“Hmm,” she said, the suggestion of a smile spreading across her face.
“Anna, I’m offering you one of my most treasured possessions.” He took the notebook away from her and balanced it on the palm of his hand, bowing his head as he offered it up to her. “Will you accept it?” He peeked up at her, waiting for her to answer.
“Yeah, I’ll accept it.” She flung her arm around his neck and planted a kiss on his cheek. “You’re the best, you know.”
“Don’t you forget it. So you wanna go see outside?”
“Saving the best for last, huh?” He grabbed her hand and she followed him to the massive deck. It had been so dark the night before that she couldn’t have seen how huge it actually was, with a wooden table, chairs, and flowerpots that lined the tree-trunk railings.
“Come with me, down to the lake.” Already he was a few steps ahead of her. She followed him down some more stairs and onto a worn dirt path that sloped leisurely downward. Rows of stones created steps every few feet. The path dead-ended into a small wooden dock lined with more tree-trunk railings. Her steps almost bounced as she walked down the length of it to join him standing at the end.
The curved toes of Caleb’s sneakers were even with the edge of the dock. He scanned the water and listened closely to everything—its lapping against the rowboat on the shore behind them, the call of a bird that he could have sworn was an eagle, the occasional breeze that would urge the tree branches away from their familiar pose. But what struck him the most was what he wasn’t hearing. There was no moaning echoing down a hallway, no screaming, no madness. Just peace. Everything was in its place, doing what it should be doing, and he was finally a part of it.
“This is paradise.” Anna’s voice nudged him out of his meditation.
“It’s perfect.” A gust of wind swirled around them. His T-shirt soaked up the heat of the sun, funneling it onto his skin. It made him feel happy and loved and like the sun was meant for him.
But suddenly there was the sound of something else besides the water and the birds. The dirt gave way softly below the tires of an approaching car. Its gears shifted. The engine stopped. He couldn’t make out much, only bits and pieces of the car through the heavy pine branches. It was either the doctor or the groceries.
He turned to Anna, ready to grab her hand and walk back toward the house, but when he saw her face he didn’t move. She stood frozen and terrified, her chest rising and falling quickly with each shallow breath.
“What’s wrong?”
“Who’s here?” she blurted out, panicked. “Who knows we’re here?”
“It’s all right,” he said taking her hand.
A voice muted by the dense trees called out. “Caleb?”
“We’re coming,” he shouted. Turning back to Anna, he tried quickly to explain. “It’s just the doctor from town. I wanted him to come over and take a look at your arm, make sure it’s healing the right way.” Her breaths grew slower. “Who did you think it was?”
Before she could answer, the doctor appeared at the other end of the dock, waving his hand broadly in the air with a pleased look on his face. He laughed loudly and made his way toward them.
“Caleb, I can’t believe it’s you!”
Chapter Twenty
Anna hadn’t told Caleb about the phone calls. The hospital had returned her own cell phone to her a little while before they left, and she had charged it up while she was waiting for Caleb to come get her. Since then she’d kept it buried in the pocket of her jeans with the ringer set to off. The number of missed calls and voice mails inched upward with every passing hour. She wouldn’t listen to the messages. But when she woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t get back to sleep, couldn’t stop obsessing about what her parents had to say to her, she snuck out of the bedroom, tucked her legs underneath her on the living room couch, and listened to every message.
At first her mother’s recorded voice was panicked, asking her to call and tell her where she was. But message after message, the voice became angry and finally hateful. Her mother, and sometimes her father, rambled on and on, spewing their poison. They told her what a horrible daughter she was to do this to them, how irresponsible she was, what a disappointment she’d become, how this was a stupid way to rebel against them. Why couldn’t she stop listening? Like an automaton, she pressed the buttons on the phone, playing message after message.
After a while she was numb. Her mother called her “an unrespectable girl,” and she didn’t even flinch. When there were no more messages, she slid back underneath the covers and wedged herself against Caleb as close as she could manage.
In one of the messages, her parents had threatened to come find her themselves. As the car drove up the dirt road, Anna thought they’d managed to do it. The adrenaline surging through her body just a few seconds ago began to dissipate as soon as the old man came into view.
Caleb took her hand and walked her toward the man. The sleeves of his off-white button-down shirt were rolled up, the sloppily folded cuffs resting at different lengths over his elbows. His brown khaki pants sat high on his waist, cinched with a worn brown belt, and instead of dress shoes he wore boxy white sneakers. He was almost completely bald, with dark brown age spots speckling the top of his head. His smile was huge and genuine. As he met them in the middle of the dock, he reached out his hand toward Caleb.
“Well, this is a surprise!” He laughed deeply and shook Caleb’s hand with vigor, resting the other hand on his shoulder. “What a difference a few years makes.”
“I guess it has been a long time,” Caleb answered with a smile. “It’s good to see you, Dr. Hillman.”
“And who’s this pretty young lady? I figured you’d be here with your dad.”
“This is Anna.”
“It’s a pleasure,” he said, taking her hand into his own.
“Nice to meet you.”
