by Lucy Knott
‘Excuse me? What was going so well? I do not love him,’ Amanda said, more firmly. Her hands were squeezing the life out of her own now empty coffee cup.
‘You were spending time together, instead of always talking on the phone. These past few days I could see it in his eyes. He knows it too and then, clever clogs, you go and tell him you have a boyfriend. Why on earth did you do that and what exactly did he say to that?’ Sabrina asked, flailing her arms around. She was asking questions for the sake of it, simply to make Amanda realize what she was doing. But Sabrina knew it didn’t matter. Whatever excuse Amanda came up with and whatever Dan had in fact said were proof of nothing. There was no way Dan believed Amanda had a boyfriend and no way Dan would be fine with it.
‘You are completely off your rocker, Bri. Uh …’ Amanda paused. Sabrina was not about to drop the conversation this time. Even though it saddened her to watch her big sister shift uncomfortably in her seat, she couldn’t give in and allow her to keep her heart locked away any more. She kept her eyes locked on Amanda’s. There was an excitement bubbling inside her this time that overshadowed the tiny worry in her mind that her sister might possibly slap her in the face. Instead a few moments passed before Amanda let out a frustrated sigh and stuffed a whole cartucci in her mouth from the parcel that was still unwrapped. Sabrina didn’t break eye contact.
Louisa looked on in amusement from one sister to the other. Then, finally, a few more seconds passed before, with a mouthful of cake, Amanda muffled, ‘I said it because he doesn’t get it. He doesn’t like me in that way. Everything is just normal to him. He doesn’t see me like that and I was in some sort of carb coma. And his stupid response was: “He sounds lovely. If he treats you bad I’ll sort him out and don’t go getting married without telling me” or something to that effect.’ Amanda huffed, spraying cartucci crumbs everywhere.
Louisa and Sabrina remained silent. All of a sudden, a light bulb went off in Sabrina’s head as though it took a second for her brain to realize she wasn’t dreaming and that their big sister had finally admitted to what they knew to be true all along.
‘Eureka!!! See, all is not lost. He wants to marry you. Don’t you get it?’ Sabrina yelled for everyone in Pasticceria Pansa and the square to hear.
‘I feel like we have been waiting for this moment for light years,’ Louisa added, joining Sabrina in standing and flailing her arms in the air.
‘Jeez, stop it. You two are worse than me. Arrrrghhhh, he does not want to marry me,’ Amanda said, kicking her feet in frustration. ‘And fine, so what if I think for a brief, tiny, inkling of a moment I’m actually in love with him, it’s horrible – it will pass. I’m just confused with everything that’s been going on,’ Amanda said, looking every bit a two-year-old who just spat out their dummy.
‘I knew it. You’ve got it bad, dear sweet sister. I wondered why you had been avoiding him these past few months. And then telling him you have a boyfriend – you’re an idiot but a clever idiot. Don’t you see? You’re testing him. You might not have realized it, but your heart spoke for you. It was trying to find a way. By the sounds of it, you have nothing to worry about,’ Sabrina shouted. She was pacing back and forth in front of Amanda, doing her best Sherlock Holmes impression.
‘How can you possibly think I have nothing to worry about given everything I just said?’ Amanda asked, her face bearing a look of bewilderment. ‘I have been best friends with this man for three years, he has been linked with numerous, and bloody gorgeous, might I add, models and celebrities and I’m just a chef from Manchester, not even a celebrity chef at that. He’s always so bloody calm and collected and can always tell what I’m thinking. Yet … yet, this time he doesn’t have a clue, unless he’s trying to ignore me because he so obviously does not feel the same and feels bad for me and hopes it will go away. And, my God, how am I supposed to kiss my best friend? People don’t do that. I don’t want to think about whether or not Dan has a bloody six pack.’ Amanda was standing now. She let out a huge breath. Sabrina had never seen her big sister so conflicted.
‘I have no doubt that beautiful rock god best friend of yours has a six pack,’ Sabrina teased, making Louisa laugh and succeeding in lightening the mood. She noticed Amanda’s eyebrows relax as she tossed back her tousled brown hair. Amanda took a deep breath in. Sabrina watched as she let it out along with a high-pitched laugh. Sabrina imagined Amanda felt like the weight of the world had been taken off her shoulders.
