You Know Me Al: A Busher's Letters

by Ring Lardner

  CHAPTER IV

  A NEW BUSHER BREAKS IN

  _Chicago, Illinois, March 2._

  FRIEND AL: Al that peace in the paper was all O.K. and the right dopejust like you said. I seen president Johnson the president of theleague to-day and he told me the peace in the papers was the right dopeand Comiskey did not have no right to sell me to Milwaukee because theDetroit Club had never gave no wavers on me. He says the Detroit Clubwas late in fileing their claim and Comiskey must of tooken it forgranted that they was going to wave but president Johnson was prettysore about it at that and says Comiskey did not have no right to sellme till he was positive that they was not no team that wanted me.

  It will probily cost Comiskey some money for acting like he done andnot paying no attention to the rules and I would not be supprised ifpresident Johnson had him throwed out of the league.

  Well I asked president Johnson should I report at once to the DetroitClub down south and he says No you better wait till you hear fromComiskey and I says What has Comiskey got to do with it now? And hesays Comiskey will own you till he sells you to Detroit or somewhereselse. So I will have to go out to the ball park to-morrow and see isthey any mail for me there because I probily will get a letter fromComiskey telling me I am sold to Detroit.

  If I had of thought at the time I would of knew that Detroit neverwould give no wavers on me after the way I showed Cobb and Crawford uplast fall and I might of knew too that Detroit is in the market forgood pitchers because they got a rotten pitching staff but they won'thave no rotten staff when I get with them.

  If necessary I will pitch every other day for Jennings and if I do wewill win the pennant sure because Detroit has got a club that can get2 or 3 runs every day and all as I need to win most of my games is 1run. I can't hardly wait till Jennings works me against the White Soxand what I will do to them will be a plenty. It don't take no pitchingto beat them anyway and when they get up against a pitcher like I theymight as well leave their bats in the bag for all the good their batswill do them.

  I guess Cobb and Crawford will be glad to have me on the Detroit Clubbecause then they won't never have to hit against me except in practiceand I won't pitch my best in practice because they will be teammatesof mine and I don't never like to show none of my teammates up. Atthat though I don't suppose Jennings will let me do much pitching inpractice because when he gets a hold of a good pitcher he won't want meto take no chances of throwing my arm away in practice.

  Al just think how funny it will be to have me pitching for the Tigersin the same town where Violet lives and pitching on the same club withher husband. It will not be so funny for Violet and her husband thoughbecause when she has a chance to see me work regular she will find outwhat a mistake she made takeing that lefthander instead of a man thathas got some future and soon will be makeing 5 or $6000 a year becauseI won't sign with Detroit for no less than $5000 at most. Of coarseI could of had her if I had of wanted to but still and all it willmake her feel pretty sick to see me winning games for Detroit whileher husband is batting fungos and getting splinters in his unie fromslideing up and down the bench.

  As for her husband the first time he opens his clam to me I will hauloff and bust him one in the jaw but I guess he will know more than tostart trouble with a man of my size and who is going to be one of theirstars while he is just holding down a job because they feel sorry forhim. I wish he could of got the girl I married instead of the one hegot and I bet she would of drove him crazy. But I guess you can't drivea lefthander crazyer than he is to begin with.

  I have not heard nothing from Florrie Al and I don't want to hearnothing. I and her is better apart and I wish she would sew me fora bill of divorce so she could not go round claiming she is my wifeand disgraceing my name. If she would consent to sew me for a bill ofdivorce I would gladly pay all the expenses and settle with her forany sum of money she wants say about $75.00 or $100.00 and they is noreason I should give her a nichol after the way her and her sisterMarie and her brother-in-law Allen grafted off of me. Probily I couldsew her for a bill of divorce but they tell me it costs money to sewand if you just lay low and let the other side do the sewing it don'tcost you a nichol.

  It is pretty late Al and I have got to get up early to-morrow and goto the ball park and see is they any mail for me. I will let you knowwhat I hear old pal.

  Your old pal, JACK.

  _Chicago, Illinois, March 4._

  AL: I am up against it again. I went out to the ball park officeyesterday and they was nobody there except John somebody who is asstsecretary and all the rest of them is out on the Coast with the team.Maybe this here John was trying to kid me but this is what he toldme. First I says Is they a letter here for me? And he says No. And Isays I was expecting word from Comiskey that I should join the DetroitClub and he says What makes you think you are going to Detroit? I saysComiskey asked wavers on me and Detroit did not give no wavers. He saysWell that is not no sign that you are going to Detroit. If Comiskeycan't get you out of the league he will probily keep you himself and itis a cinch he is not going to give no pitcher to Detroit no matter howrotten he is.

  I says What do you mean? And he says You just stick round town tillyou hear from Comiskey and I guess you will hear pretty soon becausehe is comeing back from the Coast next Saturday. I says Well the onlything he can tell me is to report to Detroit because I won't neverpitch again for the White Sox. Then John gets fresh and says I supposeyou will quit the game and live on your saveings and then I blowed outof the office because I was scared I would loose my temper and breaksomething.

  So you see Al what I am up against. I won't never pitch for theWhite Sox again and I want to get with the Detroit Club but how canI if Comiskey won't let me go? All I can do is stick round till nextSaturday and then I will see Comiskey and I guess when I tell him whatI think of him he will be glad to let me go to Detroit or anywhereselse. I will have something on him this time because I know that hedid not pay no attention to the rules when he told me I was sold toMilwaukee and if he tries to slip something over on me I will tellpresident Johnson of the league all about it and then you will seewhere Comiskey heads in at.

