by Lucy Knott
‘If I had to take a guess I’d say – and this is just a wild guess – The Dharma Bums. You’re searching for something,’ he said, casually lifting his coffee to his lips and looking rather pleased with himself.
‘OK, smarty pants. I’d say Tristessa for you. You’re searching for someone,’ she said confidently, matching his cocky smile from over her own coffee.
***
The whistle of the cafetière broke through Amanda’s daydreams. She began pouring herself a tiny espresso in her zias’ ceramic espresso cup, when she sensed him.
‘Is there enough there for two?’ Dan asked, his voice soft and low.
Amanda smiled and reached for another cup. ‘Always,’ she replied.
Dan’s hair was unruly at the best of times. But now his brown waves were sticking up every which way. He caught her looking at it and in one cool and swift movement he ran a hand through it. It, of course, did exactly what he wanted and now looked smooth and bouncy, slicked back, his waves grazing his shoulders.
He stood close to Amanda, watching her carefully pour the coffee. When she had finished he took the small cups and walked over to the kitchen table, where she followed him, grabbing a bag of biscotti on the way. They proceeded to drink their coffee in a comfortable silence while watching the sky fade from charcoal grey to an inky black. It was reminiscent of her daydreams, sitting with him enjoying the simple pleasures of a coffee, though this time they weren’t getting to know each other, they were very much acquainted, and their view was less San Francisco hippies and more peaceful Italian skyline.
‘Would you like to go for a walk?’ Dan asked, breaking the silence and getting up to place their finished cups in the sink. He began washing them as Amanda jumped up and walked to the coat rack to get her coat.
‘What’s going on in that wonderful brain of yours, baby girl?’ Dan asked, joining her at the door and putting on his thick brown jacket. Amanda shrugged. She realized she wasn’t her usual chirpy self, but she wasn’t ready to unload her thoughts on Dan just yet. Her deepest, darkest secret could wait. She loved having him around and couldn’t possibly bear an argument or rejection after the past few weeks. She didn’t think her heart could handle it.
Furthermore, she didn’t want to come across as ungrateful for what she had in her life. Dan wouldn’t be here much longer. She had to make the most of the time she had with him before he was off on tour again and it would be another year before she saw him. As she thought about this, it occurred to her that three days had passed, and she hadn’t asked Dan when he was leaving.
‘So, I was thinking,’ he said, putting an arm around her shoulders as they descended the steps that would lead to the main road, ‘I don’t want to impose on your family, but would it be OK if I stayed for Christmas?’ It was as though he had read her mind.
Amanda stopped in her tracks, her heart beating a little faster now. ‘Of course it’s OK.’ She tried to sound nonchalant, but her voice came out a touch higher than normal. Looking up into Dan’s eyes, she added, ‘You wouldn’t be imposing. I like having you here, but is it OK with your mom? She’s going to miss you.’
Dan pulled her closer to his side and kissed her hair. ‘Yes, she will, and I will miss her too, but she understands; in fact she very sternly told me to make sure I look after you.’ He raised his eyebrows and gave her a sidelong glance.
Amanda let out a laugh. She loved Dan’s mom. They had hit it off right away when they met in San Francisco. She shared Dan’s passion for art and books and, like Dan, she enjoyed food. She and Amanda had plenty to talk about. They had stayed in contact over the past three years too and Amanda longed to hang out with her again.
‘She messaged a few days ago – it meant a lot, her thinking of me,’ Amanda said, watching her feet, her shoes leaving prints in the dusting of snow. ‘I will have to text her tomorrow,’ she continued, wistfully, ‘just to make sure she doesn’t think I’ve kidnapped you and am holding you hostage.’ She smiled though not quite feeling one hundred per cent bubbly.
She needed Dan now – that she could very much admit to, at least to herself and herself only, but it was easier said than done focusing on the present, being grateful that she was getting to spend Christmas with him for the first time, when her brain wanted to drift to images of him getting on a plane. While Amanda was battling the secrets in her head she could sense Dan was watching her closely.
