by Paula Kay
It had all been so wonderful—when her grandmother had come into Jemma’s life after so many years of not knowing her or even that she’d existed. Jemma now realized that she didn’t have to let her initial shock and confusion about the truth destroy the relationships that she had with either her mom or her grandmother.
She—and they—could decide how their family would look and the truth was that Blu had been the only mother Jemma had ever known. And she’d been a great mother to her. Jemma knew now that she didn’t want anything to change in their relationship—well, apart from the fact that she needed to change—to be a better daughter.
“Hi, Grandma.” Jemma smiled, missing them both.
Everyone was quiet for a few moments. Jemma could guess that they were wondering what it was that she had to tell them, and she wouldn’t prolong it anymore.
“I just really wanted to tell you both how much I love you.” She was crying now, but the tears felt so good—so real to her. She didn’t try to stop them.
“I love you too, honey.” It was her mom.
“We both love you so much.” Her grandmother sounded like she was crying too.
“Honey, I know I messed up—on keeping the truth from you for so long—but I just—I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want anything to change the fact that you’ve been my daughter for all these years. That’s the truth, Jemma—no matter what, that will always be the truth.”
Jemma had thought a lot about it over the past few days. She’d thought about her conversations with Maria and her relationship with her own sister Kylie—or more accurately Kylie, not actually her sister by blood at all—but it didn’t change anything for Jemma. She would always be Kylie’s big sister; and she knew in her heart that if she could imagine a circumstance like the one her mom had gone through when Jemma had been born—if that would have been her and Kylie—she would have made the same choices. She knew that now. It wasn’t hard to imagine.
“I know.” Jemma brought her attention back to the phone call and the two women in her life who loved her most of all. “And I know that you will always be my mother—and that you’ve always been there for me. And I’ve been such a brat lately. I know that now.”
Her mom was laughing lightly on the other end. “Well, you’ve been a teen-ager—that’s for sure.”
Jemma smiled. She’d been more than just a teen-ager. She’d put them all through way too much lately.
“And Grandma?”
“Yes. I’m here.”
“I’m just so thankful that you did come back into our lives—that everything had worked out the way that it had. I’ll admit that it’s all still strange when I think about it, but I think it will just take some time, ya know? But I’m not angry anymore. I only want to move forward.”
“Me too.” Her grandmother sounded like she was crying now as well.
“Jemma, you sound so grown-up all of a sudden.” Blu was laughing as she made the statement.
Jemma laughed also. “Well, I am about to turn eighteen, you know.”
“Yes, I do know. And I wish that you were here so that we could celebrate with you, honey.”
Jemma suddenly wished that too. She missed them. She missed her home. But she also knew that it was nearing the time that she’d say goodbye for just awhile. But for all the right reasons—not because she’d gone and lost her mind just a little bit. She smiled, remembering Gigi’s words that had made her laugh during one of the hardest times in her life.
She was starting to have an idea about what she wanted. She wasn’t ready to talk about it just yet but it was the first time in a long while that she’d felt true excitement for her future—for everything that was ahead for her—everything that Arianna had ever imagined for the little girl she’d called J-bean. Jemma smiled as she thought about Arianna and how much she’d love her.
“Jemma? Are you still there?” Her mother was asking.
“Sorry. Just a lot of thoughts going on in my head—all good, exciting thoughts.”
“I can’t wait to hear about that,” said Blu.
“Me too,” said Linda.
“Well, I will call you again in a few days. I promise. I should go now. We’re having a party here, but I needed to slip away to call you—to tell you both that I love you very much and I’m very sorry for everything I’ve put you through.”
“I’m the one that’s sorry, Jemma. And I love you too—very much,” said Blu.
“As do I, lovely girl. I can’t wait to see you soon,” said her grandmother.
“Mom, will you please tell Chase that I’m sorry too—and thank him for not killing me.” Jemma laughed. “And tell him that I love him.” She got a lump in her throat when she thought about how much Chase had been there for her—being the perfect father figure, yet never pushing her to accept him as such. But he’d been steadfast and steady in his role as someone she knew would always be looking out for her.
“I will. Sure.”
“And give Kylie the biggest squeeze for me. Tell her I’ll call her soon. I love you.”
Jemma got off the phone and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. She felt different. She felt older—like she was coming into the women she was meant to be.
Chapter 28
Jemma was sitting in the small living room area that she shared with Rafael. They were having a cup of tea and she’d brought her laptop out to check her e-mail. She loved the easy friendship that had been developing between her and Rafael over the past week. He’d been right about the fact that pursuing anything else—at least for right now—would have been a mistake. Jemma knew that now, because Rafael was turning out to be one of the best friends she’d ever had—certainly one of her best guy friends.
Over the past few days they’d spent hours talking—their nightly chats running well into the early hours of the morning. They were both at a crossroads—Jemma about to turn eighteen and everything that meant for her regarding the vast amount of money she was about to have access to—and Rafael with his own dream for a future that he’d finally shared with her. Rafael wanted to move to the city and start his own construction business.