  Al old pal that $25.00 you give me at the station the other day is allshot to peaces and I must ask you to let me have $25.00 more which willmake $75.00 all together includeing the $25.00 you sent me before Icome home. I hate to ask you this favor old pal but I know you have gotthe money. If I am sold to Detroit I will get some advance money andpay up all my dedts incluseive.

  If he don't let me go to Detroit I will make him come across with partof my salery for this year even if I don't pitch for him because Isigned a contract and was ready to do my end of it and would of if hehad not of been nasty and tried to slip something over on me. If herefuses to come across I will hire a attorney at law and he will get itall. So Al you see you have got a cinch on getting back what you loneme but I guess you know that Al without all this talk because you havebeen my old pal for a good many years and I have allways treated yousquare and tried to make you feel that I and you was equals and that mysuccess was not going to make me forget my old friends.

  Wherever I pitch this year I will insist on a salery of 5 or $6000 ayear. So you see on my first pay day I will have enough to pay you upand settle the rest of my dedts but I am not going to pay no more rentfor this rotten flat because they tell me if a man don't pay no rentfor a while they will put him out. Let them put me out. I should notworry but will go and rent my old room that I had before I met Florrieand got into all this trouble.

  The sooner you can send me that $35.00 the better and then I will oweyou $85.00 incluseive and I will write and let you know how I come outwith Comiskey.

  Your pal, JACK.

  _Chicago, Illinois, March 12._

  FRIEND AL: I got another big supprise for you and this is it I am goingto pitch for the White Sox after all. If Comiskey was not a old man Iguess I would of lost my temper and beat him up but I am glad now thatI kept my temper and did not
loose it because I forced him to make alot of consessions and now it looks like as though I would have a bigyear both pitching and money.

  He got back to town yesterday morning and showed up to his office inthe afternoon and I was there waiting for him. He would not see mefor a while but finally I acted like as though I was getting tired ofwaiting and I guess the secretary got scared that I would beat it outof the office and leave them all in the lerch. Anyway he went in andspoke to Comiskey and then come out and says the boss was ready to seeme. When I went into the office where he was at he says Well young manwhat can I do for you? And I says I want you to give me my releaseso as I can join the Detroit Club down South and get in shape. Thenhe says What makes you think you are going to join the Detroit Club?Because we need you here. I says Then why did you try to sell me toMilwaukee? But you could not because you could not get no wavers.

  Then he says I thought I was doing you a favor by sending you toMilwaukee because they make a lot of beer up there. I says What do youmean? He says You been keeping in shape all this winter by trying todrink this town dry and besides that you tried to hold me up for moremoney when you allready had signed a contract allready and so I wasgoing to send you to Milwaukee and learn you something and besides youtried to go with the Federal League but they would not take you becausethey was scared to.

  I don't know where he found out all that stuff at Al and besides he waswrong when he says I was drinking to much because they is not nobodythat can drink more than me and not be effected. But I did not saynothing because I was scared I would forget myself and call him somename and he is a old man. Yes I did say something. I says Well I guessyou found out that you could not get me out of the league and then hesays Don't never think I could not get you out of the league. If youthink I can't send you to Milwaukee I will prove it to you that I can.I says You can't because Detroit won't give no wavers on me. He saysDetroit will give wavers on you quick enough if I ask them.

  Then he says Now you can take your choice you can stay here and pitchfor me at the salery you signed up for and you can cut out the monkeybusiness and drink water when you are thirsty or else you can go up toMilwaukee and drownd yourself in one of them brewrys. Which shall itbe? I says How can you keep me or send me to Milwaukee when Detroithas allready claimed my services? He says Detroit has claimed a lotof things and they have even claimed the pennant but that is not nosign they will win it. He says And besides you would not want to pitchfor Detroit because then you would not never have no chance to pitchagainst Cobb and show him up.

  Well Al when he says that I knowed he appresiated what a pitcher I ameven if he did try to sell me to Milwaukee or he would not of made thatremark about the way I can show Cobb and Crawford up. So I says Wellif you need me that bad I will pitch for you but I must have a newcontract. He says Oh I guess we can fix that up O.K. and he steps outin the next room a while and then he comes back with a new contract.And what do you think it was Al? It was a contract for 3 years so yousee I am sure of my job here for 3 years and everything is all O.K.

  The contract calls for the same salery a year for 3 years that I wasgoing to get before for only 1 year which is $2800.00 a year and thenI will get in on the city serious money too and the Detroit Club don'thave no city serious and have no chance to get into the World's Seriouswith the rotten pitching staff they got. So you see Al he fixed me upgood and that shows that he must think a hole lot of me or he would ofsent me to Detroit or maybe to Milwaukee but I don't see how he couldof did that without no wavers.

  Well Al I allmost forgot to tell you that he has gave me a ticket toLos Angeles where the 2d team are practicing at now but where the 1stteam will be at in about a week. I am leaveing to-night and I guessbefore I go I will go down to president Johnson and tell him that I amfixed up all O.K. and have not got no kick comeing so that presidentJohnson will not fine Comiskey for not paying no attention to the rulesor get him fired out of the league because I guess Comiskey must beall O.K. and good hearted after all.