The doctor’s eyes traced the length of her arm, starting at the shoulder and moving down the sling to the fist that stuck out the end of it. She made an effort to relax her fingers.
“I see now why you needed my services. Why don’t we go into the house so I can take a look? Let me just grab my bag from the car.”
“We’ll meet you in the living room.”
“What happened?” Caleb whispered once Dr. Hillman had veered away from them toward his car. “Who did you think it was?” He held the door open for her, and they stepped into the living room.
“I didn’t want to tell you before. I—I thought it was my parents. They’ve been leaving me some messages. I thought they found us.” Caleb smiled, which was not the reaction she was expecting. She squinted back at him, shaking her head. “What? You find that funny?”
“First of all, I’d be surprised if they could hunt us down so quickly. And second, who cares? You’re an adult. They can’t make you go with them if you don’t want to. That would be kidnapping.”
Anna’s face relaxed. He was absolutely right. Even if they did find her, they couldn’t take her away. All they’d have to do was try, and she’d call the police.
“You’re right. I didn’t think of it like that before. I’m not going anywhere.” There was a hint of cockiness in her voice. “I just hope they don’t actually try to find me. It could get ugly.” Caleb winked at her and she smiled. The guilt loomed in the back of her mind, though, no matter how much she tried to ignore it.
Her focus shifted away from her parents and onto another unwelcome thought: Why did Caleb even call a doctor? She was fine and it was unnecessary. He really should have asked her first, but when she spotted him sitting in the overstuffed leather chair, looking cool and handsome as usual, her annoyance dissolved in a split second.
The sound of the screen door squeaking open made them both look over to find Dr. Hillman making his way into the room. One hand gripped a black leather doctor’s bag, its surface marked with deep lines and scratches. He motioned for Anna to join him on the couch.
“Now let’s tak
e a look at this arm. What’s the problem?”
“I broke my collarbone.”
“And how’d you manage that?” he said, removing the sling. Anna’s mind went blank. She couldn’t tell him what had really happened, and she was terrible at lying. The silence in the room ballooned.
“Just an accident,” Caleb said simply, through a smile.
Dr. Hillman looked over at him suspiciously. “What kind of accident?”
“I fell—while we were playing tag football,” Anna burst out. She ignored Caleb, who was trying to stifle a laugh.
“I see.” Dr. Hillman’s face relaxed. Anna knew what he’d been thinking. A fierce instinct to protect Caleb tempted her to yell at Dr. Hillman, tell him how crazy it was that the thought of Caleb hurting her could even enter his mind.
“I’m just going to feel around a bit, to see how you’re healing.” His fingers poked along her collarbone. They probed gently, but when he hit a certain spot, the pressure made her wince.
“That hurt?” he asked, his eyes still focused on her body.
“Yeah, right there.”
“Hmm,” he said absentmindedly. “Let’s check your range of motion. Try to move your arm around in a circle. I’ll help you.” He rested his hand underneath her elbow and lifted as she tried to move her arm. It was a strange sensation; she hadn’t taken off the sling that often or tried to move her arm very much. He pushed her arm back gently, and she grunted when a sharp pain stung her.
“I’m sorry.” He guided her arm in the other direction. “And how long ago did this happen?”
“Umm, about a week ago, I guess,” she said in between deep breaths, bracing herself for another stabbing pain.
“Well, it seems to be healing like it should. I’d like to see an X-ray, though, just to be sure. Would you be able to get to the hospital this week? Could you have your doctor forward me the X-ray of the original break?”
“Is all that really necessary?” Caleb chimed in. “We don’t have the first X-ray. And it’s just a long drive to the hospital from up here.” Anna didn’t like the idea of being near a hospital any more than he did.
“I suppose it’s not essential.”
“We’re just trying to lay low,” Caleb said, hoping to ease the concern that had crept back into the doctor’s face. “A vacation, just the two of us. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t let it out that we’re up here. Just looking for a little privacy.”
Dr. Hillman winked at Caleb, to Anna’s surprise. “Of course, of course.” He chuckled. “I remember those days.”
“We really appreciate it,” she added as he helped her back into the sling.
“Anyway, I’d say another four weeks or so with this. Now Caleb, how have you been?”
“Oh, I’m fine.”
“You know, I never really got to tell you in person how sorry I was to hear that your mother had passed.”
Caleb’s whole body went stiff.
“It’s too bad you and your dad stopped coming to the lake though. Such a beautiful house, just sitting vacant for the past couple years. And all the locals so enjoyed seeing you every summer.”
Caleb’s icy face betrayed nothing. Dr. Hillman cleared his throat uncomfortably.
“Well, it’s good to see you’re back now,” he added quickly. “We’ve certainly missed you. And bringing such a nice young lady with you. You kids do grow up fast.”
Caleb didn’t look like himself. Anna didn’t know what to do. She wanted to go over to him, be close to him, do anything to make that look on his face go away. But instead she offered Dr. Hillman an uncomfortable smile, hoping it would be enough to disguise her worry.
