The room started to become louder and louder as the other attendees continued to pour in, and Damien held me tighter—as if he was protecting me from everyone else.
“I’m not sure if I want to dance with anyone else tonight,” he whispered. “Do you?”
“No...”
He kissed my forehead and laughed softly. “Okay, well we won’t. I’ll keep you all to myself. I don’t want—”
“Mr. Edwards?” a woman said his name and we both turned around. “I’m sorry to interrupt you sir, but that shipment you asked about the other day is...” She looked at me and then back at him. “Can I speak to you about this in private?”
“Can it wait?”
She shrugged. “Sure, a twenty million dollar shipment that was inaccurately re-routed can simply...wait.”
He sighed and looked at me. “Would you please excuse me, sweetheart? I won’t be gone for too long...Don’t give away any dances.” He lifted my hand and kissed it before walking away.
“Screechhh! Screechhh! Screechhh!” The violinists scratched their violins to signal the “new dance partner” portion, and then they began to play a beautiful harmony.
The lights began to dim again—almost as dark as they were before, and I heard more instruments—flutes, horns, saxophones, joining in on the violinists’ serenade.
I walked towards the table Damien and I had shared at the candlelit dinner, weaving my way past dancing couples, but before I could sit down, I felt someone grabbing me by my waist.
I tried to push the strong hands away, but it was no use. The hands gripped me even tighter and I felt myself being pulled up against a familiar chest. Jonathan.
He didn’t say a word. He spun me around so we were facing one another and stared at me. He put my arms around his neck and slipped his arms around my waist, looking into my eyes with an expression I couldn’t recognize.
Then he began to dance with me, but it wasn’t smooth and gentle like it used to be. It was rough.
He gripped my sides too hard, twirled me without any finesse, and pushed me away whenever it was time to pull me close.
As he pushed me away again, I realized that I needed to say something before he purposely dropped me to the floor.
“It must be nice to have a world class supermodel on your arm.” I tried not to sound jealous. “I bet you two have been having a really good time in your suite since you’ve been here...”
“We have.”
What? I tried to untangle myself from his arms, but he dipped me low to the ground and held me there, glaring at me, daring me to say something else.
I tucked my lips into my mouth.
He pulled me up and continued the angry rhythm he’d established, refusing to let me go. Then he suddenly stopped dancing altogether. “Have you slept with him?” He narrowed his eyes at me.
“Who?”
“Don’t fuck with me, Claire. Have. You. Slept. With. Him?”
“Define slept with.”
He pulled me close and gripped my sides so firmly that I could barely breathe. “You fucked him?”
“You slept with Stacy Rodriguez. Why do you care what I do?”
He spun me out of his arms. “I don’t.” But from the look in his eyes, I knew that he did, that he wanted—needed me to say that it wasn’t true.
“I don’t need to do this to myself.” He dropped my hands and shook his head. “Forgive me for interrupting your night, Claire. I wish you well and I—”
“I didn’t sleep with him.”
He blinked.
“I was too wrapped up in someone else to do that...But that someone else has clearly moved on, so maybe tonight I should go ahead and—”
“Stacy is just a friend.”
“You two look like a lot more than friends...Friends don’t put their arms around each other or play around like you two have been doing.”
He rolled his eyes. “She’s just a friend.” He placed my arms around his neck again and picked up the dance where we left off. “Of all the men you could’ve dated after me, you chose Damien Edwards?”
“I didn’t know I needed your approval for whoever I choose to date.”
“Seeing as though you were only supposed to be dating me, I’m sure you can see why I would be upset with your poor decision-making skills. You can do a lot better than him.”
“Taking dating advice from an ex-boyfriend? How appropriate.”
“I never did get a chance to buy you that thesaurus...” He tugged at the bow on the back of my gown. “Does your new boyfriend know that I bought you this dress?”
“He doesn’t know about you at all.”
He twirled me around. “Does he make you happy?
I didn’t say anything. I continued dancing with him, trying to read his eyes and force the words I wanted to say out of my mouth. “I’m...I’m sorry that I left you, Jonathan.”
He stopped moving. “Excuse me?”
“I’m sorry that I left you...”
He sighed and twirled me again, not saying anything in response. He kept swaying me to the beat, acting as if I hadn’t said anything important.
I felt tears welling in my eyes and jerked out of his arms. “You don’t believe me? I really am sorry...I didn’t mean to hurt—”
“You did. You left me for a bullshit reason and you never even tried to explain what had been going on between you and my mother.” His eyes turned to slits. “And the next time I happen to see you, you’re wrapped up in my competitor’s arms and his tongue is ten feet down your throat. You saying ‘I’m sorry’ is supposed to fix that? I haven’t been able to think about another woman, let alone date one since you left me. Yet, here you are with Damien Edwards, damn near having sex on the beach.”
“It’s not what you think...” I tried not to cry. “I was wishing he was you the entire time.”
“So you did fuck him?” He hissed. “Because if he were me, that’s exactly what you would be doing.”
“No...”