  I won't pay no attention to what he says about me drinking this towndry because he is all wrong in regards to that. He must of been jokeingI guess because nobody but some boob would think he could drink thistown dry but at that I guess I can hold more than anybody and not beeffected. But I guess I will cut it out for a while at that because Idon't want to get them sore at me after the contract they give me.

  I will write to you from Los Angeles Al and let you know what the boyssays when they see me and I will bet that they will be tickled todeath. The rent man was round to-day but I seen him comeing and he didnot find me. I am going to leave the furniture that belongs in the flatin the flat and allso the furniture I bought which don't amount to muchbecause it was not no real Sir Cashion walnut and besides I don't wantnothing round me to remind me of Florrie because the sooner her and Iforget each other the better.

  Tell the boys about my good luck Al but it is not no luck neitherbecause it was comeing to me.

  Yours truly, JACK.

  _Los Angeles, California, March 16._

  AL: Here I am back with the White Sox again and it seems to good to betrue because just like I told you they are all tickled to death to seeme. Kid Gleason is here in charge of the 2d team and when he seen mecome into the hotel he jumped up and hit me in the stumach but he actslike that whenever he feels good so I could not get sore at him thoughhe had no right to hit me in the stumach. If he had of did it in ernestI would of walloped him in the jaw.

  He says Well if here ain't the old lady killer. He ment Al that I amstrong with the girls but I am all threw with them now but he don'tknow nothing about the troubles I had. He says Are you in shape? And Itold him Yes I am. He says Yes you look in shape like a barrel. I saysThey is not no fat on me and if I am a little bit bigger than last yearit is because my mussels is bigger. He says Yes your stumach mussels isemense and you must of gave them plenty of exercise. Wait till Bodiesees you and he will want to stick round you all the time because youmake him look like a broom straw or something. I let him kid me alongbecause what is the use of getting mad at him? And besides he is allO.K. even if he is a little rough.

  I says to him A little work will fix me up all O.K. and he says You betyou are going to get some work because I am going to see to it myself.I says You will have to hurry because you will be going up to Frisco ina few days and I am going to stay here and join the 1st club. Then hesays You are not going to do no such a thing. You are going right alongwith me. I knowed he was kidding me then because Callahan would notnever leave me with the 2d team no more after what I done for him lastyear and besides most of the stars generally allways goes with the 1stteam on the training trip.

  Well I seen all the rest of the boys that is here with the 2d team andthey all acted like as if they was glad to see me and why should notthey be when they know that me being here with the White Sox and notwith Detroit means that Callahan won't have to do no worrying about hispitching staff? But they is four or 5 young recrut pitchers with theteam here and I bet they is not so glad to see me because what chancehave they got?

  If I was Comiskey and Callahan I would not spend no money on newpitchers because with me and 1 or 2 of the other boys we got the bestpitching staff in the league. And instead of spending the money fornew pitching recruts I would put it all in a lump and buy Ty Cobb orSam Crawford off of Detroit or somebody else who can hit and Cobb andCrawford is both real hitters Al even if I did make them look likesuckers. Who wouldn't?

  Well Al to-morrow A.M. I am going out and work a little and in the P.M.I will watch the game between we and the Venice Club but I won't pitchnone because Gleason would not dare take no chances of me hurting myarm. I will write to you in a few days from here because no matter whatGleason says I am going to stick here with the 1st team because I knowCallahan will want me along with him for a attraction.

  Your pal, JACK.

  _San Francisco, California, March 20._

  FRIEND AL: Well Al here I am back in old Frisco with the 2d team b
ut Iwill tell you how it happened Al. Yesterday Gleason told me to pack upand get ready to leave Los Angeles with him and I says No I am going tostick here and wait for the 1st team and then he says I guess I must ofoverlooked something in the papers because I did not see nothing aboutyou being appointed manager of the club. I says No I am not managerbut Callahan is manager and he will want to keep me with him. He saysI got a wire from Callahan telling me to keep you with my club but ofcoarse if you know what Callahan wants better than he knows it himselfwhy then go ahead and stay here or go jump in the Pacific Ocean.

  Then he says I know why you don't want to go with me and I says Why?And he says Because you know I will make you work and won't let youeat everything on the bill of fair includeing the name of the hotelat which we are stopping at. That made me sore and I was just goingto call him when he says Did not you marry Mrs. Allen's sister? And Isays Yes but that is not none of your business. Then he says Well Idon't want to butt into your business but I heard you and your wifehad some kind of a argument and she beat it. I says Yes she give me arotten deal. He says Well then I don't see where it is going to be verypleasant for you traveling round with the 1st club because Allen andhis wife is both with that club and what do you want to be mixed upwith them for? I says I am not scared of Allen or his wife or no otherold hen.

  So here I am Al with the 2d team but it is only for a while tillCallahan gets sick of some of them pitchers he has got and sends forme so as he can see some real pitching. And besides I am glad to behere in Frisco where I made so many friends when I was pitching herefor a short time till Callahan heard about my work and called me backto the big show where I belong at and nowheres else.

  Yours truly, JACK.

