He almost laughed at her tart answer in the midst of labor. “Approximately,” he prompted.
“I would guess about five minutes apart.”
“Steady?”
“As far as I can tell.”
“Damn it, Kat! Why didn’t you wake me sooner?” Reed lit the bedside lamp and glared at her.
Kathleen glared back. “I didn’t mean to wake you at all. And don’t you dare send for the doctor—he stands there making clucking noises while I do all the work, then he takes half the glory! I would rather have Della with me.”
Reed reached for his breeches. “I will go wake her.”
“Reed, wait!” Kathleen threw off the covers. “Blast!” she cursed impatiently.
“What is it?” he asked, then said, “Kat, you shouldn’t be trying to get out of bed.”
“Help me!” she wailed. “I need to visit the water closet.”
He eyed her dubiously. When he hesitated, she sighed in exasperation and rolled her eyes heavenward. “I promise not to have the baby in there!”
He helped her from the bed, but halfway across the room, water gushed down her legs onto the floor. “Too late!” she gasped. Then she could say no more as another pain doubled her over.
Reed supported her until the pain receded, then lowered her carefully onto a chair. “Don’t move from that spot until I get back with Della!” he ordered sternly. “But, Reed, I’m all wet! I’ll stain the chair!”
“It is just a chair! Don’t worry—and don’t move!”
She waved him weakly on his way.
Della soon had Kathleen cleaned up and back in bed in a fresh gown, and Isabel was sent for, and Reed was shooed out of the room to smoke and pace the floor. Six long hour later, he stood at the parlor windows and watched the sun come up as his mother came hurrying into the house, having just arrived in the carriage with the servant Reed had sent to alert her.
“Any news yet?” she inquired anxiously, tugging off her gloves.
“None.” With an exasperated glance toward the stairs, he asked, “What is taking so long? Katlin and Andrea were born much more quickly. You don’t suppose something is wrong? I should have gone to town and brought back the doctor ...”
“Now, don’t fret!” Mary counseled. “Babies take their own sweet time, and they won’t be rushed by anyone, not even anxious fathers. No two births are the same. Just because this one is taking longer does not mean anything is wrong. Kathleen has spoiled you by being so prompt and considerate the first two times around!”
Upstairs, Kathleen was in the final stage of her labor. The pain was constant now, with no time to catch her breath. Grunting and groaning, she was unaware of anything but the pain and the tremendous pressure, as she bore down with all her might.
“Ah sees da haid, Miz Kafleen! Couple of moah good pushes, an’ its done,” cried Della triumphantly.
Isabel wiped the perspiration from Kathleen’s brow, and put the ends of a towel back into Kathleen's fist for her to pull on. The bedpost creaked as Kathleen stretched the toweling to is limits, straining to expel the child from her body. Deep groans filled the room; Isabel, concerned for her friend, would almost have preferred a good, healthy scream. With one last, loud groan, the babe’s head and shoulders came free. A final pressure, and the infant had arrived safely into the world.
“It’s a girl!” Della announced, as she wiped the child’s face, and swatted the tiny round bottom. The baby let out a weak cry, then, gathering air into her lungs, began to wail heartily. “Sweetest sound on earth!” Della avowed.
At the sound of Kathleen’s final loud groan, Reed would have bounded up the stairs, but Mary stopped him, her hand on his arm. A few seconds later, they heard the baby’s cry.
“It sounds as if all is well,” Mary said with a joyous smile, then added, “let them get Kathleen and the babe cleaned and settled first. Another ten minutes won’t kill you. Heaven knows, after watching you and Ted when your children are being born, you have nearly convinced me that the waiting is worse than the bearing!”
When Reed was at last allowed into the room, Kathleen was lying back on her pillows, her eyes closed. The child was nestled in the curve of her arm, contentedly nursing.
He tiptoed closer, and saw the baby’s eyes were open, the usual cloudy blue of a newborn, though he thought he saw an underlying tinge of green. The infant’s hair, what there was of it, was a downy blonde, with perhaps just a hint of red. The rest of the child’s features were red and wrinkled, resembling neither himself nor anyone else.
