by Lux Miller
Luca has been careful not to wear his emotions on his sleeve, but I can see his hand underneath table ball into a fist as the judge announce that his case will be dismissed. I lean over and wrap my arms around Dante in relief. He chuckles softly and loops one arm around my shoulders, pulling me against his side.
I grin up at him and blow out a relieved breath, my bangs fluttering in front of my face. “I can’t believe we did it. Is it… this is really over? There won’t be a trial? Luca’s a free man?”
Dante nods and looks down at me, grinning. “Yeah, princepessa, it’s over. After some paperwork and some legal intricacies, he’ll be a free man in the eyes of the law. The judge was sympathetic, but I suspect the old man is as familiar with Andre Norris as he is with Luca. Reputations precede men in this city and that’s not always a bad thing. Luca’s no angel, but from the standpoint of a man with daughters, or a wife, or a sister… or any woman in his life that he cares about, Luca’s far from the devil.”
I narrow my eyes at Dante as he stands up beside me. “So Luca’s the good guy?”
Dante shrugs his shoulders and sighs slightly. “Emily, I’ve told you before that we all have our demons, and Luca is no exception. He isn’t the demon he wants everyone to believe, but I wouldn’t call him a good guy. While he’s never targeted an innocent, I cannot with good conscience tell you that he’s never hurt one. There are always casualties of war, on both sides, and sometimes innocent people end up in the crossfire.”
I gasp and stop moving, grabbing Dante’s hand so that he can’t get too far away from me. He stops and looks over his shoulder, shaking his head. “Not here, Emily.”
I nod and follow him silently outside, sitting down on the courthouse steps to wait for Luca. Dante sits down beside me and looks over at me, like he knows I’m not going to let this go. Inhaling a deep breath, I ask him, “Are you saying that some of Luca’s body count… is innocents? He’s so adamant on not involving innocents… how?”
Dante turns to face me fully and exhales a breath. “Emily, his secrets are not mine to tell, but there’s a reason he’s the way he is. You already know that he was young when he became a made man. What you don’t know… is that he wasn’t a man at all. He was sixteen years old and the blood that made him…”
I shake my head wildly, keeping my voice low so that our conversation can’t be overheard. “Please tell me he didn’t hurt or kill someone who was innocent…”
Dante levels his gaze at me, “All I can say, is that it wasn’t his intention.”
I feel my heart skip a beat as Dante looks at me, his face completely serious. He rests his hand on my arm and adds, “I really shouldn’t tell you this, but maybe it will help you understand some of the darkness that Luca buries deep inside of him. She was his girlfriend at the time. Her father was involved in some serious drugs. Trafficking them through the city, and his supply was dirty. It was heroin that he marketed as clean, but it was laced with all kinds of hallucinogens. It’s a dangerous trade and one I’m thankful Luca is so abhorrently against.”
I rest my left hand on Dante’s knee, the ring gleaming in the late afternoon sunlight. “So, it wasn’t just your involvement with drugs that made him so against it?”
Dante shakes his head. “No, but my involvement sealed the deal. Mandy’s death set him down a dark and dangerous warpath. You have to understand, though, that her death was never part of the plan. She wasn’t supposed to be home. He was tasked with slipping in, taking out the cartel leader, and leaving. Her father was the target, and he used Luca’s feelings for Mandy to try to accomplish an agenda that ended with the deaths of three people - Mandy included. She was sixteen, like Luca.
“The man must have been tipped off to Luca’s intentions. He used his own daughter as a human shield and demanded that Luca surrender himself in order to save her. Luca refused, as any sixteen-year-old hothead would do. Who the fuck was this man to demand that Luca bow to him? Luca bowed to no one except our grandfather, who’d sent him on the task in the first place.
“When Luca attacked, the man returned fire…”
Dante pauses to inhale a deep breath and hold it for several moments before releasing it. Then he looks down at me, and I can see the sorrow written on his face. “The bastard pushed her into the line of fire, didn’t he?”
Dante nods. “Luca wasn’t able to save her, despite his best efforts. He went savage, killing two of the man’s associates before he was subdued by our father. Mandy was still alive when he was dragged out of the warehouse, but she didn’t survive the night. Her father escaped into the night and hasn’t been heard from much since. When our father and Luca came home that night, we knew instantly that everything had changed.
“Luca was completely covered in blood, miraculously none of it his. But he never forgave himself for what happened. When our grandfather submitted him for initiation into la famiglia, Luca presented his bones with Mandy’s blood, because he felt responsible for her death.”
I shake my head wildly, a look of horror on my face. “He was a kid. How could he think that her death was his fault? Her death was her father’s fault!”
Dante nods sadly. “That’s the way everybody else sees it, Emily, but not him. He’s still haunted by her death. And any innocence that remained in him died with her that day. He became a shell of the vibrant person he once was, committed wholly to the cause of ridding the city of the ones who prey on innocents.”
I stare Dante down and shake my head. “Then why did he pull a gun on me?”
