“Come sit with me.” He patted the ground next to him.
As much as I would have loved to oblige, my body had shut down for the evening and was slowly melting into our carpet. I shook my head and told him, “No can do, cowboy. If you want to be near me, you’ll have to find your way to my side of the floor. I can’t move.” I was giggling like a damn child. I needed to lay off the pot because I had no idea who I was right now.
He did some James Bond type duck and roll and landed next to me in a pike position. He moved his arm above his head. I lifted mine and allowed him to position me on his shoulder before I rolled to face him. We lay there talking about nothing forever. The conversation was fun, silly even, and it felt so good to be held and laugh with someone. Casually, I moved my leg over the top of his thigh, landing my knee in between his, and pulled closer to him. It wasn’t sexual; it was just comforting to be this close to a man, to feel the warmth of his body around me as we carried on about stupid things.
I wasn’t sure which one of us made the first move. I didn’t know how our clothes made their way into a pile next to us, but I was lying naked next to Topher on the floor of his sister’s house. It didn’t occur to me this was wrong that we shouldn’t be doing it. We were both vulnerable, and both needed a physical connection, even if it was meaningless in the long run. The sloppy kisses turned into an even more careless one-night stand. He reached over to his jeans and pulled out a foil wrapper before he slid the condom on his half-erect penis. Alcohol never affected Gray’s ability to have sex. If anything, it made things…better, but that was obviously not the case for all men. I reached down, trying to arouse him, so this wasn’t such a difficult task. Topher took that as the green light to move ahead with full force.
I didn’t stop him, I let it happen, but it was…not good. He pumped into me like a dog, short, rapid pulses that did nothing other than irritate me. There had been no foreplay making this all the more uncomfortable because my body wasn’t primed. With his weight resting firmly on top of me, there was little I could do to move to help increase the pleasure for either of us. I wanted this to be over. I had proven to myself with this one simple act, I couldn’t have sex with someone without an emotional tie. He finished minutes after I faked an orgasm—a first for me. It was all I could do to allow him to continue his pilgrimage into my body for that long. When he was done, I pushed him off and quickly got up and ran to the bathroom.
I felt dirty.
I needed to shower in the hottest water I could handle and scrub every inch of my body. With the water pouring down on my skin, it turned red from the heat. I sank down on the tub floor and cried over my careless actions. I felt like a whore. I could acknowledge Gray had used me, but even when it was just sex, both of us still loved the other in some fucked-up way. There was no emotional connection to Topher—he was just Scarlett’s brother and Gray’s best friend. I wouldn’t have even called him my friend, but I’d be damned if I hadn’t let him fuck me on the living room floor like a slut. When I had exhausted myself crying in the tub, I got out and went to bed. As much as I didn’t want to acknowledge this in the morning, I knew I’d have to talk to Topher. No one could ever know what happened.
Morning came with Scarlett beating on my door. “Get up, hooch. I’m making breakfast before Topher goes home. It’s almost ready.” Groaning, I rolled out of bed, donned a hoodie, and then tied my hair up in a messy knot.
When I got to the kitchen table, Topher appeared confused, but Scarlett didn’t have the same anxiety. “You two were awfully loud last night. Is this going to be a continuous thing? If so, I’m going to go buy some ear plugs, so I don’t have to listen to your balls smacking my friend’s ass and her moaning.”
My jaw dropped. I was mortified by her bluntness. My mouth went into overdrive, not waiting for my brain to catch up. “Um…no. It was a one-time thing.”
Topher’s eyes darted up to meet mine; he couldn’t really be surprised. Scarlett stopped moving in the kitchen like I had just kicked her.
I turned to Topher and ignored Scarlett’s death stare. “Topher, I’m sorry. Last night shouldn’t have happened.”
“I know.” He agreed. No further explanation, no apology, no excuses, just understanding.
