by Emjay Soren
When Bastian was with Leushus I was stuck sitting at home in a dimly lit condo with Stupor babysitting me.
“We’re almost there now, tell her to calm down.” He looked at me and smiled. “Leushus says be prepared for an earful from London when we get to the condo. She’s pissed you’re not answering your phone.”
“Tell Leushus to explain that you took my phone when I tried texting her before we left.”
“I took it because you’re a bad enough driver.” He held my phone out and I saw the thirty two missed calls and the low battery signal flashing at the top of the screen.
“I’ll call her, hold on.” I reach behind my seat, one hand on the wheel and start feeling for my purse. I grab it and haul it to Bastian’s lap.
“Watch the road!” He barks, and I smack him on the arm.
“Don’t bark!”
“Ha ha. That was so funny.” He replies blandly, and pulls my hand from my purse. “Talk to her when we get there.”
“My battery is dying, and I need the USB adapter to charge it.” I point to the cigarette lighter for him to plug it in.
“No, you don’t.”
“I can’t stand you sometimes, you know that?” I say, but he knows I don’t mean it. If things were different, if I had never been with him… then Bastian and I may have had a chance. Now I am broken for any other.
“Whatever, you love me.”
If only I could… I say to myself.
*
By the time we get to the condo its dark outside, and I see all my favorite misfits are here. All but one anyway. The condo is located on the top floor with its own private elevator; it’s a pain in the ass. I step from the underground parking garage and into the elevator that will take me to the lobby. I have four codes that I enter before I can even get into the lobby. Those four codes are changed weekly, so it’s always nice having some form of immortal with me. They have better memories than me, and after the first month of trying to remember, I gave up.
Stepping into the lobby of the Seattle Crest Towers lobby, I listen to the piano elevator version of Lady GaGa’s Poker Face while I wait for the next elevator to arrive. This elevator has only a single code. The elevator stops ten floors from the top, where there is another lobby. The Seattle Crest calls it the VIP lobby. Here, there are ten different elevators, each leading to one of the ten penthouses. I walk next to Bastian and wait for the door to open that will take me to my penthouse.
We hear the familiar ding and step inside. The doors close, and I enter the first of many codes. The first is my original birthday. An automated voice asks me for the second code. This is done by voice recognition. There is a code for me, Bastian, Cash, London, and Stupor. Leushus doesn’t need a code since as he can pretty much do as he wishes.
“My darling, my darling, my life and my bride.” I say, reciting my favorite quote from Poe’s Annabelle Lee. The third code is handprint, and again, we all have one. After this, the carriage begins to make its ascent, but my entry is still forever away.
We step from the elevator and I turn to lock it, with a code of course. Anyone wanting to get up to the penthouse needs a code to unlock it before they can use it. There is an override option that, in an emergency like a fire, can be disengaged by any of us. However, Leushus says, in the event of an emergency, we all have him, so the override codes for the lobby are unnecessary.
After locking the elevator door, we head to the first of three doors, all titanium encased. I enter the first code and we step through. The next door is the same as the first, and I enter the next code. By the third door I am anxious, as I always am entering this room. My fingers shake as I punch in the thirteen number code. There is only one shot at getting the code right before I am forced to wait fifteen minutes while the system secures itself again.
After the third door opens, it’s like coming out of a 007 movie and into the Twilight Zone. My gay vampire roommate is dancing around the condo in a bright pink fedora and leopard print Spanx. Stupor is six foot three and all muscle. There is nothing feminine about his appearance physically. It’s all in his attire. Wearing no shirt, I see his defined chest, and his dark eyes fall on me the minute the door closes.
“Call off the search party!” He yells, his eyes never leaving mine. “Girl, you is in trou-ble!”
I drop my keys and sunglasses on a nearby table next to my coat rack. I slip my jacket off and hang it before searching in London’s hand me down Gucci purse for my phone charger. “My phone was kidnapped by my guard dog, and then the battery died.”
“Sug, I have been in a car with your tiny ass, I woulda’ taken your damn phone, too.”
“Thank you.” Bastian says, and walks toward the kitchen.
“Girl, one day you need to open up them baby blues of yours and give that boy the time of day.” Stupor says, and watches as Bastian falls from sight.
“You know why I can’t.” I say, because like Bastian and his lectures of me being a bore, Stupor lectures me on my non-existent love life.
“MmmmHmmm.” He says, his brows drawn while he eyeballs me. He may look like the everyday gay, sometimes cross dressing guy, but put him near a Nex, and the boy is fierce, or so I hear. I catch a glimpse of the scars on his back from when he was a human slave before he wraps a neon pink feather boa around his neck and falls back on the couch crossing his legs.
“Not in the mood, Stupor.” I say, grinding my teeth and rubbing my temples. My head was starting to hurt from the lectures today. The throbbing was amplified when London came barging into the living room from down the hall. Most likely she was with Cash and Leushus in the office at the end of the hall. We girls called it the strategy room, because they would go in there and whisper.
“No need to explain.” London said, as she made her way to the couch. “Bas said you’d be grounded from driving in general, if he had a say.”