  _San Francisco, California, March 25._

  OLD PAL: Al I got a supprise for you. Who do you think I seen lastnight? Nobody but Hazel. Her name now is Hazel Levy because you know Alshe married Kid Levy the middle-weight and I wish he was champion ofthe world Al because then it would not take me more than about a minuteto be champion of the world myself. I have not got nothing against himthough because he married her and if he had not of I probily would ofmarried her myself but at that she could not of treated me no worsethan Florrie. Well they was setting at a table in the cafe where herand I use to go pretty near every night. She spotted me when I firstcome in and sends a waiter over to ask me to come and have a drink withthem. I went over because they was no use being nasty and let bygonesbe bygones.

  She interduced me to her husband and he asked me what was I drinking.Then she butts in and says Oh you must let Mr. Keefe buy the drinksbecause it hurts his feelings to have somebody else buy the drinks.Then Levy says Oh he is one of these here spendrifts is he? and shesays Yes he don't care no more about a nichol than his right eye does.I says I guess you have got no holler comeing on the way I spend mymoney. I don't steal no money anyway. She says What do you mean? andI says I guess you know what I mean. How about that $30.00 that youborrowed off of me and never give it back? Then her husband cuts in andsays You cut that line of talk out or I will bust you. I says Yes youwill. And he says Yes I will.

  Well Al what was the use of me starting trouble with him when he hasgot enough trouble right to home and besides as I say I have not gotnothing against him. So I got up and blowed away from the table andI bet he was relieved when he seen I was not going to start nothing.I beat it out of there a while afterward because I was not drinkingnothing and I don't have no fun setting round a place and lapping upginger ail or something. And besides the music was rotten.

  Al I am certainly glad I throwed Hazel over because she has grew tobe as big as a horse and is all painted up. I don't care nothing aboutthem big dolls no more or about no other kind neither. I am off of themall. They can all of them die and I should not worry.

  Well Al I done my first pitching of the year this P.M. and I guess Ishowed them that I was in just as good a shape as some of them birdsthat has been working a month. I worked 4 innings against my old teamthe San Francisco Club and I give them nothing but fast ones but theysure was fast ones and you could hear them zip. Charlie O'Leary wastrying to get out of the way of one of them and it hit his bat and wentover first base for a base hit but at that Fournier would of eat it upif it had of been Chase playing first base instead of Fournier.

  That was the only hit they got off of me and they ought to of beenashamed to of tooken that one. But Gleason don't appresiate my workand him and I allmost come to blows at supper. I was pretty hungry andI ordered some stake and some eggs and some pie and some ice creamand some coffee and a glass of milk but Gleason would not let me havethe pie or the milk and would not let me eat more than 1/2 the stake.And it is a wonder I did not bust him and tell him to mind his ownbusiness. I says What right have you got to tell me what to eat? And hesays You don't need nobody to tell you what to eat you need somebody tokeep you from floundering yourself. I says Why can't I eat what I wantto when I have worked good?

  He says Who told you you worked good and I says I did not need nobodyto tell me. I know I worked good because they could not do nothing withme. He says Well it is a good thing for you that they did not startbunting because if you had of went to stoop over and pick up the ballyou would of busted wide open. I says Why? and he says because you arehog fat and if you don't let up on the stable and fancy groceries wewill have to pay 2 fairs to get you back to Chi. I don't remember nowwhat I says to him but I says something you can bet on that. You knowme Al.

  I wish Al that Callahan would hurry up and order me to join the 1stteam. If he don't Al I believe Gleason will starve me to death. Alittle slob like him don't realize that a big man like I needs goodfood and plenty of it.

  Your pal, JACK.

  _Salt Lake City, Utah, April 1._

  AL: Well Al we are on our way East and I am still with the 2d team andI don't understand why Callahan don't order me to join the 1st team butmaybe it is because he knows that I am all right and have got the stuffand he wants to keep them other guys round where he can see if theyhave got anything.

  The recrut pitchers that is along with our club have not got nothingand the scout that reckommended them must of been full of hops orsomething. It is not no common thing for a club to pick up a man thathas got the stuff to make him a star up here and the White Sox waspretty lucky to land me but I don't understand why they throw theirmoney away on new pitchers when none of them is no good and besides whowould want a better pitching staff than we got right now without no rawrecruts and bushers.

  I worked in Oakland the day before yesterday but he only let me go the1st 4 innings. I bet them Oakland birds was glad when he took me out.When I was in that league I use to just throw my glove in the box andthem Oakland birds was licked and honest Al some of them turned whitewhen they seen I was going to pitch the other day.

  I felt kind of sorry for them and I did not give them all I had so theygot 5 or 6 hits and scored a couple of runs. I was not feeling verygood at that and besides we got some awful excuses for a ball player onthis club and the support they give me was the rottenest I ever seengave anybody. But some of them won't be in this league more than about10 minutes more so I should not fret as they say.

  We play here this afternoon and I don't believe I will work because theteam they got here is not worth wasteing nobody on. They must be a lotof boobs in this town Al because they tell me that some of them has got1/2 a dozen wives or so. And what a man wants with 1 wife is a miseryto me let alone a 1/2 dozen.

  I will probily work against Denver because they got a good club and waschampions of the Western League last year. I will make them think theyare champions of the Epworth League or something.

  Yours truly, JACK.

  _Des Moines, Iowa, April 10._

  FRIEND AL: We got here this A.M. and this is our last stop and we willbe in old Chi to-morrow to open the season. The 1st team gets hometo-day and I would be there with them if Callahan was a real managerwho knowed something about manageing because if I am going to op
en theseason I should ought to have 1 day of rest at home so I would have allmy strenth to open the season. The Cleveland Club will be there to openagainst us and Callahan must know that I have got them licked any timeI start against them.

