by Erin Trejo
That’s what I thought.
Chapter 16
Sebastian
I don’t know what the fuck was worse.... Her touching my hand, or watching her hold onto Link as we rode. Both of them seemed to piss me off.
She isn’t mine. I have to remind myself of that. She doesn’t want me, and I don’t know how to stop from wanting her. It’s a fucked-up web that I weave. One that’s so full of darkness that you can’t find your way out.
I walk to the front and grab a few beers for the show when that pretty little red-head, pops up in front of me.
“Hey, Bash!” she squeals. I smile down at her before her lips are sucking my neck.
“Nice to see you too, Ginger.” Her tongue flicks across my skin, my dick hardening instantly.
I grab my beers and the pack of Twizzlers in one hand while wrapping the other around the back of her neck.
“Take it easy now. I have a fight to watch. Find me at the party, yeah?” Her eyes light up as she licks her lips.
“You know I’ll be there.” I give her a nod before walking back into the arena. It’s set up perfectly. It’s a little weird that we’re here and for a legit reason. I suppose it’s a good thing that our club is doing this, though.
Dax is amazing with his fighting skills and Kane helping him out makes it that much better. I’m proud of them for what they have accomplished.
I walk back to my seat and see her sitting near Laura. They smile and laugh.
I walk down and sit in the seat next to her, passing her the pack of Twizzlers. She takes them and smiles up at me. “Thanks.” I give her a quick nod before looking forward.
I don’t want to draw attention to the fact that I want to be near her. I know she hates me but that means nothing.
I listen to her and Laura talking about baby stuff and Cory. It makes me uncomfortable. She doesn’t sound thrilled about any of it until Cory’s mentioned. She doesn’t want this baby.
I start to move when her hand grabs my wrist. “Hey. Where’s the bathroom?” She leans into me, her scent assaulting me.
“In the back. I’ll show you.” She nods and tells Laura she’s going.
I stand and lead her to the back of the building. We stop outside the ladies bathroom when she turns to me. Something different flickers in her eyes. We don’t speak but there is definitely something there.
“Can you hold these?” she asks holding up her candy. I reach for them, my fingers covering hers. She sucks in a breath but still doesn’t move.
“I want you too, Bash,” she says before pulling her hand away. She retreats into the bathroom as I stand here like a fucking fool. She wants me? Why? I’m nothing but the piece of shit that got her pregnant. The one that’s treated her like shit since I found out. What the fuck would she want me for?
The thought of it makes me fucking insane. I shove into the bathroom and ignore the cries from the other lady in there.
“Shannon,” I say her name roughly. The last stall opens and she stands there staring at me as though I’ve lost my mind. Hell, I may have.
“What the hell are you doing in here?” she asks me. I drop her candy to the floor before I move in. I reach for her, shoving her back into the stall.
Pulling the door closed behind me, I lock it. I press Shannon against the wall, my hands caging her in.
“Why?”
“Why, what?” she asks.
“Why the hell would you say that to me?” She knows what I’m talking about.
“I hate you, Bash. I hate you for making me feel. I hate you for putting this baby inside of me. I hate you for the way you look at me. I. Hate. You.” I see the tears in her eyes. I hate it but I do.
“And still... somehow, I want you. You make me feel special. You make me feel like there is something left of me to care about. You make me feel like I’m on the best high of my life and I fucking hate you for it!” she screams before my lips crash into hers. Her tears wet my skin but there is no way I can stop this.
It’s a fucking train wreck in slow motion. It’s going to crash and we are going to burn.
And I still can’t help myself. Maybe I like the fucking burn. The pain. I love it. I know I do.
I reach down and unhook my jeans letting them slide to the floor before lifting Shannon’s skirt.
I pull her little panties to the side and thrust into her as deep as I can get. Her head bangs on the wall but she cries out my name.
I hear the bathroom door open and close but I don’t give a shit. I cover her mouth with mine, capturing all her moans and groans.
I buck my hips until I can’t stand it anymore. I explode inside of her just as she cums around me.
I don’t move my mouth from hers because I know she would start screaming for me. She loves to fucking scream for me.
As badly as I want to watch her bleed for me, hearing her call out my name does something more.
Chapter 17
Shannon
“You are awesome! I’ve never been to a fight like that before,” I gush as I talk to Mack. He kicked ass at the fight. I was so into it... I was a little pissed when it was over.
“Thanks, Shannon. Hope you come to the next one,” he says.
“Hell yeah, I am!” He grins as he walks toward the crowd that’s yelling for him.
“You want to tell me what the hell was happening in that bathroom?” Ivy, Kane’s girlfriend, grabs my shoulder. My stomach drops but when I look over and see the smile on her face, I relax a little.
“Not much,” I say keeping straight face.
“Not much my ass. I heard you in there. Is this something you want, Shannon? I mean, I know with the baby and all it’s been a rollercoaster for you.” I love Ivy. I’m glad she’s here. She makes me look at things differently.
“I know. It still is. I just feel a connection to him.” I drop my head, feeling like a lesser person for letting my feelings for him get in my way.
“Don’t do that. You’re human. You have feelings. You act on them. There’s nothing wrong with that. Just keep yourself safe.” I nod my head before she pulls me into a hug.
