by Lux Miller
“Oh fuck… fuck, Emily… I can’t… I can’t stop…”
I silence him with a fevered kiss before he can say anything else. He grunts into the kiss as his entire body tenses up. I feel it all over, including inside of me as his cock quivers with his release. As I pull back, he stares at me in disbelief, shaking his head.
I raise one eyebrow, shrugging, “I just got off, Luca… it was amazing, trust me.”
Luca shakes his head furiously and opens his mouth to say something, but shuts it just as quickly with a dumbfounded look on his face. I tilt my head to the side, “What’s wrong?”
He swallows hard and nudges at me to get off him. As I do, he slides free of me, and I look down. I see his softening dick and go to retrieve the condom to throw it away. That’s when I realize why he’s panicking. Instead of the thin layer of latex that’s always separated us, the only thing covering him now is a thin layer of slimy bodily fluids, mine and his.
With a gasp, I jump off his lap. “Luca! You came inside me without a condom?!?”
He blushes, slicing one hand through his hair as he looks away, unable to meet my gaze. “I… I couldn’t stop, but fuck, it felt amazing, Emily. I… I’ve never had sex without one… but I’m clean, I swear.”
Both of my hands fly to my face as I pace back and forth in front of him, muttering, “No, no, no… when is Franco coming back? This is bad, this is really bad…”
Luca sighs as he shrugs his shoulders and stands up off the chair. He rubs my back gently and apologizes profusely, “I didn’t mean to… it just, felt so good, and I got off so fast. I never get off that fast… I can usually last twenty minutes or more… but it just hit me like a hurricane. I couldn’t stop. I don’t have any diseases, I swear!”
I stop my pacing and look him straight in the face, “Luca, I’m not worried about diseases!”
He looks confused for a moment, so I clarify, “What you just did - that’s how babies are made!”
Luca’s face falls as panic sets in. He shakes his head quickly, muttering, “No, no, no…”
I nod, giving him a ‘duh’ look. “I know! That’s why I’m freaking out…Babies complicate things. I’ll take a Plan B pill… it will be okay. Neither one of us wants babies right now. Well, you don’t want them ever because you have some sick, twisted notion that you’re a demon, which couldn’t be farther from the truth. Demons don’t have feelings, not like what we just shared… oh fuck… Dante has surgery first thing tomorrow! I promised I’d go with him...
“Give me your keys… I’m going to the drugstore today. This can’t wait. It may make me sick for a couple days, but I can’t afford to give your little swimmers a fighting chance… I should have stayed firm and made you keep your ass in bed! No more sex until we’re sure I’m not… not—”
Luca nods and yanks his sweatpants back on, then shuffles over to the bed. I run around the room like a chicken with my head cut off, tugging on a tank top and a pair of panties, followed by shorts. I look at Luca, and he slowly slides back into the bed, looking exhausted.
“Who’s on duty?”
Luca winces and motions at the door. “Mike… he’ll take you to the store. I’m sorry, Emily…”
I blink, surprised to hear an apology from the man who gives no fucks. I stare at him in silence for a moment before walking over to the bed and leaning over him to kiss his lips quickly. “Plan B will make sure nothing happens, but we have to be more careful… the chaos of a crime family in upheaval is no place to raise children…”
Luca nods, his voice quiet as he responds, “Don’t think I’m not reminded of that every day of my existence. My father has never let me forget the risk he took by bringing me into this world. In return for his generosity, he turned me into a machine. A criminal mastermind with a black hole for a heart… he traded my humanity for the promise of a guaranteed heir. He broke me. I can’t, I won’t bring a child into this world just to break them… I’d rather die before hurting anyone I loved.”
My heart aches for him as I see the utter devastation on his face. I grab his hand and squeeze it gently. “You still haven’t scared me away, Luca. I think there may be hope for you still… you see, a wise person once said that hearts are a funny thing… they can be maimed, tattered, bruised, and betrayed, but the wildest of us… the stallions that were born to run free… they are the wild hearts that can’t be broken.”
EIGHT
Last night may have been the most embarrassing moment of my life. After throwing on the first clothes I could find, I ran downstairs and practically barreled straight into Mike. He snagged me by both arms with a concerned look on his face and gave me a silent tilt of his head when I blurted out, “Condoms! I mean, uh… I need… oh fucking hell, just take me to the store… please.”
He remained dangerously quiet as he followed me into the CVS that isn’t far from Luca’s sprawling estate. Though I tried to be discreet and disguise my purchases from his prying eyes, there’s no keeping secrets from a man who’s protected the mob for thirty plus years. Especially when I announced that I’d be heading straight to the aisle where wanton lovers go.
He didn’t say anything about the collection of personal care items that I tossed onto the counter - lube, several boxes of condoms, spermicide… no, his interest wasn’t piqued until the young pharmacist dropped the damning blue and white box onto the counter with a smirk.
Mike coughed as it landed face up with the name of the emergency contraceptive written out in bright blue letters. They even embellished the box with swirls and swooshes to make it look fancy. Seriously, who in my position would care what the fucking box looks like. Forget the packaging. Just stick it inside a chocolate bar and make everybody happy.
