by Carrie Mac
“To get back at them.”
“They were finally leaving us alone, don’t you get that? You just gave them the reason they’ve been waiting for to start again.”
“Why didn’t you help Jazz? Were you afraid of them? Is that why you just left her there?”
“You should know. You read my diary.”
“But how could you just walk away from her? What if it was you? What if—”
“What if I say that you will never live this down? I will never live this down. You thought last year was bad? You just wait. Once the Beckoners read it everyone will know exactly who you were writing about, and everyone will know that you found out from me.”
“This isn’t about you, Zoe. No one will know how I found out.”
“No one will believe me if I say I didn’t tell you anything. No one will believe me that you just happened to find out. They’ll think I told you.”
“Maybe not.”
“Are you that stupid?”
“I didn’t mean to get you in trouble, Zoe. I just wanted to get back at the Beckoners. Once and for all.”
“I don’t care what you did or didn’t mean to do. You did it. And now we are both screwed. Do you even get that? What it means to be screwed?”
“Ask Jazz.” April’s expression darkened. “Besides, what have I got to lose?”
“Absolutely nothing, because you are a nothing. And do you know why? Because you are a professional loser. You will always be a loser, and even worse, you’re the kind of loser that people go out of their way to hate, because just you breathing pushes people’s buttons.” Zoe slapped her copy of the paper hard onto the counter, expecting April to flinch, but she didn’t. She held her ground in an aggravating self-righteous way. “You know what, though? Even though it sucks to be me right now, I am so glad I am not you. You are in so deep, April. You have no idea.”
April shook her head in disbelief. “And you still have no idea how wrong it was to not do anything that night, do you?”
“You read what I wrote, April.” A lump in Zoe’s throat made it suddenly hard to swallow. “How do you think I felt?”
All traces of April’s apprehension were gone. “Not bad enough to do anything about it.”
“You’re dead,” Zoe whispered. “I’d disappear if I were you. When the Beckoners come for you this time, it won’t be to lynch some plastic mannequin.”
“Like I don’t already know that.” April pushed past Zoe and out into the crowded hallway.
The average incubation time for big-ticket gossip is about three periods, which put Zoe and her chaos in the middle of the cafeteria at noon. She’d managed to avoid the Beckoners all morning and had decided to spend the lunch hour in the cafeteria because that was the last place they’d be caught dead in, especially because the Rejoice In His Name youth group were throwing a birthday party for Jesus, complete with cake and balloons.
The Beckoners were lurking though; she’d heard people mention them in hushed and not so hushed conversations all morning. Word was getting around.
Leaf cut into the food line ahead of Zoe.
“You have to tell me what’s going on.” He gripped her shoulders. “This is not good. The whole thing really happened? I printed something true?”
“You could make it a little worse by forcing me to explain myself here.”
“Sorry.” He put two plates of fries on her tray and took it from her. He added two iced teas, and then pushed it along to the cashier. “My treat,” he said. “By the sounds of it, this might be your last meal.”
“It’s the least you could do.”
They headed to a table in the corner by the fire escape, as far away from the Jesus freaks as possible. By the looks and jeers, it was obvious people knew it was Zoe in the scenario. People sang in a schoolyard lilt, “What would you do, Zoe?” as they passed.
“The Beckoners are looking for you and Dog,” some girl Zoe had never even seen before hollered across the wide room. “I’d watch my back if I was you.” Zoe stopped in her tracks, marveling in the sudden urge to beat up the girl. She’d never had that feeling before. She clenched her fists.
“Ignore them.” Leaf nudged her with the tray. “Keep walking.”
Zoe kept her fists clenched and her eyes forward until they reached the table. Leaf put down the tray and took her hands.
“I didn’t know. I’m sorry. She brought it in last night after you left, and I thought it was a great idea. I put it in just before it left for the printers. I’m so sorry.”
“There’s nothing you can do about it now. There’s no use apologizing.”
“I’ll print a retraction. I’ll do an editorial in the next issue.”
“It won’t do any good.” Zoe stared at her fries. “It’s all going to blow.”
