by Lux Miller
I turn around from my place in the front pew and I gasp as I see that row after row, the sanctuary is filled with mourners in head to toe black. I hadn’t realized that a man that struck such fear into the city would be so revered in death, but not a soul stirs in the pews as the men at the front move into position to carry Matteo out of the church.
Once the lid is lowered on Matteo’s casket, Luca and Dante approach together. I can’t hear what they’re saying, but their lips are moving. Luca performs the sign of the cross, then leans over the polished wood and places a single kiss on the shiny surface. He then steps back and Dante does the same. When Dante stands, my heart skips a beat as Luca rests his hand on Dante’s shoulder. Just a heartbeat passes before Dante does the same to Luca, his cast-clad wrist resting against Luca’s broad back.
In the pew, Bianca and Noemi huddle together, their muffled cries rising above the murmurs of the crowd as a hymn is sung. One by one, the men at the front kneel beside the casket and take their position to transfer its weight to their shoulders. With Luca kneeling at the front of one side and Dante at the other, the men heave Matteo’s casket onto their shoulders.
Raw pain is etched into both Luca and Dante’s faces. Neither have healed from their physical injuries and both are still reeling from the torrent of grief that was unleashed that day in Matteo’s office. It’s impossible to discern between the physical and emotional pain. Both men simply look broken. As they walk slowly, side-by-side, out of the church, they exchange a knowing glance. The men that they’ve become may not blink, but inside, the little boys cry.
ELEVEN
It’s been days since Matteo’s funeral and the air in the house still hangs heavy with secrets and lies. Since Matteo’s passing, Luca has demanded that Bianca and Noemi move into the house and we’re all feeling the sudden closeness. It’s nearly impossible to navigate the house, despite its generous size, without running into someone. And since nobody is feeling particularly chatty, it’s made for a lot of awkwardness.
Noemi has moved into what used to be my room, which means I have moved into Luca’s with him. It’s not like it was a big change - half my stuff was in here already. It was really just making things official, but the knowing looks from Bianca and Mike and the silent treatment from Noemi have just pushed me further into reclusion.
The worst was literally running into Noemi on my way out of Luca’s room and her accusing stare that left me feeling like a cheap tramp. There’s nothing like the withering glare of a teenager to make you feel like you’re doing something wrong. I have avoided her at all costs as she seems to be a thunderstorm hell-bent on striking me down.
I’m content most days to stay huddled up inside Luca’s room, only sneaking downstairs to grab a quick bite to eat when I’m certain everyone else is asleep for the night, including Luca. If I make any motion to leave the room while he’s there, he always coaxes me back into bed where I inevitably end up naked and fucked. If I thought his sexual appetite was voracious before; it’s absolutely insatiable now. He wants it morning, noon, and night if he’s home.
Last night, he had the audacity to growl at me for pulling on one of his shirts, because I was cold. It’s gotten to the point that I’m almost thankful for the reprieve when he has business matters to attend to. Which of course he’s kept me in the dark about. I know there was a hushed meeting that took place downstairs in the locked room I’ve been warned away from.
Like an obedient little mouse, I haven’t snooped, but I can’t say that the curiosity isn’t eating me alive. I know that being nosy around the mafia gets people killed, but it’s already killing me to know what’s going on and why Luca has been in such a foul mood. I mean, I know he’s not dealing with his father’s death well, but something else is eating at him, too.
Then again, I have a pretty good idea what’s going on. Both Luca and Dante are sporting new bandages, and though I know nothing about the practices of their crime syndicate, I do know the importance of blood in their rituals. I am also aware of the new ring that Luca is now wearing on the necklace around his neck. I suspect it’s meant to go on his ring finger, but since he hasn’t removed the ring he originally wore, he’s wearing this new one tucked into his shirt.
