by Susan Lewis
‘The fuck did I steal your money. I was the one who worked his ass off, day in day out ...’
‘OK, Will, let’s cool it,’ Harry cut in, putting a hand out to stop Will coming any closer. ‘We seem to be losing the plot here, because this isn’t about why you two broke up, or why you, Ems, live here, it’s about my niece, your daughter and what Clive here has come to tell us. I saw him downstairs, so I know about the car. Have we moved on from there?’
Feeling her heart thudding with stress and fatigue, Emma leaned against him as she said, ‘Not really.’ Then, looking shamefacedly at Andrews, ‘I’m sorry. I don’t know what you must think of us ...’
Holding up a hand to stop her, Andrews said, ‘You’re under a lot of strain here, both of you, and letting off some steam isn’t a bad thing, but all that really matters is Lauren. I know you haven’t lost sight of that ...’
Will scowled. ‘Don’t even think it. I want the name of the garage you took the car to,’ he told Emma. ‘I’m going to be suing them too.’
‘Will, please just stop,’ Emma groaned.
‘What? We just sit there and let them get away with this?’
‘No one’s saying that,’ Harry reminded him, ‘and maybe in the end that is the way we want to go, but for now, at least, we should be focusing on Lauren.’
Will’s eyes remained fierce. ‘Are you trying to say I’m not?’ he challenged, looking as though he might take a swing.
‘Of course not,’ Harry said gently. ‘I know how much she means to you. She does to all of us ... Oh Christ, Will,’ he choked as Will suddenly started to break down.
‘Take my heart, take my brain, take anything,’ Will sobbed, as Harry caught hold of him, ‘just let her live. Please,’ he said to Andrews, as though Andrews could make it happen. ‘I don’t want to lose her. She’s my baby. She means everything to me.’
‘They’re doing everything they can,’ Emma reminded him, feeling herself detaching from his anguish as though it might in some way encroach on hers. She needed to keep herself separate, totally focused on Lauren in order to help her. Whatever anyone else felt had nothing to do with them.
‘I know that, I know,’ he cried, ‘but are we in the right hospital? Do we know we’re getting the best attention?’
Going very still Emma looked at him, and then at Andrews. ‘Are we?’ she asked.
Without any hesitation Andrews replied, ‘This is one of the best neuro centres in the country. Check it out on the Internet if you like, but I’m telling you, I have a daughter the same age as Lauren and if she was where Lauren is now, this is exactly where I’d want her to be. What’s more, in Farraday’s world, he’s about the best you can get.’
Emma’s eyes returned to Will.
‘I’m not saying I don’t believe you,’ Will said, ‘but he can’t object to a second opinion.’
‘I’m sure he won’t,’ Andrews told him.
There was a long, awful silence during which none of them seemed to know what to say next. Doubting Lauren’s treatment had thrown them into a new void of despair. In the end Will said to Emma, ‘We’ve got to find out why she was out there, on her own, in a place she didn’t know, at that time of night.’
To Andrews Emma said, ‘The only person who might be able to tell us is her friend Melissa, but her mother’s tried and Melissa keeps saying she doesn’t know.’
Andrews was in no position to comment on that, but he looked as sceptical as the rest of them. Melissa was one of Lauren’s best friends, and best friends always knew.
Chapter Fourteen
MELISSA WAS LYING on her bed surrounded by the cuddly toys she’d collected and treasured over the years. Until this weekend she’d thought she’d started to outgrow them, had even stored most of them in the back of a cupboard, but now she was clutching them to her, trying to draw comfort from their softness as she sobbed and pleaded with God to make Lauren all right. She hadn’t been able to go to school this morning and she knew Donna hadn’t gone either. They’d been texting each other, or speaking on the phone, ever since they’d found out about the accident, sharing their horror and grief, and trying to work out the best thing to do.
We can’t tell, Donna kept saying in her texts, we just can’t. If we do it’ll be like we don’t think she’s coming back and she is, because she has to.