Kathleen’s voice startled him; he had not noticed she’d opened her eyes to stare at him as hard as he was studying the child at her side. “It will be some time before you will see what you are looking for; a few months perhaps before she starts resembling any one of us to any great degree,” she said, her voice weak, but hostile.
“It appears she may have red hair and green eyes,” Reed replied cautiously.
“Perhaps.”
Reed’s tone was carefully neutral as he gave Kathleen a level look. “We will wait, Kathleen, but sooner or later, I will know whose child this is!”
As he headed for the door, Kathleen called to him, “I wish to name her Erin Emerald, for her Irish heritage.” He nodded casually. “Then she’ll be baptized Erin Emerald Taylor—as soon as I am convinced she is mine!” Erin had made her debut into the world on February fourteenth, St. Valentine’s Day. Neighbors and friends who came to call were delighted by this fact, calling her a love child, and telling Reed endlessly how adorable she was, and how proud he must be of his beautiful new daughter. Naturally, he accepted their congratulations and praise with good grace, and acted the proud father in their presence; but once they had departed, it was a different tale altogether. Every time he heard the phrase “love child,” he felt as if he could bite nails in two. He wondered how close to the truth it was. Each time he considered the possibility that Jean was little Erin's father, he was filled with jealous rage. There was a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, and the taste of bile in his throat. To imagine that Kathleen and Jean had truly loved one another as well only intensified his anguish.
When only the family was present, Reed avoided Erin, abandoning her to Kathleen’s care, or to Isabel, who held the status of a proud “aunt” to the newborn. While he had been a doting father to his two other children, he shied away from Erin as if she carried a plague.
Kathleen spent much time feeding and caring for her infant daughter, so Reed spent little time with his wife. Whenever he came upon her nursing Erin, he flinched. To see Kathleen smile lovingly into the small face, or tenderly stroke the downy head, sent a shaft of pain through him. Was Kathleen looking for Jean each time she intently studied Erin’s features? Was she remembering him as she held the child to her breast? These thoughts tormented Reed like evil demons gnawing at his soul, leaving him raw and bleeding inside, and outwardly irritable and distant.
Kathleen was distraught over Reed’s behavior, having secretly hoped for a miracle once the baby arrived. Hiding her disappointment, she concentrated on giving her tiny daughter all the love and attention Reed withheld. The depression she had felt after the birth of her other two children seemed doubled this time, particularly during long nights next to Reed in bed. Not three feet separated their bodies, but an entire universe separated their souls.
Isabel was Kathleen’s saving grace. Thoroughly enchanted with the tiny mite, she spent enormous amounts of time and energy delightedly spoiling Erin. She loved the child as dearly as if she was her own, and tried to make up for Reed’s neglect and to cheer Kathleen. Even while she looked forward with longing to Dominique’s arrival, she fought to pull Kathleen out of her deep depression, and Kathleen was grateful for Isabel’s support, without which she would no doubt have crumpled in despair.
In this manner, life went on at Emerald Hill for several weeks. It became apparent to everyone with eyes in their head that Erin was the exact image of Kathleen, with the same red-gold
hair, tip-tilted emerald eyes, and long dark lashes forming fanned crescents on her plump rosy cheeks. From the top of her downy head to the tips of her toes, she was a miniature of her mother. There was not one feature, not one single distinguishing mark, to reveal the identity of her father. After all this time, it seemed the answer Reed sought was to remain forever a secret.
This was a bitter blow to Reed, and Kathleen felt helpless and hopeless. How long could they go on living this way; strangers and antagonists, fighting through their private hell? Would they ever be able to revive the love and trust they had once had for one another, or were they to plod on forever in this state of unbearable purgatory?
When Kathleen had fully regained her health, she first became aware of his intention to resume their marital intimacy when one night, instead of turning from her in bed, Reed drew her into his arms. The arrogant set of his chin, and the intense glow in his smoky-blue eyes, told their own tale. She had seen that look often enough to know what it foretold.