I can’t say I haven’t examined it. Mostly when he’s been asleep. I don’t want him to think I’m being nosy, but when he won’t share the information with me, I have to sate my curiosity somehow. I suspect that despite Luca’s wishes, Dante has joined with the crime syndicate, and Luca has been elevated into his father’s position. This is strictly conjecture, but I know that rings like Luca’s new one aren’t something you pick up at the local jeweler.
The new jewelry is ornate yellow gold with an intricately carved ‘B’ surrounded by diamonds. The ring he wears on his hand is eerily similar, but with a different placement and numbers of diamonds. This is my biggest clue aside from the bandages on Dante’s trigger finger and Luca’s palm that something has happened. Neither of them is offering up any information, and I’m frankly too scared to ask. Luca’s been in a perpetual foul mood, and I don’t want to get my head bitten off.
My breath hitches as the I hear the door to our bedroom close. Sighing softly, I look up to see Luca prowling across the room to the bed. It must be his lunch hour and the way he’s eyeing me hungrily, I already know where this is going. I frown, then swing my legs around so they are hanging off the edge of the bed. I reach over and grab the remote, pausing the DVR where I spent the morning binge-watching some docuseries on baby penguins.
Closing my eyes for a moment, I inhale a deep breath and cross my arms over my chest, grabbing the bottom of the shirt and yanking it over my head. As I drop it onto the bed behind myself, I comment, “You know, we’re running low on condoms. If you’re going to maul me multiple times a day, please bring home more or prepare to start pulling out.”
Luca stops in his tracks as I flop back on the bed and lift my ass in the air to wiggle off my shorts. Two weeks of this and I know the routine by now. When he’s after a quickie, I know what to expect. He doesn’t want conversation and sweet nothings. He wants me naked as fast as possible. He raises an eyebrow when he sees I’m not wearing underwear.
I shrug in response and reply, “You’ve ripped off half of my underwear in your primal fuck fest over the last two weeks. I won’t have any left at this rate, so I just stopped wearing them. No need to take up any more of your time than is necessary, right?”
Luca flinches at the snotty tone of my voice. His eyes rake over my body and it’s obvious that he appreciates what he sees judging by the telltale bulge that appears in the front of his jeans. Instead of lingering on my nakedness, his eyes snap back up to mine. He looks angry. Great, now there’s no chance he’ll be gentle. I roll over onto my stomach and poke my ass in the air, my face resting against the comforter of the bed. “Just get it over with, Luca. I’m in no mood to argue today.”
I close my eyes and transport myself in my mind so that I’m somewhere else mentally as I prepare for him to slam into me from behind. It’s been his preferred position the last couple of days and it’s obvious why. It’s easy access, dirty, and quick. And he doesn’t have to see the look of longing that no doubt crosses my mind every time he fucks me without feeling anything. At least, that’s how it feels. Like I’m just a hole for him to shove his cock in to get his rocks off, then go about his day like it’s no big deal. He’d do just as well with a blowup doll.
I know that his plate is full and that he doesn’t have time for petty drama, but would it be asking too much for him to kiss me once in a while? Pretend that I’m worth more to him than a quick orgasm? To hold me in his arms like he used to do? Ever since his father’s murder, Luca has been distant, like he’s afraid to get close to anyone. And he’s pushed away everyone that cares about him, including me. In fact, I’d say he’s pushed me away the furthest.
I cringe as I feel his hands on my hips and brace myself for the sharp pain and dull ache that will follow whe
n he fucks me senseless without foreplay. It may not be necessary for all women to enjoy sex, but it’s nice when he bothers to loosen up the tight muscles between my legs, especially considering what my tiny body has to accommodate. And I miss the intimacy we shared when my pleasure mattered to him as much as his own.
He sighs heavily and slides his hands to my lower back, pressing down gently until I’m laying flat on the bed. I stiffen and glance over my shoulder briefly, afraid of what I’m going to see on his face. Never in a million years would I have been prepared to see what I do - tears. He’s not sobbing like a schoolgirl, but there is definitely wetness carving a path down his chiseled features.