  As soon as my name is announced to pitch the Cleveland Club is lickedor any other club when I am right and they don't kick the game awaybehind me.

  Gleason told me on the train last night that I was going to pitch hereto-day but I bet by this time he has got orders from Callahan to let merest and to not give me no more work because suppose even if I did notstart the game to-morrow I probily will have to finish it.

  Gleason has been sticking round me like as if I had a million bucks orsomething. I can't even sit down and smoke a cigar but what he is thereto knock the ashes off of it. He is O.K. and good-hearted if he is alittle rough and keeps hitting me in the stumach but I wish he wouldleave me alone sometimes espesially at meals. He was in to breakfastwith me this A.M. and after I got threw I snuck off down the street andgot something to eat. That is not right because it costs me money whenI have to go away from the hotel and eat and what right has he got totry and help me order my meals? Because he don't know what I want andwhat my stumach wants.

  My stumach don't want to have him punching it all the time but he keepson doing it. So that shows he don't know what is good for me. But is aold man Al otherwise I would not stand for the stuff he pulls. The 1stthing I am going to do when we get to Chi is I am going to a resturuntsomewheres and get a good meal where Gleason or no one else can't getat me. I know allready what I am going to eat and that is a big stakeand a apple pie and that is not all.

  Well Al watch the papers and you will see what I done to that ClevelandClub and I hope Lajoie and Jackson is both in good shape because Idon't want to pick on no cripples.

  Your pal, JACK.

  _Chicago, Illinois, April 16._

  OLD PAL: Yesterday was the 1st pay day old pal and I know I promised topay you what I owe you and it is $75.00 because when I asked you for$35.00 before I went West you only sent me $25.00 which makes the holesum $75.00. Well Al I can't pay you now because the pay we drawed wasonly for 4 days and did not amount to nothing and I had to buy a mealticket and fix up about my room rent.

  And then they is another thing Al which I will tell you about. I comeinto the clubhouse the day the season opened and the 1st guy I seen wasAllen. I was going up to bust him but he come up and held his hand outand what was they for me to do but shake hands with him if he is goingto be yellow like that? He says Well Jack I am glad they did not sendyou to Milwaukee and I bet you will have a big year. I says Yes I willhave a big year O.K. if you don't sick another 1 of your sister-in-lawson to me. He says Oh don't let they be no hard feelings about that.You know it was not no fault of mine and I bet if you was to write toFlorrie everything could be fixed up O.K.

  I says I don't want to write to no Florrie but I will get a attorney atlaw to write to her. He says You don't even know where she is at and Isays I don't care where she is at. Where is she? He says She is down toher home in Waco, Texas, and if I was you I would write to her myselfand not let no attorney at law write to her because that would get hermad and besides what do you want a attorney at law to write to herabout? I says I am going to sew her for a bill of divorce.

  Then he says On what grounds? and I says Dessertion. He says You betternot do no such thing or she will sew you for a bill of divorce for nonesupport and then you will look like a cheap guy. I says I don't carewhat I look like. So you see Al I had to send Florrie $10.00 or maybeshe would be mean enough to sew me for a bill of divorce on the groundof none support and that would make me look bad.

  Well Al, Allen told me his wife wanted to talk to me and try and fixthings up between I and Florrie but I give him to understand that Iwould not stand for no meeting with his wife and he says Well suityourself about that but they is no reason you and I should quarrel.

  You see Al he don't want no mix-up with me because he knows he couldnot get nothing but the worst of it. I will be friends with him but Iwon't have nothing to do with Marie because if it had not of been forshe and Florrie I would have money in the bank besides not being in nodanger of getting sewed for none support.

  I guess you must of read about Joe Benz getting married and I guesshe must of got a good wife and 1 that don't bother him all the timebecause he pitched the opening game and shut Cleveland out with 2hits. He was pretty good Al, better than I ever seen him and they was acouple of times when his fast ball was pretty near as fast as mine.

  I have not worked yet Al and I asked Callahan to-day what was thematter and he says I was waiting for you to get in shape. I says I amin shape now and I notice that when I was pitching in practice thisA.M. they did not hit nothing out of the infield. He says That wasbecause you are so spread out that they could not get nothing past you.He says The way you are now you cover more ground than the grand stand.I says Is that so? And he walked away.

  We go out on a trip to Cleveland and Detroit and St. Louis in a fewdays and maybe I will take my regular turn then because the otherpitchers has been getting away lucky because most of the hitters hasnot got their batting eye as yet but wait till they begin hitting andthen it will take a man like I to stop them.

  The 1st of May is our next pay day Al and then I will have enough moneyso as I can send you the $75.00.

  Your pal, JACK.

  _Detroit, Michigan, April 28._

  FRIEND AL: What do you think of a rotten manager that bawls me out andfines me $50.00 for loosing a 1 to 0 game in 10 innings when it was my1st start this season? And no wonder I was a little wild in the 10thwhen I had not had no chance to work and get control. I got a goodnotion to quit this rotten club and jump to the Federals where a mangets some kind of treatment. Callahan says I throwed the game away onpurpose but I did not do no such a thing Al because when I throwed thatball at Joe Hill's head I forgot that the bases was full and besidesif Gleason had not of starved me to death the ball that hit him in thehead would of killed him.