“Promise me you won’t tell anyone. Both of you.” They both agreed mum was the word with a nod. “Seriously, Gray can’t find out about this. Both of you talk to his friends all the time. You have to assure me you aren’t going to tell anyone, not a soul.” I sounded pathetic begging, but I needed them to comprehend how serious I was.
“Annie, I’m not going to tell anyone. Do you think I want Gray to know I had sex with you? He’s my best friend. He’d never speak to me again.” The regret in his words stung, but I knew he was right.
This had to be our secret, one we both took to the grave.
Chapter Twelve
There were definite benefits to living with Scarlett and being close to Lynn. I shouldn’t have wanted to, but it enabled me to keep fairly close tabs on Gray and what he was doing in the eight months since our split without having to ask. I spent a lot of time thinking during my workdays and even more time was spent missing him. Occasionally, I was jealous of my friends who got to interact with him by default, but in the end, I knew it was better that I didn’t.
The downside was both Lynn and Topher didn’t seem to mind sharing things about my life and me with Gray, either. I couldn’t bring myself to ask them to stop without losing my Intel on him. Gray had a ton to say about me living with Scarlett—information Lynn freely shared because she agreed with him about the arrangements. Neither Gray nor Lynn believed Scarlett and I should’ve been roommates, but neither of them paid my bills, so their opinions didn’t count for much. It all boiled down to them knowing Scarlett and I did drugs. Big deal. I didn’t do any more at her house than I had when I lived alone or with Gray—just a different variety.
I worked my ass off, and so did Scarlett. She had two jobs, and I might as well have between Walton’s and school. Without Gray around to call the shots, I was back to work full time, and I was graduating at the end of the semester. I did what I needed to do to get by and push through till the end—plain and simple. That no longer came before Gray, and it never was any of Lynn’s business.
I had seen Gray out some recently although I had gone months with no sign of him. I was usually rolling or high and tried to avoid him, but today he came up to me, scooped me up into his arms, and cradled me to his chest. I could smell the alcohol on his breath when he told me I was exactly where I belonged—connected to him. After I squirmed free, I couldn’t help but tell him he had treated me like a dog, and I wasn’t going back there. He clearly had no clue what I was referring to, so I enlightened him with my long thought out analogy. One nice thing about drugs versus alcohol, my mind still had coherent thoughts, and I didn’t act like a dumbass.
“There are people who keep dogs on chains in their backyard, never letting them off to run around or explore. They’re only allowed to go in the circle the chain offers them. But every once in a while, the dog manages to escape the confines of the tether and roams free in the neighborhood until someone sees its tag and calls the owner. The owner then brings the dog back to that same leash, alone in the backyard.”
Clearly, he tried to imagine what I described, but he wasn’t getting the metaphor.
“I’m that dog, Gray. You love me enough to always seek me out and bring me home, but not enough to take me off the chain to play with me, walk me, or let me sit on the couch in your company. You want to be able to see me in your backyard, unable to go anywhere, just to say you have a loyal dog, but you neglect me. It’s lonely tied to that chain.”
He scoffed and told me that was utter bullshit. I wasn’t ever on a chain—I lived my life however I had wanted. But now that I was actually doing that, Topher had become Gray’s neighbor who kept finding me, the dog, down the street…and continued to call Gray to come pick me up.
I’d finally g
otten off that chain, but this time it had been with Topher’s assistance. There was a part of me that worried Topher would confess to Gray and help him rein me back into the confines of Gray’s backyard.
I had stopped by the DC this morning on my way to school and prayed I wouldn’t run into Gray, and thankfully, I hadn’t. But I wished I hadn’t gone to check on my team at all. There was something off all around the facility when I was there. The vibe was off kilter. No one had been talking to anyone, and everyone I passed gave me a look of pity. I couldn’t imagine why anyone here would have been looking at me any differently other than they knew Gray and I broke up, but that was old news.
It wasn’t until I was on my way out the door that Lynn came running after me, stopping me right before I left. She looked around to ensure we were alone at the receiving entrance before she started to spill the limited knowledge she had in warning.
