by Emjay Soren
“What can I do?”
He was quiet, his head bowed, and I knew he was lost in a place that I had no idea how to get him out of. “I need to fix this, there is no help.”
“Fine, then how do you fix this?”
“I need to go back, to the beginning, and change the outcome.”
And then Leushus vanished from my sight.
I had no idea what he’d meant and I’m confused by the whole seven feathers thing. It was like he was talking in riddles. I shouldn’t have allowed him a confession. Technically I’m not bound by any cloth, but my soul, thank God, is not so keen on breaking the rules. By breaking the rules I mean, running off to tell Bastian and Cash that Leushus is in some seriously deep shit.
So there I sat. Thinking of seven feathers, turning my Bird into a vampire, the fact she is bound to Bastian through Leushus, and Cain and Able being here to assist in my fight. A fight I have no leads on and am no better off in than I was the day it started.
I know he meant well, but all Leushus did was scramble my head even more. Perhaps he was right, but thinking about it all was starting to hurt.
I relit the remainder of my bifter and made my way to the couch. I could smell Tavern in every fiber of Tiffany Blue. I looked around at the radiance of the condo. It smelled like my Bird, but it had Cookie written all over it. My girl was simple, like me. There was no fancy ‘bout ‘er. She was soft and loyal, but it was only me who was gifted with seeing that side of her. She was too sweet to be caught up in this mess. Cookie had been such a fighter, tenacious like a junkyard dog, she wanted in the action. Tavern is fine to stand back and watch, assess before she panics. She thinks good and long on everything. It bothers me that kind of caution, as if she is hiding something all too dark from me.
I think of her face, and I see her in a vampire’s form. Her fangs sharp like daggers, white as the wings of my Dominus, and so very perfect. She wouldn’t be fragile, she would be……
It hit me then, like a light to my coffin, it ‘bout knocked me to my ass.
She needed to be a vampire.
It was never my redemption after all, at least not like it will be for her. I need forgiveness for so many wrongs.
My Bird needed revenge.
*
Tavern
I got to Tiffany Blue just minutes before sunrise. I had been out all night with Bastian, looking for Preacher. When we were making our way back to the mansion, Bastian figured we might as well check my place.
Bas said he could sense him from two miles away. I decided that was a little creepy, but said nothing. After all, he had found my guy and brought me to him.
“I’m going to hang back out here. Use our link if you need me, but I think you’ll be fine.”
“You should come in and sleep.” I knew he was worried that Preacher might freak, but I needed them to be okay with each other, almost as much as I needed my next breath.
Bastian, in a rare moment of sweet and not so subtle, cupped my cheek. “No darlin’, I am not scared he will freak. I just have a sense that the happy couple needs some alone time.”
In my stressed out state, I hadn’t blocked him from my thoughts. I felt tears burn my lids and hated my tears for betraying me. “Ssshhh, don’t cry Tav.” Bastian pulled me in close and soothed his hand down my back. He was kind and gentle, sweet as ever. He was also in love with me. “Ssssh, let’s not go there either.” He spoke softly and kissed my forehead. More tears rolled freely from my eyes and I squeezed them shut.
“I am so sorry.” I cried and Bastian, as always, brushed it off.
“I can’t help it any more than you can. This is the course of my fate, and it will turn rapidly at some point.”
“I hate that I’m hurting you.” I had known, had sensed it. I had also denied, denied, denied.
“You’re not.”
“You’re lying.”
“You’re deferring. You need to be happy for you, Tavern Madley. And your happiness, as much as I hate it, is with the anxious vampire waiting for you.”
“You will find someone Bastian, I know you will.”
“Can we not break up? Because I’ve had a shitty day as it is.” He said in a mocking tone.
I only cried harder at his lame joke. “You’re acting like you’re about to take my head off with a dull blade, Tavern. I have loved many women in my life. I hate to sound arrogant, but you are one in many. I will love again, my dear friend.”