  And how could a man go to 1st base and the winning run be forced inif he was dead which he should ought to of been the lucky left handedstiff if I had of had my full strenth to put on my fast one insteadof being 1/2 starved to death and weak. But I guess I better tell youhow it come off. The papers will get it all wrong like they generallyallways does.

  Callahan asked me this A.M. if I thought I was hard enough to workand I was tickled to death, because I seen he was going to give me achance. I told him Sure I was in good shape and if them Tigers scoreda run off me he could keep me setting on the bench the rest of thesummer. So he says All right I am going to start you and if you go goodmaybe Gleason will let you eat some supper.

  Well Al when I begin warming up I happened to look up in the grandstand and who do you think I seen? Nobody but Violet. She smiled whenshe seen me but I bet she felt more like crying. Well I smiled backat her because she probily would of broke down and made a seen orsomething if I had not of. They was not nobody warming up for Detroitwhen I begin warming up but pretty soon I looked over to their benchand Joe Hill Violet's husband was warming up. I says to myself Wellhere is where I show that bird up if they got nerve enough to start himagainst me but probily Jennings don't want to waste no real pitcher onthis game which he knows we got cinched and we would of had it cinchedAl if they had of got a couple of runs or even 1 run for me.

  Well, Jennings come passed our bench just like he allways does andtried to pull some of his funny stuff. He says Hello are you stillin the league? I says Yes but I come pretty near not being. I camepretty near being with Detroit. I wish you could of heard Gleason andCallahan laugh when I pulled that one on him. He says something backbut it was not no hot comeback like mine.

  Well Al if I had of had any work and my regular control I guess I wouldof pitched a 0 hit game because the only time they could touch me waswhen I had to ease up to get them over. Cobb was out of the game andthey told me he was sick but I guess the truth is
that he knowed I wasgoing to pitch. Crawford got a couple of lucky scratch hits off of mebecause I got in the hole to him and had to let up. But the way thatlucky left handed Hill got by was something awful and if I was as luckyas him I would quit pitching and shoot craps or something.

  Our club can't hit nothing anyway. But batting against this bird wasjust like hitting fungos. His curve ball broke about 1/2 a inch andyou could of wrote your name and address on his fast one while it wascomeing up there. He had good control but who would not when they putnothing on the ball?

  Well Al we could not get started against the lucky stiff and theycould not do nothing with me even if my suport was rotten and I give acouple or 3 or 4 bases on balls but when they was men waiting to scoreI zipped them threw there so as they could not see them let alone hitthem. Every time I come to the bench between innings I looked up towhere Violet was setting and give her a smile and she smiled back andonce I seen her clapping her hands at me after I had made Moriarty popup in the pinch.

  Well we come along to the 10th inning, 0 and 0, and all of a sudden wegot after him. Bodie hits one and Schalk gets 2 strikes and 2 balls andthen singles. Callahan tells Alcock to bunt and he does it but Hillsprawls all over himself like the big boob he is and the bases is fullwith nobody down. Well Gleason and Callahan argude about should theysend somebody up for me or let me go up there and I says Let me go upthere because I can murder this bird and Callahan says Well they isnobody out so go up and take a wallop.

  Honest Al if this guy had of had anything at all I would of hit 1 outof the park, but he did not have even a glove. And how can a man hitpitching which is not no pitching at all but just slopping them up?When I went up there I hollered to him and says Stick 1 over here nowyou yellow stiff. And he says Yes I can stick them over allright andthat is where I got something on you.

  Well Al I hit a foul off of him that would of been a fare ball andbroke up the game if the wind had not of been against it. Then I swungand missed a curve that I don't see how I missed it. The next 1 was ayard outside and this Evans calls it a strike. He has had it in forme ever since last year when he tried to get funny with me and I sayssomething back to him that stung him. So he calls this 3d strike on meand I felt like murdering him. But what is the use?

  I throwed down my bat and come back to the bench and I was gladCallahan and Gleason was out on the coaching line or they probily wouldof said something to me and I would of cut loose and beat them up. WellAl Weaver and Blackburne looked like a couple of rums up there andwe don't score where we ought to of had 3 or 4 runs with any kind ofhitting.

  I would of been all O.K. in spite of that peace of rotten luck if thisbig Hill had of walked to the bench and not said nothing like a realpitcher. But what does he do but wait out there till I start for thebox and I says Get on to the bench you lucky stiff or do you want meto hand you something? He says I don't want nothing more of yourn. Iallready got your girl and your goat.

  Well Al what do you think of a man that would say a thing like that?And nobody but a left hander could of. If I had of had a gun I wouldof killed him deader than a doornail or something. He starts for thebench and I hollered at him Wait till you get up to that plate and thenI am going to bean you.

  Honest Al I was so mad I could not see the plate or nothing. I don'teven know who it was come up to bat 1st but whoever it was I hit himin the arm and he walks to first base. The next guy bunts and Chasetries to pull off 1 of them plays of hisn instead of playing safe andhe don't get nobody. Well I kept getting madder and madder and I walksStanage who if I had of been myself would not foul me.

  Callahan has Scotty warming up and Gleason runs out from the bench andtells me I am threw but Callahan says Wait a minute he is going to letHill hit and this big stiff ought to be able to get him out of the wayand that will give Scotty a chance to get warm. Gleason says You betternot take a chance because the big busher is hogwild, and they keptargueing till I got sick of listening to them and I went back to thebox and got ready to pitch. But when I seen this Hill up there I forgotall about the ball game and I cut loose at his bean.