I paid for my purchases as quickly as I could and tried to ignore Mike’s imploring look as we walked back to the car. I cracked open the twenty ounce drink, popped the little white pill out of its blister package, and downed the stupid thing before Mike could ask any questions.
That was last night and Mike still hasn’t brought it up. I can’t say I’m particularly devastated that he isn’t mentioning my obvious indiscretions, but I do wish he’d say SOMETHING. Especially since he’s been giving me the silent treatment in this hospital waiting room for the last three hours.
The nurse said Dante’s surgery could take anywhere from two hours to six depending on the severity of the scar tissue and how well the injury has healed. He did mention that they would be rebreaking the wrist if it had fully set so they could wire it into proper position before attaching half a dozen rods and pins into the joint. Other than that, the doctor assured me that I would have time to do almost anything I wanted while my boyfriend was in surgery.
I didn’t correct the doctor. It wasn’t worth the effort. Now Mike is legitimately giving me stink eye as I sit curled up on the waiting room couch. I’ve sketched my way through half the book in an attempt to avoid his unnerving stare, but I can still feel his eyes boring into me.
Finally, I drop the sketchbook beside me on the couch and sit up, eyeing Mike warily, “What? Did somebody pee in your Cheerios this morning? I’ve never seen you in such a foul mood.”
Mike shakes his head and sighs. “What was that last night?”
I rub my hands over my face with a grunt. “Really? We’re having this discussion here? Now?”
Mike nods. “I know he can be a real ass sometimes, but Luca does have feelings. Feelings that he doesn’t hide nearly as well as he thinks he does. I’ve known him since he was in diapers. I changed those diapers. He ain’t no pussycat, but under all that bravado and badass attitude, he can still be hurt.”
I blink, a look of confusion on my face. “Uh, okay. Wait, what do you think happened yesterday?”
Mike clears his throat and slides his finger between his neck and his tie, looking uncomfortable. “Well, uh… based on the, um, supplies you got… I’d say you were, you know, engaged in certain activities…”
I know my face is scarlet as
a flush creeps across both of my cheeks. “Why would me having sex surprise you? It’s not like it was the first time… for either of us. It was stupid not to use a condom, I’ll give you that, but that’s why I got the Plan B!”
Mike’s mouth falls open and his eyes widen. It suddenly registers in my mind what he’s thinking and I gasp. “Mike! With Luca… you thought I was…? With? Ew… he’s like a brother to me!”
His mouth snaps shut suddenly as he shakes his head. Then he gets a completely different kind of concerned look on his face. It’s fatherly and his eyes crinkle at the corners as he narrows them at me. “Wait, what? You had sex with Luca last night?”
I groan, nodding as my entire face burns. I hide my neon face behind my hands and lower my voice so that it can barely be heard and hopefully only by Mike. “Yes. You thought I’d fucked Dante?!?”
Mike shrugs his shoulders and looks away, bouncing his leg nervously. “I… I didn’t know. It wouldn’t be the first time they shared a woman, though last time it was Luca who slept with Dante’s girlfriend and not the other way around.”
Narrowing my eyes at him, I shake my head. “I didn’t sleep with Dante, though. I wouldn’t. Like I said, he’s like a brother to me… wait, what? Luca...with Dante’s girlfriend? You know what, I don’t think I want to know.”
Chucking, Mike shakes his head too. “Sorry, miss. I just assumed that what the guys were saying was true.”
I shiver as I think about what Mike is implying. “The guys? They’re saying I’m sleeping with both? The same guys who assumed I was available to anyone who wanted a ride?”
Mike nods. “Yeah. I told them they were full of shit. That Dante wouldn’t do that to Luca, despite the past. And that you were pretty hung up on Luca. I guess I know better even though the men aren’t convinced. Then with the panic last night, I just… I assumed you’d had sex with Dante and didn’t want to get pregnant.”
Shaking my head, I let a nervous laugh bubble out of my mouth. “Well, you were right about one thing. I don’t want to get pregnant. Not right now. Not when I’ve just realized I’m catching feels, when he’s healing from major trauma, and in general when his father hates me with every fiber of his being…”
Mike sighs softly, “Well, I don’t know much about feels, and while it’s true he’s healing from an attempt on his life, Matteo doesn’t hate you, Emily. I’ve known him over half my life. He’s a proud man, and he doesn’t do well with change, but he doesn’t hate you. He fears you.”
Now I’m giggling as I shake my head quickly. “Now I know you’re lying, Mike. Matteo doesn’t fear me. There’s no reason for him to. He could squash me like a bug or have one of his lackeys do it. I pose no threat to the man.”
Raising one eyebrow, Mike lowers his voice, “You really don’t see how much of a threat you do pose to him, do you? Luca is smitten with you. Matteo thinks that you will stand in Luca’s way of becoming the strong leader that he has raised Luca to become. Right or wrong, Matteo was raised on the mafia ideal that attachments equal weakness.”
I hold one hand up at Mike and he trails off as I do. “Wait… Matteo is married and has at least three kids. Why would he think love is a weakness?”