I roll my eyes and take a seat beside her on the couch. “So thirty-two missed calls? What’s so important?” I ask, and drop the heels from my feet. I can see my book lying unnoticed on the counter, and I want to take it, run to the bath and not leave for hours.
She starts to giggle, and I know it’s about to get loud and fast in the room. “We need privacy.” She says, and stands reaching her hand to mine. “Come outside.”
I get up and follow her, Stupor right behind us. He has always been one of the girls and less into strategy. He says he can take orders, no problem, but he isn’t into the planning. “Ok, so remember when we met, and I said I was London Troy and don’t call me a Chase?”
I nod, and know this could only be heading in one direction. London and Cash had been planning their wedding when I was picked up at Inked. They had put it on hold because of the drama, and it was sounding now like they were putting it back on track. “Did he finally do it?” I asked, just as excited as her. Cash had never really proposed, it was just a mutual agreement. London informed him that he would propose before the big event, or she was backing out. She said she refused to miss out on the experience. When he argued it by saying, ‘Fine then, marry me’, she’d slapped him and they didn’t talk for an entire day. When they finally talked, he said he would surprise her, but that he, indeed would do it… then I came along. The poor girl had been patient the last six months, and the date was quickly approaching.
“No, but he has been really secretive today, and every time I come in the room, he shuts up and plays dumb. I saw him, before we left to come here, stuff something big inside the pocket of his leather jacket.” Her voice has risen about ten octaves as she talks, and I can’t help but smile.
“Well, are you guys going somewhere tonight?” I ask, and I really do hope she gets her wish. She confided in me that she never wanted kids until meeting Cash, and that knowing she
couldn’t have them; she refused to pass up any other chances at happiness. To London, a proposal was one of those things that brought happiness.
“I guess we all are. Cash and Leush said we’re all celebrating ton
ight.” I feel my heart sink, because everyone means him, and that means I won’t be there.
Trying to play it off, I cringe. “Why everyone? It’s private, don’t you think?”
She is shaking her head before I even finish. “Not with these guys. Besides it’s the perfect excuse. Call it business and sneak it in.”
“Girl, you know he may be plannin’ just a night out right?” Stupor asks, and I am so glad he pointed that out and not me.
“I know, and I won’t be sad if I’m wrong. It’s just a feeling I have, but if he doesn’t, I know he will, so I’ll still be excited.” She was amazing this woman. She had a strange view on the bright side, but it kept her positive and happy, something I wished I could achieve. “You’re going to come too, right Tav?” There it was, the awful question. Poor, sweet, clueless woman.
“You know I can’t, London.” I say quietly. I am thinking of him, and when I do, I shut down.
She takes both my hands in hers. “Tonight you can, sweetie. Preacher is on assignment in California with two other Custos. Cash stayed behind this time because of me and my event at the ‘Homes for Little Hearts’ benefit.”
Homes for Little Hearts was a organization for children with heart disorders who needed to be adopted. How she found these fundraisers was beyond me, but they were her greatest joy.
Hearing he was out of state made me sick. I hated knowing he was working alongside a Custos I didn’t know, and that his team was here with me. I hated knowing he was so far away. I hated all of this and what it was doing to me.
I hated him.
“Girl code states you do not diss your girl when she need you, Boo. You should be with London, even if Preacher was there.” Stupor states matter-of-factly. I know he's making a good point.
I nod and look at London. “I wouldn’t miss it, sweetie, and if it turns out to be just another night out, I’ll be there with you having a blast.” I am reminded almost immediately of the last time I went out with London and the gift Leushus gave us, allowing him to take me right then and there. I swore that night he had changed, and we were finally going somewhere.
Oh fuck was I wrong.
“You know it!” She says, and pulls Stupor and I in for a hug. “I have a feeling tonight is gonna change lives ladies!”
I hoped for her sake she was right.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Preacher
This was bleedin’ dumb.
I was on my way to bare my heart and soul to the woman who I willingly broke. I am doing this based on a giant lie, because Tavern refuses to get near me, and I won’t force her. Well, I wouldn’t have, until tonight.
“Enough is enough!” Cookie said when I got up after a very long night searching old records in Las Vegas. I was trying to find anything that could lead me to Taverns life there, in hopes I could retrace events and find something, anything that could lead me to Angelo.
“What’s enough Cookie?”
“This whole thing is exhausting, Preacher. Go get her already.” She whined. I knew she was right. I give my Cookie credit, she gave me the space I needed to make my changes. Looked like my time was up though. If she was starting in on me now, she sure the fuck wasn’t ‘bout to stop because I asked her too. It wasn’t her style to do as she was asked.
“She’s not mine to have, Cookie.” And it was the truth. She could have been mine, had I opened my eyes and saw what I'd been refusing to see all along.
“She could be.” And because she was using her gentle voice, I knew she had something up her sleeve.
Now here I was, standing in a wet, filthy alley beside the bar Paddy Coins. I liked the Irish pub, and appreciated the guys making me feel comfortable by choosing it. What I didn’t like, was knowing they were all gonna watch the whole bleedin’ thing. If she told me to fuck off, they’d all be witness to the scene.