“Topher told Archer what happened this morning.”
Archer was another guy on the shipping dock who worked weekends. I had never cared much for him. He was a short little guy, with reddish-brown hair, thin, and a severe Napoleon complex. I doubted his bite could ever match his bark.
“Gray didn’t take it well, Annie. Everyone in this place has been avoiding him like the plague, and Topher left. Gray finally approached Archer to ask him what was going on and he made the mistake of acknowledging to Gray he knew but didn’t want to get involved. I don’t think he believed it at first, but whatever Topher told Archer sealed the deal with Gray, and he’s on the warpath.”
Finding out his best friend slept with his ex was probably disheartening if not debilitating, even if it had been over a month ago. I should have felt regret or empathy…something other than irritation, but I didn’t. Topher had managed to keep his mouth shut for a few weeks, but apparently, the guilt had eaten at him until he spilled the beans. Admittedly, I’d never like Archer, but everyone in that place knew he wasn’t trust worthy. If I hadn’t known better, I would swear Topher picked the one person in the DC he knew would tell Gray, so he didn’t have to. And I was sure Gray felt like the two people closest to him had betrayed him because he wouldn’t see that he had let me go. I wasn’t his anymore, but he refused to acknowledge that.
Just as Lynn opened her mouth to say something else, her radio cracked, and his voice filled the surrounding silence. “I’m clocking out for a while. I’ll be back. If you need me, call my cell.”
I told Lynn goodbye as I saw Gray coming down the aisle in the distance. I literally sprinted through the door and out to my car, got inside, and raced out of the parking lot. I hadn’t seen him come outside and could only hope he hadn’t seen me leave when he’d gotten to the parking lot. But I knew someone would tell him I’d been there. I did my best not to worry about it, turned up the radio, and sang the songs that came through the speakers, one after another, as I pulled up at school. What was done was done. Whether I regretted having sex with Topher or not, I couldn’t change it. And neither could Gray.
Bored out of my mind, I sat in class and attempted to stay awake during a horrible lecture when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I was grateful for the reprieve until I dragged the phone out only to find a text from Gray.
Gray: Tell me it’s a horrible rumor. This can’t be true.
I didn’t respond immediately. He wasn’t my top priority, and I didn’t owe him anything, much less an explanation. I knew in the pit of my stomach what he was talking about but hoped like hell I was wrong. Topher had sung like a damn songbird. And people say women are gossip queens.
Me: What rumor?
Gray: You know what I’m talking about
Me: Actually, I don’t
Gray: You fucked Topher
Me: Huh?
Gray: Don’t play dumb. I already know. Just tell me why
Me: I’m not doing this by text, Gray
Gray: Then when can I see you?
Me: Not before you calm down
Gray: I’ll be there in 30 min
Me: Be where?
Gray: Where are you?
Me: In class
Gray: Fine, I’ll wait at your place
Again, I left him hanging without a response. He could sweat it out while I decided how best to deal with him. An hour later, I pulled into my driveway and had guilt written all over my face. I moved with purpose past his truck and threw my hand up at the window in a makeshift hello. I never looked in his direction as I went to the house. Gray was right on my heels when I unlocked the front door. My book bag and keys ended up tossed on the table before I threw myself into a recliner in the living room. Finally, I met his eyes. “What do you want, Gray?” My tone was cold and unwelcoming.
The shock on his face indicated that wasn’t the reception he’d been expecting. He had thought it would be like old times—I’d beg for his forgiveness and try to make things right. But at this point, not only was I not trying to atone for my sins, I hadn’t even admitted to having committed any.
“What do I want?” He was practically screaming at me like I owed him some sort of an explanation.
I interrupted him, and gave him a fair warning if he didn’t calm down, I would simply show him the door, conversation aborted.
He changed his tune when he tried again. “I want the truth, Annie. Did you sleep with Topher?”