All the air in my chest whooshes out in a startled exhale. I roll over on the bed, watching him carefully like he’s going to explode on me at any moment. Because how dare I question the authority of Luca Barresi. How dare I not bend to his commands. How dare I not milk his dick without questioning him. How dare I—
My thoughts are cut off abruptly by his voice and the two words that tumble out of his unfairly perfect mouth render me speechless. “You’re right.”
Complete and utter shock must flicker across my face, because he sits down on the bed beside me, bringing one hand up to the side of my face. I hate that I flinch when he touches me, but he hasn’t exactly been pouring on the charm lately and though he’s never hit me, in my experience, when a man brings his hand to your face, that’s what he’s going to do. Put you in your place when you step out of line. And considering I just took a ninety degree turn to ‘Bitchville,” it wouldn’t surprise me if Luca had more than one lesson to teach me.
He brushes his fingertips along the side of my face and I wince as the bandage now covering his hand scrapes against my cheek. My eyes drift shut, and I bite down on my bottom lip to stifle the surprised moan that threatens to escape. “Emily, I’m sorry…”
The words don’t quite register in my head as my eyes flutter open. For the first time since we watched his father die, his eyes appear calm. It’s startling, but I’m frozen in place as he caresses my cheek for what feels like the first time. Great, now I feel like crap for being such a bitch. “What? Luca, I…”
My words die on my lips as his mouth claims mine, timidly at first, like he’s afraid I’ll slap him. When I don’t jerk away or smack him, he sighs and slides his tongue along my bottom lip. I shiver and throw my arms around his neck, pulling him down on top of me. My fingers wind through his thick, tousled hair that hangs in waves when it isn’t styled with a handful of gel. He grunts as he topples over onto me, bracing himself on his forearms on either side of my head as he pulls away. He’s close enough that I can feel his breath on my moistened lips, but too far away to continue the intimate contact.
I sigh as he rests his forehead against mine. “Emily, I’m such an asshole…”
I nod because he isn’t wrong. But it isn’t completely his fault we fell into this pattern of sabotage. Complacency equals acceptance and I should have spoken up sooner. I drag my hand along his strong jaw and brush my fingertips up along his cheekbones. He tenses and I know he thinks I’m going to slap him, but I don’t. Even a street rat like me was taught not to kick someone when they’re down.
And truth be told, Luca’s been five seconds from self-destruct since they buried his father. Using me to sate his pent up frustrations through feral sex probably wasn’t the best way to deal with his emotions, but I didn’t exactly stop him. One could assume that my agreement to do it in the first place made it acceptable.
The truth is, both of us are broken. All the glue in the world won’t fix us, but it doesn’t mean we aren’t worth saving. It took falling into Luca Barresi’s bed to make me understand this. Now, if only I could teach him the same. Finally, I open my eyes and whisper, “I won’t argue with you there, but I knew what you were when I fell in love with you and I still allowed myself to fall.”
Luca grunts when I agree with him, but there’s no point in blowing smoke up his ass. I love the man, but if we’re ever going to truly work, we have to accept each other’s flaws. “Don’t worry, Luca… I’m not immune to the truth bomb train. I know I can be a total bitch, but I’ve been used enough in my life that I don’t need my boyfriend to do it too.”
He shakes his head, looking stricken. “I know. I shouldn’t… but God, the sex with you is so incredible that it… it just lets me be numb to all the other shit. My father was a smart and careful man, but fuck he left me a mess to clean up.”
I swallow hard as I slide my hand slowly down his body and edge them into his jeans, untucking his shirt slowly. “Then numb yourself to the pain…”
He tenses, shaking his head as he reaches down to stop my hands. “Emily, I can’t keep mindlessly fucking you every time something goes wrong in my life. I can’t trade what we have for peace of mind, because losing you will destroy me.”