  Well Al my control was all O.K. this time and I catched him square onthe fourhead and he dropped like as if he had been shot. But prettysoon he gets up and gives me the laugh and runs to first base. I didnot know the game was over till Weaver come up and pulled me off thefield. But if I had not of been 1/2 starved to death and weak so asI could not put all my stuff on the ball you can bet that Hill neverwould of ran to first base and Violet would of been a widow and probilya lot better off than she is now. At that I never should ought to oftried to kill a lefthander by hitting him in the head.

  Well Al they jumped all over me in the clubhouse and I had to holdmyself back or I would of gave somebody the beating of their life.Callahan tells me I am fined $50.00 and suspended without no pay. Iasked him What for and he says They would not be no use in tellingyou because you have not got no brains. I says Yes I have to got somebrains and he says Yes but they is in your stumach. And then he says Iwish we had of sent you to Milwaukee and I come back at him. I says Iwish you had of.

  Well Al I guess they is no chance of getting square treatment on thisclub and you won't be supprised if you hear of me jumping to theFederals where a man is treated like a man and not like no white slave.

  Yours truly, JACK.

  _Chicago, Illinois, May 2._

  AL: I have got to disappoint you again Al. When I got up to get mypay yesterday they held out $150.00 on me. $50.00 of it is what I wasfined for loosing a 1 to 0 10-inning game in Detroit when I was so weakthat I should ought never to of been sent in there and the $100.00 isthe advance money that I drawed last winter and which I had forgot allabout and the club would of forgot about it to if they was not so tightfisted.

  So you see all I get for 2 weeks' pay is about $80.00 and I sent $25.00to Florrie so she can't come no none support business on me.

  I am still suspended Al and not drawing no pay now and I got a notionto hire a attorney at law and force them to pay my salery or else jumpto the Federals where a man gets good treatment.

  Allen is still after me to come over to his flat some night and see hiswife and let her talk to me about Florrie but what do I want to talkabout Florrie for or talk about nothing to a nut left hander's wife?

  The Detroit Club is here and Cobb is playing because he knows I amsuspended but I wish Callahan would call it off and let me work againstthem and I would certainly love to work against this Joe Hill again andI bet they would be a different story this time because I been gettingsomething to eat since we been home and I got back most of my strenth.

  Your old pal, JACK.

  _Chicago, Illinois, May 5._

  FRIEND AL: Well Al if you been reading the papers you will know beforethis letter is received what I done. Before the Detroit Club come hereJoe Hill had win 4 strate but he has not win no 5 strate or won'tneither Al because I put a crimp in his winning streek just like Iknowed I would do if I got a chance when I was feeling good and had allmy strenth. Callahan asked me yesterday A.M. if I thought I had enoughrest and I says Sure because I did not need no rest in the 1st place.Well, he says, I thought maybe if I layed you off a few days you woulddo some thinking and if you done some thinking once in a while youwould be a better pitcher.

  Well anyway I worked and I wish you could of saw them Tigers trying tohit me Cobb and Crawford incluseive. The 1st time Cobb come up Weavercatched a lucky line drive off of him and the next time I eased up alittle and Collins run back and took a fly ball off of the fence. Butthe other times he come up he looked like a sucker except when he comeup in the 8th and then he beat out a bunt but allmost anybody is liableto do that once in a while.

  Crawford got a scratch hit between Chase and Blackburne in the 2dinning and in the 4th he was gave a three-base hit by this Evans whoshould ought to be writeing for the papers instead of trying to umpire.The ball was 2 feet foul and I bet Crawford will tell you the samething if you ask him. But what I done to this Hill w
as awful. I givehim my curve twice when he was up there in the 3d and he missed it afoot. Then I come with my fast ball right past his nose and I bet if hehad not of ducked it would of drove that big horn of hisn clear up inthe press box where them rotten reporters sits and smokes their hops.Then when he was looking for another fast one I slopped up my slow oneand he is still swinging at it yet.

  But the best of it was that I practally won my own game. Bodie andSchalk was on when I come up in the 5th and Hill hollers to me andsays I guess this is where I shoot one of them bean balls. I says Goahead and shoot and if you hit me in the head and I ever find it out Iwill write and tell your wife what happened to you. You see what I wasgetting at Al. I was insinuateing that if he beaned me with his fastone I would not never know nothing about it if somebody did not tellme because his fast one is not fast enough to hurt nobody even if itshould hit them in the head. So I says to him Go ahead and shoot andif you hit me in the head and I ever find it out I will write and tellyour wife what happened to you. See, Al?

  Of coarse you could not hire me to write to Violet but I did not meanthat part of it in ernest. Well sure enough he shot at my bean and Iducked out of the way though if it had of hit me it could not of didno more than tickle. He takes 2 more shots and misses me and thenJennings hollers from the bench What are you doing pitching or tryingto win a cigar? So then Hill sees what a monkey he is makeing out ofhimself and tries to get one over, but I have him 3 balls and nothingand what I done to that groover was a plenty. She went over Bush's headlike a bullet and got between Cobb and Veach and goes clear to thefence. Bodie and Schalk scores and I would of scored to if anybody elsebesides Cobb had of been chaseing the ball. I got 2 bases and Weaverscores me with another wallop.