“Will you tell me what happened?”
“What have you heard?”
“That it was Brady, and most people think the girl is Jazz, but no one’s exactly sure.”
Zoe covered her face with her hands. “I don’t believe this is happening.”
“You saw it all?”
She nodded. “I have to get out of here.”
“It’ll blow over. By the time the holidays are over, no one will care.”
“I’m not worried about ‘no one,’ I’m worried about the Beckoners.”
“They said they’d leave you alone, though. Those stitches were your ticket out.”
“You believe that?” Zoe looked up. “They’ll think this gives them the right to do whatever the hell they want with me, Leaf.”
“I’m just trying to help, Zoe. What can I say?”
“There’s nothing to say.”
An awkward silence settled between them. Zoe felt like all the clocks in the world had slowed down to a painfully slow crawl. Each second carved a year out of her life. This day would never end. It would just loop itself over and over. In the far corner, the Jesus freaks were singing a pop version of “Happy Birthday,” clapping and drumming on the tables.
“Do you want to tell me your side of the story?” Leaf asked over the din.
Zoe shook her head.
“The whole school has just the one version, Zoe. Why don’t you get your side of the story out there? It might help.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not a rat.”
“Everyone’s going to know by the end of the day anyway, you’ve said so yourself. What’s the difference if you tell now?”
“I never told anyone anything. That’s the way I thought she wanted it. I’m not going to start spreading rumors now.” Zoe stabbed at her fries with her fork. “That’s the difference.”
“Will you at least tell me how April found out? Did you tell her?”
“Why don’t you ask her?” Zoe stabbed the fries harder. “Seeing as you two were both in on it.”
“I wasn’t in on anything. I had no idea.” Leaf took her fork away. “I swear I didn’t know. I thought it was all made up. I thought it was just a scenario. I thought it’d be a great way to get more people to read the paper, you know?” He took one of her hands in both of his. “Tell me what happened, Zoe.”
“You won’t tell anyone?”
He kissed the back of her hand. “Never.”
“Okay.” Zoe took a deep breath and let it out slowly with the first words. “It was at Beck’s birthday. I saw Jazz and Brady and freaked. I ran down the mountain and then Simon and Teo saw me and took me home. I was a mess. I went home and I wrote about it in my diary and April read it. The end.”
“So it was Jazz,” Leaf murmured.
Zoe covered her face with her hands again. “I didn’t mean to say her name.”
There was a commotion in the far corner. A large chunk of the Jesus birthday cake flew across the room. Zoe looked up and saw the top of Beck’s head.
“Where is she?” Beck hollered. “Zoe? If you’re in here you better run for it because you are dead, bitch!”
Beck stormed
down the middle of the cafeteria, dragging April behind her. The rest of the Beckoners and a posse of Brady’s friends were close behind, all of them eating a piece of birthday cake. Beck pointed at Zoe. “On second thought, don’t move!”
Jazz brought up the rear, clutching herself and staring at the linoleum as she dragged her feet. Heather stopped mid-stride and spun on her heel.
“Hurry your ass, Jasvinder.”
“We’re leaving.” Leaf kicked a chair out of the way and stationed himself between the Beckoners and Zoe. “Let’s go.” He took her hand and pulled her towards the fire exit, but Trevor blocked their way, flanked by two enormous I’ll-do-anything-for-free-weed zombies Zoe had never seen before.
“You’re not going anywhere.” A dollop of icing stuck on Trevor’s chin. He stuck his tongue way out to lick it off.
Heather flounced up and jabbed Zoe in the chest. “Dog says she read about my party in your diary. But you know what? I don’t believe her. I think you told her.”
“She didn’t.” April gasped between sobs, cheeks blotchy and red. “She didn’t tell me anything!”
“Shut up, bitch.” Beck shoved April onto her knees.
“Did you tell her?” Heather leaned forward. “Or did she read it in your little diary?”
“I didn’t tell her anything. I didn’t tell anyone.”
“See? I told you, Heather,” Janika said. “I said she never told, didn’t I?” She turned to Lindsay for confirmation. Lindsay ignored her.