I pull back and watch as she walks away toward Kane. I smile every time I see those two together. She has fought a lot of battles and came out on top. It makes me wonder if I can do the same.
I head toward my uncle when I hear the pops. The crowd runs and people are screaming. I hear a few more when I’m shoved to the ground.
“Stay down!” Bash growls in my ear. He doesn’t need to tell me twice. He lifts one of his arms and fires his gun. The sound vibrating into my ears. They ring from the rapid firing.
I try to cover them but Bash has me pinned to the ground.
Once the commotion seems to calm down, he pulls away from me slightly.
“Shannon!” I hear Link calling for me.
“I’m ok!” I call out from under Bash. He stands and pulls me up next to him but his eyes are everywhere else. Scanning the area.
Link wraps his arms around me and it’s only then do I realize that Bash is still holding tightly to my hand.
“Where’s Shannon?” my uncle roars.
“She’s ok,” Bash and Link yell at the same time.
Link keeps me curled into him but Bash doesn’t let go either. It’s a strange feeling I have in the pit of my stomach.
“Come on. Let’s get you inside,” Link says. I pull out of his grasp and shake my head no.
“No. I don’t want to go.” I don’t know why but I panic and look to Bash. He doesn’t notice as he scans the crowd. Link punches his arm and only then does he look over.
“What?” he snaps at Link.
“I told her she needs to get inside.” Link nods at me but I can’t stop looking at Bash. It’s hard to explain the panic in me but he calms it.
“He’s right. Go inside.” He releases my hand and I begin to tremble. Tears spill down my cheeks as chaos erupts around us.
Bash glances around before he sees me still standing here. He lift
s my chin with his fingers and says, “You’re ok, Shannon. I promise. Go inside with Link.” I shake my head but he nods. “Yes. Go inside. I will be in soon.”
He presses a kiss to my forehead before he nods at Link. In a matter of seconds, he’s ushering me back inside.
Chapter 18
Sebastian
The hurt and worry in her eyes almost killed me on the fucking spot. She looked so scared. I didn’t want her to have to go in with Link. I wanted to curl her into my side and keep her next to me but it’s not safe out here. Not right now.
We have guys running the perimeter while Bomber and I stand guard.
“This is bullshit. On our land!” Bomber roars.
“I know, brother. We’ll get whoever did this.” We were lucky. No one was hurt, not seriously anyway.
“When does shit end, Bash? I’m gettin’ too goddamn old for this shit. It’s never gonna stop.” I see the worn out look in Bomber’s eyes. He’s been the best president there was. He’s always kept his cool about him and made sure this club has ran smoothly.
“We signed up for this, yeah?” He glances over at me and nods slowly.
“That we did. I’m just tired, brother. The never endin’ wars. There’s always somethin’ else out there.” I can’t say that I don’t understand because I do. It’s a hard life to live. It’s even harder knowing that you may be the next to go. It can be unsettling.
The guys come jogging back toward us shaking their heads.
“Didn’t find shit. Let’s see what Link can come up with. Got the prospect’s takin’ turns on guard tonight,” Micah says. Bomber nods, running his hand through his hair.
“Let’s take this party inside. Check on everyone.” Bomber points at Dax. He nods and takes off toward the building.
“Check the girls, would ya?” He looks at me. I give him a quick nod before heading back inside.
I walk straight toward the girls when I ask, “All of you good?” They all look over and nod. No one speaks. I don’t see Shannon though, or Link for that matter.
“Where’s Shannon?” I ask Trinity.
“She was sick. I think her room.” I nod once and head toward the back. Why is she sick? What the hell happened now?
I climb the stairs two at a time and walk down the hallway. I shove her door open and my heart stops. She sits on the edge of the bed with a bucket in her hand. Link runs his hand up and down her back, trying to calm her as she cries. She heaves into the bucket and cries harder.
“You ok?” As soon as the words leave my mouth, she shoves off the bed and runs right into my arms. I wrap my arms around her, holding as tightly as I can, letting her cry. This so fucking wrong yet feels so right.
“I’ll come back and check on her later,” Link says. He closes the door behind him.
“It’s ok. Everything’s ok, Shan.” She trembles in my arms. I reach for the blanket with one hand and wrap it around the both of us.
“What’s happenin’ in that head of yours, darlin’?” I try to remain calm. This girl is flipping a goddamn switch in me and I don’t know how the hell to handle it.
“When me and Aubrie tried to run, that’s all I heard...” She chokes on her own tears. Fuck! She’s remembering back to when she was kidnapped. I walk to the bed and sit down, pulling her into my lap.
“They ain’t after you this time, sweetheart. No one is after you.” I lean into her and press a kiss to the top of her head.
The door opens once more and Bomber steps in. Shit! Here we go.
“What the hell is this?” he asks motioning toward her and I.
“Uncle Bomber,” she cries, jumping from my lap and slamming into him.
He holds her as I raise my shoulders in a shrug.
This isn’t going to end well—I can feel it.
Chapter 19
Shannon
The days following the shooting were hard on me. Uncle Bomber did what he could and more nights than I care to admit, Link ended up on my bedroom floor.