He rolled his eyes. “It took everything I had not to drag you out of that room at the opening ball, Claire. You’re lucky some of my investors are here because if they weren’t, I swear to God I would’ve grabbed you by your—”
“Jonathan—”
“Your nerve is un-fucking-believable. If I wasn’t so angry with you, I’d fuck you right here so you could feel exactly how—”
“I love you, Jonathan.” I leaned forward and pressed my finger against his lips. “I don’t have any feelings for Damien and I don’t want to be with him. I’m only using him to get over you, and I am sorry for leaving...I really am...I don’t expect me saying that to magically erase what I did, but it’s the truth.”
He was silent for a while. “Why did you come here with him at all? You knew there was a chance that I would be here.”
“I didn’t...”
“What’s your excuse for kissing him in front of me then? You knew damn well that I was watching you...”
“I was mad at you for letting Stacy get that close to you. I wanted to make you jealous...”
“I was already jealous...” He clasped my hands and started to dance with me again, staring into my eyes. As we moved across the floor, he rubbed the small of my back and sighed. “How are Ashley and Caroline?”
“They’re doing okay...Caroline has a boyfriend now, and Ashley’s currently grounded for taking my car without permission. I actually enjoyed having her home this past weekend. She helped keep my mind off—”
“Me?”
I nodded. “I’ve missed you so much...I don’t know what I have to do to make you believe me but—”
“Prove it...”
“Fine,” I whispered. “Kiss me.”
“In public?” His eyes lit up. He looked like he couldn’t believe the words I’d just said. “Just because I’m about to kiss you doesn’t change how angry I am.” He smiled as he pulled me closer. “You’ve pushed me to a limit that I didn’t even know I had.”
“I
didn’t realize how much you meant to me, Jonathan.” My lips were inches away from his now. “Can we leave right now? We can disappear before Damien gets back and before the lights go up so people won’t know what’s going on. I just want to be with you and—”
“Three. Fucking. Months.” He dropped his arms from around me and stepped back.
What? “I—”
“You haven’t said a word to me in three months and you’re still worried about being seen with me? Are you fucking serious? All that stuff you just said about missing me and wanting me back and you’re still stuck on this we-can’t-be-seen-together-in-public shit?”
“I’m sorry...I just thought that—”
“That I would come running after you like I always do? That I would force myself to be in your life when you made it perfectly clear that that’s not what you wanted? What the fuck were you thinking?” He looked hurt.
“Jonathan, I’m—”
“Did you consider my feelings at all? Did you think I wouldn’t believe you if you told me about my mother? I would have. And I would’ve put a stop to it the second you told me about it.”
“I—”
“I’m done playing games with you, Claire. There are a lot of things that I can get over rather quickly, but this bullshit isn’t one of them. I want you to choose.”
“What? What are you saying?”
“If you want to be with me like you say you do, and you really are in love with me like I’m in love with you, I need you to choose me over Damien.”
“I do. I just did. Can’t you—”
“In front of him, with the lights on.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “I think you’re still scared about us being seen together publicly, like you’ve been from the beginning. In the past, I was fine with that because I’m sensitive to things you’re sensitive about, but...I’ve told you that I don’t half-ass anything and I’m not going to put up with it anymore. I’ve done everything to show you that I want you and that I love you. It’s your turn. Choose.”
As if on cue, the lights in the room brightened to white and Damien wrapped his arms around me from behind.
“I’m sorry again, sweetheart.” He kissed the back of my neck. “You weren’t alone for too long were you?”
I shook my head. “No...”
“Oh, I see you’ve found my favorite person. Again.” Damien shrugged. “Did you come to the conference alone, Jonathan? Where’s your date?”
“I’m not sure.” Jonathan looked directly at me. “Miss Gracen, have you seen the woman I’m supposed to be with?”
Everything suddenly fell silent. It felt like the only people in the room were me, Jonathan, and Damien.
“Did you say something, Miss Gracen?” Jonathan raised his eyebrow. “Have you seen who I belong with? The woman who wants to be with me and only me?”
My heart was racing and my palms were beginning to sweat. I swallowed, looking all around the room. “Yes...” I panicked. “She’s over by the bar...”
He nodded his head slowly, saying “I’m done,” with his eyes. “Thank you very much...I guess I didn’t notice her walk by us...All differences aside,” he said as he reached out for Damien’s hand, “that was one hell of a demonstration you put on this afternoon. I wish I had thought of that wireless addition first.”
Damien shook his hand. “Thank you very much. That actually means a lot coming from you. Wait, you’re not going to try and steal it from me are you?”
“No. I already tried to steal what I wanted.” He reached out for my hand and shook it. “It was very nice seeing you again, Miss Gracen. I wish you both well.” And with that, he walked away.
“Hmmm. Maybe he is becoming classier.” Damien laughed. “Would you like to continue our dance now?”
“Yes...” My voice cracked.
As he pulled me close and swayed me to the music, I buried my head in his chest and held back tears.
Why didn’t I just say “She’s right here? I’m sorry Damien, but I’m in love with Jonathan...I want to be with him.” Why couldn’t I just say that?
I’d been playing that scene in my mind all night, wishing I could rewind time and take what I said back. I even went looking for Jonathan after the ball ended, attempting to get a do over, but his security guards wouldn’t let me get close enough.