Reading those words caused yet more grief and panic to rise up from Melissa’s heart, making her choke and gasp in utter despair. She kept feeling as though it was all her fault, even though she knew it wasn’t. Except she’d given Lauren an alibi for Saturday, and if she hadn’t Lauren wouldn’t be where she was now. She wanted to go and see her, to tell her everything was going to be all right, but she was terrified of confronting how badly she was hurt. She would go though, later, or tomorrow, or as soon as she was allowed to. For now it was only family, and every time Melissa thought of Emma she felt like screaming out, because she just couldn’t stand how awful this must be for her.
The local news was on now, but she had the sound turned down on her small TV because she didn’t want to listen to them saying again that Lauren was still in an induced coma. She knew that if anything changed her mother would be bound to hear and come to tell her straight away. She was living in dread of hearing her mother’s footsteps on the stairs, but she was longing for them too in case the news was good.
The nursery had moved back over to the church hall this morning, and Jilly and another helper were taking care of the children while Polly drove back and forth between the hospital and Emma’s house. She’d come home about half an hour ago and had been on the phone ever since. Melissa wanted to go to her, to see if there was anything she could do, but she knew what her mother would say, so she stayed where she was, unable to face any more questions about what she did or didn’t know.
Clicking on her mobile as it started to ring she said, ‘Hi, are you OK?’
Donna’s voice was tearful. ‘I don’t know, not really. I just can’t stop thinking about her.’
‘I know, it’s the same for me. It was on the news again just now, but I didn’t listen. Anyway, I think it was really only about the boy who was driving, because they showed his dad getting into a car with a woman who I suppose was his mum. I don’t know.’
‘Have you seen Lauren’s mum yet?’
‘No, she’s still at the hospital. My mum’s been taking things in for her. Lauren’s dad’s still there, and her uncle Harry. I wish they’d let me see her, she might speak to me.’
‘That’s what I was thinking,’ Donna confided. ‘Do you think they’ll let you see her without anyone else there?’
Not sure whether she wanted that to happen or not, Melissa said, ‘I wish you were here. It’s horrible having to deal with this on my own.’ It was Donna’s and Lauren’s secret, not hers, she shouldn’t have to be going through this at all.
‘I know, but I’m definitely coming at the weekend. My parents are going to drive me down.’
Hearing a knock on her bedroom door, Melissa said, ‘I have to go,’ and stuffing the phone back under a teddy bear she watched her mother coming into the room.
Polly’s face was drawn and pallid, her eyes heavy and raw. ‘How are you feeling now?’ she asked, coming to sit on the edge of the bed.
‘I don’t know really,’ Melissa answered shakily. ‘I just wish it hadn’t happened.’
‘I know,’ Polly soothed, stroking damp tendrils of hair away from Melissa’s face. ‘Emma just rang, apparently they’re going to leave her sedated for now.’
Melissa looked confused. ‘What does that mean?’
‘I’m not really sure, except Emma’s going to come home later to shower and try to get some sleep.’
‘So Lauren’s going to be left on her own?’
‘No, Will’s gone to his hotel now to try and rest. He’ll go back to the hospital this evening and stay through the night.’
Melissa turned her head to one side. Everything was so awful she hardly knew what to s
ay.
Taking Melissa’s hand, Polly watched her for a while, feeling the sheer horror of how it would be if she was on the verge of losing her precious daughter, the way Emma was with Lauren. The very thought of it was breaking her, twisting her, doing things that were so painful that she tried to shut her mind down.
When Melissa’s eyes finally came back to her, Polly said, ‘Why won’t you tell me where Lauren was before the accident?’
Melissa immediately turned away. ‘I told you, I can’t,’ she replied.
‘But darling, this is nonsense. Lauren’s fighting for her life ...’
‘And knowing where she was on Saturday isn’t going to make a difference, I promise you.’
‘It might to Emma. If she could understand why Lauren wasn’t with you when ...’