‘Bri, please, it would make things so much easier if you could just set me up with Harry Styles and leave this Dan thing alone,’ Amanda said, with a twinkle in her eye. Yes, Sabrina had no doubt her big sister felt like a million dollars getting this off her chest.
Sabrina chuckled. She grabbed Amanda and Louisa’s hands and began twirling and dancing around the fountain, the ice in the air being forgotten as the joy of the conversation warmed them up. ‘I think Dan would fire me if I set you up with Harry Styles. That man adores you and has been going crazy not hearing from you over the past few months and you throw a nice cherry on the top of the cake by telling him you have a boyfriend. Poor Dan, he must be going stir crazy.’
Amanda scrunched her nose up at Sabrina and gave her a look that said ‘don’t be daft’. Then she said, ‘I do not believe for a second Dan has been going crazy. Dan doesn’t do crazy. Dan doesn’t let anyone in.’
Sabrina stopped dancing to catch her breath. ‘Our big sister, so young and naive. Dan may not let just anyone in, but you, it so happens, are not just anyone. And, FYI, I happen to know his best friend rather well,’ Sabrina said, turning the tables on Amanda from their previous conversation on the balcony.
‘Please spare me the imagery of that sentence quick and tell me what that has to do with anything?’ Amanda said, making Louisa chuckle.
‘Just like you drive us mad when you haven’t heard from Dan, Dan drives Levi up the wall when he hasn’t heard from you – that’s what that has to do with anything. I have the inside scoop,’ Sabrina noted, her energy coming back to her as she began twirling once more. Amanda seemed frozen to the spot at this new-found information. Sabrina chuckled and grabbed her sister’s hands. Drops of snowflakes caressed her cheeks as she looked up to the sky.
‘It’s a Christmas miracle, Grandpa,’ she shouted up to the stars. ‘She’s in love with him. And it’s only taken three bloody years for her to realize.’
Chapter 18
Nanna’s Christmas Cake
Ingredients:
One pandoro (any brand, but Bauli are really, really good)
Marsala or sweet wine
Strawberries
Nanna’s custard:
4 tbsps sugar
4 tbsps plain flour
4 egg yolks
Skin of lemon and orange (Amalfi lemons and oranges are best; they don’t have so much pith)
2 pints of milk
What to do:
Stir together all the custard ingredients, whisking on a low heat until thick and cooked.
Slice pandoro into star shapes and drizzle with Marsala.
Once custard is cooked and cooled, layer the cake together again with custard in between each slice.
Decorate with strawberries.
Christmas morning arrived and brought with it a crisp air and bold orange and purple sunrise. There had been no snowfall during the night, which meant Louisa could see small specks of green peeking from the plant pots. The balcony was littered with pots of every size. Though nothing much was growing at the moment, in summer they would be blooming with artichokes, oranges, tomatoes, lemons – you name it, her aunties would grow it fresh, right here amongst the rustic tiles and weathered house.
As she looked around, tears threatened her face as she thought of her grandpa’s green house, how over the years he would try and grow the artichoke but to no avail. The British summer wasn’t quite right for such delicacies.
‘I’m thinking of you, Grandpa,’ she whispered, tracing her hand over the stone wal
l. ‘I wish you were here.’ Louisa had woken up at the crack of dawn, having been unable to sleep due to a small amount of magic that came from it being Christmas Eve and a whole amount of anxiety of what the day would bring without her grandpa.
‘Nice outfit.’ Louisa jumped out of her skin at the sound of Levi’s voice. She hadn’t heard them open the gate. She hastily wiped at her tears with her Olaf onesie, as Levi embraced her in a giant friendly hug. ‘Merry Christmas, Lou,’ he added, stepping back and catching her eye.
‘Thanks, Merry Christmas, Levi. Everyone’s inside if you want to go in. There should be plenty of breakfast left if you guys are hungry,’ she said, forcing her voice to sound normal and pointing to the kitchen doors. Levi released her and walked off, eager to see Sabrina no doubt. Dan didn’t seem in such a hurry as he took in her watery eyes. He wandered over to her and stood by her side, looking out in the same direction she had just been looking.