I sniffled against my pillow for the umpteenth time and felt Damien moving his arms from around me.
“Claire?” He stepped out of bed and hit the lights. “Why are you crying?”
“I’m not...I’m not crying...” I choked back another sob. “My allergies just make it look that way sometimes...”
“Would you like me to have room service bring you something?”
“No...”
“I can make you some tea.” He sat on the edge of the bed and caressed my hand. “Would you like some?”
I sniffled. “Sure... Um, would you mind if I went down to the gift shop for a second?”
“What do you need? I can have someone bring it up.”
“Benadryl, but I could use the walk...Alone...”
He reached over me and pulled a few Kleenex off the nightstand. “Come here.” He pulled me up by my arms so I was sitting upright. “When you get back from the shop, I want you to tell me the truth about why you’re crying, okay? Whatever it is, I want to know. I can fix it if you let me.”
No, you can’t...“Okay,” I murmured as he placed a kiss on my forehead. “I’ll be right back.”
I slid out of the bed and grabbed my robe. I waited until I saw him disappear into the kitchen and walked out of the suite.
As soon as the door shut, I ran down the hallway—straight to the elevators. I knew Jonathan was staying in the presidential suite—I’d overheard someone mention that at the ball, so I hoped I could catch him before he went to sleep.
I pressed “PS” once I stepped onto the elevator and tried to calm my shaking hands as it moved from floor to floor.
The doors opened and I prepared to run down the hall, but I was greeted by a bellman in an all-white suit. “Good evening Miss. How may I help you?”
“I need to see Jonathan Statham.”
“Do you have an access key for this floor?”
“No...”
“Well, I’m afraid I can’t let you go any further ma’am. This is an access only floor. Perhaps if you called his handler and asked to be placed on the approved visitors list...” His voice trailed off.
“I really need to see him. It’s important.”
“My hands are tied, Miss. I can’t just let anyone beyond that door.” He motioned to the door that hid the rest of the floor from view. “It’s for presidential suite guests and approved visitors only. It’s not up for discussion.”
I broke down in tears. “Please, just...I know you don’t know me at all, but I have to talk to him. It’s a matter of—”
“Would you like me to call him for you?” He looked concerned.
I nodded and he pulled a phone out of his pocket.
“Mr. Statham, this is Mr. Collins. I’m the bellman on your floor and I’m calling because—Yes, my daughter did receive those chocolates you sent yesterday. Thank you very much...Ah, yes I’m calling because I have a woman here to see you. She says it’s important, but we have a strict policy on presidential suite guests...” He looked up at me. “What’s your name Miss?”
“Claire Gracen.”
“Her name is Claire Gracen, Mr. Statham...Yes...Oh, I see...Well, thank you sir. I apologize for interrupting your night. I’ll see you in the morning.” He put his phone back in his pocket. “He said he’s not familiar with you, Miss Gracen. I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave now. He’s a very valued guest and I don’t want to upset him any further.”
“He does know me! I’m his—”
“He said he’s never heard of you before, Miss. Those were his words verbatim. Now, please leave before I call security.”
My heart crumbled.
I was speechless. I c
ouldn’t even think. I stepped back onto the elevator and rode it down to the lobby—inspired to get the Benadryl more than ever so I could try to sleep this pain away.
He doesn’t know me? How can he say that? Is he that upset about earlier?
I let more tears fall down my face as I stepped off and headed towards the gift shop. I saw Greg ordering around a group of suited men and rushed over. I blurted, “I need to speak to Jonathan and they won’t let me up to the presidential suite.”
“Excuse me for one minute, gentlemen.” He pulled me away from the group and raised his eyebrow. He reached into his jacket and handed me a handkerchief. “Would you like me to deliver the message for you, Miss Gracen?”
“No, I...It’s a really personal message. Can you take me up there with you? I’m sure if the guard saw me with you he would—”
“He doesn’t want to be bothered by anyone for the remainder of the conference, Miss Gracen. Those were his exact words to me.”
“Please, Greg...I need to—”
“He wants to be alone.” His voice was clipped.
“Please.” I cried. “I know we haven’t been together for three months but he means a lot to me. You have to believe that...Please help me...”
Sighing, he grabbed my hand and led me around the front desk, greeting all of the managers, showing me a private elevator. He hit the top button and the doors glided open immediately.
As the cart rose, he turned to face me. “When you get off, make two lefts and his room will be in front of you. This is the back entrance to his suite, so you’ll have to be quiet or the guard who stands in front of the other elevator will alert me or the hotel’s head security. Understand?”
I nodded and the doors opened seconds later.
“To the left, Miss Gracen.”
I rushed off the elevator and headed for his room.
I stood in front of the door for a few seconds, running my fingers across the golden nameplate that bore his name in newly painted cursive.
I knocked once. No answer.
I knocked twice. Nothing.
I knocked again and again, louder and louder with each try.
“Hold on! Hold on!” A woman’s voice came from the other side of the door. There was some shuffling, and then the door swung open.
Mid Life Love Page 39