Dante glances over my shoulder and his expression darkens as a shadow falls over me. “Because I didn’t know at the time that you were just as lost in the criminal underworld as I once was…”
ELEVEN
I whirl around on the step and look up at the owner of the shadow. As my eyes meet his, my body shudders. “Luca, I…”
He shakes his head down at me, then looks over at Dante, who hops up off the step beside me so fast, I don’t even have time to protest. He bends down and kisses the top of my head and murmurs, “That’s my cue to get lost. I’ll see the two of you at the house tonight. I’ve some errands to run anyway, and some things to settle.”
I sit there on the step, dumbly staring up at Luca. I open my mouth to try to explain why Dante and I were having such an in-depth discussion about him, but the words don’t come. He raises one eyebrow and sits down on the step beside me. “Emily, if you really wanted to know the kind of monster you married, you should have asked before you agreed to it.”
He reaches over and takes my hands in his, squeezing them gently. “I know I don’t say it nearly enough, but I love you, Emily. I know I can have a shit way of showing it sometimes, and I know that we didn’t start off anywhere in the vicinity of normal. And that’s something I can’t promise you. I can’t promise that our life together will ever be normal. If you choose to stay, of course. You’ve saved my ass, so if you want out… I’ll understand.”
I shake my head at him and squeeze his hands tighter. “Luca… if I wanted out, I’d have been long gone before now. Despite your stubborn insistence that you’re some kind of demon who doesn’t deserve to be loved, I do. I love you. And there’s not a damn thing you can do about it, either. I meant those vows, Luca. Hawaii, Piacere… they’re my past. New Orleans… and most of all, you… are my future. Like it or not, Luca, you can’t get rid of me that easily.”
Luca narrows his eyes at me and for the first time, I see something etched on his face that truly catches me off guard - uncertainty. “But Dante told you about Mandy. About how she died, and why she died. Because I was too weak to save her…”
I shake my head and turn toward Luca to wrap my arms around his neck. I fiddle with the hairs at the nape of his neck that have just begun to curl. “You were a kid, Luca. She died because her father put his business ahead of his family, not because of you. Think about it, baby… even if you hadn’t been there that night. Even if you hadn’t been dating Mandy, her father was th
e kind of man who was willing to put his own daughter into the crossfire of a gun fight.
“Men are supposed to protect their daughters, not the other way around. For all your father’s faults, he made sure that your mother and sister were protected from his business. He may not have been a good man… and truth be told, you may not be either… but you’re far more good than you want to believe.
“When you walk the tightrope between good and evil, life isn’t as easy as black and white. It’s a million different shades of gray and those shades may vary from day to day. You couldn’t save Mandy, but do you realize how many innocent girls you have saved? Me included…”
Luca’s breath catches in his throat, and he shakes his head. “I almost shot you.”
I nod. “I know, but you didn’t. You cannot keep punishing yourself for what-ifs and could-have-beens, Luca. The only way this marriage ends is if you end it.”
Luca relaxes slightly beside me and leans down to capture my lips in a chaste kiss. He brings his hand up to the side of my face and strokes his fingertips along my cheekbone as he pulls away. He rests his forehead against mine and murmurs, “Then I’m afraid you are stuck with me forever, because I’d be a fool to walk away from the only woman who can still make me feel.”
I smile and pat his cheek, then pull back from him and climb to my feet. I glance down the courthouse steps and incline my head at Mike to acknowledge him. “I know you’ve business matters to attend to, and Mike’s waiting for me anyway, but… we need to discuss some things if we’re going to make this marriage work.”
Luca nods and climbs to his feet too. “I figured as much. First comes love, then comes marriage… and all that…” His hand passes over my stomach so lightly that I barely feel it. I do, however, notice the flash of change to his demeanor. It’s brief, but a rare flicker of vulnerability mixed with pain plays across his face. As quickly as it materializes, it’s gone, and Luca’s face returns to his normal, stoic expression. He nods his head at Mike, then leans down and kisses the top of my head. “We’ll talk about it, I swear… just not now, okay?”
Nodding quickly, I stand up on my tiptoes and press my lips to his softly. “We have a lifetime together to make these decisions, Luca. I’m in no hurry. Just knowing that you’re even entertaining the idea is enough. Now go, be Mr. Big and Bad and go blow some houses down. I have an appointment with Netflix, a glass of wine, and the bag of chocolate bars I stashed under our bed.”
I turn and walk down the steps to where Mike is waiting with an amused expression on his face. He raises one eyebrow at me, “Trouble in paradise?”
I shake my head, the corners of my mouth tugging up. “Tell me about Luca, before he was made.”
Mike makes a choking sound, bending over with the effort of coughing to clear his throat. “Miss Emily…”
I hold one hand up. “Don’t tell me it’s not your story to tell. I’m tired of being fed that bullshit. It’s your story too, Mike. Stop pretending like you’re just some guy that Matteo hired for security. You’re far more than that, and you know it. You always have been. In fact, I’d say that’s why Marco is in such a foul mood lately. He doesn’t seem to understand that the most important positions within the family aren’t those with lucrative assignments and running into buildings with guns blazing.