Tonight they were enjoying an easy silence—Rafael reading a book and Jemma on her computer.
“Wow.” Jemma was in shock and didn’t even realize she’d spoken out loud.
“What is it?” Rafael looked up from his book.
Jemma didn’t even have time to think if it was a good idea to share the latest with Rafael—she was too surprised to second-guess her reaction.
“It’s Dex.”
A few nights ago, she’d finally told Rafael everything about Dex and their history together. She’d not held anything back and neither had he as he expressed his disdain for the guy who’d once claimed to love Jemma.
“What, Jemma? What’s going on?”
Jemma saw the concern on Rafael’s face and regretted that she’d brought it up without processing everything herself first. How did she feel? She wasn’t sure at all, but getting his e-mail had made her heart beat faster for a few seconds.
Fire. She’d be playing with fire. Entertaining any thoughts of Dex was a dangerous game—one she shouldn’t want anything to do with.
She turned her attention back to the e-mail and Rafael’s question.
“I just got an e-mail from him.”
“And?”
“And he’s back in San Diego. He didn’t say, but I’m guessing that means that things between him and his new LA girlfriend hadn’t worked out.”
Rafael rolled his eyes. “Shocking.”
Jemma had told him about Andrea and all the people they’d been living with—and partying with—in LA. Rafael had said that the idea of Jemma living in that environment seemed foreign to him—that even though he had seen her drunk and out of it since she’d been at the orphanage, he knew that it wasn’t who she really was—that she was much better than all that.
Jemma looked at Rafael carefully, debating if she should say more. “He says he wants me back�
��that I should come home to live with him and his brother.”
Am I even entertaining the idea?
“Jemma.” Rafael looked pained as he said her name. “No. You can’t even be considering that.” He reached over to put his hand on her arm and she didn’t pull away. “You’re not, are you?”
She shook her head slowly. Am I? “No. Not really.”
She knew Rafael was right—that she should be adamant about staying far away from Dex, but there was something about him—about her past with him.
It’s just a habit—he’s just a habit.
Her thoughts were much clearer lately. Gigi had been right about the good that it would do Jemma in coming to the orphanage. It had been the case that she’d had time to think about things—what she wanted in her life—here at the orphanage. At least it had once she’d stopped being such an idiot and given herself time to really think and feel. Ideas had been coming and she was close to putting together some next steps to making those dreams of hers a reality. Would she really discard all of that after one e-mail from Dex?
She shook her head as if doing so could brush away the disturbing thoughts from her mind. She closed her computer and stood up from where she’d been sitting next to Rafael, noticing his eyes on her the whole time. She needed to clear her head—to sleep on everything, trusting that she’d be able to make the right decisions when it came to Dex or anything in her life from now on.
She had to start trusting herself, and there was no reason not to. She’d learned that much from her experiences over the past two weeks—the good and the bad. She knew that she needed to grow up and stop hiding away from things—and she had been doing that. She just needed to keep reminding herself.
Rafael got up from his chair and gave Jemma a hug.
She loved how open he was with his emotions. It was a quality that she’d not seen in many guys—certainly not in any of the guys that she’d been hanging out with. She trusted Rafael and she didn’t want to disappoint him. She didn’t want him to look at her in any other way than how she’d ever seen him look at her—which was a look of respect. And it was funny because it seemed to make her respect herself that much more.
He’d taken a step back now to look her in the eyes. “Just think long and hard about things, okay?”
She nodded. “I will.” He looked so concerned. “I promise, Raf.”
“I know you will. Sleep well.”
Jemma crawled into bed that night with thoughts of Dex and her new dreams all jumbled together—somehow her brain wanted to find a way to make it all work—to find the possibility that maybe Dex could fit into her new life—her new dreams for a future. Maybe Dex had changed too? But as she drifted off to sleep, she knew that Dex hadn’t changed—that to go back to Dex would be to go back to her old life and a person that she didn’t want to be any more.
Chapter 29
The morning in the studio was quiet—just the way she liked it. Jemma had been getting up earlier and earlier the last few days to work on a project that she’d started the day after she and her mom had had their big talk. She turned her music on—keeping the volume low this morning. She had so much on her mind, and somehow she knew that this morning’s painting session was sure to help her think clearly. She walked over to the easel in the corner of the room and uncovered her work in progress. She’d been surprised at how easy it had been to get back into her painting.
And she loved to paint. How could she have forgotten? Blu had gotten her private lessons with a local artist in San Diego one summer, and the hours Jemma had spent with her in her beach studio had been pivotal to her work. Her family had always been supportive of her art and thought she was amazing, but she’d always doubted whether or not she had real talent—back then, she just knew that it was something that she loved to do, something that relaxed her.
But her time with the artist had been special. She’d told Jemma that she had real talent—that she was very special and should always pursue her art no matter what. Jemma sighed as she remembered that summer and those words that had meant everything to her. She really had gone on to lose her mind a little bit—more than a little bit, as she’d almost thrown away all of her dreams—and for what? For nothing, really—a life of partying and being with the wrong guy who could never really love her and plan a future with her.