Tugging at the folds of her nightgown, his hands were already searching out the familiar contours of her body, scorching her skin through the thin material. “I want you,” he muttered thickly, his voice hoarse with desire.
“Why, Reed?” she whispered, “when you still hold me in such contempt?”
“It has been a long time, Kat, since I have experienced your special brand of lovemaking. I have held back as long as I can, and my patience is exhausted. I see no reason to deny ourselves what we both know we enjoy.”
With this brusque and matter-of-fact explanation and no sweet declarations of love, he took her. She had neither the strength nor the will to fight him; her heart and body yearned as strongly as his for this union of their flesh, though their hearts were still estranged. As his hands ignited flames of desire, Kathleen clung to him, her one port in the storm of her reeling emotions. Distantly, she heard her moans of passion mingling with his in the quiet room. The remembered magic was still there in his touch, his kiss, his caress, but it hurt terribly to think that this physical attraction was all that was left of their once magnificent love. Soon even that poignant pain was washed away, as wave after wave of ecstasy thrilled her. In the midst of the glory radiating through her, she dimly realized that Reed was just as transported as she, carried away with her on whirling winds of fire that obliterated all else but this devastating rapture.
Afterwards, Kathleen wept.
Chapter 26
Though Kathleen had accepted Reed back into her bed and her life, she steadfastly refused to return to Chimera. Her stubborn pride would not allow him complete victory while the emotional barriers still stood between them. She resolved to remain firm as long as Reed continued to display resentment toward her and Erin. Until Reed could truly forgive her and accept Erin as his without a qualm, Kathleen would stay at Emerald Hill.
As the days passed, Kathleen’s determination grew. Her pride had been severely bruised, her heart mortally wounded. Her once-brilliant love was lying in shards about her feet. She refused to give in to Reed completely. What little pride she retained, demanded satisfaction. As much as she longed to go home to Chimera, she felt it would be a grave mistake to do so. Somewhere within her, a tiny flicker of hope still fluttered; Kathleen wanted it all— his respect, his passion, and his love. She could not and would not settle for less, for something inside her would die forever if she did.
“You must be the world’s most stubborn chit!” Reed exclaimed. “What, pray tell, is the difference between my living here with you, or you returning to Chimera with me?”
“If there is so little difference, then stop harping at me, and move the rest of your things here,” Kathleen countered. “That, or go back to Chimera alone and leave me in peace.”
Reed sighed heavily. “Is that what you truly want, Kat?”
“No!” she cried out. “What I truly want, you refuse to give. I want you to resolve your feelings for me, once and for all—and for Erin. I want you to accept her willingly and lovingly. I want you to love me as you once did.”
“I can’t, Kat.” Reed looked away, his jaw set. “I’ve tried. God knows, I have tried, but I can’t.”
Kathleen swallowed a sob. “Then I do not see any future for us together. Go back to Chimera and leave me in peace!”
He leapt forward to pull her into his arms. Pinning her to him, his arms like iron bands about her, his eyes blazed into hers. “I won’t let you go, Kat! You are mine, and you will remain mine until time itself ends.”
Kathleen wilted against his broad chest, her head resting above his beating heart. “Oh, Reed,” she sighed wretchedly, “is there no answer for us?”
Dominique finally arrived in Savannah. Upon finding Reed and Kathleen in residence at Emerald Hill, he prepared to rent a room in town. While he wished only to spirit Isabel away with him as quickly as possible, he understood her reluctance to leave Kathleen at this time.
Reed surprised them all by offering to let Dominique stay at Chimera. “It is a long ride to and from Savannah each day, and you will need all your strength to court your lady love,” he explained sourly. “To be completely frank with you, Dominique, the sooner you can get Isabel off my hands, the happier I will be. The woman is a veritable tigress, despite her diminutive stature. Are you sure you are not biting off more than you can chew?”
Dominique laughed heartily. “You may be right, Reed, but what else can I do? I am fatally and entirely bewitched by her.”