‘So,’ he began, ‘I think when you were in San Francisco I was the best tour guide there ever was. What are you going to show me?’ he finished with a hint of mischief in his voice that Amanda was more accustomed to hearing from Levi’s mouth. She glanced up at Dan and couldn’t help a grin. His full lips were slightly parted, and he gave her a flutter of his curly long lashes. He was certainly a welcome distraction and a light her heart needed when it came to work problems and missing her grandpa; however, not so much with her whole Dan being the problem, problem.
‘Oh, I don’t know, Dan,’ she said feeling a little stumped. She hadn’t been thinking too much about being a fantastic tour guide. Sensing she wasn’t acting like her fiery self, Dan grabbed her mitten-covered hand and picked up the pace.
‘You know what? I have the best idea. Now, it’s not something for the faint-hearted but I know my best girl is tough and the bravest I know,’ Dan said. She cocked her head and gave him a quizzical look. He stepped in front of her with a skip in his step. When he looked at her, Amanda got lost in the depths of his soulful brown eyes.
‘I think we should go skinny-dipping, get rid of all these clothes and jump straight into that water,’ he finished, with a smile that undoubtedly would have any girl doing whatever he wished. They had been walking for a good twenty minutes, their feet having led them down to the beach. It was deserted, unsurprisingly, as the wind had picked up and there was a strong icy nip in the air. They were the only two daft enough to be out this late at night, Amanda thought. She took a moment to register Dan’s very out of character suggestion and let out a bark of laughter then slapped him hard in the chest.
‘Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?’ She guffawed, poking him as he walked backwards getting closer to the small waves lapping over the cobbles at the water’s edge. ‘Does that work for all your usual suspects and you thought you’d try it on me? Or, has hanging out with Levi for the past twenty-eight years just started to rub off on you?’ She punched him again, in the shoulder this time.
‘Are you a chicken?’ he asked, his cheeks flushed red from the cold chill.
‘No, Dan.’ She pushed him, and he caught her hand and pulled her into the path of the waves, the water splashing against her boots. She screamed. ‘I am not a chicken, but you are joking, right? The last thing I need right now is frostbite and least of all to see my best friend naked.’ She laughed, then worried for a second that that might offend him, but looking at the coy grin on his face, it hadn’t. Why would it? she thought, remembering he had a million girls lining up to see him naked. It wasn’t like she could bruise his ego.
Dan stepped out of the water and walked to a spot nearer the high rocks, which blocked some of the wind, and sat down, pulling Amanda onto his lap.
‘Well, that’s not very nice is it?’ he said, his low and raspy voice back to its usual octave. She could feel his warm breath on the back of her neck.
‘What’s not nice? Me not wanting to see you naked? I’m sure there are plenty of girls out there who would be happy to kiss your ego better,’ she replied, leaning back into him. He wrapped his arms around her waist as they both looked out across the sparkling sea.
‘Yeah, I guess so,’ he said. She could feel him smiling behind her. It crossed her mind that this had all been an act to make her laugh and get her to loosen up. Dan was good at that. Him acting completely out of character had definitely done the trick. Work seemed miles away and though she missed Grandpa, having Dan around and her family together, she knew there were still happy things to come. Though to her dismay, she n
ow had the image of him skinny-dipping in her mind, which was, again, not really helping the Dan problem that she was trying to bury deep down inside.
She let out a low groan.
‘Someone’s thinking naughty thoughts,’ Dan said, laughing. He squeezed her tighter.
‘I hate you,’ she replied, unable to wipe the grin from her face.
Chapter 14
Nanna’s Insalata
Ingredients:
Burrata (Orzoro have the best, will need to import it if I ever have my own place)
Homegrown tomatoes (Get tips from Grandpa on growing the juiciest ones)
Olive oil (Preferably homemade)
Salt
Basil
What to do:
Simply plate burrata whole.
Slice tomatoes and drizzle with olive oil and salt. Arrange alongside the cheese.
Garnish with lots of fresh basil.