Bash seemed even more distant than normal. I gave him his space.
I overheard Uncle Bomber telling the guys that they had no idea who attacked the clubhouse. He said that they needed to take a step back and wait on someone to fuck up again.
That just set my nerves on edge again.
All the girls have stayed here for the most part, aside from going to work. Micah said he didn’t see this as a direct threat, but more of a message.
That still did little to ease my mind.
Most of the guys left this morning to go on a run, leaving the prospects behind to keep watch. I know most of them are good guys.
I stand at the mirror and look at my growing belly. It isn’t really visible unless you look closely. It’s a small little bump. I reach over and turn the shower on before coming back to the mirror.
I press my hand to it and wonder what that little person will look like. Will he be as calm as Cory?
I never wanted kids. The thought of it always made me cringe. I didn’t grow up in a “bad home” but it was dysfunctional. After I was kidnapped, raped, and damn near killed, I couldn’t go back home. I hold too much shame in myself.
I should have known better. I should have seen the signs but I didn’t. If I did, I must have subconsciously pushed them to the side.
I look down and I can’t fathom a baby being in there. A person growing inside of me.
The part of me that didn’t want kids is slowly coming around to the idea of being a mother. I could love this baby. It would love me.
“Maybe you aren’t such a bad thing,” I say knowing it can’t hear me.
“I was thinkin’ the same thing.” I jump and scream when Bash pushes the door open the rest of the way. He steps in—consuming all the air—demanding all the free space.
“Why?” I ask him. He didn’t want anything to do with it before now. He told me he didn’t want kids.
“The more I try to push you away and tell myself I can live without you—the more I see it’s a lie. The thought that has always crossed my mind was hurtin’ you. Makin’ you bleed for me. Pushin’ you to your limits.” His words should scare me. A normal person would be scared.
“And now what?” He takes a step closer, his hand coming out to the little bump.
“Now, I see my kid growin’ inside of you. Nothin’ good has ever come from me, Shan.... Nothin’. You’re good though, so that has to mean somethin’ for this one.” His fingers run a line over my stomach. My body responds like always.
Bash’s eyes search mine for a minute before he says, “I thought about it a lot after the attack. I thought I should push you away and I tried. I kept my distance but when I closed my eyes, it was always you I seen there. My past is bad, Shan. Real bad.” His fingers don’t stop moving as he speaks.
My heart leaps into my throat. I know whatever he’s about to tell me is heavy and deep. I can see the pain in his eyes.
“Tell me, Bash.” His eyes turn glossy before he raises them to look at me.
“I was nineteen. She was seventeen. She was into a lot of drugs. I hated her for it. She loved those drugs more than me. It shredded me inside. She’d do anything to get her hands on them. I would do anything to keep them away from her.” He stops to lick his lips before he starts again. “I came home late one night and found her in bed with a friend of mine. The motherfucker was lyin’ there with a needle in his arm and naked. I knew what they did. I didn’t need to ask. I tried to wake him up. He wouldn’t move. I checked and he was dead. Overdosed right the fuck in my bed next to my woman. I shook her and she mumbled. I yelled, fuck... I yelled at her. She said he was better than I was and that I was a waste of life.” He takes a step back, his hand falling away from me.
I watch his eyes for a reaction but they’re blank.
Chapter 20
Sebastian
The better part of me is saying shut the fuck up and not tell her what I did. The asshole in me wants her to know. I want her to fear me.
Th
e asshole always wins.
“What happened to her?” she asks. I run my hand through my hair before I take a deep breath.
“I killed her.” Shannon gasps, her hand coming to rest over her mouth.
“No.” Tears slide down her cheeks. The devil in me grins. He likes this reaction. He likes seeing her hurt and afraid.
“Put the fuckin’ pillow over her head until she shut the fuck up. Then I drew up what was left of their shit and shot into her fuckin’ veins. Her death was ruled an overdose.”
Shannon takes a step back, the back of her legs hitting the toilet. She gives in to her weakness and falls onto the seat sobbing.
“How could you!” she cries. I shrug my shoulders and lean against the door frame.
“It’s what I do.”
“Bash. Why? Why are you telling me this?” I take two steps toward her and grab her by the shoulders.
“Because you care about me, Shan! I told you not to. I told you I was bad!” She shakes her head not wanting to see it.
“You’re not, though. Not completely.” God, she is so fucking naive.
“Yes, I am! I fuckin’ killed her, Shannon. I murdered her!” I release her shoulder and step back just as Link comes in.
“What the hell is happenin’ in here?” He looks from me to Shannon—who sits on the toilet in nothing at all—crying her little brown eyes out.
“I gave her a harsh reality check. Stay with her. You two are better together.” I take a step out of the bathroom when I hear her scream, “I fucking hate you, Bash!” Nodding my head I glance over my shoulder and say, “Good. You should.”
I close the door behind me as reality punches me in the face. I shouldn’t have told her that. I shouldn’t do half the things I do, yet here I am, fucking them all up.
I walk downstairs and grab a bottle whiskey before heading out onto the back deck. I thank God it’s covered as the storms blow in.