That was a pretty heartless thing to say, but in this situation, it helped. “But it’s not fair that you have to be stuck in my head, or with me, at all times.”
He laughed and tucked one of my many short wispy strands behind my ear. “I have a feeling that it won’t be that far off that your bond to me will be severed.”
That had me almost hysterical. “Why?”
“Because your life is calling, and it doesn’t involve me guarding you forever. I will always be your friend and confidant, but there are so many different paths before you and I am the lone Were destined to protect the Arch.”
I felt as if this was a goodbye of some sort and I didn’t like it, or understand it. “Why are we doing this now, like it’s some big production? For all we know Preacher will toss me again before I get out of bed tonight.”
Before Bas could answer, I saw his sad smile and knew. Even without hearing his voice, I had known.
“Am I that bad, Bird?”
I cringe, knowing I am so fucking busted right now.
“Preacher.” Bastian says and drops his hands from my face. I can’t deny this looks suspicious. I have a nagging feeling that Bastian knew he was there long before I did.
‘That’s because I did.’ He said in my mind and then dropped a kiss to my cheek. ‘No more secrets, Tavern. My loving you is nothing I should be ashamed of, other than knowing you’re another man’s girl.’
He said nothing else and walked to the car, leaving me to fend for myself.
Big dumb dog.
I turned and walked to Preacher, who is smiling oddly enough. “How much did you hear?” I asked, and cringe thinking how dumb I am and how I continually make things worse.
“All of it.” He said, and kissed me, longer and softer over the spot Bastian just did. In a fraction of a second he has completely wiped Bastian from my mind, with a kiss on my cheek.
“You’re not mad?” I asked, dumbfounded because, well, vampires are possessive scary creatures.
He takes my hand in his and guides us to Tiffany Blue. “Not when I realized how eloquently you were denying him.”
“I love you, Preacher. It’s all the answer I have, but it means more than any other words I could find to describe it.”
I watch as he melts at my words.
“Let me get you inside Mo ghrá. We can talk then.” I said nothing more and held his hand as we make our way inside the condo. Once inside, and through the tedious locks, I gave in to my need and pulled him to me, kissing him.
“I need you Baby.” I said, knowing that calling him that undoes him.
“I need you too, Mo ghrá, but we need’ta talk.”
Um, that sucks.
“Ok.” I bit my lip and then my thumb, my nerves like tight live wires. He’s scared me. “Does mograw or whatever mean something bad?” I knew he would leave. I felt my pulse rising in complete rage; then he spoke.
“Mo ghrá is Celtic for ‘my love’. I will never hurt you again, Bird. I said I would prove it, and I will.”
Feeling like a complete ass-hat, I can’t help but grasp him to me tight and just hold him. I am quickly falling into questionable habits with this enigmatic man. He is almost always confusing me, at some points he is gentle, and at others he is crass. He is dark and sweet and dangerous… he is a vampire by blood and by rites. He is the only key to both calming and revving my libido.
“I need to tell you some things, and I need you to understand that they are extremely personal to me. I don’t understand this bond ‘tween you and Bas, but I’d li
ke to keep this ‘tween us.”
I take his hands in mine and crawl over his lap so that we are face to face. Placing my free hand into his hair, I pull his head back so we are eye to eye. “I would never betray you Baby.”
“I know it, Bird. But this is a part o’ me that only Cookie knows a little ‘bout, the rest know nothin’.” He is so serious. I know this will be the rest of the story, the one that will bring us closer, but break him in the process.
“I don’t need you to bend like this, Baby. I know Mary and Peter are a hard limit for you. They are for me too, and I’ve never met them. I don’t need to know all your secrets to love you forever.”
He looks at me with such sadness and I know this is ripping him apart. “I have’ta tell ya, Bird. I need it out in the open and not between us anymore.”
I stare long and hard at him, hoping to see a sign that he doesn’t want this. All I see is his resolve. “Ok then I’m here to hold your hand and comfort you, Baby.”