‘How are you holding up?’ he asked, his voice ever so kind as he turned to look at her, his eyes deeply rich with interest and concern.
Jeez, Amanda better hold on to this guy and never let him go, and soon, before he got snapped up by someone else, Louisa thought, as Dan’s voice nearly melted her own heart. Though she knew that Dan getting snapped up by someone else was not possible, as she was certain the man in front of her only had eyes for her sister. She took in his tall, muscular frame. He was wearing tight black jeans, with a white shirt peeking out from under a thick woolly cardigan, a look that she felt only Dan could make look hot on a rock star. She cleared her throat.
‘I’m good thanks. Sorry, Dan, I didn’t mean for you to catch my blubberfest,’ she said, feeling a little embarrassed all of a sudden. She played with the tassels on the end of her red and green scarf and thought for a moment how lovely it had been to spend more time with Dan and Levi over the past week. She knew them reasonably well through Skype calls and all that Amanda had said about them, but getting to hang out with her big sister’s best friends had been a treat.
Louisa almost forgot that they were international rock stars, as they were incredibly grounded, but just being stood next to Dan and the aura of an enigma he embodied made it impossible to completely forget. He was a striking human and Louisa had seen the way people gawped at him. Here on the Amalfi Coast it was ever so subtle though and they hadn’t been bombarded with fans like they were elsewhere. Had they been in Milan, Louisa didn’t think they would have enjoyed the luxury of a cosy, quiet Christmas.
‘Sweetheart, I think you have every right to a blubberfest. I’m sorry we barged in on your time,’ he said, rubbing her shoulder and putting paid to her thoughts of what it was to live a rock-star life.
‘No, it’s OK. I was just taking a minute to say hi, you know? I’m trying so hard to be cheerful and thankful. I’m surrounded by my family and I want to enjoy every minute, but then it hits me that he’s not there, just like that … I don’t want to be ungrateful.’ Louisa’s bottom lip trembled. She tried to fight it, but it was no use. She knew Dan understood and felt grateful for him being there as the tears rushed once more. He stepped forward and put his comforting arms around her. After a minute, she sighed deeply. ‘Uh, he sure is going to be a tough one to miss.’
‘You miss him all you like, hon. Never feel guilty for talking about him or taking a moment to yourself. Everyone in there understands. It will take time to heal, but it will become less painful as you remember all the incredible times you had with him. We can mourn them and celebrate them. It becomes a balance and you will find that balance when the time is right. In the meantime, sweetheart, don’t forget those in front of you. Talk to them and share your feelings. They are there for you. You will get through it together while still living life and creating memories with them also.’
His words came out slow and soft, like he knew no amount of words could truly take away the pain, yet he could only try, and that’s what mattered: to understand the love someone had for a person and to simply be there for them and support them.
‘Dan.’ Louisa turned round to look at him, taking in everything he said and feeling a lot lighter for it. ‘Thank you, you are right. It’s important we make the most of every single second with those we love; therefore, when they are gone we have a book full of wonderful memories that we can read from every day, almost like we can live and experience them all over again. Grandpa gave me a hundred books full of amazing memories that I will think of every day, but I must also continue writing the chapters with my family and not miss a single second with them.’
She paused and took a step back, feeling grateful for this new philosophical outlook. ‘Dan?’ she said again, looking him in the eyes and dabbing at the wetness of her cheeks with her onesie. She cleared her throat once more. ‘Dan, make sure you grab hold of those you love and make those memories and not just the fly-by memories but the out of this world, most incredible, magical, heart-soaring memories that would almost seem like a Disney fairy tale if you read it back. OK? Oh, and if gorgeous, funny, talented chefs go around making up daft stories about made-up boyfriends and perfect men, don’t let them stop you going after what you want. Don’t miss out on opportunities or waste any more time. Go and write those chapters you want to read, right this second.’