“Out of curiosity, Gray, what right do you have to ask who I have sex with? I don’t ask you about your exploits. Hell, you introduce me to your stupid fucking girlfriends, yet I still don’t ask one fucking question.”
“What right? He’s my best friend, Annie! Don’t you think that crosses some moral line?”
“That’s rich. I guess my question for you would be, since he’s your best friend, and I have zero connection to you anymore, why are you here having this conversation with me and not with Topher confronting him?”
“Why am I here having this conversation with you?” His voice was strained, and he struggled to maintain his composure. “Topher’s my best friend, but I’ve never stuck my dick in him. I’ve never been intimate with him or shared a bed with him. He’s never been my girlfriend, and I’ve never told him I love him. So to answer your question, I’m here because I want the truth—from you. I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you let my best friend use your body to get his dick wet. I want you to admit you fucked him.”
“What good does this do, Gray?”
He didn’t respond and waited for me to continue. He was lost inside, his eyes were trying to block the pain from showing through, but it was there, swirled in with the blues I’d loved for so long.
“You want to know the truth? Is that really what you think you want? You think somehow that’s going to change something or make anything different?”
He nodded to confirm he needed the truth.
“Yes, Gray. He fucked me. We had sex. One night. One time. It was a mistake. Both of us were trashed, and it never should’ve happened, but it did. I can’t take it back. I’m not going to apologize to you for it. We aren’t dating. We aren’t even sleeping together anymore, so what I do with my body is my business.”
“Bullshit, Annie. You belong to me, and you have since the day I laid eyes on you in the DC. We both know that hasn’t changed. You don’t want to be with anyone else, so why the hell would you have sex with my best friend?”
I stood, and he mirrored my action in response. Before I realized what I was doing, I was pounding on his chest with closed fists, shouting up at him, as tears streamed down my face. “You’re right, Gray. You do own me—heart, mind, body, and soul. The only problem is, you don’t want me, you son of a bitch! How dare you try to make me feel guilt for the only night in almost five years that any man other than you has touched me!” I shook, sobbing through the words.
He pushed me back, gripped my shoulders, and bent down to meet me eye to eye. “You’re right. I do want you to feel bad for fucking my best friend on the floor like a whore because you’re better than that. I love you, and I
don’t want any man, especially not Topher, taking advantage of you.” His hand went between my legs and firmly cupped my sex through my jeans. “This, Annie…” His hand flexed to illustrate his point. “This belongs to me. No one else has rights to this domain. No one.”
“Gray, he didn’t take advantage of me. It just happened.” There was remorse behind my words and hidden in my eyes. Even if I wasn’t willing to say the words, he knew I was sorry. Not sorry I had hurt him, but sorry I had made a horrible mistake. I’d hurt myself in the course of our relationship, but I had never intentionally hurt him. And no matter how I wanted to view this, I knew it would crush him and did it anyhow.
He lifted my chin to look into my eyes. “I don’t want you living here. I need you where I can take care of you where I can protect you.”
“Gray, you don’t want to live with me. You just don’t want me where you can’t keep tabs on me.”
“That might have been true yesterday, but it’s not anymore. I guess I needed a smack in the face to see what I was doing. I got my wake-up call this morning. Please, sweetheart.”
“You live with Topher, Gray, how the hell would that even work?”
“Oh, I can assure you, you won’t be living with Topher. We’ll get an apartment.”
“I don’t know. I can’t up and leave Scarlett. She depends on my rent.”
“Then pay her for next month. I’ll pay the bills at our new apartment. You paid all the bills when I was living with you.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“She works on Saturdays. I’ll be here then to pick you and all your stuff up. I’m not taking no for an answer. Tell her whatever you want, but you’re not staying here.”
“Gray that only gives you two days to find an apartment. Not even two since half of today is already gone.”
He leaned down, kissed me, and reassured me in the way we communicated best, physically. That one gesture told me he didn’t want me anywhere but with him.
Bound (Bound Duet Book 1) Page 24