Cookie had said, that based on what Tavern had told her, I should make a bold move and romance the girl. God knows she never had a man treat her right, myself included. So I was
making a grand attempt at sweeping her off her feet. I spent the earlier evening hours tuning my guitar and trying to get the words down.
Tavern had told me in passing conversation that her favorite band was ‘Breaking Benjamin’, that her favorite color was red, and that she loved Mexican food best. She loved water with lime, and had an obscene obsession with Diet Coke. I never told her a thing.
I was a fuck, and deserved a belting.
I would take one if she’d have me.
I watched them all show up and waited out in the shadows for a glimpse. I wanted to weep at the sight of her. She was still thin, but she was now defined. Every contour of her body was etched in my memory, but seeing her now, I hadn’t done her justice. She was beautiful.
No, beautiful was a cruel word for her description. Tavern was striking. My little Bird was striking, and seeing her made my chest ache. I hated the memory of the last time I saw her face. I told her I didn’t want her, forced her to believe it. I hated her for believing me, but even then my hypocrisy only went so far.
It had taken more than a few weeks to get myself together. I had spent that time mourning my widow and my children. The ache I had carried for the loss of Emigen overshadowed so much, that I found it easy to let her go and rest in peace. Not that I didn’t love her, it was that our connection wasn’t as strong as the love for my babies.
I saw a therapist in the beginning, until the bleedin’ fool told me that religion saved no one. I left and never went back. What I did get from the good doctor, was that I used Emigen to bury the pain and gaping loss of Mary and Peter. I hid them away deep inside of me and refused to face the truth. After releasing them from my hold, that pain surfaced, and I spent weeks writing in journals and mourning them for the first time.
It was therapeutic, and depressing as hell. I also came to terms with the fact that the pain of losing them would never go away, but it wouldn’t forever be this intense. That was three months ago, and I must admit, therapy holds some value, though it can’t hold a candle to prayer. I spent the better part of my time away getting right with the Lord. We were now seeing eye to eye. I wasn’t perfect, and from here on out I was doing things my way. If He would have my back on that, then we were all systems go.
Now I was out at night, casting souls into the afterlife with my cross in hand. Any free time I had was spent with Leushus, who was secretly helping me. They all had been secretly helping me, but after they arrived at old Paddy’s tonight, I was on my own.
Three months it’s been since I saw her. Three months. It felt like three years. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I was hoping for the best. I had finally said goodbye, finally accepted the fate of my family, and was ready to move on. Did I honestly think that a walk through Emerald City would drop me in front of her smiling face?
I had made a new life when I became a vampire. I speak in riddles to divert attention from how truly fucked up I am. I watched for years, judging, as I would falter, trip and fail time and time again. I was mimicking those mistakes, fully aware. Then, to divert my judgments, I would get high. So many things became clear as I left the tomb that day, so many other things jumble in my mind. Perhaps that’s exactly what I should have expected. Who knew that this stumble, this trip in time, would have me looking through a stained glass window at my beautiful Tavern Madley, ready to bare my soul? Had my heart beat, it would have surely stopped then.
I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t stumble or trip, and was damned if I would fail. I swung the door to the pub open and stormed inside with single minded intent. I would drag her out kicking and screaming if I had to.
*
Tavern
It was another Irish pub and another disappointment in a long line of uneventful nights. Trying to replace him was an impossible feat. I assumed I could find a replacement, one who would want me if I looked hard enough in a place that made me feel close to him. But I found frat boys and drunkards instead, as I sat at the b
ar top in a pub named Paddy Coins. I shifted in my seat at the bar, still waiting for my Diet Coke from a bartender who barely registered that I was thirsty. Not with the two flirty women occupying the opposite end of the bar.
A wave of lust suddenly struck me with the same force as my first night on Bliss. I felt my skin start crawling, my legs desperate to slide together in an attempt to find release. I called on Bas immediately.
‘Get me home, now!’
He looked at me confused and a little frightened, almost guilty. WTF? ‘What spooked ya, Tav?’ he answered in my head. I was too scared to turn around and see the Cado, or worse, a Nex who could still use the traces of Bliss in my system to their advantage.
Leushus was alerted to my call for Bastian. He looked at me and smiled gently shaking his head. What the hell was going on? ‘Leushus says it’s fine, that you’re fine. Have a shot and relax.’ Bastian tried to soothe me.
‘Yeah, fucking right, Bastian. I am NOT supposed to react to Bliss like this in the presence of a Nex. I drank his blood! That means something sinister is about to go down. Get me out of here, or I swear I’ll leave alone!’
It had been months since the effects of Bliss had hit me this hard, and I immediately pushed the glass of water from in front of me. I was terrified that a Nex was here, stalking me, preparing to drug me, completely unaware that the effects of that drug in particular, no longer held such a death grip over me. Even that is controlled by the man I crave more than the drug.
Before I could further my rant and demand answers, the voice at the apex of my desire spoke into a microphone.
“My friends told me you’d be here, Bird.” He said, and I felt every fiber in my being freeze up in fear. Spine straight, I sat still as he continued talking, unable to look at him. I felt the tears burning my eyes, but I kept my head down. “There were so many things I didn’t listen to when you spoke, so many pieces of you I ignored.”