Dan looked at her, a smile appearing subtly on his ruggedly handsome face, his cheeks slightly flushed. Louisa hugged him for a second time. She knew Dan was a smart guy and was more than confident that he knew exactly what she was referring to. ‘Grandpa liked you very much, Dan. No doubt Amanda told you he always asked about you and would have loved to have seen you again. Life is short – there’s no time to wait.’
Without waiting for him to reply, she made her way back into the dining room, walking past the rosemary plant, grabbing a handful and taking a big sniff as she stepped through the door.
***
The lanterns were in the shape of tiny stars. They hung from the orange trees down to the gate below. By the door a ceramic blue and yellow pot held a bunch of long twigs, each glistening with gold flecks under the moonlight. There were three windows at the front of the house, the centre ledge of each one boasted its own bright and colourful Christmas ornament.
The first window Louisa looked at had a red and gold arch that was home to three long stem candles. The second window displayed a small gingerbread house made out of porcelain. The lights bounced off it giving off a disco effect on the rose curtains beside it. In the third window above the door, a baby tree twirled around playing a soft Christmas tune. Louisa felt like she had walked into Santa’s grotto and she was only in the garden.
‘It’s just through here, amore mia,’ Luca said. She looked over to him to see him standing on the spot watching her. He had his hand out in the direction of the front door yet didn’t seem in a hurry to go inside. His features softened and a light flush rose in his cheeks, highlighting his perfect cheekbones when she looked at him. He smiled, dimples appearing either side of his gorgeous lips, making Louisa’s knees wobble. She could stand here and stare at him all night and happily risk frostbite, she thought.
‘You’re telling me this is where your parents live? Luca, it’s like a Christmas wonderland,’ she breathed, feeling like she had walked into something straight from a Pinterest board. She walked over to Luca, and taking his hand she stepped up to the front door and was greeted by a stunning twine wreath dusted in fake snow with sprigs of holly leaves sticking out of the top.
‘Si, Signorina. My parents are big fans of this holiday,’ he said, bringing her hand up to his lips and kissing it gently.
‘Do they decorate inside too?’ Louisa asked, turning to face him, her eyes wide with excitement. Out of nowhere, Luca cupped her face and kissed her sweetly. His lips lingered on hers for a moment when he slowly pulled back.
‘You look beautiful when you are excited,’ he said. ‘You have eyes like a Disney princess,’ he added, tracing his thumb over her cheek. ‘Are you ready to go inside?’
Louisa hesitated for a moment. For one she was trying to compose herself after Luca kissed her. His kisses tasted like the mouth-watering cakes he made at his family’s shop. Needless to say, he tasted yummy. And two, though Luca made her feel so welcome with his warm features and kind heart, she still felt a nervous flutter in her stomach that she was about to meet his whole family.
The door creaked open and Louisa was instantly hit with the smell of almonds and cocoa. She had barely placed one foot inside the house before an older lady, a touch taller than she was, with bright blue eyes and long, wavy, dirty blonde hair ambushed her. She could only be Luca’s mother. The lady embraced her tightly for a good minute before stepping back, still holding on to Louisa’s arm, and introducing herself as Rose, Luca’s mother.
Rose guided her through the hallway, past the gallery of family photos Louisa really wanted to look at, and into the living room where two people sat chatting away by the most spectacular Christmas tree Louisa had ever seen. Her jaw dropped as she took in this dazzling six-foot tree adorned with gold and silver tinsel and every ornament she felt had ever been made. From wooden Santas to felt gingerbread men and tiny red robins, to glass angels, candy canes and pasta, it was a beautiful explosion of Christmas spirit dangling from every branch.
Louisa was mesmerized. She took a step closer wanting to examine each bauble and was caught off guard with a running hug as two little arms wrapped round her legs. Luca was quick to catch her just before she hit the floor.
‘Mamma mia,’ a voice shouted out. ‘Matilde, Matilde, stai attento, stai attento.’ A gorgeous blonde woman with a red skater dress and matching red bow in her hair ran over and scooped up the little girl, the culprit behind the hug attack. The woman bounced the girl up and down in her arms and looked at Louisa. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘She seems to like you already,’ she added with an apologetic chuckle.