Jemma bit her bottom lip as she studied the photo pinned to the top of her easel.
She heard a sharp intake of breath from behind her.
“Oh, it’s gorgeous.” It was Gigi, and she was staring at the portrait that Jemma had been working on.
Jemma had been so engrossed in her thoughts and the image that she’d not heard Gigi come in. She turned toward her now to see the tears in her eyes, the smile wide on her face.
“Do you think so?”
Gigi was nodding and wiping away a tear.
“It’s for my Mom. I thought she might like to hang it in her studio.”
Jemma had found the photo in the small stack of the ones she’d grabbed from her bedside table back at the beach house—right before she ran away to LA. It was a picture taken out on their deck of Blu, Jemma, and Arianna. It was one of the best memories Jemma had of Arianna—the weekend that she’d taken them to the beach house for the first time.
“I brought us some coffee.”
Jemma saw the two mugs sitting on the small table in the corner of the studio. She nodded her head and then unpinned the photo to bring it over to the table with her.
“So you’re up very early these days.” Gigi laughed lightly.
“I know. Can you believe it?” Jemma laughed too. “I guess I have a lot on my mind. And I’m also really enjoying the studio. I can’t thank you enough for everything. I feel so different from that silly girl who arrived here just a few short weeks ago.”
Gigi reached out to put her hand on Jemma’s arm. “Well, you look like a totally different girl. Still just as beautiful but much happier and—oh, I don’t know—a little wiser maybe?” Gigi winked at her.
“Well, let’s hope so.” Jemma laughed, the e-mail from Dex still fresh on her mind. “Speaking of…”
“Uh-oh. What’s that look I’m seeing?”
Jemma knew she was going to tell Gigi. There was no point of holding anything back any more—not if she truly wanted to start making better choices and move her life forward in the way that was best for her.
“Well. I got an e-mail from Dex.” She heard Gigi’s intake of breath.
“And?”
“And he wants me to come be with him. He’s back in San Diego now.”
Gigi was eyeing her and Jemma could imagine the thoughts swirling in her head—she was really so good at being careful with Jemma—it was how she’d always handled her.
“You don’t have to worry.” Jemma smiled and it was her turn to reach out and take Gigi’s hand. “I’d be crazy to go back to that—to Dex and that lifestyle. It’s not what I want—not any more.”
“Good. You have no idea what a relief your words are to me.” Gigi laughed, reaching for the photo on the table. “May I?”
Jemma nodded and Gigi picked it up to study it more closely.
“Tell me about Ari,” Jemma said. Gigi looked at her and smiled. “I mean, I do have some great memories, but I wish I could remember more—I wish I’d known her when I was older.”
“Ari would have loved to know you now—the young woman you’ve become.”
“It’s pretty amazing—what she did for my mom—the beach house and everything. And what she did for me—do you know why she did it? Why she left me all the money?”
“Ari loved your mom and you very much. From the moment she met her, she and your mom were almost inseparable.”
“And when she met me?” Jemma had heard the story many times. About how surprised Arianna had been to find out that Blu had a daughter. Jemma had been three at the time—the same age as the daughter that Arianna had given up for adoption.
“Well, when she met you, she was
all set to not be won over—it was painful for her to imagine her own daughter the same age, as you can imagine.”
“But my cuteness was too irresistible.” Jemma laughed.
“Well, yes. That’s the truth. You were very cute and irresistible. That was for sure.” Gigi laughed too, enjoying the memories that didn’t make her feel quite as sad as they once did. “You won us all over, actually.”
Jemma smiled, and she reached for the photo that Gigi had placed back on the table.
“What do you think Ari thought I would do when I got older? With the money, I mean?”
Gigi looked thoughtful. “We talked about you—during those last days of Ari’s life. She didn’t tell me everything—about your trust or all of her plans for each of us. But I know that she wanted you to be happy. She talked about your dancing and how she wanted to be sure that you’d be able to continue with your classes—for as long as you enjoyed it. Ari had made that pretty clear.”
“So she really didn’t expect me to use some of the money for college, then? Mom always told me that the money was for me to do with as I liked but that she hoped I’d use some of it for my education. Well, then I got a little crazy, so I’m sure you all have been worried about what I’d actually be doing with all that money.” Jemma laughed and Gigi put on a stern face.
“Well, ain’t that the truth.” She eyed Jemma carefully. “Honestly, when things were pretty bad, we’d all been talking to Douglas—to see if there was anything that could be done about keeping the money from you a little longer—just until you’d come to your senses.” She winked at Jemma.
“But now my birthday is almost here—and I know that there wasn’t anything to be done differently. Douglas already told me that.” Jemma laughed. “And it’s a good thing I have come to my senses then, huh?”
“You can say that again.”
The two women sat in silence for a few seconds, sipping their coffee, the photo in the center of the table again.
“Gigi. I think I know what I want to do.”