He gives me that sad smile, the one that tells me he is breaking apart inside. I smile back, trying my damndest to show him I know how hard this is for him, and that whatever he says will go with me to the grave as well.
Then he breaks the silence.
*
Preacher
“I went to the tomb of my wife and children just after you left me to come here.” He motioned around Tiffany Blue. “I fell apart there, Bird. I made my peace with my babies, as best I could anyway. I’m struggling with Emme though.”
My stomach dropped, and I thought what I always thought when conversations between Preacher and I took a turn, that he was leaving again. I said nothing though, and waited for him to continue. “Angelo took her head Bird, and from what I learned just nights before going to the tomb, Angelo has kept it on his mantle, amongst others, as a trophy.
“Oh my god!” I gasped, completely outraged by the sadistic behavior of this man. The guilt also comes on strong because I had been, as usual, making it about me and my pain.
“I need to get Emme back, Bird. I need to fight for her and see this through.”
“Of course, Preacher. I would never keep you from that, but I do worry.” The thought of that man taking anymore from Preacher made my stomach roil in protest.
“I won’t let him near you, Tavern. You will have Bastian, as well as Cain and Able. There might be times that you’re with them and not me, but I promise they will keep you safe.” His concern was for my safety, he wasn’t seeing what I was concerned about.
“Not for me, dummy! My concern is for you. I can’t handle the thought of you not coming home to me.”
“Bird, you are home to me now. I left the mansion mad as hell, but it was here I came. I wanted your scent around me, wanted to feel you close, and I knew you would come here.”
Tears rimmed my lashes as I fought to keep them back. “I made Bastian drive me around looking for you. I was so scared that you would leave me. I never thought you would be here waiting for me.”
“I know I fucked up, Bird. I know I hurt you deeply, but I need you to believe that I can’t be without you. If I had the desire to leave, which I don’t…hell, I just don’t think I could, Bird. I haven’t loved another in so long, not the way I love you. I can never say that I love you more, but I love you the same as I loved Emme. Try to understand, I left it all behind for her. I would do no different for you. I will do anything to make sure you are mine forever.”
“But the bond…?” I am full on bawling now, but I can’t help it. He is so perfect, my dream come true, and he loves me dammit. I want to scream to the world that my folks got it wrong, that I am worthy of love. I had been abandoned so often through my life, I had never had a moment where I felt I belonged to someone. Preacher just gave me that. So many women I know would make him beg, make him squirm, and deny him sex for the hell he put me through.
I am not that woman. I found a man who loves me like his last sunset, and I will cherish it and never let it go.
“I can’t lie and say it doesn’t matter. It bleedin’ matters, Bird. There is also nothing I can do about it. It cannot be undone and I fuckin’ hate it.”
“I am always yours, Baby. I will never be anyone’s but yours. The bond between Bastian and I allows me to carry on as close to a normal life as I can. With Leushus’ help I am able to work all day with Bas at my side and nobody is the wiser. They don’t see him or sense him. If I need something I just talk to him through our bond. When I get home from work, he usually watches TV before going to his own room and sleeping. It really is boring and monotonous, and I feel terrible that he’s stuck with me.”
“That’s just it, Bird. You feel bad about it, but Bastian is loving it. He spends all day with the woman he loves. A woman he knows better than I ever will. This bond… it could destroy us, Tavern.”
I felt like he’d slapped me. “You just admitted to having no faith at all in our love.”
He shakes his head before yanking off his hat. Looking at it, he rolls the brim like he does when he’s thinking. “No, I have faith in our love, Bird. But I cannot compete with that kind of bond.”
Frustrated and ready to scream at him and make him leave, I fold my arms over my chest and pout. “Well I don’t know what to say then. I don’t have answers, and even if I did, you seem rather resolved to the fact that even though we love one another madly, we will never make it. Congrats Mac, you found a new way to break my heart!”