Sabrina could hear Nanna was enjoying every minute with her sisters. They were laughing away in the kitchen and whipping up another something delightful in preparation for lunch. Dan and Amanda had been catching up after not having seen each other in months, though Sabrina wondered what they possibly had left to talk to each other about, and Louisa had been spending her days and nights exploring Italy with Luca. Something told Sabrina that Luca was a keeper, if Louisa’s blushing cheeks and delirious smile were anything to go by.
Sabrina had enjoyed Levi’s company when he was around, but she hadn’t seen him too much due to work calls and him needing to take care of business. This she understood to mean his mind was occupied by other more important women. She hadn’t found the right time to bring up Lydia or tell him how she felt, but it seemed that him taking care of business said it all. He liked her as a friend – she knew it. He flirted with everyone and Sabrina was no exception. How could she have been so silly to think that he could possibly fall for her when he had groupies and celebrities galore to choose from?
She pondered this thought for a moment as she sat in her aunties’ living room. She was nice and toasty, having remembered her slipper socks and Amanda’s sweatpants this time. In addition, she had on her Zia Emilia’s baggy Christmas jumper, which had become her favourite piece of clothing – it did such a wonderful job at keeping away the chill and it felt vintage.
With Levi and Dan now present she felt she best get caught up on how things had been going at work while she was away. She hadn’t had chance to talk to Dan and Levi about any gigs or radio shows yet, so having avoided all things work-related for the past two weeks, she braced herself and nervously switched on her laptop while looking around the room.
There was nothing but pictures of her family adorning the walls. In a beautiful white rustic-style frame, there was Grandpa beaming down at her, just Grandpa stood with his hands on his hips, his head thrown back in laughter in the kitchen. Someone off camera must have told him a joke. Sabrina smiled at the thought. Another gorgeous golden frame saw Zia Emilia on her wedding day. Next to her Zia Sofia stood with her late husband, whom the girls had never met. A bright baby blue frame showed their mum as a baby playing outside with her toys on the balcony and a bigger deeper blue frame displayed Mum and Dad sat together with all the family around them having a feast at the very table they sat at every night here.
She even noticed a picture of her and her sisters standing tall and proud holding a fish that they had caught with Grandpa one summer. The wall was one of Sabrina’s favourite things about the house. Off to the side the Christmas tree they had put up last night stood elegantly in the corner of the room. It added a special glow to the room and emitted a lovely fresh pine scent. She sighed. She sure did love this place.
She smiled at the candles and religious statues on the shelves near the nativity before bringing her attention back to her laptop. It pinged to life with an email, from Lydia Jones. ‘Oh crap, what does she want?’ Sabrina said out loud, scared to open it up. Her hands trembled slightly. Her stomach did a flip as she double clicked the email and on the screen staring back at her were the words: ‘You’re fired. Sincerely Lydia Jones.’ Followed up with a bunch of more formal-looking words and phrases.
In an instant she felt sick. How could she possibly fire her? She had told her why she was going away; did she not have an ounce of compassion in her? It took a minute before the words sunk in, her usual laid-back demeanour completely diminished as Sabrina started to panic. She couldn’t go back to LA without a job, she couldn’t afford her apartment without a paycheque and oh my God, what had she done? Who would take over San Francisco Beat now?
She had made a promise to the boys and now she was leaving them with she didn’t even know who. Her mind raced as to what she was going to say to Levi. Would he hate her? She was sure the boys really liked having her as a manager. Now she’d messed it all up. She loved her job.
***
Sabrina had always loved music. When she was younger she would often sit by the fire in the living room with Nanna, singing along to the most beautiful melodies and powerful vocals of Frank Sinatra, Andrea Bocelli and Pavarotti, while Amanda was busy cooking with Grandpa and Louisa busied herself with sewing and designing. Sabrina had loved sharing this time with Nanna. Many times they would get up and sway to the music, not a care in the world, just the music leading the way.
That feeling stayed with her throughout her teen years. She embraced everything she heard from pop, to rock, to punk. She even tried getting into heavy metal, though admittedly that wasn’t quite her scene, but she respected and appreciated it all. At sixteen she got a job in HMV and whenever she had free time she would be at gigs or buried in a book, learning her music history and how the music business worked.