Mike cuts his eyes at me. “What Matteo and Bianca have is… hard to explain. They care for each other. Matteo would move mountains for her, but I don’t think they love each other. I take that back. I think Bianca loves Matteo and has learned to do so after thirty years of an arranged marriage, but Matteo doesn’t love her. Not for a lack of wanting to, but because he doesn’t know how. He’s too worried that loving anyone will make him vulnerable to attack.”
I nod as I understand his unspoken meaning. “He thinks being vulnerable is the same thing as being weak. That’s such a… sad existence.”
Mike nods slowly, brushing a hand over his chin. “I know. He’s gotten so paranoid, especially with the attacks. He’s always been protective, but lately, it just seems like he’s out of his mind with worry. Bianca and Noemi are under twenty-four hour guard and he barely lets them even leave their home. Noemi has gotten so resentful. But he thinks that the enemy will come after them to paralyze him.”
Worrying my bottom lip between my teeth, I ask softly, “Is he wrong?”
Mike shrugs. “That I can’t answer, but I don’t think whoever is responsible for the attacks is doing it to get to Matteo. I think that whoever is doing this is trying to prevent Luca from coming to power. The first attack. The reason we’re here - it was meant for Luca too. Luca is a powerful man, a dangerous man, and dare I say it, a better leader than his father could ever hope to be.
“If Luca claims the throne of New Orleans, he will be a formidable ruler. Taking him out now would cripple the Barresi family. Matteo and Enzo may officially outrank Luca, but everyone knows Luca is the head of the dragon and has been for a decade. You take out the head and the empire falls…”
I let Mike’s words sink in for several moments before I change the subject. “Could you not… tell anyone about what I bought last night? It was a solution to a problem that came from a bad decision. And Mike…?”
Mike looks down at me, his eyes soft instead of angry as they were before, “Yeah, Miss?”
I laugh, “First of all. Call me Emily. Second of all, you need to know that I…”
My words die in my throat as a scrub-clad nurse appears in the doorway to the waiting room with a clipboard in her hand. She calls out, “Barresi?” Every face in the dimly lit room turns to gape at me and Mike as we stand up and walk over to her. I can feel their eyes boring into my back as she pulls down the mask that covered her nose and mouth and motions for us to follow her.
Mike nudges me along in front of himself as he steps behind me to block most of the lookie-loos from staring. Once we are beyond the double-doors that lead to what I hope is the recovery area of the outpatient area of the hospital, Mike bursts out laughing behind me. This causes the nurse to whip around and stare at both of us incredulously.
I stop moving as the nurse focuses her withering stare on us. I feel like melting into a puddle in the floor as I imagine steam billowing out of her ears. She may not be a decrepit old ninny, but she’s not amused by Mike’s sudden outburst. He calms himself to a low chuckle as I turn around and look at him.
Shrugging, he slaps his knee, “Sorry, but there was a woman out there who was so caught up in staring at you with her mouth hanging open that she didn’t notice her kid whip it out and take a leak on one of the chairs. I told you that the name would draw attention. We should have checked him in under an alias.”
I hold both of my hands up in surrender. “Dante made that decision. He’s as stubborn as his brother and father. And since he’s the boss, there wasn’t much I could do to make him stand down.”
Mike raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean since he’s the boss? Dante isn’t a boss any more than I am. For that matter, truth be told, Dante doesn’t answer to Luca the way I do, either. Luca is my boss, but he’s not Dante’s.”
Shaking my head, I stare at Mike as surprise creeps up over my face. “What do you mean Luca isn’t Dante’s boss? You said he was essentially number three in the family…”
Mike shrugs, lowering his voice. “Now is neither the time nor place to discuss mob politics, but you need to know. Luca will be his boss eventually, but Dante isn’t technically mafia. While I’ve called Luca the heir apparent to the empire, it isn’t something passed down like a crown. It’s earned…”
A shiver slides down my spine as his meaning becomes uncomfortably clear. The nurse leads us to a small cubicle in a row of a dozen and motions us inside. She scolds us for talking and reminds us that people are here recovering from surgery. I nod at her sheepishly as she stomps out of the curtained-off room.
Mike sits on one side of Dante while I sit on the other, a stiff silence between us as Dante snores softly. He’s still sedated, but the nurse advised us he would be coming out of the hazy sleep soon. She warned that he may be groggy
and may say things that might be a bit on the unpredictable side, so she wanted us to be present in case he said something sensitive.
The nurse didn’t specify what she meant, but honestly, she didn’t have to. Even I understood her meaning without expounding upon her simple statement. According to Mike, Dante’s not a part of the crime syndicate and while I assumed he was, he still knows things most people don’t.
I tilt my head to the side as I eye Mike warily. “I guess I should be used to secrets and lies by now. I seem to encounter both more often than the truth. So tell me, how would Dante…” I bookend my final words with air quotes, “...earn it?”
Mike’s eyes widen. He chews his lip and I realize I’ve never seen the man look so nervous before. His entire mood seems off today. At first, I thought it was because he assumed I was bumping uglies with Dante. That air has been cleared and he’s still acting weirdly guarded. I open my mouth to tell him so when a groggy voice causes my stomach to drop.