I stand to leave before I either slap him or fall apart crying, both options make me want to pull my hair out. Before I can take my first step, Preacher tugs my wrist and halts my step. “Stop, God dammit!” He throws his hat across the room and yanks me back into his embrace. “I am not letting you leave me, Bird. You continually tell me how I broke your ever lovin’ heart, but you run. Constantly. Stop running, Bird, because I will catch you. I will NOT…..LET.....YOU…..LEAVE…..ME!
Oh.
Okay… “That was hot, Baby.” I sigh, and feel heat rise to my cheeks, feel my pussy clench in excitement.
His mouth is on mine and the instant his tongue touches me I moan against his lips. “I won’t run if you fuck me already.”
His hands slide down and cup my butt, gripping tight to pull me in against his sizable and very hard cock. “I want to make it a blood promise, Bird.”
I paused, utterly confused by what he’d said. “What, like a pact?” I laugh nervously. Had it been a human man that had said that, I would have laughed as if it was a childish idea, but when a vampire said ‘blood promise’ you took it waaaaay more literal.
He watches me, my fingers in his hair, I can’t help but knot them tighter and press the hot flesh beneath my denim against his cock. He looks so serious and breathtaking. Knowing this inscrutable creature is mine, makes me breathless. “What is it, Baby?” I had been going for the button on his jeans, but the fierce look on his face caused me to pause.
“Blood promise, Bird.” Yeah, he said that already. Then he made himself clear. “I want to turn you into a vampire.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Tavern
“What?” Just moments before, I had been on cloud nine hearing him confess his love to me. I was not expecting this.
“It’s a terrifying thought Bird, but I want you forever and this is the only way I can have it.”
This was overwhelming. Holy shit! “Do I have to answer now?” I hated saying that. This moment was probably as close to a marriage proposal as I would ever get, but there it was, wrapped up dark and dirty like the man before me. I wanted to scream yes! But knew that this was the biggest decision I would ever make. I couldn’t take it lightly.
“Course not Bird.” His hand cupped my cheek in his palm and I melted, kicking myself for not giving him the answer he wanted right here and now. “This is huge babe, and there is no going back from it. It wasn’t something I had planned on doing tonight.”
“I love you.” It was all I could say to him.
“I know it, Bird
. It’s why I’m gonna beg non-stop till you let me have you completely.”
“You already have me completely. You have since the night you asked my name.”
“You aren’t mine fully until your blood rushes in my veins, Bird.”
“I need to think about being a vampire Preacher, but I want one thing perfectly clear.” I paused and looked at him, his eyes so blue and full of hope. “I love you, Mac. With every single breath I take, I love you.”
His mouth hit mine and I was lost in him. His taste, his fire. His tongue smoothed past my lips and I opened for him. I was desperate for him, this time it was different, feral even. I let my fingers tangle and knot in his hair and began walking backwards toward my room.
Growling he pulled back from my lips and looked around. “Where ya goin’, Bird?”
“My bed.” I needed him in my bed.
“Ah, a first.’
I nod and open the door to my safe place. Preacher pauses at the entry and looks around the room.
Then laughs.
“Bleedin’ hell, that woman gets her claws in everywhere doesn’t she?”
That woman being London, I laugh and nod as he looks at every detail. “This room is nothing like you, Bird.” He was right. There was only one piece in the room that I’d added. I don’t think he saw it yet though. His eyes were trained on the bed.
The large four poster bed had served in many a fantasy, but seeing him here now, by the bed…Wow! I was more than ready. “Me or not me doesn’t matter. It’s a safe place to lay my head at night.” I shrug and keep my eyes on him.
He turns and pulls me against his chest, kissing my forehead. “That is why I love you, Bird. You don’t look at this room and see the fancy side of it. You don’t see the money or the beauty. You see safety and warmth…” His words trailed off when he finally saw it. There, hanging on the wall right in front of the giant, oversized, plush white chair, was the same painting as the one in Preacher’s room.