I nod, wrenching my hands free of his and unbuttoning his shirt slowly one button at a time. I push his shirt open and brush my hands over his muscled stomach and gingerly drag my fingertips over his healing wound. It’s just an angry pink scar now, but it traverses his midsection, marring up his otherwise perfect skin.
I let my fingers trace along the tendrils of his tattoos and whisper, “I’m not going anywhere, Luca… I’ve watched you murder a man, I’ve watched Dante murder your father…” He flinches at the mention of his father’s death, but keeps his gaze on me as I push his shirt off his shoulders and drag my fingertips down along the muscles of his back.
“I’ve seen you do horrible things, unforgivable things. But I’ve also seen you protect the innocent. Free them from the demons that control them. The men you have sent to their reckoning in the process were not saints, Luca. Every man has his sins, and it was time they faced theirs. One day, you will atone for yours...”
As my fingertips reach his waistband, I glide them along his stomach until they settle on the button of his jeans. I pop it loose easily and lower his zipper, sliding my hands along his waist until they rest on his back. I smirk as I slide my hands into both his jeans and his snug boxer briefs at the same time. I push my hand down over his toned ass and peck his lips softly as he groans.
I smile softly and continue, “We all will, for no man on this Earth is perfect. But I know that we… you and I… we’re molded from the same clay. This life we lead isn’t black and white… it’s muddled and grey…”
As I push his jeans and underwear down to his thighs, he shifts over me, undoubtedly kicking them off into the floor. “But you bring color into my life that I didn’t know could exist. You are the fireflies in my night that chase away the bad guys.”
Luca chuckles and pecks my lips softly as he nudges my legs open, settling between them with his strong hips grazing along my inner thighs. He lowers his voice to a whisper and replies, “I am the bad guy... I’m the thing that goes bump in the night. Emily, I’m the monster that hides in the shadows, waiting to pounce on innocent souls like yours…”
I bury both of my hands into his hair and tug his face to mine, kissing him hungrily like I’ve been starved. Murmuring against his lips, I sigh, “I’m not afraid of the darkness…”
He groans and rocks his hips into mine. I gasp into his mouth as he slides inside of me, igniting a fire deep inside that burns hotter every moment he pushes deeper. I tear my lips away from his and murmur into his ear as I wrap my legs around his waist, “But no more lies. No more secrets.”
I grab one of his hands and place it on my chest, in between my breasts, flattening his bandaged hand against my chest as my heart thunders underneath. He shudders, his eyes drifting shut. “It beats for you, Luca, but if you want my heart, you have to give me your trust.”
Luca tenses as he rolls his hips into me. He nods and jerks his hand away. I open my eyes in surprise as he brings his hand up to his mouth and he rips the bandage off with his teeth. He then brushes his palm over my lips. I kiss the torn skin, wincing as I realize how deep and wide the cut is. “What i
s this, Luca?”
Luca sighs as he bites down on his bottom lip. The look in his eyes is conflicted. He’s warring with his inner self. He snaps his eyes shut and a shiver envelops his entire body. “It’s my oath to the family… to serve and protect… as I fulfill my father’s final wish…I am now the acting Boss of the Barresi crime family.”
I gasp as my heart leaps. I’m terrified for what this means for us, but I know that what he just told me was likely one of his most closely guarded secrets. Both of my hands fly to my mouth as my eyes widen, “Luca…”
He shakes his head, bringing his forehead down to mine again as he threads his hands into mine. He pushes our hands up over my head, pinning them to the mattress as he sets a gentle, steady rhythm of thrusting inside me. “Don’t. No more talking. Let our bodies say what we need to say. Just make love to me.”
I watch his languid movements as his body moves in time with mine, his muscles bunching and relaxing with each gentle thrust. His eyes feast on me like he’s a starved man. My head is spinning and my entire body is burning as emotion floods into me. It’s almost more than I can handle as my mind begins to short-circuit. He leans down over me and kisses along my collarbone and up to my neck, nibbling on my ear as he grunts with his building release.