“I know the feeling,” Reed sighed.
“I do not mean to interfere, but if you and Kathleen could straighten matters out between you, Isabel would be more willing to leave with me. I am anxious to try my hand - as a legitimate businessman, and the hotel I have bought in New Orleans needs a woman’s touch. Isabel is sorely needed.”
Reed glowered. “I will tend to my business; you tend to yours,” he growled. “You could always truss her up and carry her off in the night.”
Dominique’s brows rose. “A captive bride?” he exclaimed.
Reed continued to glare at him. “Yes,” he hissed, “and it would please me immensely if you could manage to abduct that blasted parrot at the same time!”
The tension at Emerald Hill rose to unbearable heights in the next few days. Reed constantly pressured Kathleen to return to Chimera, and her obstinate refusals angered him. In turn, Kathleen’s insistence that Reed swallow his pride and accept Erin as his daughter despite the lack of proof enraged him further. His mind and emotions were in constant turmoil; and the more he fought them, the more confused he became.
Finally, in desperation, he threw a few necessities in a saddle bag, and informed Kathleen he was leaving.
She asked fearfully, “Where are you going? How long will you be?”
“I don’t know, Kat,” he sighed wearily, deep sorrow turning his eyes to a dark sapphire. “I only know we can not go on as we are. I need some time alone, to think things through. Whatever decision I come to will affect all our lives, the choice I make must be the right one.”
The finality of his tone frightened her. She flew into his embrace, and he drew her to him and kissed her one last time before he left. They clung to one another like two frightened children lost in a forbidding forest. Their arms and lips said what neither could voice aloud—a fragile hope that somehow their world would right itself once more and let them find the happiness they had lost. Grief etched harsh lines in both their faces, as Reed released her and walked swiftly away.
He rode southwest, away from the towns and the coast, into the dense wild pine forests. Come nightfall, he made camp. As he stared into the flames of his fire, he thought of Kathleen and all she meant to him. He thought of the rosy-cheeked baby girl, who might or might not be his daughter. The infant was an innocent victim in this turmoil surrounding her conception. She would, in years to come, grow to be a beauty, just like her mother ....
Many conflicting thoughts raced round and round in Reed’s head, jumbling his mind, with no clear-cu
t solution at hand as his stubborn pride battled with his love for Kathleen. With a weary sigh of exasperation, Reed lay back in defeat and tried to get what rest his tormented heart would allow.
Morning brought the dawn, but no resolutions, and after fixing himself a meager breakfast, Reed traveled on. Around noon, he unexpectedly came upon a band of gypsies camped in a secluded glade. Seated upon his stallion, Reed was unobserved as he sat watching them. His mind darted back in time to the day long ago when he and Kathleen had visited a similar camp near Chimera. Kathleen had become upset over something the old fortune teller had said, and Reed had had a few choice words for the old hag. Then the woman had read his palm, telling him what lay in the future for him and for Kathleen.
Now, as he sat astride Titan, Reed could almost see the old soothsayer before him. Word for word, he could recall the woman’s warnings. Her wavering voice was clear in his mind:
“Your young wife is more complex than you can imagine. You and she will have your trials, but if you cling firmly to your love, you can win her. Even should you discover she has deceived you in some way, hold fast to her.
“You will reach a crisis in your marriage. You will know it when it comes. Beware! At this time, do not flee from her, for if you do, you may lose her forever. You must curb your anger and use understanding as your truest weapons. Your life and marriage will be resolved if you can learn to temper your anger with love and kindness.”
Reed frowned. He had only recalled the old woman’s words once before, when he had discovered Kathleen’s dual identity as Emerald, and found it had been she who had been attacking his ships. He had flown into a rage, and had left her, only to return and find Kathleen gone. Chasing her over the ocean, he had caught up to her, and against all odds, they had saved their marriage and the precious love they shared.
Reed had thought the witch’s prophesy fulfilled then. Now he wondered. That crisis seemed mild compared to the one they faced now.
Ashes and Ecstasy Page 39