“This is ridiculous.” Leaf’s grip on Zoe’s hand tightened. “Do you people always act like you’ve had frontal lobotomies?”
“Stay out of this, tree boy.”
“Gladly, and I’ll take Zoe and April with me. If you’ll excuse us...” Leaf tried to push past Trevor, but Brady grabbed a hold of Leaf’s collar and held him back.
“You’re not going anywhere, asshole.”
Leaf held out his hand and smiled a used-car-salesman grin. “And you’d be the rapist?”
Brady let go of Leaf, balled his fist and ploughed Leaf in the face with such force that it knocked him over. Trevor stepped neatly to the side so Leaf would hit the floor when he fell. Leaf groaned, eyes squeezed shut.
“Leaf!” Zoe knelt beside him.
Lindsay towered over them with the iced teas. “You should ice that.” She dumped the ice tea onto them. Laughter cut through the spectators who’d gathered. Everyone closed in, like they’d all taken one giant step closer. All Zoe could see was a thick border of legs and torsos blocking the exit and cheering on the Beckoners.
“Ask Jazz!” April screamed, struggling to get up. Beck and Lindsay held her down, boots on her back. “Ask her why she’s still a Beckoner! She’s the one Brady raped!”
Jazz’s dark eyes went as wide as pucks. The word “rape” rippled through the crowd disapprovingly, as though they were watching a hockey game and the away team had just scored.
“Shut up, April.” Zoe wiped her face with the bottom of her shirt. “Just shut up.”
“But it’s not true!” Heather shouted at the crowd. “Don’t you get it? Zoe made it up! It never really happened!”
“I didn’t make it up.” It took all of Zoe’s will not to look at Jazz. “It happened.”
“And what does that say about me, huh?” Brady loomed over her, rage dripping off him like sweat.
Zoe looked around, at the crowd hanging on her next words, at Heather, who stared hard at Jazz. Brady’s scowl quivered.
Zoe took a deep breath. “Do you really want me to get into that here?”
“Zoe!” Simon called, following Teo, who was pushing their way through the crowd. “Leaf! Are you okay?”
“No,” Leaf mumbled.
Teo took one look at Leaf on the floor. He grabbed Brady by his collar.
“Did you do that? Huh?” Teo shook him. “Did you hit him?”
“Don’t touch me, you faggot!” Brady struggled to get away. “Get him off me!”
Brady’s friends surged forward.
“Fight! Fight!” the crowd chanted. “Fight! Fight!”
Teo let go of Brady. As Brady set himself up to punch Teo, Teo hooked the back of Brady’s leg with his foot. Brady fell over backward. As Trevor grabbed one of Teo’s arms, and one of his cronies grabbed the other, Teo strained forward, landing three hard kicks to Brady’s side. Brady struggled onto his knees, and then stood, obviously in pain.
“Oh my God!” Simon climbed onto a table. “Help!” He waved both his arms frantically, as Brady took a moment to recover before starting in on Teo, who was being restrained.
“OKAY, break it up!” Cromwell’s voice sliced the taut silence. The crowd booed in disappointment, and reluctantly split to let him through. Cromwell hurried forward, two security guards following him.
“What exactly is going on here?”
“Nothing, Cromwell.” Beck flashed him her princess-of-everything smile. Heather draped an arm over his shoulder and batted her eyes. He pushed her away and nodded at Leaf, whose nose was bloody, his eye swelling shut.
“What happened to you?”
“I fell.”
“Tell me something I’ll believe.” Cromwell turned to the security guards. “Clear this place out. I want it empty. You,” he nodded at April, still huddled on the floor in tears. “What’s the matter with you?”
“She tripped,” Lindsay said.
Cromwell whipped a finger at her. “I wasn’t talking to you.” He pulled a balled-up tissue from his sports jacket and handed it to April. “Get up. Clean yourself up and wait for me in my office.”
“Oooo,” someone way back in the safety of the crowd sang, “April and Cromwell, sittin’ in a tree...”
“ENOUGH!” Cromwell’s face went a hot red. He held out a hand to April. “Get up.” April took his hand and struggled to her feet.