“Matteo put his ultimate trust in you years ago when he assigned you to his wife and children. He may have assigned Paul and Marco to be his personal detail, but he gave you the most important position of all. So don’t tell me that you weren’t there. Don’t tell me it’s not your place to tell me. If we’re being honest and frank here, Mike… Luca, Dante, and Noemi may have been Matteo’s children, but you raised them.”
Mike grunts uncomfortably, and I can tell I’ve hit a nerve. I sigh and rub my hand over my face, changing the subject with a hefty dose of fake cheerfulness in my voice. “Hey, I’m exhausted. The worry of the trial really took it out of me. Can we just go home? I’ll make eggplant parmesan.”
He nods gratefully, and we walk to Luca’s car in silence. He opens the backdoor for me and I climb inside, quiet as a mouse. My big mouth has gotten me into a lot of uncomfortable conversations today already. Maybe someday I’ll learn to keep my mouth shut. I sigh heavily in the backseat and fiddle with the hem of my skirt as Mike gets into the front seat and pulls away from the courthouse.
The ride through downtown New Orleans is devoid of conversation as the passing traffic outside serves as the soundtrack to our trip. Mike hasn’t said a word, and I know that I struck a nerve with my earlier comments. I wasn’t trying to make him mad, but it was high-time someone pointed out that while he may not have an official title, Mike is pretty damn important in la famiglia. He’s not just a hired gun… he’s as much family as any of the others. And from what I’ve seen, even more so behind closed doors.
I sit with my nose pressed against the tinted glass of the backseat of the car, watching the city whiz by house after house, business after business. People walking along the streets are going about their daily lives as if nothing has changed. And for everyone else, it’s just another day. For me, it could very well be the first day of the rest of my life.
There’s a small voice in my head that’s yelling at me that Luca has no use for me now. He’s a free man, exonerated of all charges related to the disappearance of Andre Norris. Despite our nearly nine-month old relationship, my stomach boils with the fear that Luca’s going to let me go… or worse. People don’t just walk away from the mob.
A shiver slides down my spine, and the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand up as a soft trio of beeps shatter the silence. I sit back from the window and look up at the rearview mirror. Mike’s eyes are on the road as he continues to drive, ignoring the beeping. The sound repeats itself, and Mike rolls his eyes. He looks up at the rearview and catches me watching him.
With a heavy sigh, he turns into the nearest gas station and pulls over to the side of the building, under the awning. He turns around in his seat and speaks to me curtly, “Stay put. I’ll see what’s going on.”
I nod, but the uneasy feeling that settles over me makes it hard to breathe in the humidity of New Orleans. Mike opens his car door and climbs out, walking around the car to examine it. He pops his head back into the driver’s side just long enough to pop the hood of the car and disappear again.
I sit there and fiddle with my thumbs as I wait to see what’s going on, but it’s starting to get hot and muggy inside the vehicle without the air running. I push my car door open and poke my head out. “Mike, how much longer is this going to take?”
His annoyed voice breaks through the heavy air, “I don’t know. I’m not a mechanic. But it seems that something’s wrong with the radiator. I have to let it cool off before I can open it up. Why don’t you look in the console and get some cash and go get us some drinks?”
I nod and clamber back into the car, then lift up the center console and reach inside to where I know Luca keeps a stash of singles. He may be a wealthy man, but even he won’t turn down a deal for a seventy-nine cent drink. I grab two dollar bills and wiggle back out of the backseat, kicking it closed with my foot.
I open my mouth to try to apologize for running my mouth uninvited earlier, but Mike holds his hand up like he already knows what I’m going to say. “Emily, it’s nothing you said. It’s just… some old wounds never heal. It’s hard to forget what you cannot forgive.”
I blink at his back as he continues to tinker under the hood, but I decide not to press the issue. I nod to myself and traipse across the parking lot. I glance back over my shoulder as Mike walks around the car to the trunk. I shrug to myself and go inside the convenience store, searching out the drink machine.
The blast of cold air that smacks me in the face the minute I step foot inside the store is both welcome and shocking at the same time. I drag the back of my hand across my forehead, frowning when it comes away with sweat dotting my skin. The true summer season doesn’t start for a mont
h and it’s already sweltering. It’s going to be an incredibly long summer. I’ve never missed the white-sand beaches and turquoise waters of home as much as I do right now. It might be just as hot in Hawaii as it is here, if not hotter, but there, I’d be living in a bikini on a surfboard.
I sigh and shake away the thoughts of a life that is no more. I couldn’t go back to Hawaii, even if had a way. The memories there are too raw, and there’s nothing left for me there, anyway. My home is now in the swamps of Louisiana with a handsome Italian man that makes my heart, and a whole hell of a lot more, throb with desire. I fan myself as I walk over to the drink machine and quickly fill up the largest Styrofoam cup I can find with fizzy goodness. I pop a lid on the drink and punch a straw through the lid, guzzling down an enormous sip before finding a booth tucked away near the little cafe that sits along the back wall of the store.