“Did you know that I’ve known Caleb since he was a baby? He and the family came up here every summer. And if you knew how many bumps and bruises this boy has had over the years…well, let’s just say I was here quite a bit. I didn’t mind at all, what with his mother always being such a gracious hostess.”
Caleb’s face was still frozen.
“That woman sure knew how to bake a cake.” Dr. Hillman looked through Anna and into nothing in particular, reminiscing to himself and enjoying it. “How’s your dad doing?”
“He’s fine.” Caleb’s tone was completely dead.
“Still working?”
“Yes.”
“And what have you been up to? You must be, what, eighteen by now?”
“Nineteen.”
“You in school?”
“No. I took the year off to travel.” There was no hint of hesitation.
“That’s nice. Just make sure you get back into school soon. Gotta think about your future.”
“Yeah.”
“Well,” he said, slapping his hand on his knee, “you just give me a call in a few weeks and I’ll come right back over here, and hopefully we can get that sling off your arm.” He stood up and walked over to the door. Caleb stood up slowly and followed robotically.
“Thanks for making the house call,” Caleb said blandly as he opened the screen door. “The office can just send me a bill.”
“Don’t worry about it—old time’s sake and all. You take care now.”
“Thanks,” Anna called out when he was halfway to his car.
They were alone.
One glance in Caleb’s direction and it was clear: he truly wasn’t himself. His face hung lifeless, blank.
“I’m so glad you’re healing well.” His voice was devoid of any emotion. It would have been a relief to see him sad or even angry. But there was nothing there, just a detached expression and lips that mouthed empty words.
“Caleb, tell me what’s wrong,” she said, reaching for his hand. She hated herself for sounding like she was begging. His hand was still warm, though. She’d expected it to feel ice cold.
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“Come on, I know there is. I’m…I’m sorry about your mother.” She waited to see if she’d been able to penetrate his iciness. He only looked over at her, the blankness still in his eyes, and let a pause hang in the air before he answered.
“Thanks.”
“How long ago did she…die?” She spoke the last word more quietly than all the others.
“Two years.”
His coolness made her want to cry. He’d severed the connection between them in an instant, cauterizing the open wound on his end so that it seemed like nothing had happened. She, on the other hand, was in pain, the lesion gushing blood so quickly that she was stunned.
“Caleb, talk to me.” Even though he hugged her, there was nothing behind it.
“I’m fine, really. Don’t worry.”
“Can you tell me about your mother?” She ought to have left him alone, but she couldn’t stand the distance. There were parts of him that she couldn’t understand, and she’d accepted that, but she was becoming greedy. He had pulled away so completely, and a compulsion to know everything about him weighed on her. In that moment she was heartbroken that he hadn’t exposed himself completely to her like she thought he had.
“What do you want to know?”
“What happened to her?” She almost cringed as she asked. It was wrong, but she couldn’t help herself.
“She drowned herself.” It wasn’t so much the words that stunned her but the callousness in his voice.
“Oh,” she said breathlessly. “I’m—I’m so sorry.”
“I’m going to get some water,” he said, already walking away. He passed through the kitchen door, and she was left standing alone in the living room. As the door swung back and forth on its hinges, she shuddered from the cool air that pushed back toward her in small puffs.
Chapter Twenty-One
Every detail of the day Caleb buried his mother was still clear in his mind. In a memory he found himself in the funeral home, sitting in the front row, with his mother’s casket lying a few feet away. He fidgeted with his tie as his father and then his aunt took the podium. They delivered their eulogies in between fits of sobbing. Caleb was seventeen.
He couldn’t remember what they had said because he didn’t listen. He couldn’t stop looking at the casket. His eyes traced the grain of the wood over and over again. Its surface was so shiny, polished to perfection. He kept wondering what his mother looked like lying inside, what she was wearing, if her arms were down by her sides or crossed over her chest. There couldn’t have been an open casket, but he still wished he could see her one more time. Maybe she finally looked more like herself, more like before she went on the medication, before she turned into a drugged-up zombie.
His father had touched his shoulder, handing him a bunch of lavender tied with a purple ribbon to place on the casket. The tiny flowers were her favorite, but their pungent smell made Caleb nauseous. He placed them on top of the coffin. They began to roll off, but he caught them and set them down again, this time horizontally, and they stayed. Everyone was staring at him. Two children giggled and an angry shhh came from the back of the room. His face was icy and tearless.
Then the pallbearers came in, lifted the casket off its stand, and took her away. His father nudged him and he got up, trailing his mother. He walked down the aisle past each of the rows. Despite the whispering, his eyes focused on the ground; he had no desire to look at anyone. The voices were pitying him. They made him want to shove his way past the casket and the pallbearers and all the mourners and run out of the building. But his body, however heavy and dead it felt, was strong and led him down the aisle it was supposed to walk.
And then…another aisle he was forced to walk down. That time he wore a white tuxedo with a red rose sticking out of the lapel. There was no coffin at the end of this aisle. This time his father, wearing a white tuxedo identical to his own, stood at the end, waiting for a woman in white who wasn’t his mother.
The disgust ate away at his gut. That day was what did it for him. Soon after that, he was in heaven.
Straightjacket Page 16