‘Oh Mum, please don’t keep asking, it’s just making everything ten times worse.’
‘But how? I don’t understand why you think you have to keep this secret ...’
‘Because it’s what she’d want, I know it, and Donna agrees, so please don’t keep trying to make me.’
Stifling a sigh, Polly said, ‘Look, it seems fairly obvious to me that it has something to do with a boy ...’
‘Why do you say that? You don’t know.’
‘OK, so tell me I’m wrong.’
‘You’re trying to trap me now and it’s not fair. I haven’t done anything wrong ...’
‘No one’s saying you have, but all this secrecy, Melissa. And what’s the story with the flute? She told her mother she was going to play it for you, but she didn’t even bring it into the house.’
‘I don’t know why she said that, or why she had it,’ Melissa cried truthfully. ‘All I know is that I made her a promise, and I have to keep it. If I don’t it would be like saying I don’t think she’ll get better, so is that what you want?’
‘No, of course not, but you surely understand why her parents want to know what took her out to that road in the middle of the night. If she hadn’t been there this wouldn’t have happened ...’
‘I know, but it did and none of us can change that, so please stop keeping on at me. I’m really upset about everything and I just want to be left on my own now.’
‘I spoke to Donna’s mother twenty minutes ago ...’
‘Why?’
‘Why do you think? Oh, Melissa, are you sure you fully understand what’s going on? Your best friend could die ...’
‘Don’t say that!’ Melissa sobbed, clasping her hands to her ears. ‘She’s not going to die. I won’t let her, do you hear me? She’s going to be all right.’
Getting to her feet, Polly said, ‘These questions won’t go away, Melissa, I hope you realise that. You’re going to have to answer them sooner or later, so I want you to start thinking about how much extra heartbreak you’re causing by holding back, when as far as I can see there’s absolutely no reason to.’
As her mother reached the door Melissa said, ‘Have you considered that I might be trying to spare Emma any more heartbreak? What she doesn’t know, she doesn’t have to worry about.’
Polly’s eyes held firmly to hers. ‘Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?’ she responded.
For a moment Melissa was tempted, but in the end she only shook her head. ‘You’ll tell Emma,’ she said, ‘and I’m really sorry, but Lauren really, really wouldn’t want her mum to know.’
Russ was standing with his back against Oliver’s bedroom door, his arms folded, his head throbbing with anxiety as he watched Oliver move away from his desk and slump down in the window seat to stare blindly out at the fields behind the house. It was a dull, dank day, with no wind to stir the trees or sunlight to enliven the landscape. It was as though the whole world had paused and was holding its breath, not sure if it could dare to breathe again.
Though the computer on Oliver’s desk was switched on, whatever he had been looking at before Russ came in had been closed down hurriedly the instant Russ had opened the door. Now, the only image on the screen was a design of jagged pieces floating and swirling across the surface, bumping into the sides and corners, sinking in on themselves, then beginning again.
‘I understand you’re angry,’ Russ said in the end, ‘and I don’t blame you, but your mother wants to see you, so ...’
‘I don’t care.’ Oliver didn’t turn round; he kept his eyes on the fields, his shoulders squared against his father as though he could somehow block out the reasons either of them were there. ‘I’ve got nothing to say to her,’ he went on roughly. ‘Or I have, but she wouldn’t want to hear it.’
Suspecting she probably wouldn’t, Russ said, ‘Maybe she needs to.’
Though Oliver’s head moved to one side, he said nothing.
‘I didn’t think she’d come here,’ Russ admitted. ‘Right up to the last minute, I felt sure she was going to back out ...’
‘She should have, because I don’t want to see her. If it weren’t for her it wouldn’t have happened.’
‘That may be true, but I’m sure you don’t believe she did it deliberately.’
‘It hardly matters whether she did or didn’t, the fact is I might have killed someone and if it turns out I have, it’ll be her fault, every bit as much as mine, but I’m the one who’ll have to pay.’