  Say, I wish I could of heard what they said to that baby on the bench.Callahan was tickled to death and he says Maybe I will give you backthat $50.00 if you keep that stuff up. I guess I will get that $50.00back next pay day and if I do Al I will pay you the hole $75.00.

  Well Al I beat them 5 to 4 and with good support I would of held themto 1 run but what do I care as long as I beat them? I wish though thatViolet could of been there and saw it.

  Yours truly, JACK.

  _Chicago, Illinois, May 29._

  OLD PAL: Well Al I have not wrote to you for a long while but it isnot because I have forgot you and to show I have not forgot you I amincloseing the $75.00 which I owe you. It is a money order Al and youcan get it cashed by takeing it to Joe Higgins at the P.O.

  Since I wrote to you Al I been East with the club and I guess you knowwhat I done in the East. The Athaletics did not have no right to winthat 1 game off of me and I will get them when they come here the weekafter next. I beat Boston and just as good as beat New York twicebecause I beat them 1 game all alone and then saved the other for EddieCicotte in the 9th inning and shut out the Washington Club and would ofdid the same thing if Johnson had of been working against me instead ofthis left handed stiff Boehling.

  Speaking of left handers Allen has been going rotten and I would not besupprised if they sent him to Milwaukee or Frisco or somewheres.

  But I got bigger news than that for you Al. Florrie is back and we areliveing together in the spair room at Allen's flat so I hope they don'tsend him to Milwaukee or nowheres else because it is not costing usnothing for room rent and this is no more than right after the way theAllens grafted off of us all last winter.

  I bet you will be supprised to know that I and Florrie has made it upand they is a secret about it Al which I can't tell you now but maybenext month I will tell you and then you will be more supprised thanever. It is about I and Florrie and somebody else. But that is all Ican tell you now.

  We got in this A.M. Al and when I got to my room they was a slip ofpaper there telling me to call up a phone number so I called it up andit was Allen's flat and Marie answered the phone. And when I reckonizedher voice I was going to hang up the phone but she says Wait a minutesomebody wants to talk with you. And then Florrie come to the phone andI was going to hang up the phone again when she pulled this secret onme that I was telling you about.

  So it is all fixed up between us Al and I wish I could tell you thesecret but that will come later. I have tooken my baggage over toAllen's and I am there now writeing to you while Florrie is asleep.And after a while I am going out and mail this letter and get a glassof beer because I think I have got 1 comeing now on account of thissecret. Florrie says she is sorry for the way she treated me and shecried when she seen me. So what is the use of me being nasty Al? Andlet bygones be bygones.

  Your pal, JACK.

  _Chicago, Illinois, June 16._

  FRIEND AL: Al I beat the Athaletics 2 to 1 to-day but I am writeing toyou to give you the supprise of your life. Old pal I got a baby and heis a boy and we are going to name him Allen which Florrie thinks isafter his uncle and aunt Allen but which is after you old pal. And shecan call him Allen but I will call him Al because I don't never go backon my old pals. The baby was born over to the hospital and it is goingto cost me a bunch of money but I should not worry. This is the secretI was going to tell you Al and I am the happyest man in the world and Ibet you are most as tickled to death to hear about it as I am.

  The baby was born just about the time I was makeing McInnis look likea sucker in the pinch but they did not tell me nothing about it tillafter the game and then they give me a phone messige in the clubhouse.I went right over there and everything was all O.K. Little Al is ahomely little skate but I guess all babys is homely and don't have nolooks till they get older and maybe he will look like Florrie or I thenI won't have no kick comeing.

  Be sure and tell Bertha the good news and tell her everything has cameout all right except that the rent man is still after me about thatflat I had last winter. And I am still paying the old man $10.00 amonth for that house you got for me and which has not never done me nogood. But I should not worry about money when I got a real family. Doyou get that Al, a real family?

  Well Al I am to happy to do no more writeing to-night but I wanted youto be the 1st to get the news and I would of sent you a telegram only Idid not want to scare you.

  Your pal, JACK.

  _Chicago, Illinois, July 2._

  OLD PAL: Well old pal I just come back from St. Louis this A.M. andfound things in pretty fare shape. Florrie and the baby is out toAllen's and we will stay there till I can find another place. The Dr.was out to look at the baby this A.M. and the baby was waveing hisarm round in the air. And Florrie asked was they something the matterwith him that he kept waveing his arm. And the Dr. says No he was justgetting his exercise.

  Well Al I noticed that he never waved his right arm but kept waveinghis left arm and I asked the Dr. why was that. Then the Dr. says Iguess he must be left handed. That made me sore and I says I guess youdoctors don't know it all. And then I turned round and beat it out ofthe room.

  Well Al it would be just my luck to have him left handed and Florrieshould ought to of knew better than to name him after Allen. I amgoing to hire another Dr. and see what he has to say because they mustbe some way of fixing babys so as they won't be left handed. And ifnessary I will cut his left arm off of him. Of coarse I would not dothat Al. But how would I feel if a boy of mine turned out like Allenand Joe Hill and some of them other nuts?

  We have a game with St. Louis to-morrow and a double header on the 4thof July. I guess probily Callahan will work me in one of the 4th ofJuly games on account of the holiday crowd.

  Your pal, JACK.

  P.S. Maybe I should ought to leave the kid left handed so as he canhave some of their luck. The lucky stiffs.