. I did all this shit because I didn’t want to drop this bomb on y’all and have it go awry. Everyone has so much shit happening and I didn’t want to interfere. I swear to God, at twenty-one we shouldn’t be so high maintenance.” I’m exasperated. I rerun every fucking crisis I put in front of him, made more important than our relationship and I’m pissed.
Now, this crisis, it involves us . . . except he doesn’t remember what that is.
“Speak for yourself. I’m not high maintenance.” Lee Lee declares, and if I wasn’t ready to check myself into a mental institution I’d argue . . . but leave it to her baby daddy.
“Not at all. You’re so beyond high maintenance it isn’t funny. I don’t think there is a word created to describe you.” I bite my lip to stop the laughter.
“Ass. That’s the word created to describe you.” She narrows her eyes and goes toe to toe with him.
“Oh, God.” Saylor groans. “Here we go. Ringside seats to the circus.” I do laugh. Hard. Uncontrollable. Hysterical.
Deacon and Mason flank my sides, holding onto me, grounding me. I’m so outta my element I don’t know what is up or down.
“How?” I drop my head and close my eyes.
“Scream.” Saylor is standing in front of me. I ignore her.
“Shortstop, save it for the bedroom. Make Deacon feel good for once.” Mason and his sex lines.
“Shut up.” She cuts her eyes at him. Kneeling, she is eye to eye with me. “Lift your damn head up, take a deep breath, and fucking scream.” I stare at her. “Caden taught me that. When things were so fucked up with Deacon and me, he took me for a hike. Taught me to take all the fucked-upness in with a deep breath and scream, releasing the toxic thoughts and feelings. Do it. Stand up, Avery, and fucking do it.” She may be little, but she’s scary. Hearing how he helped her breaks something else in me . . . and I wasn’t sure there was anything left.
I push off the bench and look to her. She takes my hand and gives me a squeeze. Brecklynn and Lee Lee move to the side of her and the guys line up behind them . . . minus one.
Mine.
That’s when I suck in as much air as I can, through tears, through the pain, and let today replay. When I can’t hold it any longer I push the bullshit up my diaphragm and scream until my throat is raw. Until I’m panting, gasping for oxyg
en, crying, and flailing for something to hold on to. He was my person. He was my anchor in the murky waters. I continue to scream and have drawn an audience. White coats, scrubs, and visitors of patients . . . the white coats I could probably utilize.
“Nothing to see here. Move along.” Saylor tries to be diplomatic.
“She’s out on a day pass.” Mason gives them a panty-melting smile. “We’ll have her back before curfew.”
“We can’t take her in public if this is the way she communicates.” Lee Lee whispers to them, playing off Mason’s scenario.
Me. I don’t care. I suck in more toxic and release it on a roar.
All the stupid reasons I put off telling our friends . . . shout.
All the times I put others before him . . . howl.
All the time I wasted with worrying we’d fail . . . scream.
I repeat until my throat burns, tears blur my eyes, my legs can’t support me— all of me is numb and that’s when I quit.
And that’s how I’ll live until he remembers.
Numb.
Weak.
Empty.
Bereft.
Never alone.
I have my crew . . . but something is missing without my person.
“Come on.” Deacon’s arms grip my waist, leading me to his car. “Let’s get you home and you can talk.”
I let him lead me to his car. I climb in the back seat and bring my knees up, resting my chin against them. I would curl into myself if I thought my friends would let me. Instead, I let the tears fall the entire ride home, while I don’t lose grip on the platinum and morganite circle I’d stupidly agreed to wear around my neck. Now, I’d give anything for it to be on my finger.
Where he placed it.
Turn the page for a sneak peek of Changing Fate . . . Avery and Caden’s story continues.
Chapter One
Caden
I watch her disappear from my hospital room, feeling something shredding my insides. It’s a different feeling when Avery leaves . . . everyone else I was anxious for them to say their good-byes. Her— I don’t want to hear those words from her. And that fucking ring dangling from her neck— I’d like to wrap my hands around the neck of the fucker who gave it to her.
Fighting Fate (Endgame #4) Page 24