‘She will too, in her own way.’
‘Like hell she will. All she’ll do is get drunk and pretend it never happened. For Christ’s sake, she’s ruined my fucking life.’
Unable to dispute the likelihood of that, Russ continued standing where he was. He was searching for a way to reach his son, to find some words that would offer hope, or comfort, or some sort of rationale he could hold on to, but there wasn’t much rhyme or reason to what was happening to Oliver now.
Feeling the door moving behind him he was tempted to carry on blocking it, but in the end he stood aside, allowing it to open.
Sylvie’s eyes were anxious and beseeching as she looked up at him.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘He doesn’t want to see you.’
Flinching, she said, so Oliver could hear, ‘Please, Oliver, don’t be angry with me. I want to try and make this up to you ...’
‘Make her go away,’ Oliver growled. ‘I told you, I’ve got nothing to say to her.’
Realising he’d made a mistake in forcing Sylvie to come here, that he should at least have discussed it with Oliver first, Russ eased her back on to the landing.
‘What shall I do?’ she asked tearfully. ‘You said that I should speak to him ...’
‘I was wrong. I thought it might help, but I can see now that it won’t, not while he’s feeling like this.’
‘So how can I make him feel better?’
Sighing as he dashed a hand through his hair, he said, ‘You can’t, no one can, apart from the girl – and even if she makes it God only knows what kind of state she might be in.’
Covering her face with her hands, she muttered, ‘Maybe it would have been better if I had killed myself ...’
Marching her away from the door he said, furiously, ‘You don’t have the luxury of being able to talk like that any more. Your son is suffering in there, and all you can think about is yourself and how hard this is for you?’
‘But I am thinking of him ...’
‘Then prove it. Check yourself into any clinic and start drying out.’
Shrinking from him, she said, ‘You make it sound so easy, but it is very hard to do what you are saying.’
‘And how hard do you think all this is for Oliver?’
‘I know it is difficult, but I know you, you will make it all right for him. You have friends in the police, right at the top. If you ask them, they will make it go away ...’
‘Are you out of your mind?’ he cried savagely. ‘There’s no making something like this go away, not for anyone. A girl is dying – for all we know, she’s already dead. Either way, your son is going to pay with his licence, his conscience, even his freedom. How does that make you feel, Sylvie?
Are you proud of what you’ve done? Has it sunk in yet what all this really means, or are you, even now, so desperate for a drink that you can’t take it in?’
‘It is you who gives me the need for a drink. I am afraid of you when you are like this.’
His eyes flashed. ‘Your excuses sicken me,’ he told her harshly.
‘What are you doing?’ she demanded as he started back along the landing.
Turning round, he said, ‘I’m going to check on Oliver, then you and I are going to get on the phone and find a clinic that’s able to take you today.’
‘No, no, we must talk about this some more. I need to ...’
‘There’s nothing left to discuss,’ and pushing open the door to Oliver’s room he closed it on her cries of protest.
‘Why don’t you knock?’ Oliver snapped, quickly closing down his computer again.
‘I’m sorry, I should have,’ Russ apologised. ‘I just wanted to make sure you’re all right.’
‘Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?’
Watching him walking back to the window, a man and yet still a boy, Russ said, ‘I got it wrong about bringing your mother here, I can see that now. I thought ... I guess I was hoping to use you to make her see sense, and you’ve already got enough to be dealing with.’
Oliver shrugged and kept his back turned.
After a lengthy silence, during which he was overcome as much by helplessness as frustration, Russ said, ‘Now may not be the best time, but at some point we’ll have to work out how we go forward from here.’
‘We can’t go forward, until we know what’s going to happen to ... to ...’ As his voice started to falter Russ went to put a hand on his shoulder.
Oliver’s attempt to shrug him off was only half-hearted. ‘I keep seeing her face,’ he whispered hoarsely. ‘I mean when she hit the car, but that doesn’t make sense, because I know I didn’t see her then. It all happened too fast.’