At twenty-one she had a lucky encounter with John Mayer, OK maybe not that lucky. She had finally bumped into him after she had been stalking him for several days. He had taken a liking to her and expressed his amusement at her boldness, and indeed bravery, for following him into the men’s bathroom at Leeds Music Festival. He liked her bubbly, flirty nature and suggested she spend the summer on tour with him.
Sabrina jumped at the chance and spent the rest of her summer holidays basically playing cheerleader, keeping him caffeinated and occasionally supplying interesting conversation. And she enjoyed every single minute. She loved being behind the scenes and made sure to speak to every member of the crew, picking their brains along the way.
It was after this stint that she felt confident to push herself in the direction of the big leagues. She had no desire to leave home but when an opportunity arose at one of California’s top record labels, she immediately jumped at the chance. It had been four years and she had worked her way up from office runner to manager’s assistant, to manager.
And thanks to Amanda’s trip to San Francisco three years ago, and Amanda’s encounter with Dan, she had been able to step out from under Lydia’s Dolce & Gabbana heel and become manager to the hottest band the world had seen for some time, in San Francisco Beat. Now all her hard work had gone down the drain and for what reason? Did she get fired because Lydia knew Levi had come to see her? Would Lydia really do that out of jealousy? She guessed now was as good a time as any to talk to Levi.
‘Levi, I’ve been fired, I’ve been fired,’ she shouted down the phone, slightly irked at herself that her usual problem-solving, calm and collected manner had been completely tossed out the window.
‘I’ll be right there,’ Levi replied. She heard him grab what sounded like his hotel keys and slam a door behind him.
The boys were staying at the renowned Hotel Stella just minutes from the house, so Levi burst into the small living room before Sabrina had figured out exactly what she wanted to say to him. She was shaking and tugging on her jumper, confused as to how she was going to fix this.
‘Levi, what happened? I thought you guys said you would be fine without me when I spoke to you on the phone? I sent you all the schedules – did something go wrong? Did I do something wrong? Why did she fire me by ema
il?’ she asked, still tugging on her jumper, her eyes searching Levi’s face for a clue.
‘I’m sorry that she emailed you like that. She really is heartless but it’s going to be OK. You were too good to work for her anyway,’ Levi said, in response to her flustered mumblings. He had joined her in pacing the room, though his strides were much larger than hers. He cleared the room in two steps. His constant turning around was making her dizzy. She plonked herself back down on the couch.
‘Levi, it’s not about me being too good for her. I need a job, I need to pay my bills. That’s what adults do, and I worked so hard to get to the position I was in. It’s been four long years and now it’s all gone. What happened? I had everything planned for you guys – you promised me it would be OK. You said it was all about the music. What scandal did you guys get caught up in? What hotel room did you trash? Uh which celebrity did you sleep with?’ Sabrina asked, head in her hands. The thought made her stomach turn. Though she didn’t truly believe that the boys were capable of such awful acts of pretentiousness, she was out of options and way past freaked out.
Her voice turned soft. She felt drained and hurt. ‘What happened? How could she do this?’ she repeated, in a hushed and deflated tone.
‘It’s not like that, Brina. It’s nothing like that at all. Jesus, we’re not exactly your typical rock stars, are we? Look, we were all a bit out of it when you rang. It was hard to think about work when you were in so much pain. Dan was a mess and couldn’t focus on anything. He just wanted to be with Amanda. We had been following your schedule up until that point and it was going great. The interview segment went well on The Late Late Show with James Corden and we played those two awesome pub gigs you set up. The radio DJs were cool and loved the new stuff. It was great, Bri, you did great.
‘But then after hearing the news about Grandpa, our heads weren’t really into it and Lydia showed up on Monday night when we were in the middle of an interview. She was a huge distraction and kept feeding lines to the DJs or interrupting. Then she informed us the schedule had changed and that we would be following her schedule for the remainder of the media tour.’