Cromwell got busy directing three more security guards who’d arrived.
“Hey, Dog, hang on,” Beck said. “I got something for you.” She smacked the back of April’s head with a rolled up copy of the paper. “Bad dog,” she whispered. “Bad dog.” She hit her with the paper one more time, before Cromwell turned his attention back to the Beckoners. Beck handed the paper to April.
“Beck, you and your little savages are going straight to Mr. Seaton’s office, accompanied by Officer Tucker here.” He sent them off with a guard fretting at their heels like a border collie. “And you two,” he wagged a finger at Zoe and Leaf, “the two of you get out of my sight before I change my mind about letting you go.”
in the park
Harris showed up the next day, unannounced. Zoe knew it was him when he was still two blocks away. His truck had gotten worse. It was a miracle he’d made it all the way down from Whitehorse without it dying along the way. Zoe watched from her window as Alice ran, in her bare feet, through the icy rain to the truck. She leapt into his arms, covering his face with kisses.
“You’re not moving in, are you?” Zoe sat on the bottom stair and watched him lug in two big suitcases.
Alice eyed her severely from the door.
“Nice to see you too, kid.” Harris opened his arms. Zoe stayed where she was. Cassy ran to him. Zoe couldn’t help but feel betrayed. Harris swept her up and onto his shoulders. He kicked one of the suitcases. “And by the way, my crap’s in the truck. These are full of presents.”
From that point on, Zoe spent most of her time next door. This accomplished two things: avoiding Alice and Harris’s happy little family act and avoiding the Beckoners. It was strange, not having the Dungeon to go to. They were all so used to the tiny room that even though Wish told them more than once that it was okay to come downstairs, Simon and Teo and Leaf and Zoe pretty much stayed in Leaf’s room. April was not there.
That afternoon after the mess in the cafeteria, while she boiled and cooled teabags to put on Leaf’s black eye, Zoe had sworn that she would never speak to April again. April had phoned at least once every day, and the guys had all tried t
o change Zoe’s mind, but as far as Zoe was concerned, April had burned whatever creaky, rotting, carpenter ant infested bridge there had ever been between them.
The next time Zoe saw April was in the mall on Christmas Eve. Zoe finally had to admit that Harris was not going to leave anytime soon, so she went out to buy him a present, leaving him and Alice happily bumping around the tiny kitchen, cooking and baking for that night’s dinner at Fraser House. Alice twisted out of Harris’s embrace as Zoe left.
“Be back before six, hon.”
“Yeah.” Zoe rolled her eyes as Harris began nibbling Alice’s neck.
“I mean it,” Alice said. “Dinner’s at seven.”
Zoe had truly believed that the mall would be deserted except for a few last minute shoppers. On the contrary, it was crawling with crazed consumer lunatics fighting over the last this or that like it was food and they hadn’t eaten in weeks. Zoe wondered how many of the dozen or so violent spats she witnessed involved self-proclaimed peace-loving Christians.
After over an hour of pushing her way through the crowds, Zoe just needed to sit down for a minute. She headed for the washroom on the upper level. Normally it was empty, but that day there was a lineup out the door of haggard mothers wrestling with squalling babies and red-faced toddlers. The two chairs just inside the door were both occupied by limp old ladies. Zoe joined the line and ended up sitting on a toilet until the bathroom slowly began to empty. At long last there was perfect silence, except for the Christmas carols piping in through tinny speakers in the ceiling.
The bathroom wasn’t entirely empty, though. Zoe spied the familiar yellow canvas shoes first. It was April, slumped in one of the chairs by the door, a heap of shopping bags and packages on the chair beside her. When April saw her come out of the stall, she got up to leave. Zoe was too tired to be angry at that moment. She went to the sink and washed her hands, waiting for April to leave first.
April was halfway out the door, and then she paused.
“I’m really sorry, Zoe.”
Zoe ignored her.
“I’m sorry,” April said again.
“I heard you the first time.” Zoe dried her hands and put the paper towel in the garbage. “Where’d you go on Friday?”